


In the Shadows

by Aoibhe_Tales



Series: Darkness [2]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Accidental Knotting, Anxiety, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Discussion of Abortion, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Family Issues, Feminist Themes, Healing, Knotting, Loki Feels, Loki Has Issues, Loss, Mating Cycles/In Heat, PTSD, Panic Attacks, Pregnancy, Psychological Trauma, Redemption, Sexual Assault, Strength, Struggling, Suicidal Thoughts, Tony Stark Feels, Unplanned Pregnancy, Unrequited Love, smut and plot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-28
Updated: 2017-07-15
Packaged: 2018-04-01 18:20:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 28
Words: 119,933
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4029919
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aoibhe_Tales/pseuds/Aoibhe_Tales
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Loki has returned to find his world completely changed. It has become one of destruction and chaos with only the slightest sliver of hope. Molly, the mother of Loki's twins, is struggling to build a new life as she recovers from recent traumatic events. Loki is unable to slide back into his old life as easily as he hoped. With S.H.I.E.L.D. collapsed, Loki's many enemies stand a greater chance of destroying Molly and everyone she holds dear. Has Loki's chaotic nature inflicted too much damage on Molly? Is the one person who truly ever loved and cared for him ready to forgive him or is the damage too great?</p><p>The Avengers are equally on the brink of collapse and have different ideas about how to treat the deceitful god, Molly and fulfill their duties. Is the vastly expanding Avengers enough to save Molly and her sons from the latest unknown threat? Or, are they exposing her to more danger by keeping her under their constant watchful eyes?</p><p>Is the trickster's return a further ploy for power in this upcoming war, or is he truly trying to change for the greater good? </p><p>Regardless, Loki's old world is finished. No one is safe. Danger lurks everywhere...</p><p>**A sequel to Darkness.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Changes

**_Chapter One_ **

 

There were many changes occurring inside and outside Stark’s Tower recently. Chief of these was the disassembling of S.H.I.E.L.D. Another agency known as Hydra, had infiltrated S.H.I.E.L.D. over a number of years and attempted to establish a new world order. Hydra was a secret, world-wide criminal organisation intent on global domination and they had used S.H.I.E.L.D. to their advantage in a number of ways. Upon their discovery, S.H.I.E.L.D. along with all its directives and activities were abandoned. As a result, many smaller operations under various unit directors went completely off the radar. Some were believed to be silently continuing S.H.I.E.L.D.’s aims in secret locations. Unsurprisingly, this caused activity in Stark’s Tower to change. Particularly, The Avengers missions, though still secret, were in a constant high demand over S.H.I.E.L.D no longer worked in full operation. Additionally, the number of people living in Stark Towers dwindled as a result of these changes.

First to leave was Dr. Jane Foster. She left for Iceland on a research mission funded by the Avengers. Her exact investigative role was not shared, but it’s generally believed to be related to her astrophysicist expertise. Darcy, her intern and loyal friend, did not follow her, but found her own job as a junior reporter for a small but up-and-coming New York newspaper. Soon Darcy also left Stark Towers and moved a few blocks away to a rather luxurious, one bedroom apartment. Agent Romanov and Barton left five months ago and had not been seen or heard of since. Yet this had happened often – top secret missions often involved a complete lack of contact from the agents concerned. Not long after their departure, Steve Rogers also disappeared. However, this was due to the constant tension between Rogers and Stark. Both men had different visions on the aims of the Avengers and Rogers eventually snapped and left without another word. Truthfully I suspected there was more to Rogers abrupt departure as I overheard Rogers and Steve arguing about the treatment of a certain soldier one evening and it was shortly after that Steve left. Dr. Banner however came and went as he pleased – usually disappearing for days or weeks at a time and only occasionally turning up for quick visits. Thor also left Stark’s Tower to partake in various missions related to the Avengers and on behalf of his princely duties in Asgard. Out of everyone, Thor struggled most with the new changes in Stark’s Tower. He would frequently return to check in on us and keep tabs on everyone. It was clear he deeply missed the familial ties and connectivity of the previous inhabitants, but change happens. 

Nevertheless, Stark’s Tower was far from silent even though the majority of its adult inhabitants were gone. In fact, the Tower was noisier than ever. Two new additions arrived seven months ago. Though small, but weighing in at a healthy 6 lb 8oz and 6lb 1 oz, these creatures were loud, messy and shrill. Their names were Váli and Narfi. They were undoubtedly the most beautiful, charming newborn baby boys that you could ever possibly imagine – but then again I am clearly biased in that opinion as I speak as their mother.

 _Mother._ It has been over seven months and that title still seems weird to me. I felt like their Mom – I carried them, gave birth to them (yes, I consider C-section birth and I have the scar to prove it), and I loved them unconditionally. Yet it was still surreal. It was as though at any given moment this title of ‘mother’ may suddenly be revoked from me. This was undoubtedly due to the circumstances of their birth as well as my difficult early relationship with them, but that had changed greatly.

Váli and Narfi were my precious identical twin sons. They had the deepest black, silky hair that contrasted beautifully with their alabaster skin. I refused to cut their hair just yet, so their hair was almost always in a state of constant wild disarray no matter how many times I attempted to smooth it down or comb it gently. They each had chubby little faces in a near constant smiles and unique pale green, minty eyes. Mother or not, they had the most beautiful eyes I had ever seen. From the moment I finally looked into them, I completely and irrevocably fell hopelessly in love with them.

Yet do not be fooled by their identical cherub-like appearances. They were mischief makers and each had a unique attitude that made them as different as it were possible to be and this was growing ever more apparent as time passed. At over seven months, my Narfi, was the wilder of the two. He learned to babble, clap his chubby little hands, grasp toys (and my hair), hold a beaker with both hands, when lying down he could roll over onto his tummy, and as of two days ago, he could successfully pull himself upright with the help of the couch or my bed. Narfi always acted impulsively trying and often failing in his attempts before he got these things completely correct. Consequently, Narfi needed constant supervision and could not be left alone for a single second. He acted upon his curiosity straight away and therefore he could destroy, drop or chew on your most precious possessions in seconds. My Váli was the quieter of the two. Though both boys were giggling, babbling, clapping, holding items and rolling on to their tummies, Váli always took his time. He never fell, dropped or faltered in his actions, yet it took him sometime longer before he would ever attempt to try anything. As a result, I believed Váli was a deep thinker – he would never just impulsively try something but would watch his brother, over and over, until he felt confident enough to try it himself. He still had not managed to pull himself upright, but I knew he would in time. According to Dr. Banner, who would temporarily visit or Skype if I had any pressing questions about the twins, Narfi and Váli were perfectly healthy and developing normally. In fact, they were excelling and were relatively advanced for their age, no doubt to their mixed heritage.

Most distinctly reminiscent of their father’s heritage was their appetite. For the first three months I had breastfed both boys. But within weeks they were constantly crying for more. Though I had mostly enough milk and even pumped milk well in advance, it was never enough and by the end of three months I was seriously losing my sanity along with my sleep, my energy and my ability to think or talk coherently. In short, their large god-like appetites were exhausting for me and so I switched to formula, which they guzzled down ferociously. By four months they were adjusting to pureed fruits meats and vegetables along with their formula, that to no surprise, they also couldn’t get enough of. Although I was worried at one point that I was overfeeding them, Dr. Banner insisted that they were fine and just had large appetites. I knew that they very soon would be adjusting to soft solid foods as every time I sat down for my own breakfast, lunch or dinner with the twins nearby on their highchairs, they would eye my plate with a cheeky, pleading grin.

Narfi and Váli were well looked after – if not downright spoiled at times. When they started teething last month – to my complete dismay, within a week of one another – Stark had bought them new soft toys, enough teething rings for several crèches and taken the boys on various walks at any time of day in an attempt to soothe them. Stark adored the boys – everyone did. I never saw Tony in a father-like role but to my surprise and everyone else’s he applied himself fully to the task. In the early weeks when I was exhausted and getting up to do the night feeds, Stark would often help, feeding the twins by my bottled milk whenever he could. He also helped me through the emotional and physical trauma I experienced right after the twin’s birth. Stark never complained or seemed irritated by the constant screaming, crying or mess that two new-borns brought into his house or indeed, their initial over-emotional mother. Instead, Stark often added to the noise and commotion. He bought more toys, equipment and clothing than was necessary and completely doted on them from their arrival. He would also take photos – hundreds at this stage – of the boys and occasionally me that he would send to the Barton, Romanov, Banner, Thor, Jane and Darcy to keep them updated with the boys progress. All of them adored the boys as much as Stark and when they each left the Tower for good, their goodbyes to the twins were just heart-breaking to watch. Everyone who encountered Narfi and Váli were instantly hooked on their innocence, their cuteness their chubby little smile and mischievous natures.

However, no-one (bar me) was more devoted to them than Thor. From the moment he heard their cries as they entered the world, Thor completely took to protecting, loving and helping the twins. Even though he left the Tower, Thor still called frequently and often unexpectedly to check on the twins and myself. He was wonderful with them – there was no denying it and the boys adored Thor for it. I honestly wouldn’t be surprised if their first words were “Thor” and not “Mama”. He knew everything about my babies and about my own welfare after they were born. He could tell by simply listening to their cries exactly what they were crying for; whether they were hungry, needed to be changed, when they were tired or if they were cranky. He taught me how to bathe them, how to correctly hold them as I fed them both in the early months and most importantly, he taught me not to panic when I felt overwhelmed, which in the early days of their arrival was all. The. Time. I panicked every time they cried or when I couldn’t get them to latch properly. I cried in a complete panic when they got their first temperature during the night and felt useless until Thor immediately came to help. He was amazing and even now as the twins grew more playful and active, Thor would often be seeing lying down on his tummy with the twins, or bouncing them on his knees or gently rocking them back and forth, often eliciting peals of giggles from both boys. I looked forward to Thor’s visits as it was guaranteed that Uncle Thor would wear my boys out and mommy would get a sneaky nap.

Thor had even named the boys. Not too long after their birth I heard him talking to the little babes in his arms – they were so tiny then, so fragile and looked even more so in Thor’s massive arms. He was telling them a story about the adventures of two brave knights who were brothers and together they rescued their family from the clutches of an evil wizard. Thor blushed when he saw me and explained it was an old story his mother once told Loki and himself as children. I couldn’t help but smile at Thor's obvious familial attachment and devotion. And that's how my boys got their names to Thor’s utter delight.

Loki had not be seen since that day on Asgard. I truthfully did not know how to deal with his actions. For some time all I felt was a deep pain at his actions, his words and at his loss. And it took me some time to recover from it. But Narfi and Váli kept me busy and despite how much they looked like their father, I rarely had time to think of him and tried my best not to.

At four months, the twins were enrolled in a rather prestigious, private nursery Stark recommended. Now that S.H.I.E.L.D. was destroyed, I had more freedom than before and so I did not feel too guilty about risking the boy’s safety by dropping them off at nursery five days a week. Yet, on Stark’s and Thor’s instructions I was to use a false name and still could not risk contacting my family as it was likely Coulson and his team were one of the units that had dropped off the radar and were silently still following their directives. Sometimes I wished my parents could see my babies – their grandchildren - and it was upsetting to know that my boys may never meet them. I managed to gather some information on my parents and discovered they did not miss me as I expected them to. They thought I was in New Zealand and I only had two emails from them in my absence, the first wishing me well. The second email suggested…well, it was a pretty good indicator that they did not want me back home anytime soon. That also hurt but deep down I was not surprised. My relationship with them had been rocky, at best, all my life. However, I had my own family now that I had to focus on.

And so I returned to work – much to Stark and Thor’s dismay. I was heartbroken the first day I dropped them off to their private nursery but I felt a sense of obligation to be the sole provider for my boys. Though Stark would leave me and the twins live rent-free in his tower for as long as I wanted and Thor offered multiple times to support me financially with everything, I could not accept either offer. Narfi and Váli were my sons. I would not expect anyone other than me to provide for them. And whilst I would have loved to be a full-time stay at home mom to watch the twins at this precious age, I could not in good conscious do that. With Loki absent, I had to be both mother and father and also provider, protector and nurturer. It could be immensely hard at times, but I had to this. I was the only parent my boys had and I therefore had to set the right example. So I worked full time for Stark acting as his assistant, a historical consultant and buyer for many of his projects and fundraisers. This allowed me to pay Stark a monthly rent, pay for the twin’s nursery costs and clothing and help pay for food and bills. I knew Thor thought I was raving mad to go back to full time work but Stark eventually understood that I was merely trying to regain my independence and confidence that Loki had taken from me.

All in all, I was adjusting well to my new role as mother. Yet there was the constant elephant in the room. Loki. My partner, my fiancé, my sons’ father. I would always have links to this man whether I liked it or not. I hated him for all he had put me and my babies through. However, I felt a sense of loyalty to him. Loki had the chance to carry out his plans with that other creature for months. Particularly when we were alone on Asgard – he could have taken one or both boys and simply done away with me. I was heavily pregnant and clearly would not have had the ability to put up a fight. He did not do that. He waited – for what I’m not sure. Yet I do wonder if he loved me, he loved the babies of that I was sure. But me? After hearing all he said to me – all those little insecurities I confided to him that he threw in my face, all the horrible humiliating descriptions he listed to me – they tore right through me. I did not know if he loved me - I did not know if he were even alive. I guessed he would be as even though this creature looked for him, Loki was smart and according to Thor, Loki was good at disappearing. No one mentioned Loki’s name these days. Thor did immediately after I had Narfi and Váli and I reacted…badly. I was in a rough place then. Stark mentioned him twice – once early on he simply said in passing how much the boys looked after Loki – a fact it would be foolish to deny – they undeniably took after their father.

And recently, Stark came across me crying silently one night after I put the twins to sleep. Truthfully this happened a lot – maybe it was my hormones still trying to balance out or maybe it was something more, but I cried a lot when I was alone and the twins were asleep. On this occasion Stark discovered me silently weeping clutching the silver engagement band with the emerald stone that I now wore on a silver necklace usually tucked beneath my clothes. Loki’s mother ring, the ring he gave when he proposed to me – the only token I had of Loki’s.

“What is it, Red?” Stark asked quietly, sitting down on the couch beside me.

I shook my head and quickly wiped my eyes “Just thinking” I responded quietly, standing up quickly and attempting to tidy the living room which was strewn with clothes and baby toys.

“Want to talk about it?” Stark asked, watching me tidy up.

“No, I’m just over tired” I answered, continuing to mindlessly tidy up. “Work’s tough” I added, trying to lighten the atmosphere, “my boss is such a jackass.”

Stark however remained nonplussed. In the last few months our friendship had grown, he knew me too well to fall for my attempted deflection. “You miss him still, don’t you?” Stark asked quietly.

I immediately stopped picking up toys and simply stared at Stark. “I-I”

“As you know I hate the guy” Stark said casually and leaned back into the leather sofa. “But you were together for a while, you claimed or whatever the hell that was, you were engaged and you had his kids.”

I began to well up as Stark listed all these things and tried my best not to break down in front of Stark. _I had to be strong. I had to be strong._

 _“_ Look, Red” he continued, “All I’m saying is that I know you loved him. After all, you both were through a lot and shared similar experiences. It’s only logically you might have mixed feelings for him that don’t vanish overnight.”

I nodded and continued to tidy up the room, trying to drown Stark out by keeping busy. Stark suddenly stood up and helped me tidy the room – a task he usually avoided.

“For what it’s worth, Red” Stark continued, throwing toys into the rooms far hamper that was already overfilled with the boys stuffed animals. “I think he loved you too. You know what he’s like – he is chaos – but he did love you.”

I started to shake, my hands threatening to drop the boys blankets in my arms and set them down on the couch. _Some days it was hard to stay strong, some days it was nothing short of painful._ I merely smiled and nodded at Stark before quickly saying goodnight. I went to check on the twins as I usually did before bed and to my surprise both boys were awake and had big grins on their chubby little faces. Narfi’s chubby little fists were waving widely as he looked to the left of the crib whilst Váli was staring at the same spot babbling and smiling as though they had both seen something highly amusing.  

My heart instantly filled as I seen them both _. These boys proved why I had to be strong. Even on the hardest of days, my boys made life worth it._

“Hey sweethearts, you’re both up late, do you know that?” I called playfully as I reached them and gently brushed each of their heads. “What have you troublemakers been up to, huh?” I whispered and turned on the music dial above their crib. It started to play and Narfi immediately made grabby hands at it. I laughed and pulled the rocking chair closer to them and then lowered the bar of the crib so I could see them properly as they went to sleep. Váli however was still looking to the left side of the crib as though he was waiting for someone to suddenly to reappear. The sight struck me as strange as there were no toys of any kind to the left of the crib so there was nothing to distract them or could have held their attention. No doubt, Narfi had spotted a reflected light or something I thought, and then pointed it out to his brother.

I leaned in closer to my boys and gently rubbed each of their faces as I hummed to the music and within a few moments they were dozing off. I smiled, slowly and ever so quietly pulled back up the crib railing once more. I leaned back in the rocking chair, watching as Narfi clutched his blanket in one chubby fist and Váli's chubby hand flailed and I knew he was looking for his stuffed teddy bear. I looked in the crib, but it wasn’t there, which is odd because neither boy ever fell asleep without these comforts and I always made sure they had them when they fell asleep. I saw it was on the changing table and quietly crept towards it as I heard Váli gave an annoyed grunt in his sleep. I quickly paced back and placed the small stuffed bear in Váli’s grip and he settled immediately, fists curling almost protectively into the plush animal.

I smiled lovingly down at these two boys before noticing a slight chill in the air. I looked to the window and saw the curtain of the room ripple slightly in the breeze. I closed the window, mentally reminding myself to reprimand Stark for no doubt leaving it open earlier today. I went back to my rocking chair to find both boys still fast asleep and smiled warmly. My boys, my beautiful boys…my own eyes started to close quickly as exhaustion finally hit me. I heard the bedroom door click shut behind me and wondered briefly if Stark had come to check on me after his little talk. However I was asleep so quickly I barely had time to think upon it and took one last quick glimpse at my beautiful boy’s before falling asleep on my rocking chair

 


	2. Birthday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I honestly can't believe the interest people have in this sequel - It means so much to know you're enthusiastic about it. So thank you to each person who has stopped by to read, comment or leave kudo's. I really appreciate it! :) x

Chapter Two – Birthday

“Molly?”

I turned away, curling deeper against the darkened wall. After several months I still found it hard to break from darkness. It was easy during the day to block it out, but once immersed fully within it, I struggled to break free. I still would escape here, where no one could see me or judge me. _I liked it here … sometimes I could feel his presence – his warmth encasing me completely._ Darkness had an irrevocable hold on me, which I could not escape no matter how much I tried.

“Molly, wakey, wakey!” the voice called, but I only further retreated into the dark.

A high pitched squeal rang out and immediately I jerked awake, blinking blindly in the sunlight as I lurched half-asleep off the rocking chair. _Mommy duty was the only thing that woke me from the darkness_.

I watched Stark holding Váli who was crying sorrowfully, his tiny fists flailing hysterically as he fussed in Stark’s arms, then he cried even harder as he caught sight of me and lurched towards me.

“Oh Váli!” I exclaimed, reaching for Váli and Stark handed him over to me. I cradled Váli close to my chest and kissed the top of his head. He nuzzled in against me, still crying loudly. “What’s wrong, sweetheart? How long was silly Momma asleep, huh?”

Váli continued to weep uncontrollably and I tried to gently shush him, soothingly rubbing his back. “Hush now, darling” I cooed kissing his cheek as I continued to gently rock and comfort him, his cries turned to soft whinging that got muffled as he nuzzled deeper against my chest, hands clinging tightly to my clothes. “Momma’s here baby, what has you so upset?

“Molls, Váli wasn’t crying until I came in. I was checking in on you guys” Stark explained, watching on with a flicker of concern on his features.

Now Narfi was stirring awake too, no doubt his brother’s crying waking him. Stark immediately picked Narfi up as he started to fuss too. “Hey little man, did your noisy brother wake you up?” Stark gently kissed Narfi’s forehead and bounced him softly against his hip. Narfi’s cries soon evaporated as he erupted into giggles. Stark continued to bounce him as he giggled.

“Maybe he just needs to be changed” I continued, already placing him on the changing table and starting to change Váli’s diaper, hoping to calm him down. I changed him quickly, all the while singing softly to calm him down and then I dressed him. He was still sniffling quietly when I finished and I felt my heart twinge – rarely my boys got so upset and it broke my heart every time.

“I’ll change Narfi” Stark added quietly.

I nodded “Thanks, Tony” I answered quietly as Váli grasped a strand of my hair and clutched it tight in his chubby fist - a gesture he only did when he was truly upset by something. “My sweet little Váli” I mumbled pacing the floor and kissing his head softly. I rubbed his back gently and continued to rock him, one hand felt his forehead as I studied his face. “He’s a little warm and his cheeks are red” I said gently to Stark across the room. “I don’t know if it’s from his crying or if he’s teething again? He’s not drooling though, so maybe he’s not teething…I don’t know.”

“He seems to be calming down now, maybe I just frightened him when I came in to wake you” Stark answered as he finished changing and dressing Narfi who was making grabby hands at me.

I nodded, smiling warmly at Narfi and made to reach for him. “Morning, my sweet little Narfi” I cooed and Stark placed Narfi in my free arm. Narfi babbled excitedly and I laughed, whilst also cuddling Váli. I gently rocked them both, whilst humming softly. Váli peeked up at his brother and babbled quietly, a soft smile peering across his face. “That’s it” I cooed encouragingly at Váli. “Everything’s aright now, Momma’s here.” Both boy’s seemed happy and relaxed now and I sighed in relief. “My little princes, you’re getting so big…poor Mommy’s back will be put out if I keep trying to hold you both!” I said in a feigned surprised tone, eliciting more giggle from the boys. Váli let go of my hair and flailed his fists excitedly.

Stark chuckled and picked up Váli. “That’s better, little man” he cooed bouncing him up and down. “But maybe Mommy’s back will be put out because she keeps sleeping in a wooden rocking chair and not in her own bed” he added.

I laughed quietly and gave Narfi his soother as Stark did the same with Váli. “I just fell asleep here again” I confessed and focused on Narfi, attempting to smooth down his black hair.

“Red, when’s the last time you slept in your own bed and not in here?” Stark asked I rolled my eyes.

I did not answer but placed Narfi back in his crib along with a musical soft animal. Stark placed Váli back in to the crib beside his brother and they both became engrossed in the musical toy, hitting it and squealing in delight as it lit up and played musical noises.

I watched briefly before turning and starting to pack up their baby bag that they would need for Nursery today, filling it with spare clothes, extra bibs (in case Váli was teething), teething rings, diapers, creams and other bits and bobs. I would pack some food and bottle’s when I finished breakfast.

“Seriously” Stark continued. “When’s the last time you slept in your own bed?”

“I don’t know…a few days maybe?” I answered, trying to act nonchalantly. I could not remember the last time I slept in my own bed. I usually snuck in to the twin’s rooms during the night and fell asleep on the couch or the rocking chair. I knew it wasn’t healthy but I made sure they were fast asleep and usually left before they woke up so that they would not get over-dependent on me to sleep during the night. Initially the twins crib and most of their essential items were in my bedroom when they were born but since they started to gradually sleep in their room over a month ago, I lost the luxury of having them close by at night. Ironically, I was finding this separation at night more difficult than the twins.

“Is it because you miss Loki, or you fear that creature thing returning?” Stark asked causally. Again, I realised just how well he knew me by now.

“Both” I answered honestly and finished packing the twins bag.

My bedroom was previously shared with Loki and despite Darcy’s attempt to tweak the room and give it a makeover, I still felt his presence every time I was alone in there. It was like placing a plaster over a bloody wound – the ugly gash might be covered but you still knew what had happened there. And then there was the creature – for the first couple of weeks I would only trust Thor and myself to be left alone with the boys and they were never alone in the day or night. I feared the return of the creature and had a constant nauseating image of his hideous hands trying to remove my precious boys from where they slept in their joint crib. I had nightmares for some time – I think that’s why Thor stayed with me for so long. I had woken the twins from their sleep at night on two occasions with my screams. Thor immediately would barge in to soothe the boys and later me. Then I had those secret nightmares I had told no one about where Loki was the culprit who stole my boys. I think Stark may have had a sneaking suspicion of this as on one occasion I woke up dripping in sweat and with Loki’s name on the tip of my tongue. Not long after Stark told me of all the security measures imposed in his Tower, which he had tripled since the twin’s arrival. He explained them all to me and gave me complete access to Jarvis. Only Stark and I had access to the full security measures implemented in his Tower – not even Thor, Banner or any of the other Avengers had access to this and it did help me gradually build a sense of security and stability and was one of the reasons I stayed in Stark’s Tower – it was undoubtedly the safest place for my boys for now.

“Molls, you need to sleep in a proper bed” Stark argued. “Firstly, you’ll end up messing up your back permanently if you don’t. Secondly, I thought the whole point of readjusting to the twins to sleep in their own room was to get them used of having their separate place to sleep and then gradual Ferberization?”

I snorted. “Stark, I don’t agree with ferberising” I stated flatly.

“That’s not the point” Stark responded, “I mean it’ll be healthier for the twins and for you to have your own place to sleep at night. It’s safe for them if you sleep next door, Red.”

I looked at Stark, unable to keep the flicker of doubt off my features.

“You know neither of them can so much as scratch at this tower without either of us knowing about it” Stark answered, silently acknowledging my fears about Loki and the creature. “And if they somehow even managed to do that, I have the best equipment along with the immediate ability to assemble the avengers to stop them from entering here. And little Narfi and Váli are in the most private Nursery in the country and are constantly supervised by us in some form.”

I nodded once, slinging the boys baby bag over my shoulder and awkwardly hugging myself. “I – I know” I explained looking at Stark feeling slightly foolish. “But I just worry sometimes…what if I’m not doing enough for them?” I asked, my voice wavering slightly.

“Honey” Stark immediately stepped close and wrapped his arms around me, rubbing them softly. His chocolate eyes poured into mine. “You are doing everything for them. You’ve being trying so hard to give them everything in life and set the best example. But you can’t keep an eye on them twenty-four seven. You’re a wonderful mother, you love them and they adore you. But more importantly: They. Are. Safe.”

I smiled at Stark and nodded. “I’ve been thinking, Red. Maybe you need a weekend to yourself” I immediately opened my mouth to protest.  But Stark squeezed me tight causing me to giggle rather than object. “Just listen to me. Imagine a weekend to yourself to unwind, de-stress and ... I don’t know – read a book maybe? I can look after the boys, and Thor is at their constant beckoned call. We can manage. Why not have a girls weekend or something – spend time with Darcy, have spa’s or massages - ” I grumbled but Stark merely squeezed me once more. “Just think about it, please?”

I nodded and Stark beamed, hugging me tight. “Now go get dressed, I’ll take the twins down and start giving them their breakfast.”

“No, it’s fine” I answered. “I’ll feed them - ”

“Red” Stark sighed, but had the usual glint of humour in his eyes. “You are the most stubborn woman I have ever met, you know that right?”

I forced a smile and nodded feeling my stomach turn uncomfortably – Loki had practically said that to me every day when we were together.  “But either you get dressed now and I feed the twins or they’ll be late for nursery” Stark continued.

“Oh crap!” I cried out, causing Narfi to giggle hysterically in his crib as their Mommy clapped her hand to her head. I realised I forgot to set my alarm on my phone…in fact I hadn’t even taken it out from my purse yesterday when I finished work.  “What time is it?”

“Seven. I let you sleep in this morning – figured you could do with a lie in” Stark explained “Thought I’d find you in here again.”

“Damn it!” I squealed and Váli suddenly joined his brother in giggling madly at their crazy mommy.

“Ease up on the swearing, sailor” Stark said, trying to suppress a chuckle “or your boys will swear as much as you do some day – if that’s possible. Now, go change. I got this.”

I nodded once more practically running from the room to go to my own next door to change. I then ran back as Stark was bending over the crib to lift the boys out. “Baby bag for nursery” I explained and dropped the bag the floor.

“Got it” Stark answered with a chuckle as he lifted the boys out. I ran from the room a second time. “Come on fella’s let’s have a boys breakfast. How does a beer and waffle’s sound?”

“STARK!” I cried, hearing him as I left the room.

“I was going to give them light beer!” he called after me as I struggled not to laugh.

So all in all the boys where only five minutes late for nursery – not bad considering I rushed around the Tower like a headless chicken trying to make-up for time after my lie-in. And I dropped them at their nursery – my hair still wet from the shower, my blouse buttoned haphazardly and my pencil skirt twisted - they were at least both fully dressed, fed and clean. I kissed them both goodbye and informed the staff about Váli possibly teething and told them to ring me instantly if he got upset or they felt a temperature. Whilst the staff smiled and nodded – which is the least they could do considering how much this private nursery cost – I adamantly refused to leave until they promised me they would contact me immediately if Váli or Narfi showed any other sign of teething or fever. I was still slightly worried that Váli might be ill, but their squeals of delight and healthy appetites proved me wrong. I could only laugh at Váli who seemed so upset when he woke up was now squealing in utter delight as he banged on a little plastic drum in the presence of five other babies. Narfi quickly joined in, whacking the drum with a plastic mobile phone.

As result of pressing the Nursery staff, I was a half an hour late for work. The boys Nursery was only a fifteen minute drive from the Tower but I got delayed on my way back in early morning commuter traffic. I sighed wearily as I finally settled into my office which was only down the hall from Stark’s. However Stark was usually to be found tinkering with his latest ‘toy’s as I called them, down further floors of his Tower in his garage/workspace. Stark was rarely was in his office which was just as well as he already distracted me from my work as it was. I immediately set to work, verifying some of Stark’s appointments for the next week and tweaking any changes to these plans, which were usually informed to me by Stark himself on little paper post-its. Initially, his excuses sounded legitimate stating “he had conflicting appointments” or an "urgent meeting” in an untidy scrawl, but now after four months of working for him Stark apparently gave up on creating elaborate excuses and merely left scraps of paper stating blunt reasons such as “Don’t want to go", "that dude’s boring,” or my his top plain-blunt excuse of "No."

After updating Stark’s appointments and verifying the his most essential meetings to attend, I then started editing Stark’s speech he had written for the opening of a Neonatal Intensive Care Unit Stark he had funded in a Manhattan hospital. Again, when I initially worked for Stark after the twins were born, I had little work to do on Stark’s speeches other than fixing spelling and/or grammar mistakes but by now, Stark had also abandoned any attempt to actually try to make my life easier. His speech today merely stated. “Hospital’s eh? Damn ... but at least they have nurses’ and underneath was a drawing of a nurse in a very inappropriate nurses outfit with rather large breasts. I couldn’t help but smile at this but immediately set to work in creating a short speech, mentioning how close the issue was to Stark’s heart and then outlining the need for the new hospital unit. For this I had to research the hospital’s history and verify the details with the hospital itself by phone. By the time I was finishing there was a knock on the door and I looked up to see Stark’s smiling in my doorframe “Fancy burgers for lunch?” he queried.

“No thanks” I answered and Stark rolled his eyes making me grin.  “How about subs?” I offered saving the speech on my laptop and printing out a copy for Stark to read over.

“But its Friday” Stark whined, stamping his foot like a petulant child. “Fat Friday is supposed to be fun!”

I laughed, standing up “I never agreed to fat Fridays by the way, They are completely your own invention” I answered handing Stark his now finished speech before throwing open my office window to let in some fresh air.

Stark grumbled. “Fine, fine, but you paid last time now it’s my turn” he added and I nodded yawning widely as I looked at the clock. It was now half twelve. “Hey!” Stark exclaimed suddenly, “Where’s my drawing gone, you know of the nurse?!”

“Oh you mean that sexist drawing of a Nurse with big breasts in cartoon outfit?” I asked pretending to search my desk for it. Stark nodded adamantly and I paused dramatically. “Oh yeah, I remember now, I actually threw it away because it was offensive on so many levels!”

Stark chuckled right as my stomach gave a huge grumble. He paused and looked at me in concern “Red, have you eaten today?”

I shook my head and Stark looked irritated. “Damn it Red, you have got to find the time to eat!” he said defiantly.

“I do eat!” I argued back, “I just had a late start this morning and didn’t have the time.”

Stark rolled his eyes “You’re getting a foot long sub” he said flatly as I opened my mouth the object. “You’re getting one and you’re eating the whole goddamn thing if I have to make you!” I started to giggle again “And a cookie – no, two cookies!” he ordered and I nodded still laughing rather than fighting with him.

“Could you get me a - ”  I began to ask, but Stark cut me off.

“ – a foot long, chicken pizziola, lettuce, extra pickles and a coke – no sorry, a diet coke?” Stark offered and I nodded, smiling warmly as I picked up the phone.

“Be back in ten” Stark said. I smiled and I waved him goodbye.

When Stark left to get lunch I rang the Nursery and checked on the boys to see if either one had returned to their upset state they were in when I woke up. Váli apparently still had red cheeks and had started to drool but the staff insisted he was in high spirits and did not seen to be in any distress or pain. He was currently napping along with Narfi who seemed perfectly fine. I told them to keep me informed if he got upset at any time or feverish.

Just as I got off the phone, Stark returned with lunch, the smell of which made my stomach grumble all the more. “How’s Váli?” he asked immediately as he began unpacking the bag as he sat on the floor. I sat on the floor beside him – my usual spot as I liked to stretch out after being cooped up on the leather chair all morning.

“His cheeks are still red and he’s drooling so I think he’s definitely starting to cut another tooth but the staff said he’s fine for now. He’s napping with Narfi and neither seem in pain” I explained as I helped Stark unpack and handed him his lunch.

“Poor little man – he might have a rough weekend ahead then?” I nodded and thanked as Stark handed me my lunch.

“Yep” I answered and knew I faced a fractious weekend. “I may need to call Darcy. She made plans for dinner out tomorrow but I think we should just have it here a bit earlier instead. I don’t want to take the boys out late if their upset.”

Stark nodded, a small but noticeable smile on his lips as he started to tuck into his lunch. I looked at him curiously as I continued to eat my own. “What?” I asked in the most unladylike tone possible, my mouth full of food.

Stark chuckled “You’re one class act, honey” he stated and I snorted loudly, taking a sip on my diet coke. “You worry about the boys too much. All babies go through teething. Give them some of that numbing cream and a shot of whiskey – they’ll sleep right through it.”

I nearly choked on my food as Stark laughed derisively at this. “I kid, I kid” he added throwing both hands up in mock surrender. “You need time to focus on yourself. For instance, do you know what today is?”

I took another bite of my sandwich and shrugged. “Friday?” I offered.

Stark smiled. “Your intelligence and wit is outstanding as always but what else is today?”

I shook my head as I finished the last of my meal. Stark quickly unwrapped the cookies on the desk and handed me the first one.

I shook my head “I’m full” I confessed and I really was, I wolfed down my entire sub whilst Stark was only half way through his.

“Just look” he encouraged, pressing the cookie into my hand.

I took the cookie for him and spotted pink icing on it. I turned it the right way around and felt tears spring into my eyes. Sprawled across in pink icing was ’27 today!’ followed by an arrow, I flipped the cookie over and squeezed onto the other side was ‘Happy bday Red!” I smiled warmly

Oddly, I regularly forgot my birthday. I had not celebrated them since I was in my late teens. The last time I got a birthday card or present was easily six or maybe even seven years ago. Since I moved away from home and travelled for work I never had a permanent address and more truthfully, I had no one to celebrate my birthday with. My family rarely spoke to me and I had no close friends. Last year, I was pregnant with the twins and I can’t even remember what I was doing on the day. I wondered if Loki even knew my birthday, oddly enough I did not know his either…

I grinned. “Thank you, Stark!” I exclaimed and he beamed. “How did you know?”

“It’s just a cookie” he answered with a smile. “Oh, Darcy told me awhile back. Sorry we didn’t celebrate last year but - ”

“Ah, don’t even worry about that!” I said and waved my hand idly, still staring at the cookie as my heart filled warmly.

“I would have done more, but I’ve just been so busy with stuff” Stark confessed. “I’ll take you and the boys out next week maybe for dinner, my treat.”

I grinned. “Stark, you don’t have to go to all that hassle. I’m just happy you thought of it” I admitted and waved the cookie excitedly, “This is so cool – it has my name on it, look!” I added and brushed off the iced ‘Red’.

 “Happy birthday, honey” he said softly. I kissed Stark on the cheek as he hugged me. Just then the window closed with a sudden sharp snap and I jumped.

Stark chuckled “Spooky” he whispered and I laughed and stared at the cookie before taking a bite.

***

I finished work at the earlier tome of three p.m. on Stark’s order’s and he encouraged me to go home and nap or go shopping and treat myself – just enjoy my birthday. Rather than argue with him I acquiesced and used the extra two hours to clean up my bedroom, the boy’s bedroom, the living room – pretty much every area the boys encountered or played in. Stark caught me half-way through and reprimanded me for wasting my birthday on cleaning. I merely grumbled in response. He told me to go pick up the boys and that he would cook dinner as another birthday treat. I beamed and changed into a nice purple dress before leaving to get the boys rather than going in the sweats I wore to clean up.

I picked up the boys who were excitedly babbling all the way home in their car seats as I drove as though telling me all about their day. Váli’s chubby cheeks were still red and he was drooling but he had no fever or seemed in any pain. He was babbling as enthusiastically as his brother. Perhaps a tooth had only cut through slightly or was in the early stages but for now he was happy and so was I.

“Guess what, my little princes?” I asked grinning, as we stopped at a red light and I looked at them in the mirror.

Narfi and Váli both looked at me expectantly and I laughed. “Uncle Stark is making us dinner or, he’s pretending to but Momma knows he’s actually just putting takeout food on a plate.”

Narfi squealed at the mention of dinner and food making me chuckle. “And Auntie Darcy is calling tomorrow” I added. At the mention of ‘Darcy’ both boys lost it, tiny fists waggling as they squealed excitedly. I grinned and drove on home, feeling the happiest I had been in some time.  

***

It was a little late when I got home but I was in no rush. Friday traffic was always crazy busy and by the time I pulled into Stark’s underground parking lot I was starving once more and so were Váli and Narfi who were starting to fuss.

I unbuckled the boys from their car seats and brought them upstairs in their twin pram, immediately bringing them into their bedroom to give them each a quick diaper change and then brought them down to the adjoining kitchen and dining room where I could smell something delicious.

“SURPRISE!!!” I heard, as I immediately froze at the sudden outburst. For a split second I considered turning the pram around and bolting from the room with my boys, who were now giggling and squealing…wait _giggling?!_

I looked up, still gripping the push bar of the pram tightly and saw Stark, Darcy, and Thor standing behind the kitchen counter. On the dining room’s glass wall that overlooked the city was a massive banner saying ‘Happy Birthday Molly’ along with balloons and a small pile of presents. I was speechless, a smile broke out over my face just as tears entered my eyes.

“I – I” I babbled as Narfi and Váli started to squeal desperate to reach their beloved Uncle Thor. I let go of the pram and took in my friends, my family as I stood there, struck dumb and completely overwhelmed that they were here – all of them – for my birthday, a day that was usually forgotten by everyone – including me.  Thor suddenly launched at me, crossing the room in three huge strides and picking me up off me feet to twirl me on my feet. I started to giggle and hug him tight.

“Sorry if we startled you!” he boomed, grinning from ear to ear as he sat me down on my feet once more. “I just wanted to surprise you – Stark said surprise is a Midgardian tradition” he explained and I nodded laughing feeling carefree for once.

“Oh, Thor!” I exclaimed, launching at him for another hug. He squeezed me so tight and I nuzzled against him. I looked to see his blue bright eyes sparkling widely. “I thought I wouldn’t see you for a few weeks. You said the last time you had some Asgardian duties to take care of!”

“I had to juggle some things around” Thor confessed, gently brushing my hair back from my face. “But there is nowhere else I would rather be than right here celebrating your birthday!”

I laughed and stepped up on my tiptoes to kiss his cheek. “Thank you, Thor” I said softly. Thor beamed until a particularly loud impatient scream came from the pram. Thor chuckled as Narfi and Váli looked on indignantly at the two of us as though shocked at not being included in this special moment.

“My boys!” Thor boomed, turning his attention to the twins and immediately and taking them out from the pram. "It's your Momma's birthday!" he exclaimed. "Let's help her celebrate!" he said and picked them both up only to zoom around on the spot. They squealed almost hysterically, their cherub faces beaming as they were encased in the gods arms. Immediately they snuggled against Thor, whilst Narfi yanked on Thor’s golden hair, causing Thor to groan in an over exaggerated manner eliciting more excited squeals and giggle from the boys.

“Molls!” I heard a voice squeal. I turned around to immediately be hugged by Darcy.

“Hey Darce!” I responded smiling from ear to ear. “I’m so happy you’re here, and so are the boys - ” 

“I’ll say hey to them when Thor starts hogging them!” she answered and we watched as Thor was now settled on the floor with the boys, blowing raspberries against each of the boys bellies in turn making they laugh even harder.

We both laughed as we watched on.  

“Molly, you look incredible!” Darcy exclaimed looking me over. I blushed darkly and shook my head as I went to the kitchen. Darcy followed and I grabbed her and myself a bottle of water each. She smiled in thanks but continued as we sat down at the table. “You do! I can’t believe you just had twins over seven months ago. And you look ... glowing – happy” she explained as she watched me blush and look shyly away as I sipped on my water. “I haven’t seen you like this since Loki - ”

“Food’s up, guys!” Stark interrupted, who had finished plating up the Chinese food in various bowls with ladles so we could help ourselves to whatever we wanted. He set the last plate down with a smack in front of me. “I got this from your favorite Chinese place, you know down a block - ”

“Oh, across from that store with the freaky looking clown in the window?” I asked, staring to ladle some of my favorites on my plate.

Stark snorted “Exactly! And you better eat it all. Thor buddy, bring the boys over to their high chairs – their dinner is ready too” I looked to the boy’s high chair – one on either side of my chair and saw their dinner was ready.

My heart lifted at the gesture. “Thank you” I whispered to Stark and he winked at me as Thor strapped the boys into their chairs and pulled them both closer to himself so he could feed them. For the first time in months I actually ate a dinner uninterrupted by my boys and had the most delightful evening in the company of my family. Darcy, Thor, Stark and my boys – what more could I ask for?

By the time I was finished dinner I was stuffed but then Stark came in with a birthday cake with lighting candles and they all sang happy birthday to me. Narfi and Váli were beside themselves with excitement as everyone sang and they even helped me blow out the candles – and by that I mean the spat all over it as everyone laughed and Stark took some photos with his camera.

After that we gathered in the living room to eat cake and placed the boys in their door jumper chairs. Here they each stretched out their little legs on their bouncy chairs and the guys each gave me a gift.

Darcy and Stark were playing with the twins in the bouncy chairs as Thor joined me on the couch with a beer in his hand. “Sure you don’t want one, Molly?” he asked and I shook my head. I had not drank alcohol since well over a year ago. I needed my wits about me day or night since the twins were born. Thor gave me a well wrapped small parcel that contained a fine golden locket. I opened it to reveal a picture of Narfi and Váli on either side. I couldn’t help it – I cried. I clasped my hand over my mouth and looked up at Thor, with shining eyes. “Oh Thor!” I exclaimed softly, removing the locket from the box.

“Do you like it?” he asked, his eyes like that of a puppy dog.

I nodded and hugged him again in thanks, then once more stared at the locket. “I love it!”

Thor beamed proudly. “It was Jane’s idea” he confessed.

I looked at him in obvious surprise.

“Yes” he admitted. “She signed your card and wishes you a happy birthday and is asking after the boys. She hopes to visit soon!” he added and I smiled warmly. Thor had it rough the last few months with Jane, yet he still completely adored her. It was an admirable trait of Thor’s – he did not give up on people. “May I?” he offered, taking the chain and setting his beer down on the ground.

I nodded and he fastened the chain around my neck as I lifted my hair out of his way. ”Perfect” he whispered and then caught sight of the silver necklace I was wearing which held my engagement ring. “You still wear this?” he asked quietly so the others wouldn’t hear.

I nodded as I let my hair fall down around my shoulders once more.

“And what of Stark?” he asked his voice slipping lower.

“We’re just friends Thor” I said, meeting Thor’s stare. “I told you before loads of times. I promise I would tell you otherwise.”

Thor’s blue eyes seemed curious. “I would not judge you Molly” he whispered. “I would truly love to see you find happiness and love after everything that happened with Loki.”

I looked Thor in his blue eyes, surprised to hear him talk so openly and feeling the familiar tug in my heart at Loki’s name. “Have you heard anything about Loki?” I queried, the desperation in my wavering whisper unmistakable.

Thor shook his head and looked at me sadly, I tucked both chains beneath my dress once more trying to regain my strength - so help me, I still missed Loki, even noew when surrounded by my loving family and friends. “Has Heimdall seen or heard anything?”

“No, Molly” he whispered almost looking close to tears. “I promise, should we hear the slightest news concerning his whereabouts or welfare of Loki, I will let you know immediately” he vowed and I nodded, my lip trembling slight. I cleared my throat slightly and shook my head.

“You are so young” Thor whispered suddenly, looking at me curiously as though seeing me for the first time. “Sometimes I forget, but you are only twenty-seven, still so young – a mere child” he shook his head and leaned in to kiss my forehead. “I wish I did more for you, I wished I saved you from him sooner.”

I shook my head, and gripped Thor’s large muscly arm tightly. I occasionally forgot how much damage Loki had caused to all of us. “You did everything. You are my brother” I said, my eyes filling. “You are Narfi and Váli’s uncle and we love you so much. We wouldn’t be here without you.”

Thor smiled and hugged me once more “You are my sister and I adore you and the boys so much” he whispered and wiped his eyes as he quickly pulled away. “Why are we so upset?” he queried and let out a booming laugh. “It is a celebration! Stark it is your turn to bestow the birthday girl with a gift!”

He kissed the top of my head before joining Darcy and the twins.

Stark sauntered over and handed me a large weighty parcel, which I guessed to be a gift for me. I reached for it but he yanked it out of my reach not before I noticed it was wrapped in newspaper by electrical tape and I started to giggle. “Damn Stark! A city billionaire and you wrap presents like a five year old!” I stated.

“Organization is not my strong point. You should know that by now” he replied but chuckled as I reached for the gift which I thought to be a book but he pulled it out of my grasp again.

“Hey, what gives?” I asked, feigning a sense of hurt.

“Oh I’ll give. Any. Time. You. Want.” He answered making me shake with laughter.

“Dirty old man” I said trying to fake a tone of disgust.

“Yeah damn straight” he added and scooted closer to me. “So dirty baby” he whispered and it took me several seconds to catch my breath as I was laughing so hard.

“This gift comes with a catch though” he said, waving the gift in the air.

“How so?” I queried.

“Well you can only have it if you stay at Darcy’s this weekend, without the boys” he said and I groaned.

“Stark, seriously!?” I asked and he laughed.

“Serious as a heart attack” he said flatly. “It’ll be good for you to get some time to yourself. I cleared it with Darcy she’s dying to have you over for the weekend. Me and Thor will take of the boys and I actually suggested this to you this morning and you said it was fine.”

I groaned once more feeling completely fooled and tricked by Stark. “Fine, but I leave tomorrow morning, I want to stay tonight in case Váli teethes during the night - ”

“Red, he’ll be fi - ”

I held up my hand and Stark stopped talking. “I stay tonight and leave tomorrow for the weekend. That’s my offer, take it or leave it.”

Stark sighed but nodded “Fine!” he stuck out his hand and we shook on it. “So, you will get your present tomorrow then!” he added and stood up laughing as I puffed annoyed after him. 

“Jackass!” I called and he smirked proudly turning to face me.

“You love my ass” he said confidently and wiggled his hips provocatively. “Want a piece?”

I rolled my eyes and yawned, all the while trying not to laugh out loud. Darcy sat down next to me and watched Stark and I. “Is there somethi - ”

“No”, I answered, cutting across her “Just friends.”

Darcy giggled. “If you say so!” she pressed a lavender wrapped gift into my hand. I opened it and a silk silver nightdress fell out, with a black lace trim.

“Oh Darcy!”  I squealed excitedly unfolding it and holding it up against myself. “It’s so pretty! Thank you!”

Darcy smiled warmly. “Glad you like” she said and hugged me tight. “I got you something else too, but I'll give it to you tomorrow when you stay at mine!”

I nodded and laughed. “But why is it a secret?”

She winked and stood up quickly. “Oh, you’ll see!” she said.

That night was the happiest I had in some time. I had my first real birthday as an adult and spent it with my family and friends. Thor put Váli and Narfi to bed that evening and Stark said he would personally escort me out of their room if he found me asleep in there at any time of the night.

So that night, for the first night in months I settled down to sleep in my own bed. It was half ten and I was exhausted. I slipped into my new silk nightgown and set down the baby monitor on my bedside table to keep an ear out of the boys got upset. After twenty minutes or so my eyes were closing and I set aside the book I was trying to read and turned off the bedside lamp. I then heard Váli and Narfi giggling next door through the baby monitor. _How odd? That’s the second night in the row that they had woken up giggling._

I was just about to get out of bed when I heard Stark’s voice on the monitor. He obviously was next door with the boys now. “It’s all right, Red” he said into the monitor. “I got them. Just sleep, honey.”

I smiled sleepily into my pillow “Thanks Stark” I whispered quietly and he chuckled before wishing me goodnight. I heard him switch on the musical dial above the boys crib, which usually helped them fall asleep.

Within minutes there was complete silence in my bedroom and the boys'. I shivered, wearing nothing but my silk nightgown.

I heard a breeze glide in carelessly from the window and cursed mentally for not remembering to close it. I shivered once more until I felt my duvet being slid up around me, tucking me in tight and cozy – just how I liked it.

I smiled drowsily as I felt a warm kiss on my forehead from soft lips. “Happy birthday, darling” whispered a deep, silky voice.

                                                                                                                

 

 

 


	3. Old Faces

Chapter Three – Old Faces

 

 

My breathing grew deeper as I slipped away into unconsciousness and for the first night in some time, I dozed off in a separate room from my twins.

I woke up the following morning and sunlight was pouring through the windows. I curled up on my side, snuggling into my duvet with a sleepy smile on my face. _Damn…I had just slept through the whole night, alone, in my bed, without waking either on my intuition or by the twins crying, I slept a night without checking on the twins, without crying myself to sleep or taking a walk through the tower in daze, idly tidying up or numbly watching rubbish T.V. at four a.m._

I felt oddly proud and strong in that moment. _Was I finally starting to heal?_ I had a long way to go, I knew that, but maybe, just maybe I could carve out a new life for myself and my darling boys. A small part of my mind was already biting back at me, echoing my dreams of my emerald eyed ex –lover. I had of course dreamt of Loki that night, like most other nights.  He appeared frequently in them. Sometimes they were highly sexual dreams. I blamed them on my increasing sexual frustration. Other times he appeared and we were living together with our sons happy and stable and loved. I clung to those dreams, finding it so hard to tear myself from them. And other times I dreamt he was in bed with me, not having sex or anything explicit but just lying together, limbs tangled as we had countless times before. Last night I dreamt he was watching me from the white wicker chair in the corner of my room. He simply sat and watched, his eyes glazed. I smiled warmly at him and he always would smile back. These dreams always felt so real, yet they never proved to be. Last night I swore I could even smell his deep earthy scent with a hint of peppermint. I shook my head – _no, do not think of him. You know you cannot think of him._

So I stretched out in my bed, trying to enjoy this little moment of bliss. I hated to admit it but Stark was right. Sleeping in my own bed was amazing. I felt more well-rested than I ever had in the twins room on that wooden rocking chair or their tiny couch. I looked at my bedside clock and saw it was 5.45 a.m. Despite the early time, I still felt immensely content at my length asleep. It might be early on a Saturday morning but, hey I slept through the night! Infants eliminated any chances of lie-ins, which was all part of the parenthood package. Sometimes I would look back on my life pre-Loki and pre-twins and questioned what the hell I was doing with my time. I worked, slept, ran, watched TV and read. Now my life was my boys – every minute of my day was scheduled around their needs. My boys would be up shortly and undoubtedly full of energy – for once I might just be too now that I had a good night’s sleep.

Almost purring in satisfaction, I pulled the duvet backing, stretching out my waking limbs as I made an effort to wake up. At some point during the night my silk nightgown must have ridden up and I was exposed – up as far as my breasts anyway. I stared down at my belly. It was considerably smaller now, no longer puffy, swollen or stretched. It was far from completely smooth though. It still bore the marks from carrying the twins. It was still soft, and, well … squishy. I closed my eyes - feeling a sudden burst of disgust – it did not take long for bad feelings to creep up again.

Loki’s cruel laughter suddenly seeped into my head _“I’ll tell you what I see, shall I?”_ he said, words still dripping with malice. _“I see a self-confessed whore of a mortal with drab long red hair and a chunky body…_ ” I placed my hands on my middle, my ‘jelly belly’ as I mentally called, whilst some of Loki’s last words to me continued to echo in my mind “ _I see a fat female mortal. One who is neither beautiful nor intelligent. That is all I will ever see in you. Just look at you!”_ he was pulling up my hoodie to expose my middle, idly tracing a purple stretch mark on my stomach with one of his long, slender fingers. “ _My, you have let yourself go. Every time I fucked you I imagined being with someone else. You disgust me. So tell me, why on Asgard would a god such as myself ever love you?”_

I was crying when I opened my eyes, Loki’s words still cut through every time. _Who was I kidding, I would never heal – my feelings for Loki were too warped, too conflicting and complicated._ I looked down and traced the scar of my C-section, whilst trying to clear my mind. _Why … would a god such as myself ever love you?_

I stood up wiping my eyes as my silk nightgown fell down around me once more. I immediately dressed the bed before setting about on my day trying to hold my sanity together. I was so broken, so damaged inside and out. I caught sight of the white wicker chair and felt another twinge. In my dreams, Loki had been sitting there last night – it felt so real - we merely had been smiling at one another. _How pathetic?_

 

I quickly showered and dressed before going in to wake my boys. I guessed Stark or Thor must have attended them last night as there were two unfinished bottles on a nearby shelf of the crib. As I was picking out their clothes for today, they were starting to stir awake. Immediately, I picked up my boys and greeted them good morning, cuddling them close and kissing their chubby little cheeks as they nuzzled against me for their usual morning cuddle. I then changed them and dressed them before sitting down on their tiny couch with one boy in each arm, the three of us snuggled together.

 

It was here in these moments that I felt truly my happiest and my saddest. It was here that my heart broke and filled. _Loki had bargained his son’s lives for power. He could have caused irrevocable damage. One or both boys could have lost their parents.  One boy could have…could have… I can't even bear to think about it. Oh god, how could I have been so blind? Loki never loved me. Why did I still love him? He used me, merely bred me and bargained our boys’ lives. And then, he just vanished_.

 

I looked into the pale mint eyes of each boy nestled against me and felt I had let them down. “I’m sorry” I whispered and kissed the top of each head. Váli suddenly let out a sharp squeal, making me laugh and also recalled to me why I had to hold it together. I stood up as quickly as I could “Who’s hungry?” I asked trying to recover from my little lapse. Both boys squealed excitedly and I took the boys down for breakfast.

 

That morning flew by quickly, far too quickly for my liking. I was fully aware that I was leaving my boys for a weekend. Normally if I left, it was for work or to go to the shop for bread or milk whilst Stark, Darcy or Thor watched over them. But now I was leaving and would not be back to tuck them in tonight. It was completely overwhelming and I spent the entire morning with my boys, cuddling with them, playing with them and briefly watching cartoons before they fell asleep.

 

Thor spent most of the morning with us, doting on the boys and playing with them with an enthusiasm that exceeded any adult expectation. Honestly, he could play peek-a-boo for three hours straight just to hear and see Váli and Narfi smile and giggle – I had seen him do it. Thor and I also chatted about the boys. No detail was too small for Thor – he wanted to hear everything. When I told him Narfi could now pull himself upright with the help of the couch, his eyes actually filled. He was a proud uncle and he doted on the boys and loved them as his own.

 

By 11.30 a.m. the boys had fallen asleep for their nap and I knew that was my cue to leave. Darcy had agreed to meet me at twelve and I quickly threw some clothing carelessly in my bag before going back down to kiss my boys goodbye. 

 

“Molly?” Thor whispered creeping up behind me as I watched the boys sleeping in their travel cot that doubled as a playpen we kept in the living room.

 

I looked up at him, feeling so utterly torn and he quickly half-hugged me as we both watched the twins sleep. “I will keep them safe, Molly” he promised.

 

“This is harder than I thought it would be” I whispered, unable to keep the trepidation out of my voice, or look away from my boys.

 

Thor smiled softly down at me, “Of course it is. But that shows how much you care” he whispered, gently squeezing me. “They are safe here. I will make sure no harm befalls them. And, you can call us, day or night, to check on them.”

 

A sharp cough suddenly came from behind us. The culprit was Stark “Save the tears for the lifetime movie, guys” he said, smiling with his usual wink in my direction. This did not go unnoticed by Thor who watched Stark with a rather interrogating stare. Stark continued on, either not noticing Thor’s reaction, or simply not caring – this was something quite commonly hard to figure out about Stark. “Red, Darce is downstairs waiting.”

 

Wiping my eyes, I leaned down as gently as I could into the playpen and gave the twins one last kiss each on their silky black hair. I also inhaled deeply, which only made more tears fall from my eyes. My boys smelled beautiful, just utter perfection. “Momma has to go out for a little bit” I whispered as quietly as I could as I straightened out and moved slightly up from them. I continued to stare down at them trying to steady myself. “I will be back really soon my little princes” I whispered, wiping my eyes. “But I will miss you lots. Just know I love you both so much and try to good for your uncle’s ok?”

 

When I stood up, Thor was wiping his eyes and I couldn’t help but laugh. “Come on, you big teddy bear, leave them rest” I said quietly quickly wiping my own eyes.

 

I knew Darcy was waiting but I had to go through a rundown of essential things Stark and Thor should know about the boys.

 

“Stark, keep an eye out on Váli” I stated as I slipped on my coat. “He may still be teething as his cheeks are still red and his drooling on and off. I left a fresh stack of bibs in the room, just in case it gets worse. His appetite is completely fine but call me if that changes, he might have a fever or be getting a cold - ”

 

“Molly” Thor started to interrupt. “I am a fertility god. I can - ”

 

“And I am their mother, Thor” I answered with a shrug, meeting his stare unashamedly “And if my boys are going to be ill or feverish in any way, I’m sure you’ll know. But I want to give you a heads up.”

 

Thor nodded and suddenly we were interrupted by a loud buzzing noise, which was undoubtedly Darcy buzzing in to the intercom to tell me she was waiting downstairs. Stark immediately had Jarvis mute the loud buzzing as I instinctively looked over to the boys but they still slept peacefully uninterrupted by the buzzing. I smiled briefly, I once could also sleep through anything – until I became a parent.

 

“Be careful of Narfi” I continued, rushing to gather my bag “He’s a biter and a complete wiggler when you hold him. Oh and he gets really energetic after his nap so try to take him for a walk during the day or put him in his bouncy chair. And he can pull himself upright now so make sure he isn’t near any sharp surfaces. And watch out in case he starts to teeth also. I mean if Váli is, then Narfi will be soon. Make sure Váli isn’t left alone – he gets really upset if he’s left alone for two long - ”

 

“Red, I know- ” Stark began but, I through him a venomous stare and he shut up immediately.

 

“One more thing” I added as I pressed for the lift. “Váli needs his teddy bear to fall asleep and Narfi needs his blanket. But they only use them at night to fall asleep, not for naps.”

 

Stark chuckled “I know” he whispered and pressed a parcel in my hand. My birthday present. “Open it later” he said and winked at me.

 

I smiled warmly and place the gift in my handbag before hugging Stark. ”Ring me if you have any questions.”

 

Stark smiled “Just enjoy yourself, Red. Thor and I will take good care of Bert and Ernie.”

 

I couldn’t help but giggle. “Stark it’s been seven months. That's not their names! How many times?”

 

He chuckled once more and hugged me tight. “Go. Have fun.”

 

I waved goodbye to Thor and Stark and blew kisses to my sleeping boys before heading off to spend time with Darcy.

 

***

Darcy and I spent an enjoyable Saturday together. We started with facials, then had some waxes and I even got my hair cut.  I felt rather well-groomed and smooth – erm, all over. Darcy only told me just how much I was getting waxed at the very last second. All in all, I felt rather pretty, trim and sort of sexy and smooth – a feeling that I did not have in rather a long time. My new hair cut was an added bonus – it had been so long since I got it cut that my wild, red tangles reached my rear and with my pale complexion I was increasingly resembling a banshee. Now it was shorter, reaching just passed my shoulders and the hairdresser had somehow managed to tame my curls into neat waves that fell freely and loosely.

 

Then after our pampering session we went clothes shopping. I bought some new clothes that I desperately needed as all I currently possessed up to that point were maternity clothes that were mostly baggy or one or two outfits I had bought for working with Stark. Darcy insisted on helping me here, picking up work pants, jeans, skirts, dresses, boots, blouses and to my absolute horror, skinny jeans. Now, don’t get me wrong, I love skinny jeans, In fact I practically use to live in them, having pairs in every colour even far into my pregnancy. Now, I felt apprehensive to wear tight clothes – I did not have the figure for them. Since the boys were born, I still had not returned to my pre-pregnancy shape and whilst I was not as rounded as I was during my pregnancy I was still heavier than I was before it. In short I was self-conscious about how my body looked since the twins were born.

 

Darcy must have seen my hesitant look as I took in the jeans, “Molls, you look amazing, don’t hide away behind baggy clothes” she said sternly as though reading my mind.

 

I shook my head and made to reach for the skinny jeans in her hand. “Darcy, I don’t thin - ”

 

“Look” she said, once she dragged me into a quiet corner of the store. “I get that you might by shy about showing off your figure after having babies. But let’s face it – you used to be confident in how you looked. Of course the pregnancy made you self-conscious but you still ate and wore whatever the hell you wanted to. But this “she waved the jeans in her hand. I looked at her confused and she merely rolled her eyes “ By this, I mean your withdrawal from going out, the meals you occasionally skip – the utter disinterest in yourself, it has got to stop now.”

 

“Darcy -" I looked at her in shock, surprised that she even noticed this now that she had moved out. "Stark has been filling me in” she added as I grumbled somewhat dissatisfied that they were discussing me behind my back.

“It’s only because we care” she said, reading my unhappy expression. “We’re worried. I mean, last night you looked incredible in that dress”

 

I couldn’t help but giggle “That was a maternity dress. It was brand new but I never got the chance to wear it” I confessed.

 

“Well, you looked amazing in it” she said, smiling brightly. “Not just because it was a pretty dress, but because you looked so happy and confident and like your old self again. Molly, frankly I don’t care if you were wearing a garbage bag but seeing you cover yourself up because of what Loki said is only going to wreck the amazing confidence you used to have.”

 

“How do you - ” But even as I started to ask the question, the answer was given by Darcy.

 

“The guys told me when you came back from Asgard” Darcy answered. “You don’t have to buy skinny jeans, you don’t have to buy anything new, but I really wish you start to see yourself in a better light. You don’t have to hide away, Molls. What Loki said isn’t true. You’re not a whore, you are smart, beautiful, and funny and last night I saw a glimpse of the old you. Don’t let him destroy that.”

 

For awhile, there was silence as busy customers passed us by in the store. Some paused as Darcy and I spoke, no doubt thinking we were having a major spat or quarrel. In the end, I bought the clothes – all of them, along with new underwear, pyjamas and lingerie. Darcy was right, I used to freely admit that I was never rail thin or never considered myself pretty, but I accepted my flaws, and had enough confidence to eat and wear whatever I pleased. Since my last day on Asgard – all those things Loki said – well I could not look at myself naked anymore. I did not like even looking on my bathroom mirror in the mornings. I merely slipped on whatever I needed without checking my reflection. Since the twins were born I had little interest in clothes or self-grooming. Whilst I showered daily and regularly washed my clothes, I really made no effort in keeping up my appearance. When I wasn’t working I mostly wore sweat pants and a hoodie and my hair was thrown into a haphazard bun. And my eating habits changed. Whilst breastfeeding I made sure to eat plenty so I could feed my boys properly but now, I would skip at least one meal a day, I rarely (Mostly never ate treats) and I would eat small portions. I truthfully just wanted to lose weight and with two infants constantly depending on me, I could not regularly go to a gym and this seemed like the next best alternative method to lose weight. My fractured thoughts believed Loki’s words about me and I hated myself for it.  Loki had broken my self-confidence and I needed to get it back. And so I treated myself, hoping if I bought new clothes, I could adopt a new attitude.

 

We spent the day pampering ourselves and by seven o’clock we were starving, so we dropped of our newly bought possessions at Darcy’s place before heading out to dinner. At Darcy’s she gave me my other ‘secret’ birthday present which turned out to be a dildo. Something which made me cringe and Darcy giggle to no end. I merely smiled, face glowing red and then placed the item far out of site.

 

I rang Stark to check on the boys before I started to get ready for my night out and he insisted everything was fine and that they took the boys to the park and they fed the ducks there. Stark even sent me on some photos of my two beautiful boy’s being held in Thor’s strong arms as they sat on a bench by a lake, Stark told me they boys were exhausted after their big day and fell asleep in their pram on their way home and Thor was currently putting them down in their cribs for the night.

 

After that, Darcy took the phone from me to inform Stark that I was to go for dinner and a few drinks tonight and that neither he nor Thor were to interrupt or spy on us ‘with freaky god powers until tomorrow morning’. Initially I tried to prise the phone out from Darcy’s hand when I heard this but Stark unanimously agreed and just like that the decision was made.

 

So I got dressed and I wore one of my new dresses and tried to mentally instill my ‘I don’t give a fuck attitude’ as we finished getting ready. As we waited for a taxi we opened a bottle of wine and had a glass each – my first drink in over a year and it made me feel more confident already. As I finished up my make-up in Darcy’s bathroom I heard a knock on Darcy’s door. I heard Darcy converse with a man about a problem with the trash chutes on their level but that they were working once more. It seemed rather odd to pass a message like that on and I briefly wondered if she had a thing going on with her neighbour as Darcy was now telling him about our plans for tonight. For a second, I thought she was going to ask him to join us. The more the man spoke the more I got an odd feeling that I recognised his voice…from somewhere. I tried in vain, his voice not registering in my mind right away. I began to think it must be someone Stark worked with who I had spoken to over the last few months or something…but that wasn’t quite right. No that voice was…I don’t know. I continued to listen to the voice the memory not registering in my mind.  The guy seemed cheery and I heard Darcy giggle at something he said. I stepped out of the bathroom and stood in the hall, just around the corner from the door where they spoke. Darcy was still talking “No, seriously she’s not ready just yet” she continued “But in a few weeks maybe?”

 

I coughed pointedly to inform Darcy I was listening to everything they said and I heard her say goodbye rather quickly.

 

Just as she closed the door and I began to question her, her phone buzzed and she merely stated the taxi was here and waiting downstairs, yet as we left there was a niggling feeling in my mind that something wasn’t quite right.

 

However, we still went for dinner. Eventually, half way-through my first course of my three course meal, Darcy confessed (after my insistent probing) that that guy she was talking to was her neighbour and she was thinking of setting us up on a date.

 

My spoon clattered loudly into my barely-eaten soup so that it splattered everywhere. “WHAT?” I shrieked, causing half the restaurant to look over at us.

 

Darcy, far from being embarrassed, had started to giggle. “I wasn’t going to even suggest it for another couple of weeks. But yeah, I think it would be good, you know get back out there and enjoy being young.”

 

“But what about Narfi and Váli?” I asked incredulously, wiping my now soup-stained dress with a napkin.

 

“Well, I wouldn’t advise you bring them on the first date” Darcy said, still snorting into her glass of wine. “I already told him you had kids recently and the dad sort of… bailed but he says he doesn’t mind - ”

 

“How kind of him” I added sarcastically.

 

“Molls, he seems nice and really interested in you when he saw you earlier bringing in our shopping” Darcy said, shrugging and drinking her wine. “It couldn’t hurt to go on a date or two. I thought you have a thing with Stark but you said you’re just friends.”

 

“We are” I answered, trying to steady my nerves by sipping more wine. “But that doesn’t give you the right to…I mean you can’t just…I’m not ready yet Darcy” I finished trying to explain. I honestly had not given thought to ever dating again. I certainly was not over Loki. I also had a range of other issues to consider, chief of which was if my boys would be affected if I started a relationship. And then I had crippling self-confidence issues. The thought of a relationship was more terrifying than exciting for me. Not that I didn’t get longings of intimacy – but that was what things such as Darcy’s birthday present was for. I could not even imagine being intimate with anyone other than Loki.

 

“Molls?” Darcy whispered. I looked up to see her eyes full of concern. “It’s ok. I totally understand. I didn’t mean to freak you out. You need more time. It’s fine, just forget it, ok?”

 

I smiled and took more wine as Darcy immediately changed the subject. During our main course Darcy got another phone call this time from her work. She was already half-standing before she even hung up as I continued to toy with my spaghetti and stare at her.

 

“I’m so, so, sorry” she said, pulling on her coat. “That was work, I have to go. There’s been an accident down town and the usual reporter Jerry, is sick. This could be a really big chance for me, Molls. Do you mind?”

 

I shook my head and smiled excitedly, “Of course not!” I cried. “You have to go!”

 

“Thank you so much!” she said sincerely as she hugged me from I was sitting at the table. “Here are my keys” she said, fishing keys out of her handbag and handing them to me. “I don’t know when I’ll be back but I still want you to keep the weekend to yourself, ok?”

 

I merely smiled coyly but Darcy frowned.

 

“Promise me, Molly” she said demanded sternly. “I’ll be back first thing tomorrow and I want you to be there. There’s wine in the fridge and chocolates and I had Game of Thrones recorded for us but you go and enjoy” she added and I couldn’t help but laugh – she knew my weak point. I had not seen Game of Thrones in a year and I was far behind.

 

“Fine, I’ll stay at yours tonight!” I said, rolling my eyes. It was half nine, the twins would be down for the night and so would be safe with Thor and Stark. Plus I was a little lightheaded from the wine and Darcy’s was much closer to the restaurant than Stark’s.

 

“Excellent” Darcy said, beaming. “I’ll make this up to you soon and - ”

 

“Go, Darcy!” I encouraged and she waved goodbye before leaving me alone to finish my dinner. I ate some of my dinner and drained the last of the bottle of wine at the table before leaving without desert.

 

As I walked out into the New York night air, I felt a little tipsy. Perhaps drinking so fast after being sober for over a year was a bad idea. It was some time since I felt so lightheaded. A taxi appeared seemingly out of nowhere and stopped right in front of me without me even having to flag it down. Delighted I climbed in and was back at Darcy’s apartment in ten minutes. I paid the driver and stumbled from the car rather wobbly. I took off my low sized heals and proceed to go inside the building, the lift immediately opening as soon as I pressed for it. Slightly chuffed by my luck and undoubtedly a little drunk, I giggle and clutched the railing of the elevator. Another man scuffled passed me into the lift, busily talking on the phone. I clutched the rail tighter as we started to ascend, and then felt a slight prickle of unease as I realised the guy in the elevator was the same guy Darcy had spoken to earlier. Now alone and in close proximity I realised why this voice was deeply disturbing to me. I glanced up his reflection in the mirror, just before the elevator doors sprang open and I felt as though I had literally seen a ghost. Standing directly behind me was Agent Dwight from S.H.I.E.L.D.

 

I swallowed thickly and simply bolted through the elevator doors, discarding my heels and attempting to search through my handbag for Darcy’s keys. Dwight sprang after me, tripping over my heels and buying me some time as I put my shaking hands holding the key up to the door trying to quickly open it. Just as it opened, I was grabbed from behind, one hand tightly clasped around my face the other around my waist half-pushing, half-carrying me into the apartment. A loud bang told me Dwight had closed the door behind us with his foot and as I struggled he let the hand on my waist go. For a second, I vainly though he was letting me go, but then I realised quickly how wrong I was. He merely threw me forcefully forward without warning so I stumbled on the floor. Panicking I scrambled further way across the living room now as the lights were switched on. I quickly turned to see Dwight smiling sadistically not four feet from me. I stood up slowly, aware my head was still light. Yet, Dwight seemed in no hurry to do anything. This made me wary. Dwight was a cruel sadistic man, who truly enjoyed misery and instilling fear into others and had increasingly been abusive towards me when I was held captive in S.H.I.E.L.D. Something about the glint in his eye had my mind in a whirl and my stomach nauseous.

 

I stood up as confidently as I could and tried to look unafraid. “You shouldn’t be here. My friend will be home soon” I lied.

 

He smirked. “Actually, she’s out for the night” he said, stepping closer to me.

 

“If you come any closer, I’ll scream” I vowed.

 

He suddenly launched at, grabbing me and pinning me to the couch as I cried out and attempted to push him off. However the stumble to the couch took me off guard and he quickly took advantage of that to pin my body down with his own and with his free hand he shoved something into my open, screaming mouth. I struggled even more as he clamped my mouth closed, trying in vain to spit out whatever Dwight had shoved into my mouth, but with panic I realised I was too late. Whatever he put there was already fizzling out on my tongue and being dissolved. He kept my mouth firmly closed and clasped my nostrils too so eventually I had no choice but to swallow whatever it was.

 

“I missed you, Wilde” he stated, as I watched his sadistic smile grow even more pronounced, as let me finally breathe freely.

 

 

 


	4. Epiphany

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guy's, 
> 
> I just want to give a warning for this chapter. It contains sexual assault and attempted rape which may be upsetting for some people. This chapter does contain some buildup for plot but I advise anyone who is sensitive to these issues to skip this chapter entirely. The character Dwight who appears in this chapter and in the latter half of the previous chapter originally features in 'Excavations' and some of you might remember he was a complete psychopath who back then worked for S.H.I.E.L.D. 
> 
> Read with caution.

Chapter Four – Epiphany

I was aware of Dwight standing up from the couch, leaving me alone upon it gasping for breath. My heart was racing and my mind was terrified of whatever substance he had given me, even as I tried to it spit out. Yet, any attempt to expel the substance was in vain by now, I had already swallowed it. I started to feel tingling all over my body, similar to pins and needles, spreading from head to toe. Fear was starting to overwhelm me and I quickly tried to stand up-right, only staggering forward, my legs trembling as I attempted to take steps out of the living room and towards the apartment door.

Dwight merely sat on Darcy’s leather recliner chair watching me closely. He was smiling, watching me indulgently like I was a curious toddler exploring the room for the first time.

I walked as best as I could but my limbs were protesting, every effort of movement exhausting and stiff. They started to feel heavy now too, like cement and my body slumped against the wall of the hall as I realised slowly what exactly had happened. Dwight had clearly given me some kind of poisonous drug and he was now so calmly watching my pathetic attempt to escape for enjoyment or to prolong my suffering. I had no real chance of escaping. I wanted to fight against him and this barbaric drug he had given me or scream on the top of my lungs for help, but when I attempted to make any noise at all only spittle gathered in the corner of my mouth. My heart was racing, but I still determinedly attempted to reach the door. I was now by the little stand by Darcy’s door and I leaned against it. I tried to reach for the spare keys that hung on the little hook but my arm simply would not move towards it – in fact it was barely moving at all. It was terrifying, my mind was urging the action but my body would not follow it. I could feel my legs shudder before giving way completely, my body falling against the stand, knocking it over completely. The items on the stand merely fell out and crashed to pieces on the floor. An ornate lamp had shattered just by face, some tiny porcelain pieces flying in my direction. I could feel them tearing my skin and I wanted to groan out at the pain but only more drool spilled from my mouth. I lay on the floor, every muscle in my body refused to move. I was completely paralysed – only my eyes darted around madly, my breathing coming in panicked, short breaths.

I heard movement behind me, yet I could only lie there, face bleeding, and breathing fast and utterly frozen. Dwight deliberately walked into my line of vision. All I could see where his black shoes. I could not even lift my head to take in his full form. I could hear him laughing though. “You’re a hard woman to find, Wilde” he said calmly. “I’ve been looking for you for some time. Since our last little meeting, I’ve been fired” he said, crouching down on the floor in front of me. I could only see more of his legs now, but I could feel his voice draw closer.

 _Like I cared that this scumbag was fired?! Why should I even care, he was a lowlife creep and there is no doubt in my mind he deserved to be fired from S.H.I.E.L.D. The minute this drug wore off I was going to rip his fucking head right off his shoulders._ I groaned even louder, trying to ensure a sense of defiance and rage to show him I was not afraid but all I did was drool even more and he just laughed.

“Miss Wilde, I should inform you that your muscles are paralysed for now – including your tongue. So unless you want to drool some more, I suggest you shut your mouth for once” he said, and then yanked my hair from the floor so that he pulled my head right back off the floor. I attempted to scream, but only further drooled escaped my mouth. “I know that’s hard for you though, you stupid little slut, which is why I gave you that damn pill. I know you were the one who shedded light on my past and that’s why I got fired from S.H.I.E.L.D. Here’s where it gets interesting though” he said, still holding me by my hair so that my scalp stung unmercifully, it felt as though he were going to pull my hair clean off. And I could feel the wetness of either blood or sweat down one side of my face. “The report was submitted directly to Coulson one week after you escaped by Agent Romanov herself. It detailed every claim of my abusive behaviour to staff and prisoners of S.H.I.E.L.D, even those who were paid off never to tell and my last incident was apparently, you. Even Coulson could not ignore claims of abuse against a pregnant woman. So Fury pressured him to fire me.”

He let go of my hair and unable to stop myself, my head hit painfully off the floor. The shards of porcelain that were already still in the grooves of cuts on my cheek became embedded even more so and there was nothing I could do to stop it. I’m pretty certain I could taste blood in the corner of my mouth and slowly running over my lip. I heard him start to pace the room and hoped in vain Darcy was attempting to ring me or that Thor or Stark realised something was wrong. Yet all these options were just not possible. Darcy was working on an emergency report. Her phone was undoubtedly on silent, even if I did miraculously mange to call her. Stark and Thor had been warned to give us a wide berth tonight so Darcy and I could enjoy our evening. And she had even made it clear to Thor to not attempt to spy on us in anyway. So, no one was going to save me because no one knew what was happening. I did not even fully understand what was happening myself. I knew Dwight was all kinds of crazy but with everything else that happened last year, including dealing with gods, aliens and pregnancy I honestly forgot about him as he was not the most serious threat I faced. In doing so, I simultaneously forgot about the potential craziness of the average human being. When I was held captive by S.H.I.E.L.D over a year ago, Dwight had verbally, physically and mentally bullied me until it eventually culminated in an attempted sexual assault after I took a shower. I admittedly snapped at this, particularly as he threatened the lives of my unborn babies and I attacked, eventually knocking him unconscious in the struggle and locking him in my cell so I could escape and send out a warning signal. Whilst I knew Dwight was seriously unbalanced, I assumed he had a general hatred for all prisoners at S.H.I.E.L.D. as he just got off on a sense of power and superiority. Clearly, I went a step further, completely destroying his career and humiliating him when I overpowered him in my cell. He was out for revenge and was seriously unbalanced and all of his hatred was currently directed at me.

All the while I thought of this, Dwight continued to pace the room. “You were close to Romanov, weren’t you, Wilde?” when I could not answer he merely stepped on my hand, causing me to mentally shriek, but only dribbling more into a now small puddle on the wooden floor beneath me. “I know you are connected to Romanov in some way. That bitch never liked me. I’m guessing she helped you escape S.H.I.E.L.D and if she hadn’t filed that report I would still be working for Agent Coulson’s secret team right now.”

“But you, Wilde” he said and I heard him stop moving. “You are the cause and solution to my problems. If I give you to Coulson along with those brats of yours” my heart was thumping frantically now at the mention of my children. I wanted to scream and call Stark or Thor to warn them to put even more protection over the boys but I could only lie there.  “I can regain entry into Coulson’s unit” he continued. “You’re a highly sought after prize amongst former S.H.I.E.L.D agents. Loki’s ex-lover, mother of his children. You must have so much knowledge about his plans. Even Hydra would pay highly for a useful resource like you. And the potential power your twins may have can be harvested by certain skilled people. We could train them, use them to create a new super soldier that would make Captain America look like a girl scout. But first, I feel our last goodbye was cut short wasn’t it?” he said and crouched down behind me, one of his hands running through me hair. “No doubt during your pregnancy you were protected by Loki’s magic and your hormonal strength intensified Loki’s power in you and helped you fight me off. But tonight” he leaned down against me, sniffing my hair and stroking it softly, “Now, even if any of his DNA still lingers in you, I gave you an extra strong dose of that tablet, which means I get to have some fun with you first, Wilde. I never got to show you what happens to those who lie to me” he sighed almost regretfully, “I did try to warn you” he added as though he what he were about to do next was for to teach me a lesson for some mistake.

I was quickly picked up under my arms and Dwight started to drag me across Darcy’s small hall and living room. He held me securely, but my limbs were limp, my arms hanging uselessly at my sides and my legs dragging across the floor. My head lolled back helplessly against Dwight’s legs. I felt like some grotesque puppet that Dwight was planning to use for horrible deeds. My feet became entangled in Darcy's home phone wire and eventually yanked it fully off the shelf so it shattered onto the floor splitting it into pieces. However Dwight merely yanked me harder under my arms, then sighing annoyed, he roughly pulled me upright and threw me over his shoulder as we reached Darcy’s bedroom door. He patted my arse before throwing me, face-down on Darcy’s bed.

It was then I really panicked and fought against the bile building in my belly. Dwight continued to talk behind me as he walked around Darcy’s bed to turn on her bedside table lamp.

“I’m going to enjoy this” he murmured, as I tried to just breathe properly, but my face was pressed against the cotton sheets and it was difficult to drag in breaths. I could not move my head and tried to focus on simply breathing in and out. “I’ve waited for so long” he continued “See you’re the only one that got away with Miss Wilde and that bothered me. You also are the reason I got fired, so I made it my sole aim in life to find you and make you pay. When we’re done here we’re going to take a little trip to Stark’s Tower where you are calmly going to access the building and get the twins and then we’ll taken you all to Coulson. He’ll have to hire me back on his team then.”

 _Like fucking hell I will!_ I was mentally screaming, and envisioning Thor ripping Dwight apart when he discovers Dwight had threatened the twins.

“See” he continued completely unaware of my anguish. “I knew you were hiding there for some time. I saw you and Stark on a cover of some trashy magazine in a store one day a few months back. In the photo, you were pushing a stroller and Stark was walking along beside you. It was a mere fluke to glance at this magazine, but after months of searching there you were. I recognised you straight way. The headline was ‘Stark’s secret family’ but I think we both know the truth. Stark took you in for his stupid Avengers operations. I started to watch those coming and going to the tower. Most mornings I would see you leave with two babies in the back of your car. But I knew it would be foolish to strike so close to Stark’s Tower so I waited. I noticed the brunette Darcy was also coming and going a lot from the Tower. I started to follow her.”

I wanted to kick out at him, mentally planning to murder him with my bare hands as soon as strength returned to my muscles if he ever hurt or planned to hurt Darcy. She was like a sister to me.

“I discovered where she lived and put a new plan in action” Dwight explained, the delight in his voice glaringly apparent. “I started to rent a room down the hall from her and watched as you brought the twins for weekend visits. I admit, I found that hard, knowing that you were so close, but I had to wait. One suspicion from Darcy to Stark could ruin my entire plan. So I waited and befriended Darcy eventually striking up a conversation that I was single. She immediately recommended you when I told her I had a soft spot for red heads” he laughed maliciously.

Dwight was still laughing as he joined me on the bed, I felt so nauseous now. I had faced gods and monsters, demons and alien creatures but Dwight’s aim here was personal. He wanted revenge for what I done to him and he was not going to stop until he got it. He got on the bed beside me, one hand starting to slowly travel up from lower ankle.

“Then I knew how close I was to finally having you alone to myself. I just had to be patient, imagine how amazing it would have been to be sent on a blind date only to discover it was me when you arrived? But oh well, this is just as good” he said as his hand travelled up my thigh now and I wanted to cry out to kick out to attack this fucking creep but I was unable to move. “And this also means that god of yours is gone, right? Loki seems bent on his own pleasure. I knew he would leave, probably only wanted a good fuck and then bailed.”

I felt Dwight then grab me around my waist and move my lifeless body onto my back. “Much better” he confessed and started to stroke my cheek, “Now let’s get started” he said softly and straddled my hips.

 _I was scared, so fucking scared as he started to unbutton his shirt. I wanted to go home. I wanted to warn Stark to protect my boys. Narfi and Váli, oh gods, my sweet little angels. I hope they were sleeping peacefully in their crib right now. Thank gods I had not brought them to Darcy’s tonight. Thank gods this was not happening with them nearby_.

As Dwight finished removing his shirt he cast it aside and I could only look at him. He was slightly tanned but paled at his chest and upper arms, and he was hairy - dark coarse hair covered his chest and a thick line of the rough looking hair went down to his stomach. I was staring to panic, short breaths making me feel lightheaded like I was going to pass out and my heart racing so quickly, I feared I would suffer some form of attack.

“Wilde” Dwight suddenly stated, sounding like a school teacher reprimanding a student. “You must breathe properly or you will pass out” he scolded “And, if that happens, we will have to start this over when you are conscious once more. Just breathe and remain calm. The calmer you are, the less this will hurt you” he said, a spark of enjoyment in his eyes.

And suddenly the full gravity of what was about to happen next fully washed over me. I started to mentally scream whilst also struggling even harder to move. But nothing happened, my body would not move, I would feel everything he was going to do and I would not be able to stop it. I would not be able to fight in anyway. I could only lie there and be used in whatever way he wanted. More spittle drooled out of the corner of my mouth mixing with the blood already there and slowly oozing its way down the side of my face.

Dwight looked completely victorious as though knowing the inevitability of it all was just hitting me. He leaned down, making an effort to rub his still clothed hips against my own. With complete panic I felt him hardening against my lower stomach even through my dress. I knew he was going to enjoy this and it made me all the more frightened. He then lowered his face ever so slowly down to mine and licked the spittle and blood from the corner of my mouth. I could smell whiskey on his breath and musky sweat, it made me nauseous and I wonder briefly if perhaps I did manage to vomit, would he stop.

But then he clamped his lips upon mine and forced his tongue into my lifeless mouth and I could taste whiskey, cigarettes and staleness as though he had never brushed his teeth a day in his life. I wanted to retch and continued in vain to try and move, but my body would not comply. He then bit my lip – hard, so much so I could taste copper as it flood into my mouth. I wanted to scream but only more drooled rushed into Dwight’s mouth and I heard him moan quietly in the back of his throat.

 _Fuck – this was too much. I was certain I would rather be unconsciousness, even die than feel any more of this._ And with the amount of my own saliva and blood in my mouth I was certain I would choke soon enough. _Even Loki, as cruel as he was, would never resort to this kind of barbaric treatment. He would never strip someone completely of their dignity and will just to forcefully violate them in the most intimate way possible._

Dwight finally stopped kissing my mouth and spat out my blood and saliva just by my head. He then grinned at me, his teeth still crimson from my blood and he looked deranged. I saw his hand wander lower out of my sight and I heard him unzip his pants and, I could barely catch my breath. _He...he was going to - to... Oh fuck no, please if there is any divine power, please let this stop here and now. And with a sickening feeling I realised he probably wasn't going to use protection and I had no idea if he was clean. And, oh sweet holy fuck, I wasn't on the pill right now or any other contraceptive methods. Oh god, if I were to become pregnant  so soon after having the twins...with Dwight's - I couldn't, oh please, please stop!_

Dwight however was unaware of my terrified realisations and was more focused on his own pleasure. I heard him spit into his own hand, no doubt lubing himself to make the next part easier for himself. His breathing became ragged as he started stroking himself and I felt tears spring to my eyes.

_Be strong, Molly. Just do this – don’t given him the fucking satisfaction of crying and then he’ll take you home to Stark’s Tower. With all the security measures in place, Dwight’s presence will be detected immediately and Thor and Stark will be on him so fast and rip him to shreds for this. Be strong, just breathe. Narfi and Váli need you to get through this – they need you to be strong._

Dwight’s moans became increasingly heavy and I could feel his thighs which straddled my hip tremble. He was close, so close. I wondered if he just planned to release but then he was hovering near my line of vision again, his dirty blonde hair damp from sweat and I felt him yank the front of my dress so that the fine thin black straps snapped easily away and he sharply tugged it down, exposing my breasts. My breath was rapid now, waiting for him to remove my black bra too – the only cover of protection from whatever ministrations he had planned for my breasts but he seemed unable to wait to remove it. With a frustrating growl he, shimmied up my body slightly. Another lump of bile rising in my throat as I realised what he was going to do. He took himself in one hand and started to resume his stroking faster now, hips jutting forward, desperately seeking release, his moans erratic and desperate. Finally he came, angling his spurts of hot seed over my breasts and I wished I could turn my head away but I could not. All I could was watch, eyes wide, terrified until he finally stopped releasing and let out a quiet sigh of content.

“I was planning to release in you first” he said, that victorious glint in his eyes as he looked down at his come which covered my breasts, he sat back a little to stare me over properly. “But seeing you like that, was just too much. After all, we have all night interrupted and I took a little pill of my own. I can go all night.”

At that my breathing seemed to be on the verge of hysteria, breasts rapidly falling up and down.

_All night? I couldn’t do this all night! I would rather die than be used by this disgusting human being as a plaything._

But Dwight was already leaning back down upon me, his hot breath between my breasts, licking the valley between them, and cleaning his come as he went. He started similar treatment with my right breast roughly nipping at the soft skin there so that I was sure there would be bruising. My breasts were still so sensitive from after the pregnancy and breastfeeding. Only up as far as only one month ago I would occasionally have leakages and this caused his rough ministrations to be exceedingly painful so much so that the tears in my eyes finally started to spill freely. He then reached up as far as my collar bone, sharply biting down so much so, I was sure it too was also bleeding now. He continued to lick and roughly suckle and bite the area, all the while grinding his pelvis against my lower belly against so that I could feel his dick hardening once more, this time more evident as it was freed from his pants.

As his hand slowly traced even further up my thigh, I felt his lips pause at my left breast. His hand that was at my thigh suddenly ceased its movement and flew up to my breast roughly pulling down the bra's cup to completely expose my left breast. My eyes – the only things I could move - looked at the ceiling away from Dwight and whatever he was doing.

  _Just because I could feel this, didn’t mean I had to watch._

“What is this?” he whispered, tracing just above my left breast.

It then dawned at me he discovered the marking Loki had placed upon me as part of his Jötunn heritage. Loki bared one that I gave him also. Unable to answer Dwight I merely stared at him.

Dwight then smirked. “Loki did this?” he asked, clearly delighted. He then bit down on it hard and more tears sprang from my eyes at the sharpness of his bite on that tender area. He then laved his tongue over it, his hand once more sliding back up my dress, further up my thigh.

I vaguely wondered if he were jealous that Loki had left an evident claim upon me that all others would see. I hope so, any annoyance to Dwight was a victory for me.  

He started to slide one of his hands up my inner thigh and groan intensely. He pushed my dress up further and I knew what was going to happen next. All I could see was Dwight’s dirty blonde hair at my chest and I wanted to slip away into this bed, be encased in darkness and not feel the next step. I could still smell the whiskey, stale, sweaty musk that exuded from Dwight’s body and I felt a deep regret that I would never smell Loki’s deep earthy aroma, with a hint of peppermint.

I thought of Loki, the last man before Dwight to touch me intimately... _I was heavily pregnant at the time and yet I never remember enjoying sex so much as I did that night. Loki lavished me with attention and pleasure repeatedly that night. He paid worship to my body – not put off in the slightest that I was heavily pregnant and awkward and clumsy in my movements. He was so deliciously and beautifully attentive to ensure I was comfortable and I still remembered the sound of our love-making. How beautiful it was – not like this, not rushed and fearful and forced. No, my last time with Loki had been paradise._ Tears slipped from my eyes as I realised just how precious that night was.

_Right before we climaxed he seemed to smile, rather blissfully and said “Remember this moment, Molly” in his deep silk voice. Right after this our lives had been torn apart. It was as though he knew what was coming … did he? Up till this point I had attempted to push Loki from my mind but right before everything went bad, he said those words clear as day “Remember this moment, Molly” as though acknowledging the last blissful moment we would ever share together. But if that was true then Loki intended to be caught red-handed by the Avengers, he intended to surrender and for his plans to be discovered. He intended that both he and I would be separated soon after that moment and rather than ruin it with tearful goodbye’s he used it to shower me with love and affection._

I was crying openly now, feeling a rush of pure happiness run through me. _This proved I wasn’t crazy_. _Loki loved me! In his own way of course, yet he loved me all the same. He had to – surely his subtle goodbye proved that. He loved me and the boys. I still wasn’t sure why Loki did what he did, I still wasn’t sure if I trusted him, but it proved I was right – at one point Loki loved me, not just because he had to as a sense of obligation to stay with the mother of his children but because he felt affection towards me. He loved me, faults and all as much as I did him – at some point anyway._

I could feel Dwight roughly start to nibble on my left breast as he hands tugged on my knickers. 

However, rather than think of what was to come I chose to think of Loki. _I wish he was here right now with me. I wish he had never left. I loved him truly, I did, he was chaotic and spoiled and ridiculously stubborn but I loved him._ My mind was literally screaming for him now. _I wished I could see him just one last time_ … _Please, Loki do this for me, appear to me, one last time, sweetheart please._

I stared up the ceiling, trying to drown out Dwight.

And then I noticed a shadow pass above me, putting a tremor of fear through me. A deep rumble like that of a growling dog ran out across the room and I immediately looked down at Dwight who completely stilled his actions and was looking at me wide eyed. Then suddenly the lights went out, and Dwight and I were plunged into complete darkness.

Dwight grasped my left breast, nails digging roughly into the soft supple skin and more tears of pain sprang into my eyes. “How are you doing this, whore?” he asked, breath shaking, yet a clear edge of fear evident in his gruff demanding tone.

I could only stare at Dwight’s angry expression, his dirty blonde hair illuminated a sickly white by the moonlight that poured through the bedroom window. My moans of fear and pain caused more drool to slip form my mouth.

I then stared down passed Dwight’s dirty blonde hair and the moon light completely shone upon a raven haired man standing at the end of the bed. His tall, thin frame and tight leather outfit of green, black and criss-crossed gold were shining almost eerily in the moonlight. His emerald eyes were transfixed on my bloody, bruised and partially exposed body and for a second his gaze flickered to mine, his eyes were glassy. I could not move or acknowledge him in any way, only fear and shock showed in my eyes alone.  Loki’s eyes then turned to the back of Dwight’s head. I swore his eyes flickered amber before he then became a complete blur, pouncing on Dwight whilst snarling like a wild animal.

 


	5. Bare

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guy's, 
> 
> I just want to give a warning about the subject matter of this chapter. I want to make it clear that this chapter contains assault and violence. If that is a trigger for you then you may want to skip this one out completely. 
> 
> On a lighter note, thank you so much for the wonderful support and encouragement I have been receiving in the comments! It means so much to me!
> 
> Finally, please see the notes below in regards to update info.

Chapter Five – Bare

Yet as I stared at Loki and before he launched himself at Dwight, Loki froze - for no longer than a moment or two - and simply stared at the scene before him, but to me this felt like forever. I could only stare at Loki as Dwight grew increasingly hostile in his actions.

Dwight’s hand that had tugged down my knickers now quickly fondled my outer lips, whilst his other hand stroked my upper thigh. My breath caught in my throat and my eyes widened as I stared down at Loki.

_How the hell was he here? Or was he really here? Was I finally gone insane and hallucinating of Loki?_

“How are you doing this, whore?” Dwight demanded, unmistakable anger prevalent in his tone still oblivious to Loki’s presence. His pupils were blown wide in fear and anger as his fingers now gruffly pushed into my womanhood and began to roughly pump in and out.

I did not answer, only more drool escaped my mouth as I mentally whimpered at the intrusions. My breathing was rapid, my eyes streaming with unchecked tears. It was so painful. I was in no way, shape or form, aroused right now and thus there was no lubrication easing his fingers in and out. It hurt immensely. I felt like I was losing my sanity, my mind torn between Dwight’s painful assault on my body and Loki’s sudden miraculous presence in the room.

_My beautiful Loki, here. If this was insanity, then so be it. I would rather see Loki’s face as Dwight continued to touch me anyway. I could pretend it was Loki’s touch. My Loki. He was still beautiful, still this lost, forlorn figure with that hungry ambitious look in his eyes though it was softened now, and oddly shocked looking._

Dwight’s thumb suddenly found my clit and roughly pressed down upon it, in a clear attempt to dominant me and thereby continue to assert control over the situation. I whined uncomfortably, but only a sliver of saliva oozed out of the corner of my mouth once more.

Loki’s body seemed as frozen as mine was, his gaze flickering from my bleeding, bruised form to my drooling mouth and finally resting on my eyes. He also seemed as upset as I was, his glassy eyes exactly reflecting my own scared stare.

Dwight snarled, digging his other free hand that had been trailing my upper thigh right into the flesh so that his nails tore right into the skin and pulled downwards. I wanted to pull away or to kick out but must importantly I wanted to fight against this cruel bastard but I was unable to do anything, only lie there and take it. His thumb nail then dug into my clit, so much so that I wanted to scream, momentarily blanking Loki out as I felt the sharp sting in the sensitive nub and felt the warm release of what I guessed to be blood ooze down my thighs. I could not scream though, only a faint hoarse noise came from the back of my throat along with a fresh wave of saliva flowing from my mouth and my eyes seemed to roll of their own accord in protest against the pain radiating from my most sensitive area.

_Please Loki, don’t just fucking stand there, do something!!_

And it was in that brief moment that Loki clearly grew enraged. Loki growled loudly as though he were no longer a god but a wild animal, the noise similar to a tiger but deeper, so much deeper, so much so that my eyes stopped shedding tears. I felt Dwight’s frightened grip tighten on my thighs at the noise.

“Félagi minn!” Loki snared, his tone nothing short of animalistic as he collided into Dwight, gripping him roughly and tearing him off me whilst flipping over the side of the bed.

Oddly I felt nothing of Loki’s weight on me as he hurled himself at Dwight. I just felt the release of Dwight’s weight from my body as he was torn away rapidly and a corresponding bang on Darcy’s hard wood floor, which was undoubtedly Loki pinning Dwight to the floor.

Dwight let out a surprisingly high-pitched scream, yet I could not see what Loki was doing to elicit such a noise from my attacker.

“Þú þora snerta það er mitt þér veikur sonur tík!” Loki barked out, his tone so deep, so utterly terrifying even though it was not directed towards me. If puma’s could talk or their howls and snarls be transmitted into words then surely this is what they would sound like.  Loki was so livid he had fallen into his old and possibly native tongue. I did not understand a word of the harsh sounding language and so I tried to look at the men on the floor but my eyes could not see over the edge of the bed to where they were. The moon cast an eerie faint shadow of the two men unto the ceiling and so I stared at it, judging Loki to be on top of Dwight his hand pinning him easily to the floor by his throat. “Hvað hefur þú gert til að henni?”

“TELL ME MORTAL!!” Loki demanded, slipping back into English and I saw his shadow let Dwight’s throat go. I heard Dwight coughing and spluttering as he then struggled to catch his breath.

“W-w-” Dwight tried to spit out but either fear or breathlessness stopped him.

“Let me reiterate, mortal, in simple words that even your pathetic mind may comprehend” Loki said, his voice dropping to a whisper yet I could still hear the slight tremble in his tone as he forced himself to stay calm. “Tell me who you are and what you have given her.”

“I haven’t…given her anyth - ” Dwight babbled “I mean, I have but she wanted it!! She was asking for it!”

“LIAR!” Loki snarled and there was a sharp sudden snap that sent a thrill of fear right through my body and was followed by an ear splitting scream from Dwight. I looked at the shadow figures projected on the ceiling and saw clearly Loki held up Dwight’s hand but his wrist fell at an awkward angle, whilst fighting back more bile I realised Loki had snapped Dwight’s wrist as though it were naught but a tree branch. “Do you not know to whom you speak, mortal?”

Dwight’s screaming stopped as he struggled to answer as quickly as possible. It was terrifying to listen to and brought back memories of that hideous creature I had encountered all those months ago.

_Just stop, Loki, please. Leave him. Take me away from this._

“L-Lo-” Dwight struggled to breathe properly, undoubtedly trying to fight the shock and pain that was spreading through his body from his wrist. “Loki” he whispered.

Loki pressed down on Dwight’s already shattered wrist causing Dwight to howl once more in pain. His body thrashed beneath Loki’s but Loki easily held him down. “ _Prince_ Loki” Loki emphasised his voice now so velvety soft yet still not masking his deadly intent, as though his tone were Wolfsbane itself, physically beautiful yet undeniably deadly. “Loki of Asgard and I am a god. Do you truly believe I do not recognise a lie when I hear it?”

“She – she wanted” Dwight tried to explain and another snap caused him to howl once more.

“I can break every bone in your body” Loki said, his voice so low now it was a growl. “One by one I could break them all. Or, I can skin you where you lie, piece by piece. I can rip your beating heart from your body. Please, continue to lie, perhaps I might get to do all these things.”

Dwight’s whines of terror and dry sobs evaporated immediately. Suddenly Loki laughed. “Are you scared, mortal? Is that why you are pissing yourself?”

Even as Loki spoke I could smell urine in the air. Dwight had indeed pissed himself in fear and I wanted to vanish, simply disappear from this fucked up situation. I knew Loki was livid right now, no doubt his eyes were glowing amber, burning in his longing to tear Dwight apart.

“I am both beast and god” Loki said and I heard Dwight howl once more. I could not even see what Loki did next. I heard no snap or any kind of breaking bone noise. All I heard was Dwight’s groans. “I can rip you apart and put you back together over and over, so I suggest you tell me, what you have done to her” he hissed.

“Please, please” he begged, obviously understanding the unmistakable sincerity in Loki’s voice. “I’ll tell, please don’t hurt me again” he begged, his voice filled with emotion and pain. “I planned to – I wanted to…”

“TO WHAT?!” Loki’s sudden yell made my heart race. His tone was gruff with a sharp edge. It was as though his tone mimicked sharp unmerciful ice itself.  

_Fuck, Loki was beyond scary right now._

“I-I” Dwight was sobbing openly now, all his bravado from earlier gone.  “I planned to … teach her a lesson.”

Loki was growling again, I wondered if his amber Jötunn eyes and low ferocious growl made him appear to be some sort of hell hound in the eyes of Dwight right now.

“Why?” the question was almost barked at Dwight and I swore he whimpered before answering.

“S-she got m-me fired” Dwight whispered, his voice cracked with broken sobs “from S.H.I.E.L.D. So I put her under one of their drugs used to immobilise difficult targets.”

“And then what did you plan to do?” Loki’s voice was still icy, rough and wild and certainly not human right now.

“T-then I-I…” Dwight seemed struck dumb. He took a great, deep sobbing breath. “I p-planned to – to...”

“You planned to force yourself on what is mine” Loki hissed and he stood up slowly, grabbing Dwight by the throat. “My claimed partner.”

“I-I didn’t know” Dwight answered, Loki was allowing him to breathe – for now. “I t-thought you had left.”

“Lies!” Loki hissed. “You saw the marking on her chest. You touched it. That is what drew me here. I felt your touch on her. Do you know what the punishment is for laying hands open a Jötunn’s claimed mate?”

Dwight’s pupils were blown wide and he shook his head. “Death” Loki answered simply. “So tell me your name mortal, before you die.”

Dwight gave a strangled cry. “P-please, please” Dwight begged. “I d-didn’t know. I’m sorry.”

Loki spat in his face. “You are naught but filth.” He said, eyes burning with rage. “Now. Tell. Me. Your. Name.”

“Dwight” Dwight answered, tears running down his face.

“Dwight?” Loki’s tone was confused, as though the name was faintly familiar to him. I was surprised by this as though I had told Loki about Dwight, I truly did not think he would remember his name. However it didn’t take long for Loki’s lip to sneer in clear discontent. “The same Dwight from Molly’s captivity in S.H.I.E.L.D.?”

Dwight didn’t answer and Loki’s face now turned livid, his teeth were bared and he suddenly yanked on Dwight’s broken wrist and twisted it tightly so that I heard more snapping and crunching and his unmistakable screams of pure agony. “ _Dwight_ ” Loki repeated. “Ragir scum mannvera.”

Loki then caught Dwight by his throat with both hands. I could hear gasping – undoubtedly Dwight’s and I could hear his body thrashing in Loki’s grip.

I started to panic as I realised Loki’s intention was no longer to hurt Dwight but to murder him. I desperately tried to move but nothing happened. _Don’t kill him Loki – not until we know if he acted alone or not! We need to know if Váli and Narfi are in danger and Darcy too!_

With a slight uneasy feeling that Loki could read my mind, he gaze briefly flickered to mine. His amber eyes contrasted against his alabaster skin. He briefly stared at me before forcefully throwing Dwight abruptly across the room. With a sickening smack I heard Dwight’s body hit the wall, head banging against a picture frame and immediately shattering it. His body slumped in a heap against the floor, his head leaving a bloody vertical trail down the wall.

In the silence that followed I could hear my own sharp breaths and Loki’s pants – rather dog like in a way.

“Molly?” Loki finally spoke and approached the bed rather warily. I was aware tears leaked from my eyes once more. Loki tenderly pressed his hand to my uncut cheek and I wanted to lean against it, savour his comforting familiar touch but all I could do was stare into his emerald eyes. “I know you’re scared right now, but I’m going to help you. Just relax, darling. I am here and - ”

His words were cut short by a loud banging on Darcy’s front door. “HELLO, Ms LEWIS?” a booming male voice called out from behind Darcy’s front door. “THIS IS N.Y.P.D. WE GOT A CALL ABOUT A DISTURBANCE. PLEASE OPEN THE DOOR, MA’AM.”

_Oh shit, the police! I had forgot about them but of course with all the racket of Dwight and Loki clearly someone in the building had rang the police. Of course agonising shouts of pain and the sound of wild animals growling followed by shouts in English and some other language were weird, even for New York._

“Damn” Loki muttered and his gaze flickered to the bedroom door, before flickering back to me once more. “Molly, I’m going to take you out of here” Loki whispered kindly, lowering down so that his face was mere inches from mine as though waiting for my eyes to show signs of disagreement or distress. When I showed neither he continued, “If you stay, you could easily slip back on the radar again. More importantly I can help you more than their healers right now.”

“MA’AM?” The police officer called again. “WE ARE GOING TO BREAK DOWN THE DOOR. STAY CALM. HELP IS ON ITS WAY.”

However, Loki was already gathering me easily in his arms, like I were little more than a small child. My limbs hanged grotesquely down and my head lolled. Loki tried to gather me as close as he could. “Shhh, darling” he cooed. Oddly enough his shushing was similar to that I had used on little Narfi and Váli so many times. I heard the muffled thump that was the door being broke down but then Loki held me tightly to him, my head shielded against his leather armoured chest and I felt as though we rapidly left the ground only to immediately land back down.

Loki walked quickly, his stride rushed before laying me down on a soft surface, with something that felt like a pillow directly under my head.  With a quick flick of his wrist, he turned on the lights. I realised, more so by the familiar smell than anything I could see, that I was back in my bedroom in Stark’s Tower.

“Molly, I have taken you home” Loki whispered, quickly facing me once more. His emerald eyes still looked wide and clearly overwhelmed. He looked remarkably young and shocked in this moment, as though he were as terrified as I was. He knelt down over the bed and gently cupped my unhurt cheek once more. It suddenly struck me how overwhelmingly obvious it was that Váli and Narfi looked like their Papa.  “Stark and Thor do not know you are here yet. You are shielded from them for now. They cannot see or hear us” Loki went on to explain, gently removing a strand of my hair from my face.

 _Vali and Narfi! Someone has to check on the twins!_ I desperately tried to move but only a mere rasp escaped my throat along with more drool. I was too preoccupied too feel anyway embarrassed by this though.

“Do not worry” Loki said, smiling a little before gently wiping away the saliva from the corner of my mouth. The effect changed his face completely, a familiar glint returned to his eyes. “I have a clone watching over the twins. They are safe. They are asleep and Thor is also asleep nearby on the sofa in their room. They are safe” he repeated, his gaze meeting mine and sincerity etched into his stare.

Some form of relief must have showed in my eyes because Loki was smiling gently at my expression. “That’s it. Relax now. You are home. You are safe and so are the twins. Just breathe” Loki said, his voice so soft, so calm, so soothing. He collected a patchwork throw I kept on the end of my bed for cold nights “You are so cold, darling, this will heat you up a bit” he explained as he gently tucked me in with it. I realised I was in shock. I was cold, a fact unnoticed until just now as I was physically unable to shiver. I was also bleeding from many places and I could feel my body ached in places as though badly bruised in certain areas. I could barely breathe properly. My breath was ragged, my mind numb and my body ached.

For some time Loki merely stroked my hair. He made no attempt to touch me anywhere else, jostle me in any way nor to join me on the bed, but he seemed solely focused on trying to calm me down. “That’s it, Molly” he whispered. “Just breathe in and out. In and out.”

“Now sweetheart” he whispered after several moments of silently stroking my hair, his voice still calm. “I need to asses any damage inflicted on your body. I’m going to touch your chest first” he explained and I could feel what little colour that was left on my face drain completely away. Loki must have noticed this and quickly added. “I will not touch you in any inappropriate way” he promised. “I will merely give you some of my energy. I will do this gradually, bit by bit so it does not enter your system too fast. At the very least you should be able to speak a little once I am done the first time.”

Loki seemed to pause as though waiting for me to answer. What could I say? I really could not linger in this condition so I tried to look at Loki calmly and silently give me permission through my stare alone.

Loki gradually stood up and sat at the edge of the bed. He could still see my eyes and smiled softly at me. “That’s it” he whispered. He gently pulled down the blanket from my chest, and then caught my hand so very softly in his own like I were made of porcelain. He firmly placed my hand over the left side of his chest, right where I have carved the word ‘eiga’ on his chest last year. He then went to place his free hand on my chest right by my left breast. He seemed a little hesitant and I realised I was pretty much exposed. Dwight had ripped the front of my dress and pulled down the left cup so my breast was uncovered. I could feel my stomach start to churn uncomfortably and tears start to prick my eyes. “Darling?” Loki called gently. “I will not harm you. As soon as I am done with this I will cover you up once more. All right?” I wanted to agree but could give no evident sign so I just forced my breathing and stare back to a calm state and Loki smiled encouragingly. “That’s it. That’s my brave girl.”

He then gently placed his hand just above my left breast and closed his eyes. Oddly enough I could feel an immediate change as though a rush of warmth entered my body right where Loki’s hand was. He only did this briefly for a few seconds or so before stopping. He then stroked my hair once more.

“Now sweetheart” Loki said calmly as though he had merely changed a Band-Aid. “Try to speak.”

I immediately tried to speak but nothing came out but a rough coarse noise, like I was clearing my throat.

Loki beamed, “That’s it darling” he said. “It will take time, but it is a start. Now, I will heal the rest of you. Just stay calm now - breathe deep and steady. If you need me to stop at any point, make the same noise as you just did.”

I made the noise again and Loki smiled widely. “Good girl. My brave, sweet, wonderful Molly. I am going to fix this sweetheart” he promised, kissing the top of my head.

I felt an unease at Loki’s words. My body ached and I felt horribly dirty. I dare not imagine what I looked like right now, yet Loki was being so nice and kind to me when just months ago he had confessed his hatred for me.

_But why?_

 The shock of what happened with Dwight was still raw but I also felt a sudden sharp slap of reality. His words and kind actions were making me feel strangely more weak and stupid.

After all, I was now completely vulnerable, partially naked and completely immobile before a god who months ago confessed his disgust for me and stated his only concern was about our twins. And they were merely next door. I had pretty much agreed for him to take me from Darcy’s and did not argue or show distress at him being in Stark’s Tower. Not only that but, I also could not stop him if he got up and took the boys without waking another soul in the now silent tower, thus leaving me alone.

_Was I so stupid to fall for Loki’s act a second time? Was he lying to me like he had countless times before? What the hell had I done!?_

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone, 
> 
> Sorry I was late with this chapter update. Personal life is tough right now. I feel I should explain and long story short, an old illness has unexpectedly reared its big ugly head. I thought I was finished dealing with said illness but apparently it's back once more. Not only has it made life quite difficult, but it is also physically draining and I've been in pretty low spirits because of it. I'm sorry to go on but I just wanted to explain in case it may affect future updates.
> 
> However, on a brighter note, I will continue with this story, because I really love writing it! I'm attached to all the characters and it makes my day brighter to write about them or hear from you guys about the story! So thank you all! I'll do my best to update as regularly as I can. xx


	6. Observations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, 
> 
> Going to place another warning here. Just to make it clear, whilst this chapter does not contain actual assault, it does deal with the aftermath of Dwight's assault i.e. the physical trauma Molly suffered. So please, proceed with caution if you may be sensitive to this. 
> 
> Please see the notes at the end of this chapter for additional information.

Chapter Six – Observations

I groaned once more, feeling overwhelmingly panicked and uncertain. I wanted to move, to talk and to physically be able to do something other than just lie here! This was beyond frustrating!

_Dwight had … had … hurt me and he also mentioned taking my boys. Then Loki had suddenly reappeared who only several months ago had confessed to bargaining our first borns life for a position of power for himself! How could I be sure that he had not saved me and was healing me just to distract me or ease me into a deep, untroubled sleep before waltzing in to the next bedroom to take one of my boys!_

A light sweat broke out on my forehead. _The twins, I needed to see my twins!_

Loki immediately pulled back to take in my now panting and sweating form. I continued to groan out in an effort to voice my concern. “Molly, darling what is it?” Loki asked, searching my eyes for the answer. “Are you in pain?”

Again, all I could give was a low rumble from the back of my throat. Loki looked deeply concerned, yet aware of my rising distress. “Molly?” he said, slipping back into a whisper. “Just relax, darling. Your heart is racing again. You must remain calm. I know you are scared. And I know you must be in pain also. I will fix this” he vowed but it was clear Loki was uncertain, I could see the flicker of confusion clearly in his eyes.

 _Screw my pain, it’s my boys I’m worried about!_ I mentally, shrieked. I had to put aside what happened with Dwight and my own warped feelings for the suddenly reappeared Loki for now and solely focus on them. _I needed to know they were safe. I needed to see them myself to do that._ I managed to give a faint grunt now.

Loki looked at me, confusion still evident in his knotted brows. “Molly, what is it?” he asked, grasping my hand tightly in his larger one.

Despite the gravity of the situation, I felt a slight prickle of annoyance and couldn’t help but roll my eyes. I felt like bloody Lassie right now trying to communicate with Loki!

 _The boys. My twins I needed to see them!_ I groaned again feeling the words on the tip of my tongue. “B-b” I groaned frustrated, practically spitting the word out, “b-b-boys!” I finally said or rather barked at Loki in agitation.

Loki raised an eyebrow, looking at me quizzically. “Boys?” he asked, his eyes suddenly narrowed and threatening to leap amber once more – always a clear sign of danger. “What boys? Was there more than one man with Dwight?”

I groaned again, wanting so desperately for the words to come out but my throat felt dry, like I hadn’t spoken in years. “T… tw-ins!” I said, slightly wavering on the words. “See … my … boys!” I demanded and fell into a coughing fit at the amount of exertion that took to say. The coughing immediately sent a jolt of pain right through me, particularly down by womanhood which seemed throb achingly with every cough that wracked through my body. I gave a small, but unmistakable whine of pain which Loki immediately noticed.

Loki gently pulled me upright, lightly rubbing my back as I tried to cease my coughing and catch my breath. I whined again as another throbbing pain seemed to shoot up from my womanhood. “Shhhh, darling” he whispered, as I gradually stopped coughing. “Do not exert yourself, you are only causing yourself more pain. They are in the next room. I told you, remember?” he asked kindly as he gently wrapped his arm around me and tilted my head up so I was looking into his eyes “They are safe” he promised, his emerald eyes sparkling in sincerity.

I met his stare in complete defiance, feeling the blood rise into my face. “W-want to see … m-my … boys!” I repeated quietly, my voice hoarse yet I was unwilling to back down. _I needed to see them, to check on them myself to know that they were safe._

Loki nodded, yet looked a little dazed. “You wish to see them now, our twins?” he asked quietly. “our - our sons?” the words escaped his mouth slowly as though he had never uttered them before. And then it dawned on me why he seemed bemused. I had not seen Loki in months, he had left me when I told him I was in labour. He did not know the gender of the twins when he left. His eyes stared into mine and they were glassy, this must be the first time he was aware of their gender.

 Yet, I had no room in my mind to feel sympathy for Loki. I needed to ensure the safety of my children above all else right now. “ _My_ sons” I whispered.

His eyes widened a little and his grip on my chin laxed slightly. Seconds trickled by in silence as I stared into Loki’s face. His eyes seemed glazed over in some bittersweet joyous moment. A part of me wanted to question what was going on in his mind. Another more assertive part of my mind wanted to immediately check on my sons.

“I will bring you to see ou – I mean the twins” he whispered, avoiding eye contact with me as he quickly stood up. He bent down and gently gathered me in his arms. “Of course, I understand … you need proof that they are safe.” Loki said quietly, standing fully up-right with me in his arms. He flicked his wrist and I was covered in the patchwork quilt once more. “This will keep you warm. I should have taken you to see them immediately. Naturally your concern is for them. It will perhaps help to ease your heart rate if you see they are safe. I am sorry … I was not thinking” Loki sounded frazzled and it made me deeply uncomfortable to see him this way. He was normally a master with words and oozed confidence in everything he did. “We must be quiet though” Loki said as he walked out of the bedroom, his feet barely making any noise on the wooden floor, “Any noise from either of us risks waking them or Thor up. It may not be a good idea for them to wake up and see you like this right now” Loki said, looking down at me and smiling but it was too bright, too forced and not the usual smile I remember him having. “And my brother will wake the entire Tower if he discovers my presence” Loki said, slight forced amusement in his voice and then looked ahead.

He silently approached the twin’s room next door. The door was partially opened and I could see a faint stream of light pour through to the landing. The twin’s nightlight must be on, its small crescent light was undoubtedly reflecting onto the ceiling above their crib. I wanted to walk in and check on them, hold them and cuddle them close. But of course this was impossible right now. Not only could I not move, but Váli and Narfi were obviously sleeping and to wake them up only so I could be reassured would be nothing short of cruel.

“Are you alright?” Loki whispered, finally looking down at me once more. My head was resting against his shoulder and from this angle, I could just about meet his stare when he looked down at me.

“Yes” I whispered, trying to collect myself and hold it together. An all too familiar, loud rumbling broke the silence. Loki actually rolled his eyes.

“That oaf still snores so loudly?” Loki asked and I actually couldn’t help but laugh, though it sounded like a muffled bark. “The twins must take after you Molly – clearly they can sleep through anything” Loki whispered before the door opened slowly and Loki stepped inside as I felt my stomach twist strangely at his words.

_This was surreal, all of tonight had been. Dwight had returned, had done despicable things to me, threatened my family, but Loki had stopped him. Loki who had been gone for over several months was now here and about to see our sons. Was this a good idea, could I trust him? Yet I had to check on them all the same. It would be foolish for me to simply fall for more of Loki’s lies without concrete proof._

Loki stepped into the room slowly. I was greeted by the comforting scent of my boys and immediately felt calmer, my fears pushed out of my mind temporarily.

_All that mattered was my boys. If they were safe, I would get through this._

Loki quietly approached the sleeping form of Thor who was crashed on the sofa. He gently turned my head so that I could see the sleeping form of the golden haired giant. With every deep inhale of his chest a deep rumbling filled the room, whilst with every exhale Thor’s golden beard became ruffled. I swore even the tiny sofa that Thor had somehow curled up into rattled with each deep vibration that issued from the Thor’s chest. Thor was clearly oblivious to our presence.

_Loki had told the truth so far. Thor was here. So far, so good…_

Loki then gently approached the crib, my heart racing as he did. He quietly shifted me a little in his arms so I could get a better view of the twins crib and the boys and my heart instantly filled with emotion. Inside and clearly fast asleep were Narfi and Váli – Narfi’s chubby little fist clasping his small blanket and Váli’s tightly gripping his teddy bear. They were in a deep sleep, little chests rising and falling as they undoubtedly dreamed of blissful, happy things.

 _They were unaware of the turbulent night or suffered any form of stress or pain, thank heavens!_ I immediately felt calmer.

_They were safe. They were unharmed. All signs so far indicate that Dwight had worked alone and the twins were in no immediate danger for now. Loki had told the truth. The twins were safe!_

I felt Loki gently brush my cheek with his thumb, he gently tilted my head and my gaze was torn away from my boys once more. It hurt, I wanted to stay with them for a while longer but deep down I knew it was a bad idea. _If either the boys or Thor woke up and saw me or Loki like this, it would cause chaos. I need to get cleaned up and have whatever drug was in my system wear off first._

However then Loki paused, seemingly unable to tear himself away from the boys. He watched them with a look of nothing short of awe on his face. He was not crying, yet it was clear it was a struggle for him not to. Devotion, awe and confusion flickered in his stare. I wanted to hug him, to comfort him as he seemed to struggle to comprehend the sleeping boys before him were in fact our sons.Loki suddenly glanced down at me in his arms as though forgetting I were even there. He looked deeply lost once more, before looking ahead with a quick clearing of his throat and left the room. He was silent as we went back into my bedroom and set me on the bed again.

“I need to give you some more energy, Molly” he whispered, still avoiding eye contact with me. “It is prudent you stay energised. I don’t know how strong a dosage Dwight gave you but - ”

However, I stopped listening to Loki. _What the hell?! The first time he sees our boys and he has nothing to say. Nothing? Maybe I should acknowledge this significant moment._

“Thank you” I whispered, finding it less strenuous to whisper than to talk normally.

Loki immediately froze, instantly ceasing his ramblings and stared at me, his head slightly titled like he was in disbelief of what I just said. “Y-you are welcome” he whispered back. He then looked at me in a slightly curious way, one eyebrow raised “May I ask their names?”

I cleared my throat slightly. “Narfi and Váli” I responded lowly.

Loki eyes widened and a smile – the first true smile I seen all night - broke out across his face. “My mother used to tell Thor and I stories as children of the brave brothers Váli and Narfi” he whispered, sounding truly happy. “I imagine Thor helped to pick those particular names?”

“Mmhmm” I whispered, wondering how Loki would react to this.

To my surprise, he smiled even wider revealing more of his pearly, white teeth. “They are perfect” he stated flatly with no sense of annoyance or sarcasm. “You are an amazing woman, Molly, and I am so proud of you. And two boys – just like you thought all along.” He seemed to be gaging my reaction.

Yet his words suddenly irritated me. _It was one thing to show an interest in the boys but to talk so normally like all his of hideous lies had never occurred and without any explanations for his absence was seriously pissing me off. I may be a fool for Loki, I may love him still (along with hating him) but I was a mother first and foremost, and their safety would always come first._ “You left” I whispered sharply, as I attempted to sit up. I only ended up wincing in pain as I only briefly managed to twitch my hips and it hurt immensely. “You can’t pretend - ”

Loki immediately looked regretful “Shhh, Molly I understand, do not exert yourself” he whispered. “And you’re right, I did leave.” His sincerity caught me completely off guard. I was expecting him to deny or fight this allegation but he did not. “May I?” he asked quietly, hesitantly holding the patchwork quilt that was partially keeping me covered. “I need to give you some more energy before I look at your wounds.”

Now it was my turn to lapse into silence as I stared at him confused. _No fight? No sarcasm? No attempt to explain or at least discuss what happened? What the hell?_

When I did not answer, he merely sighed. “Molly, I have no intention of ignoring what happened the night we parted” he said quietly and ever so slowly setting down the blanket before cupping my unhurt cheek. “But now is not the time to discuss it. You are bruised, bloody and have suffered a cruel attack. Your wounds need immediate attention.”

I nodded, trying to stay calm. He was right, of course. _I needed to be patched up and I was also trying to block out the fact that I had suffered a serious sexual assault. I always did this – always avoided the serious issue at hand and distracted myself. Loki had known that from the day I met him._

“I will return at some other point to discuss what happened” Loki said letting my cheek go and once more slightly lifting the blanket. I nodded, giving my permission and Loki folded down the blanket. He gently lowered my torn dress and placed his hand once more on the word ‘eiga’ on my chest and held my hand just above his own marking on his chest. Again I felt the warmth of Loki’s touch that seemed to radiate from the marking throughout the rest of my body briefly before stopping once more.

“Now, I will start to heal you” Loki said and he looked me over, particularly pausing to stare at my breasts and I watched his eyes narrow there. I felt a sting of shame and tried to curl my head away. To my surprise I could move my head slightly. Loki noticed, quickly pulling up my dress and then then the blanket thus covering me once more. “You can move somewhat again, that’s good!” You’re feeling my energy already?” he asked and I gave a tiny nod, sniffling quietly. “Molly?”

I did not answer. _I hated this, being dependant on the man who bailed on me. Being so vulnerable and truthfully, scared. What the hell drug was in my system anyway?_

Loki gently tilted my face so that I was staring into his emerald eyes that were filed with concern “Would you rather I contact Dr Banner?” he offered kindly as though reading my mind. I paused, mentally deliberating who would I needed right now, but the answer was obvious. I needed Loki. To have anyone else see me in such a state would only add to vulnerability and shame I felt already.

“I want you to help me” I whispered. “I don’t want anyone else seeing me like this. You know how they overreact.”

Loki seemed slightly taken back but nodded. “I understand. I – I want to help you” he said quietly.

“You won’t hurt me?” I asked, the question slipping out so easily and dangling rather childlike in its simplicity in the air.

“I would never - ”  Loki began and then stopped rather quickly. “I will try not to hurt you. You may feel stings or nips but if it grows too painful tell me and I will stop immediately.”

I nodded, trying to act braver than I felt.

“I’ll start with your hand, darling. I noticed it is bruising” Loki said and I remembered how Dwight had stepped on it as I lay immobile in Darcy’s hall. I was somewhat glad that at least for now I would remain covered up. “I want to use as little of my magic as possible as I already gave you two doses of my energy and I still do not know the substance Dwight gave you. Magic may raise your heart rate which is still beating a little too fast so perhaps a mixture of Midgardian and Asgardian remedies may be best here” Loki explained, holding my hand and slightly squeezing it to check the extent of the damage. It was sore but not massively so.

“Stark keeps a medical kit in each main bathroom on every floor” I said quietly.

“Perfect” Loki replied. “I’ll send a clone.”

Within minutes Loki was bandaging up my hand. It was bruised where Dwight had stepped on it but not broken. He wrapped my hand in a tight bandage before letting it back down. “It will heal quickly” Loki said when he finished bandaging it up. “You can remove the bandage in a couple of days.”

“Thank you. Where did you learn all this healing stuff anyway?” I asked, which was really a subtle attempt to ask Loki what experience, if any, he had in medicine. 

Loki smiled a little. “You’re welcome” he answered “I learned from my mother. She would spend long Asgardian Summers taking me to the healing houses to aid those too poor to receive treatment from the capitol’s private healers. I learned many things at her hand, whereas Thor chose to pursue his summers with my father, training as a soldier” Loki explained, a small glint that reflected brief happy memories shone briefly in Loki’s eyes. As he spoke I felt some of panic ebb away, having Loki here with me was perhaps making what Dwight did that bit easier to cope with, for now. “She taught me many things” he continued. "So do not fear, I think I can be a sufficient healer for you, Molly” he explained, making me smile slightly. Clearly Loki knew I wanted to know if he had any expertise in this area, my obtuse question not fooling him for a second.

Loki then took to healing my face, gently tilting my face to the side so he could examine the cuts on my cheek. He magically summoned some Asgardian numbing cream that he applied directly to my face before beginning. He used tweezers to remove tiny shards of broken porcelain from my skin. Thankfully, I did not feel a thing. Once finished this, he started to clean each cut, swabbed it with disinfect and placed another cream that smelled like lavender over each of the tiny wounds. He explained that this would ensure the smaller wounds would heal faster and leave no scar. However he remained unsure about a large cut on my forehead – a wound I received when I fell to the floor on Darcy’s apartment. In the end he cleaned it and sprayed it with antiseptic and merely covered it with a larger bandage, unable to heal it with any Asgardian remedy as he said the wound was too large. As he finished healing my face, the rest of my body was gradually showing signs of life. However, this meant I was also growing more aware of other aches and pains in my body. For instance, my head was throbbing, I felt a little nauseous, my left breast felt so tender, but worst of all my womanhood felt raw and in particular, as the sensation crept back into my body as I twitched or moved my legs, my clit throbbed unmercifully and in the end I tried my best to stay still.

Once done he leaned back and smiled own kindly at me. “Face is all done” he stated smiling softly. “How do you feel?”

“Better, I can move some more” I answered quietly.

Loki looked thrilled. “That is good!” he exclaimed in a delighted whisper. “Any aches or pains?”

I shrugged but could feel myself grow slightly pale. “Just a small headache” I answered quietly.

Loki nodded but was looking at me intently. “That is understandable” he said. “You have some bruising around your head, as well as the cuts. A good rest will help with that. What about the rest of your body? Are you sore anywhere else?”

“I – I’m nauseous somewhat” I babbled feeling uneasy at discussing this with Loki. “And just sore erm …”

“Where?” Loki asked, his voice distinct though low.

I closed my eyes and placed a shaking hand on my breasts “Here” I whispered, pausing slightly before sliding it down past my naval and pausing at my womanhood “And here” I added, quickly pulling my hand aside but Loki already grasped the shaking limb gently. “Shhhh, darling” he whispered but I would not open my eyes. “There is no need to fear sharing this with me. I am going to examine your chest now, but I will only do so with your permission?” Loki said, still holding my hand in his larger one.

I knew by chest he meant my breasts and I closed my eyes, dreading this next part. I aware I was biting down on my lip and quickly stopped when I tasted copper. Clearly Dwight had hurt my lips in his painful kisses just as much as the rest of my body. I could not give Loki an answer fearing if I opened my mouth I would cry as I replayed everything that had happened with Dwight in my mind. I finally nodded after several minutes of silence.

“That’s it Molly, my brave girl” he whispered gently setting my hand aside before lowering the blanket and my torn dress once more. He tucked the quilt right under my bra so that the majority of my body was still covered.

I refused to open my eyes and eventually Loki spoke. “Molly I – I hate to ask you this, but I need to remove your bra. Is that alright?” he asked and his voice was barely louder than a whisper again and I could hear the definitive way in which it wavered. He seemed as scared as I was. My face burned in anger and shame and I briefly wished Loki would go now. I wanted to lie here in my bed and just escape what happened. But I could not. _My boys would undoubtedly be awake in a few hours and then, Darcy will be looking for me and so to, of course, would Thor and Stark. I needed to be presentable before all of that happened._

Loki waited patiently for my permission. When I nodded he rummaged through the medical kit box and retrieved a scissors. I quickly heard the snipping of bra straps and Loki tugged it down. I felt the tip of the small blade by my chest as he nipped the front of my bra with the scissors before completely removing the garment with a gentle tug. I lay there, eyes closed tight as shame crept over me, particularly as the cool air hardened my nipples.

After a few minutes had passed I still had not felt or heard anything. Loki was silent. “Loki?” I asked, glancing down at him and he quickly looked up at me, wiping his eyes. “Are you alright?” I whispered.

Loki looked at me briefly, his eyes slightly glazed over and seemed slightly mystified by my question. “Do not concern yourself with me, darling. It’s you we should focus on” Loki answered, giving a half-hearted smile. “I’m going to clean you up, first, alright?”

I merely nodded, swallowing thickly.

With a flick of a wrist a small basin of water appeared with a clean wash cloth. Loki sat down upon the bed near my head and began to wash the blood, grime and sweat away. He moved so gently and unhurriedly. I felt a little better knowing Loki was wiping away Dwight’s dirty lingering presence from my body. His touch was sorest around my collarbone and parts of my breasts but he worked with a feather-light touch in these areas. It made me feel cleaner somehow and the warm water soothed the sensitive flesh.

Loki paused as he reached the valley of my breasts and ran a finger down it hesitantly. “Molly?” he queried, his voice oddly cracked as though he were holding back anger or tears – or both. He held up his finger and I looked at what was on it and swallowed again, fighting back the oncoming flow of tears that seemed to be continuously threatening to break through. “Is that? Did Dwight?” his question did not need to be elaborated on. I already knew what he meant as clear as day.

“He – he came there” I answered, speaking low but quickly and now trying not to meet Loki’s stare. “Just there and I…I couldn’t stop…” my voice trailed off as I roughly clearly my throat and closed my eyes as tears started to fall. _Do not cry, Molly. Not now. Later when you are alone._

“Darling, hush now. You need not feel ashamed” Loki whispered kindly and started to clean in between there too, with the same gentle touch. “All these marks show how hard you fought. You are a fighter, Molly Wilde. You are my fighter.”  

I stifled a sob before I felt Loki’s touch on my cheek. He wiped the corner of my eyes and I opened them slowly “You have nothing to be ashamed of” Loki whispered leaning in by my ear as he cradled my head. “He does. I only wish I got to you sooner or that I wasn’t frozen by surprise.”

I quickly wiped my eyes with sluggish movements and tried to compose myself – there would be time for tears later. I mentally made a note to query Loki later on why he had frozen upon discovering Dwight and I, but now did not seem the time for that discussion.

Loki finished cleaning off the area. He applied the numbing cream to Dwight’s bite marks, paying particular attention to where Dwight had broken through the skin and wiping them with antiseptic. He then placed the lavender scented cream over them to ensure they would heal faster. I winced through this, the flesh so sensitive. Loki explained that the worst bite was over the marked ‘eiga’ but that had healed itself relatively quickly as the skin was the site of the Jötunn marking and therefore would heal quicker. 

“All done” he whispered quietly. “You may have the bruising for some time but it will heal. It is a sensitive area. Perhaps you should not feed the twins for a while.”

For a brief second I looked at Loki confused then realised he must have thought I was still breastfeeding the twins. “I stopped breastfeeding months ago” I said, not even sure why I was explaining myself. “

“Oh” Loki said, clearly taken back. “I did not know.”

“There’s a lot you do not know” I snapped angrily, wanting to lash out at someone for this, but the hurt look on Loki’s face made me immediately feel guilty. “Loki, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that. This is all so confusing … and painful” I admitted quietly.

“Molly, do not apologise” Loki interrupted, “You have every right to feel confused and are in obvious pain right now. Why not put on a clean nightdress? I suggest leaving off your erm … undergarment until that area is less tender.”

I nodded, feeling silly to have snapped at the man who had saved me from an ugly fate. I made to stand up wincing slightly and filling dizzy at the sudden movement. Loki instantly placed a hand on my shoulder and gently pushed me back down.

“What are you doing?” he asked as though I were mad.

“Just grabbing a nightgown” I answered truthfully, freezing at Loki’s touch.

“I will get it” Loki answered, standing up off of the bed. “Where do you keep it?”

“Loki, I can get my own nightdress!” I argued.

“Molly, you need to rest - ” he said sounding annoyed as he looked down at me.

“I can - ”

“You are still the most ridiculously stubborn woman I have ever met” Loki interrupted, rolling his eyes and sounding like his usual sarcastic self.

“Well it fucking takes one to know one!” I retorted quickly.

“Still swearing like a sailor?” Loki asked, the corner of his mouth twitching into an old familiar smile.

“Still bossy as hell?” I responded, smiling coyly.

“Ehehehehehe” he chuckled, in his odd sounding laugh that sent an unexpected thrill of happiness through me.  His eyes were sparkling and I couldn’t help but laugh quietly. _This was the old Loki. My Loki. This made me happy. I could not possibly allow anyone else to help me recover from Dwight’s actions. Then I felt something…a deep longing. Not sexually, no it was more than that. It was deeper than that. I missed Loki so much, I loved him so much. Yet here he was and it wasn’t enough. Could I trust him?_

Both of us fell silent for a moment, staring at each other.

“I wish I could trust you” I said quietly, my smile fading.

“Trust my rage” Loki answered, his eyes turning serious once more. “We should continue. Where are your nightdresses?”

“Nightdresses are on the top shelf of my wardrobe” I answered, pondering what Loki meant by those words as he went to retrieve one of my nightdresses.

He came back and quietly handed me the nightdress. I sat upright slowly this time, holding back a whimper as I felt a pain in my womanhood throb once again. I slowly managed to pull it over my head, my limbs feeling sluggish and weary.

“Molly, do you think you can pull the nightdress further down for me?” Loki queried, looking down at me with pity in his eyes. “I’ll cover you with the quilt if you want privacy.”

I nodded, fear ebbing its way back into my body. I was dreading this part. My heart stared to accelerate once more as Loki gently held up the blanket and I started to pull the nightdress down covering my breasts and trying to tug at the dress once more. Thankfully the zip of the dress was discreetly hidden at its side and so I managed to tug the dress of completely before throwing it aside on the floor. I then pulled my nighty down the rest of the way. The effort was exhausting, there was a tremendous ache radiating from my clit with my every movement and my limbs were shaking in tiredness and from the pain itself.

“All done” I whispered trying to arrange myself properly.

Loki lowered the blanket and immediately felt my forehead, “Molly, darling you’re gone as white as snow” Loki whispered, and I realised the simple effort of dressing myself was itself overtaxing. He flicked his wrist so that a cool glass of water appeared in his free hand. “Here, drink” I could see the ice cubes and a bead of water dripping down the side of the glass. Suddenly I felt parched.

Loki passed the glass to me and I raised a shaking hand to it and started to gulp it down eagerly. “Darling, just sip it” he interjected.

I sipped it slowly, feeling full already even though I had only a few mouthfuls. My hands were still shaking as I handed Loki the glass back. He set it aside on my bedside table and looked at me once more. “Could you lie back down for me, darling” he said and I nodded, feeling so scared of this next part. Loki tried to help me lie back down but I couldn’t keep the wince from my face as I struggled to lay back.

“Why didn’t you say you were in such pain?” he suddenly scolded, looking cross.

I shrugged and bit my lip, trying to hold back my tears again.

Loki looked at my face curiously before a look of understanding formed on his features and his eyes flickered down to my lower body. “Molly, what did he do … down there?” Loki asked, his expression was unreadable, I honestly could not judge if he were angry or scared.

I shook my head and focused on breathing steadily.

“Molly, please tell me” Loki asked, suddenly holding both my hands in his larger ones. His voice was soft, yet I could hear the tinge of anger and was my mind imagining it? Was there also a hint of disgust? “Did he rape you?”

I shook my head again afraid to look Loki in the eyes, so I stared at our hands instead. “He erm he … ” I struggled get the words out but Loki waited in silence, giving my hands an encouraging squeeze. “He erm … used his fingers” I breathed out, my words no louder than a whisper as I felt Loki’s hand tremble slightly in rage. “Fingers and erm nails” I suddenly stared up at the ceiling, trying not to cry into Loki’s face. There was silence for a few moments.

“May I see?” Loki asked, his voice soft. “Or I can bring a healer from Asgard, summon a mortal doctor or contact Dr. Banner or Darcy, if that helps?”

 “I don’t – I’m not sure what to do” I mumbled, still staring at the ceiling.

“I know” Loki whispered, suddenly stroking my cheek. “I know this is hard but you need to be examined there immediately.”

I certainly did not want any other stranger touching me in that region right now. _I felt vulnerable and ashamed enough as it was. If I were to contact Dr. Banner then Thor and Stark would immediately be involved. Thor would make enough noise to not only wake Váli and Narfi, but scare them half to death whilst Stark would fall to pieces. He had done so when I was in labour and it took him along time after to be able to look me in the eyes without filling with tears. And Stark and I had grown so close, it would break my heart to see him so upset and know that I had caused that. As for Darcy? She was still probably working on her emergency report. What good with it be to bring her here just to hold my hand? The less she knew about this, the better, she would only blame herself. So Dr. Banner, Thor, Stark and Darcy were definitely out. So were strangers – even medical professionals. That left me with Loki. At least Loki had seen me naked before. He knew my body, perhaps better than I did. He had seen me in vulnerable positions before and he had healed the rest of my body up till now._

“Could you?” I whispered, scared to meet his stare. “And maybe p-put me asleep during?”

“I will examine you Molly” Loki answered, standing upright before moving to the end of the bed. “But I cannot place you under sleep. You need to stay awake until Dwight’s drug has left your system. It seems to be a strong substance and your heart rate is still abnormal.”

“W-when will that be?” I asked, trying to remain calm.

“I will tell you” Loki promised, sitting by my waist. “Do not feel ashamed, or embarrassed as examine you. I promise to treat you with the utmost respect. May I start?”

I nodded, wanting to get this over with as quickly as possible. Loki gently pulled the blanket off of me and set it aside. He then placed one of his larger hands on my lower stomach. I could not help but feel curious at his actions.

“What are you doing?” I asked in concern.

Loki’s brow was furrowed in concentration. “I need to be certain of something” he said quietly. I felt a sudden warmth seep from Loki’s touch right into my womb causing me to shiver. He then gave a sudden sigh as though deeply relieved by whatever he found out. I wanted to ask what exactly he had checked but Loki was already moving to the end of the bed and sitting on his knees. I quickly looked away feeling arising sense of discomfort at what was about to happen next.

I stared at the ceiling as Loki guided my legs apart into an open position. Briefly, I was reminded me of all the exams I had when pregnant. I was in the same position minus the stirrups and I forced my legs to stay still where Loki had set them on the bed. Loki gently tugged upon my knickers and my skin flushed in shame. I lifted my legs to help him manoeuvre them off of me and he quickly threw them aside. ”I’m going to lift your nightdress now, Molly” he said, “I will try to make this next part as quick and as pain free as possible.”

I nodded again, wishing I could fall asleep, but as I tired as I was I could also feel my heart race ahead. I had too much adrenaline in my system right now, so sleep was impossible. I stared at the ceiling once more.

I felt Loki raise my nightdress and my legs closed at the action almost instinctively as though to shield myself. Loki made no comment, only gently parted them once more keeping a firm grip on one knee. He gasped quietly, the sound so unusual even from Loki that I looked down right away.

“What’s wrong?” I cried, my whisper crackling, all I could see was Loki’s raven locks right between my legs. _What the hell could he see that elicited such a noise?_

“I – I should have started healing you here first” Loki said, his voice soft. “There is some bleeding, but do not worry, I can fix it.”

I could feel tears spring into my eyes and I fought against them. I stared up at the ceiling and tried my best to hold in my sobs.

Loki tentatively touched my inner upper left thigh where Dwight had dug his nails in and tore the skin. I gave a soft whimper and Loki immediately apologised. He worked in silence, doing his best to clean the three incisions made by Dwight’s nails and I did my best not to whimper aloud, biting down on my already bruised and sore lip. He did not leave the wash cloth or basin in my eye line this time and therefore I could not see how much blood there actually was from those wounds alone. Once clean, he numbed the area before using antiseptic spray.

Loki then gently coaxed me into accepting where he was about to examine next. He softly traced my labia until reaching the top of my vagina and then ever so gently exposed my abused clit from its hood. He touched the sensitive nub with the softest of touches, yet I yelped and bucked like a dog who had just been trodden on.

“I am sorry, darling” Loki immediately said. “I - I need to see the damage, I am so sorry.”

My breath was shaky and I felt nauseous at his touch. “S’ok” I whispered.

Loki seemed to wait for me to further elaborate but it soon became obvious I wasn’t going to when seconds trickled by in silence. Loki gently gripped one of knees with one hand, giving what I guessed he though was a comforting squeeze, yet his touch felt revolting to me, I knew it was Loki. _My Loki. But I kept picturing Dwight, his sweaty smell, the whiskey scented breath and his dirty blonde hair by my breasts being the only thing I could see._ Loki gently touched my clit once more and I fought back tears, giving a whimper. The pain was raw.

“You’re doing so well, my sweet girl” Loki said in his softest tone. “I am going to retrieve a remedy from Asgard for sensitive areas and apply it. Look above your bed, sweetheart.”

I looked up at the ceiling and gave an audible gasp. My bedroom ceiling was gone, in place was an inky black sky filled with stars flickering and dancing across the surface. Some of them fell like shooting stars and it was captivatingly beautiful. I did not notice as Loki conjured another remedy but felt it as he applied it to my clit. It stung unmercifully and I cried out at the shooting pain.

Loki merely held my shaking legs as the cream seemed to burn. And I stared at the night sky, all the while crying openly in to my pillow, until finally the burning sensation stopped.

“Molly, I need to apply this where Dwight …” Loki said, his voice sounded far away and trailed off, but I knew where he meant.

I sniffled quietly. “Fine.”

By the time Loki was finished applying the burning cream to the walls of my vagina, I was a sobbing shaking mess. Loki lowered my legs down gently and quickly got off the bed. I was left alone crying, shaking and feeling horribly dirty and ashamed. I cried so hard the nauseous feeling grew worse until finally I started to heave and Loki was immediately at my side, helping me up and holding out a large plastic container that I vomited into. Loki made no comment but merely rubbed my back and held out the bucket until I stopped vomiting. He then made the bucket disappear with a simple click of his fingers.

Once done he continued to rub my back. “I am sorry, darling, the first time applying the cream is always the worst” Loki whispered, “It should not be as painful when you reapply it yourself. Try to use it three times a day for three or four days.” I nodded, my body feeling raw, whilst my head was numb. Loki then handed me a glass of water from the bedside table. I sipped it slowly, my hands were shaking violently, as was my entire body now. Loki took the glass once I finished and set it aside.

I was surprised by how shocked Loki now looked. No longer angry or sad, but so helpless and my stomach twisted uncomfortably. “I’m sorry” I whispered, staring to sob once more.

Loki blinked, a tear escaping down his own face. “For what?”

“For you having to do all this, having to see me like this” I said.

Loki gently shifted so that I could see him clearly “Molly, darling, do not apologise for this, it is not your fault” his emerald eyes were red and swollen.

I shook my head “It is” I whispered, my body starting to shake.

“What makes you think that?” Loki asked, gently removing a strand of my hair from my face.

“I’m a whore” I whispered.

Loki immediately went to interject but I stopped him. “You know it’s true. This is karma, isn’t it?” I said unable to stop myself from voicing my thoughts aloud. “Karma for how I behaved in the past with Paul and for letting my family and friends down. They thought I was a whore too. And then at Shield … I wouldn’t back down from Dwight. I made him mad when I should have just played along and then none of this would have happened – things would have never escalated so far. And you…you said yourself I was a whore the last time I saw you. S’all my fault” I said, shivering from my core.

Loki scooted closer to me and instinctively I crawled into his lap, wincing slightly. He then wrapped both arms around me so that I was cradled against him, my head was nestled against his chest. “Firstly, this is not your fault. Do not apologise for this, ever” Loki said, his voice low as leaned back against the bed frame whilst still holding me tight, almost protectively. “This is the action of a depraved man. Secondly, do not apologise for my time spent with you tonight. The moment I felt Dwight’s touch upon your marking I knew his touch was unwanted and I would have moved the heavens to reach you and to heal you. He had no right to do what he did” Loki continued, summoning a blanket and wrapping it around my shaking form. “Which brings me to my last point. You are no whore” he whispered and kissed the top of my head. “I only said what I had to the last time we were together to ensure your safety and that of the twins.”

“But why?” I whispered. “I don’t understand.”

“Darling, I will tell you, but not right now” Loki said. “Just believe me for now, I did what I had to to protect my family. I will _always_ protect what is mine. Therefore I will find Dwight and he will pay for what he did.”

My fingers toyed with his leather armour, impatiently. Yet deep down I knew Loki was right. I still felt weak and nauseous from what happened with Dwight. I did not know if it were his actions or the drugs that made me feel so horrible – maybe it was both. Loki could explain his actions another time. “You have a lot of explaining to do.”

“I understand” Loki answered. “Now, Molly, there is still one vital thing left for you to do.”

“What is it?” I asked, my voice staring to shake once more.

“Tell me from start to finish what happened tonight” Loki asked, gripping me tighter in his arms.

I nodded and began to tell him everything. Right from where I left the restaurant with Darcy up until when Loki appeared and left out no detail. I talked for fifteen minutes straight, my voice wavering in places and when I explained about Dwight dragging me to Darcy’s bedroom, Loki held me so tight, I had to gently rub his arms until he loosened his grip on me. By the end I was sobbing again, but felt a bit better having said all of it aloud.

“Good girl” Loki whispered, resting his cheek against my head. For some time, Loki rocked me gently, hands running through my hair as I cried openly. He did not stop me, he seemed to want for me to let it out. After sometime my head was numb from crying and I merely rested against him, holding him tight and breathing in his scent.

No long after, I heard footsteps approaching down the hall and a low muttering voice. My body immediately seized up in Loki’s arms as they drew closer. “Loki?” I whispered, my voice wavering with panic. _Was it Dwight? Had he somehow managed to return?_

“Hush, darling” Loki whispered, his eyes flickering to the bedroom door. “You are safe with me.”

I stared down at the bedroom door too as the footsteps and voice drew closer still. “What do you mean ‘gone’?” the voice asked quietly, I realised it was Stark’s and a smile creeped into my face.

“Stark” I whispered, looking up at Loki. He looked at the smile on my face curiously, but did not return it.

“Shh” he repeated, shooting a warning glance on me before his eyes focused once more on the door,

“Dammit, I don’t care!” Stark snarled. “Find her! Do you hear me? Or do I have to go down there and wrench the information from him myself.”

Stark laughed coldly. “I’m Iron Man!” he barked suddenly out loud. “You think I can’t handle a dozen doughnut filled glorified mall cops?” There was a silence. “Yeah thought so, buddy. Call me in twenty with some info or I’ll drop by myself. Got it?”

I looked at Loki, knowing Stark was clearly on the phone about me, just right outside the bedroom door. I made to talk but Loki gave me a surprisingly narrowed and cold stare so I closed my mouth once more. I heard Stark walk off but not twenty seconds later Starks voice remerged with along with Thor’s.

“What sort of attack?” Thor queried, his voice also hushed but also sluggish as though he were still half asleep. I realised they were attempting not to wake my sleeping boys.

“I don’t know” Stark said, he sounded strained. “Darcy’s still not answering her phone but CCTV shows Molly returned from dinner alone. Dwight chased after her from the elevator. They found some drugs at the scene and they seem similar to roofie’s.”

“Roofie’s?” Thor queried lowly.

“It’s a date rape drug” Stark answered. Thor snarled.

“Shut up you big klutz!” Stark snapped quietly. “You’ll wake the boys!”

“But Molly?” Thor said.

“Is missing” Stark stated flatly, “Scene’s a mess according to the cops. There’s blood too, which they’re still trying to establish who it belongs to. But maybe Molly is fine, she has Loki’s blood in her veins, right? Maybe she fought him off and ran for it?”

“But why hasn’t she contacted us yet” Thor asked.

I was fuming now, moving to get up off the bed as Loki tried to hold on to me. “Molly, no!” he said, gripping my hand tightly. But I yanked it out of his grip.

“They deserve to know I’m safe!” I hissed angrily, quickly getting out if the bed. “Can’t you see how worried they are?” My voice was still hoarse and it came out in a low whisper. I took a few more steps forward but felt horribly dizzy and felt my legs shake with the effort of standing upright.

Loki immediately appeared at my side, arms wrapped tight around me, half to steady me, half to drag me back into bed. “You must rest!” he begged his voice still a whisper. “Just another hour, Molly, please!”

I attempted to push Loki off of me, but had barely the strength to raise my arms. “They need to know I’m safe” I said finally managing to raise my arms and staring to push against his chest. “Stark!” I rasped. “TONY!” I finally cried out, my throat tearing with the effort.

Immediately the door flew open and Thor charged in and froze at the sight of me struggling against Loki. Stark immediately followed, his chocolate eyes narrowing in to see me attempting to push Loki off of me. “RED?” Stark bellowed, looking at my bandaged and bruised forehead, my bruised, bitten collarbone, my bandaged hand and my overall weak and weary demeanour. “Honey?”

I stopped, letting Loki go immediately knowing how this must have looked to Stark. “No Stark!” I said, my voice crackled. “It’s not what you think!”

“You sick son of a bitch!” Stark spat at Loki, raising his hand and summoning his Iron Man suit.

I wavered on the spot, struggling to stand up right on my own, but Loki wrapped an arm around my waist. His eyes narrowed maliciously in Stark’s direction as he held me tight to his side. “Ah, metal man” he said, his lips curling into a sneering smile. “Have you missed me?”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to thank all the wonderful people who commented during this past week or wished me well. Sadly I'm still having ongoing health issues, but I really appreciated your lovely messages! It motivated me this week with this chapter, so thank you so much! :) x


	7. In the Arms of the Devil

Chapter Seven – In the Arms of the Devil

“You sick son of a bitch!” Stark spat at Loki, raising his hand and summoning his Iron Man suit.

I wavered on the spot, struggling to stand up right on my own, but Loki wrapped his arm around my waist. His eyes narrowed maliciously in Stark’s direction as he held me tight to his side. “Ah, metal man” he said, his lips curling into a sneering smile. “Have you missed me?”

Within seconds, Stark was wearing his crimson Iron Man suit and cursing blindly at Loki. “You have until the count of three, horns, before I wipe that smug smile off your face!”

Loki grinned even wider now, his eyes lighting up in utter delight as he stepped closer to Stark. “Is it not I that should be angry with you?” Loki answered coyly. “You see, my dear fiancé has suffered terribly under the hands of your supposed ‘Earth’s Mightiest Heroes’ care, which I intend to hold you fully accountable for.” I was still clung to Loki’s side, his strong grip around my waist was all that was keeping me standing now. I felt weak and unable to support any of my weight so I was now fully slumped against Loki. My body ached all over and I felt dizzy as I tried to concentrate on how to calm tensions between the two men.

“You’re behind this!” Stark barked at Loki, looking absolutely livid as he steeped closer to us still.

“No, Stark, it’s not like that, ok?” I urged, but my wavering, crackling voice, bloodshot eyes and bruised, shaking body seemed to confirm to Stark otherwise. I looked for help from Thor to try and calm this situation, which was threatening to spiral out of control, but Thor was still standing in the doorframe, his eyes solely upon Loki, his mouth slightly ajar as though he could not believe that Loki was here. “Please, just listen for a second! And keep your voice low – the twins.”

“Molls, you may be under the influence of some kind of drug right now” Stark said, flicking his visor up to reveal his face, his chocolate eyes flickering to Loki’s. “And I mean this in a nice way but, you look like hell, Red, and surprise, surprise you’re in the arms of the devil himself.” Stark stepped closer to Loki, staring right up to Loki’s face, even though he was at least half a foot shorter than him. However, Stark’s steely look of determination made up for his lack of height, his chocolate eyes were blazing in anger from his iron suit. “Do you know he can bypass Jarvis and all the other security measures in place? He’s clearly still up to that dark magic crap and I’ll be damned if that happens I my house.”

I had never been scared of Stark. However, right now, Stark was someone I really did not want to piss off. His eyes were filled with anger, so much so it seemed to radiate out from his body, I wouldn’t be surprised if I reached out to touch his Iron Man suit to discover that it was scorching hot. For the first time since I met Stark, I understood why he was such an iconic figure, not just in New York, but across the world. He was _Iron Man_ – a hero. I had teased him for this since I met him, not quite fully understanding what that meant. Stark always bragged about being Iron Man and he wasn’t exactly subtle or shy about his abilities. When the twins were four months old, Stark had redone the nursery, top to bottom, in Iron Man designs. Everything – their clothes, their toys even their baby blankets had been replaced by Iron Man paraphernalia. Upon questioning Stark (and by that I mean I screamed holy murder until Stark had no choice to but to return the nursery to its former state) he told me quite bluntly that no one would mess with these twins when they saw Iron Man was watching over them. I allowed the twins to keep the clothes and certain smaller items (little Narfi still slept with his Iron Man blanket and Váli still slept with his soft plush teddy bear which wore an Iron Man t-shirt) but repainted the room back to its former colours. On another occasion, Stark had arranged a fundraiser in his Tower where the centre piece in the ballroom was a giant Ice-sculpture of Iron Man himself. Stark had admired this with pleasure from every angle, gaining a particular sense of pride and calling me over to praise ‘his frozen ass’. He wore not just the suit but the title of ‘Iron Man’ with pride and honour and now I understood why – he fought the good fight and gave it all he had. He would not back down or retreat and surely he had a right to be openly proud of that. Yet now, Iron Man was angry and out for blood, specifically Loki’s blood. I briefly wondered who would win in that fight. Loki was undeniably strong – he was a god after all, but Tony had his suit. Additionally, Tony was perhaps the only Avenger equal to Loki on an intellectual level and it was then I realised how similar these men were. They might not technically be the same species but they were highly intelligent, each of whom were skilled in battle and were undeniably able to apply their intellect to win control in any given situation.

As these thoughts flickered through my mind Loki chuckled in glee. “Do I detect jealousy? Would you like to see my ‘dark magic’?” Loki said slowly as though speaking to a child.

“You bast- ”

“Enough!” a voice bellowed suddenly from behind Stark. I looked up to see Thor standing right behind Stark, he was looking between the two men in disbelief. Quite suddenly, his electric blue yes found my own and he reached out for my hand, a kind smile on his face. Thor seemed to have finally found his voice and recovered from the shock of seeing Loki. I sighed in relief at Thor’s interruption, finding the ever-growing argument between Stark and Loki too much to listen to in my current state as all the while I was growing paler and wearier. I was also shivering once more, having dropped my blanket when standing up to reach Stark. I reached for Thor’s hand rather shakily. To my surprise Loki let me go with no protest. “Now is not the time for this” Thor said, firmly taking my hand whilst continuing to put an immediate stop to their argument.  “You will both wake the twins if this continues. Loki can stay – ”

“Like hell he can!” Stark answered, looking at Thor like he had gone insane. “Thor he - ”

“I know well what Loki has done” Thor said, and he smiled softly at me and began to lead me to a chair in the corner of the room. I leaned against him heavily as we walked but he made no complaint merely wrapped his arm tight around my waist for extra support. Thor always had a way of making stressful situations immediately calmer for me. I wondered if this was due to his nurturing side as a fertility god or if it were his personality itself but Thor seemed to instill a sense of calm in tricky situations. I walked slowly, feeling sore with every step, particularly from my womanhood but I refused to cry in front of the three men, yet I could not keep the wince from my face. “Now is not the time to discuss it” Thor continued, walking slower to match my pace. I sat into the chair slowly, wincing openly again as I felt my lower body give a sharp throb. “Loki can stay until we discuss what exactly happened. We need to hear both what he and Molly have to say.” Thor then stood by my side firmly gripping my shoulder as though he were a guard dog protecting its owner. Stark stared at me in shock, clearly noting the extent of my injuries for the first time as he watched me cross the room wearily and sit down slowly.

“Thor, think of everything he has done. We can’t trust a word that comes out of his mouth” Stark said, though more quietly now. “Why can’t you see this? I mean, come on!! He shows up, once again, when Molly is in trouble – this can’t be a coincidence.”

Thor looked at Stark in silence for a few seconds before answering. “Stark, I understand your concerns. I do not want Loki here anymore than you. But for now, we must follow what he has to say -”

“Following’s not really my style” Stark quipped sarcastically, folding his crimson titanium arms across his chest in clear disagreement with Thor. It was clear from the way Thor and Stark stared at one another that this had been an issue between them before. 

“For now I urge you to think solely of Molly” Thor said quietly and Stark’s chocolate eyes were on me, taking in my appearance slowly. “Her heart is beating abnormally fast, she has an unknown drug in her system and has just been attacked by an ex S.H.I.E.L.D. agent, yet she has barely said a word” Thor said. “She needs help and support right now. Anything else can wait.”

 _What the hell?_ _I had overheard Stark and Thor discuss how I had been attacked but how on Earth did Thor know about my racing heart? He must have taken my pulse or something as we crossed the room unbeknownst to myself_.

Stark stared right into my eyes and I looked at him pleadingly. He nodded. “He can stay until we hear what happened. Any move on Molly or the twins and he’s out” Stark said defiantly.

“Thank you, Stark” Thor said, nodding curtly. “So, Molly, would you care to tell us what happened?”

“Brother, she has already explained” Loki said suddenly before I could open my mouth. He stepped closer to where I was seated. “I know you mean well, but she has endured much with Dwight. Leave her rest, eat and keep hydrated. I can explain - ”

Thor raised his hand and Loki immediately fell silent. “I do not wish to hear from you right now, silvertongue. Please Molly, tell us what happened.”

I sighed and felt a prickle of annoyance at having to explain myself again. I was so confused and sore and I wished I could just curl up into a ball in a dark room, not to sleep – but just to allow everything that happened to wash over me. It felt like the longest night of my life and it wasn’t even over yet. "Leave me sleep, please" I muttered quietly, suddenly ashamed to be stared at by these three men.

“Honey?” a small voiced asked. I looked up to see Tony standing before me, his chocolate eyes laced in concern. He had changed out of his Iron Man suit whilst I was lost in my thoughts and was plain-clothed Tony Stark once more. “Please, tell us. Take your time, but we have to know .”

I stared at him closely before nodding aware that Loki’s eyes darted between Stark and I with a flicker of concern in his features. I told them everything, my voice growing quieter as I spoke. It took me awhile to explain what exactly happened with Dwight as I had started to tremble and grow hoarse as I struggled not to cry in front of them. I did not stop until I explained how Loki had saved me and briefly explained how he helped to heal me.

“Thank you, Molly” Thor whispered in his softest tone. I nodded feeling numb at having to relive this a second time tonight. “Loki, we need to hear your account.” Thor said, giving my shoulder a firm but loving squeeze.

Stark looked at me in complete pity when I finished. I looked away feeling shame, vulnerability and dirty like I was an ugly eyesore or vastly inappropriate to be in Stark’s Tower. I stared at the floor as Loki began his account of events. Hearing it from Loki’s viewpoint made me all the more shameful and I started to cry quietly as I avoided the gaze from all the men in the room and continued to look at the floor as Loki finished. He did not go into detail about healing me but kept it minimal, for which I was somewhat grateful. By the time he had finished, Loki seemed aware that I was upset and was suddenly before me on crouched knees, wrapping a blanket around my shaking shoulders and then offering me water. He smiled encouragingly as I took the glass and sipped it quietly.

“We need to address this” Thor said once I finished, looking at Stark. “Find Dwight, alert the others, especially Darcy. We should also examine his apartment.”

“Hey, horns” Stark barked suddenly, clearly not listening to a word Thor was saying, but only focusing on Loki and I. “Leave her alone!”

Loki sighed “I am merely trying to comfort - ”

“Don’t care. I said to - ” 

“Stop it, both of you!” Thor growled. “Loki, you helped Molly heal, yes?”

Loki nodded, standing up right but keeping one hand on my shoulder. “Of course, I used some Asgardian numbing creams - ”

“Thor, she needs a human doctor and human treatment” Stark said, dismissing Loki immediately. “She has head wounds and needs a proper evaluation and tests to address her other injuries and test whatever drug is in her system.”

“She does not - ” Loki began but Thor cut across him.

“Can you arrange a private facility?” Thor queried, looking at Stark intently.

Stark nodded. “No problem, I’ll ring it in but you go with her. I’ll stay here to keep and eye on Váli and Narfi" he said, taking a quick look of disgust at Loki. "I'll update the others too.”

It took some time to make arrangements as Loki was adamant to go alongside me but Stark insisted upon Loki leaving now that he had explained his accounts of events. Another argument broke out between the men and Thor once again had to intervene. Thor agreed to let Loki come along, as he would provide extra protection and his magic may also prove useful in avoiding any sticky questions from the staff.

Thor summoned both himself and I to the private clinic using Mjolnir. Loki joined us there shortly after using his magical talents. Though unspoken, it was clear that I was not to be left alone with Loki and neither Stark nor Thor made an effort to talk to him. The sun was rising across the New York skyline as Thor helped me into the clinic and Loki followed keeping one hand firmly on my shoulder. Loki had magically transferred into normal attire, choosing a crisp grey suit with a similar tie that seemed to be gathering lots of attention from the female staff. The clinic was like a small hospital. It was dazzlingly clean, bright and smelled refreshing. It was undoubtedly the nicest medical centres I had ever been in. If the arrangement of two men (one of whom was dressed in a cape and wielding a hammer) accompanying one female looked odd, the staff did not show it. On the contrary, they were helpful, kind, very efficient and seemed to know Thor already as they greeted him with a wide smile. I guessed that Stark was funding this clinic and therefore they had treated the Avengers after past events or missions and so were used to working in privacy with them. I was immediately whisked away to be evaluated and there they also drew blood and I was put through a CT scan. The only information they had was given by Stark by phone that I was female in her 20s that had been attacked and they did not ask any more questions. However Loki did have to step in to help me in when I refused to have a gynaecological exam from a female doctor. I honestly could not bear the thought of being touched there again. He told the doctor that I would not need any treatment there and whether it was his slightly forceful tone or his outwards attractive appearance but she merely smiled in response and nodded. I grew ever frustrated as they did test after test and honestly just wanted to go home, take a shower and see my boys.

All the tests showed up clear. Loki had bandaged my wounds sufficiently, but I was given clean bandages and in time I would make a full physical recovery though a doctor recommended counseling which I ignored outright. They then gave me pain medication and relaxers to help with the shock. However the only thing they could not account for was the drug Dwight had used. Stark was right, they were similar to roofie’s but were entirely new drugs to the staff at the clinic and they wished to keep me in the clinic to study its effects. The doctor explained they had to give me a higher level of sedative to slow my heartbeat back to its normal rate, but they were still uncertain about sending me home. According to the doctor, the drug was still in my system and it seemed strange that I was able to function at all as a result of consuming such a high volume of it. He was just talking about an unusual anomaly in my blood when Loki once again stood in, mumbling something quietly until the doctor merely smiled and signed my release papers without further queries. Thor seemed uncomfortable with this but believed I was safer at home than at a hospital and signed off my release form on my behalf before Loki took me to Stark’s waiting car. By now the sedatives they had given were kicking in pretty strongly and I was getting groggy, Loki picked me up in his arms as we went to be collected by Stark and held me tight during the car journey home as I started to doze. 

***

I must have fallen asleep at some point during the car journey home. I was slightly groggy but cosy all the same, feeling utterly relaxed as I stretched slightly out in the bed, obviously having being brought back home again. An immediate ache radiated from my core and I winced as everything came flooding back to me _…_

_Dwight forcing himself upon me…my body going limp…terrified…hearing Dwight threatening my twins….Dwight hurting me…abusing me…then Loki…Loki had returned!...healed me…helped me…_

Then I heard voices. My sleepy mind struggled at first to hear them coherently but I could just about make out Loki’s smooth deep tone from somewhere from my right. Deeply concentrating as though pulling myself from a dream, I eventually began to fully hear him. “I will tell you after I have told Molly” Loki whispered, his voice like velvet coming from the right of where I lay on my bed.

“I don’t give a damn what your reasons are!” Stark hissed, barely whispering and clearly frustrated, his voice coming from the end of my bed. “I refuse to leave you alone with her until we figure this out. Romanov is like a bloodhound. She’s in his place right now. I’m betting that you where you behind this thing with Dwight? A date rape drug to lure Molly back to you again or force her if she struggled? Was that your game?” I wanted to protest to deny that Loki would do such a horrific thing, but another part of me really wanted to eavesdrop further.

“You think I would do something like that to Molly? Something so low, so crass, so utterly perverse?” Loki snapped, his voice rising slightly.

“Eh hello?” Stark cried, his usual sarcastic tone oozing out as his voice grew nearer to the bed, clearly he was walking around the side of it closer to where Loki was. “You do remember what happened the last time we had a cosy little get together, right? You weren’t exactly the hero of the piece now, where you?”

“I may be a monster in your eyes, but I am no rapist” he said, his voice literally spitting the word out in disgust. “Molly, is my cla - ”

“Molly is _nothing_ to you” Stark barked. “ _Nothing!_ You risked your family’s skin to save your own! In doing so you pissed off The Avengers once again. She is our family and we unlike you, protect our own. They’ll all return once they know you’re back, no doubt Brucey boy can knock some sense into you again” Stark grinned jovially as though he were reliving a happy memory, before continuing. “So, let’s get this straight, she is not your claimed partner and she is not your fiancé.”

“She will always be - ”  Loki attempted to retaliate.

 “She doesn’t. Want. You” Stark said simply. “So, get out of my tower Reindeer Games, no one wants you here anymore.”

“Ehehehehe” Loki chuckled. “You are pathetic. Do not cling to some misguided hope to win the love of my Molly. Molly chose me. She wanted me. And you can delude yourself into playing happy families with her if that helps your wounded ego, but she will always be mine. She is my partner, my fiancé and bore my sons – she - “

Stark however seemed to not give a damn what else exactly I was and with a surprisingly loud thud I realised Stark had punched Loki right in the face. The punch was sickening loud “Shut it, horns” Stark barked. “Molly isn’t yours or mine or anyone else’s. She’s a person, not property. Don’t talk about her like that.”

My stomach gave a weird little flop at that. Usually Stark and I spent or time juvenilely trying to annoy the other, but here he was, defending me.

I quickly opened my eyes to see both Stark and Loki looking lividly at one another. Loki rubbed his cheek where Stark had punched him. However, his mouth curled into a wide sneer. “My, my, you have grown rather protective of Molly, haven’t you? I wonder, is this love, Mr Stark?”

I closed my eyes just before Starks eyes flickered to my direction. “You couldn’t possibly know what love is” Stark said quietly to Loki. My stomach lurched again as though I had suddenly missed a step on a stairs and I couldn’t help but open my eyes a fraction. “You know I always used to think you had some smarts, I mean, clearly you’re” Stark whistled and swirled one finger of his hand in a clockwise motion around his head. “But I thought, maybe you can be redeemed. You seem smart, ambitious and maybe you just had a bad example as kid or something. I can relate to that.  It’s clear now you’re just some crackpot god that can do a few magic tricks and has a fancy way with words” Tony laughed, watching Loki’s angry expression with a victorious grin. “Those boys – incidentally their names are Narfi and Váli - they are not your sons. Being a sperm donor doesn’t make you a parent” Stark ended flatly.

“What have you done for Molly that makes you so superior, metal man?” Loki asked, but his triumphant glint in his eyes was faded and he looked somewhat disheartened as he stared at Stark.

“Well, for one thing, I didn’t abandon her in labour on another planet where a hulk was on the loose” Stark spat in disgust.

“What?” Loki paused, his brow knotted in confusion. “I-I left her for reasons that I will explain to Molly alone” he said quietly, clearly trying to recover from Stark’s response. “Yet I left her in the hands of your ‘Earth’s Mightiest Heroes’ as you once called yourselves. The beast had not - ”

“Banner lost his mind when he saw you verbally abuse a heavily pregnant woman, and then drag her around like a ragdoll!” Stark cried, giving up on whispering now. “Christ, I was one step away from turning into a big giant rage monster myself!”

“That fault is not mine!” Loki snapped, but he looked frazzled now. “That beast should be able to exercise control - ”

“Banner never would lay a finger on Molly! You caused all of this!” Stark yelled. “You left your fiancé to die! She was bleeding out when you left and it was Banner who saved her!” Stark said, stepping closer to Loki, who to my surprise took a step back from Stark, his eyes were darkened, he looked confused. 

“Bleeding?” he whispered, more to himself than to Stark. “No, she c-can’t have been. I insured - ”

“You did nothing, only leave. Your plan was foiled and, _poof,_ you vanished. Do you any idea what you left behind? Molly had to get an emergency caesarean – she lost so much blood, we thought she was going to die! And afterwards she couldn’t - ”

I cleared my throat, instantly silencing the men. The birth of my twins had been extremely difficult and the early weeks of their life even more so. I certainly did not want to open that particular can of worms right now.

“Red?” Star said, eyes beaming as he stared at me. “You’re awake!”

“Well with you two bitching so loudly it’s kind of hard for a girl to sleep” I answered, my voice low and Loki chuckled.

“Darling, are you in pain?” Loki whispered, stepping closer to me and cupping my face gently.

“No, I’m ok” I answered quickly. “Have you heard from Darcy?”

“Yeah, she’s fine” Stark answered, looking between Loki and I in curiosity. “We managed to get through to her on her phone and she’s downstairs right now with the boys and Thor. She’s a little shocked and seems to think it’s her fault - ”

“No, it’s not!” I snapped quickly and Stark chuckled.

“Red, I know that, you know that, but Darcy won’t here us out - yet. She’ll come around though” Stark said. “She's going to stay here for awhile until she gets a new place. She doesn’t want to return to her apartment.”

I felt a twinge of guilt at this.

“It’s not your fault” Stark said as though reading my feelings.

I merely nodded lapsing into silence until my stomach grumbled loudly.

“You must be hungry darling” Loki whispered kindly as though speaking to an ill patient. “Can I get you anything?”

“Actually, I want a word with you” I said sitting up right, Loki tried to help but I smacked his hand away. I eventually managed to slowly sit up though it hurt immensely. “Stark, could you maybe step outside for a second?”

“No, Red - ”

“Please Stark, I need to speak to Loki alone” I said meeting Stark’s stare. “You know I’d really love a footlong” I added, giving Stark a quick wink. Stark grinned. “Let me guess, a foot long, chicken pizziola, lettuce, extra pickles and a coke – no wait, a diet coke?” I forced a grin back at him "And maybe a cookie?" "Two cookies!" Stark answered and I grinned again before thanking him.

“On my way” Stark said. “Jarvis send Thor up to watch over Molly’s room.”

“Of course, Sir” came Jarvis’s clip reply.

Stark only would leave the room once Thor appeared. I asked Thor to wait outside and said he could leave the door opened as I wished to speak to Loki alone. He eventually acquiesced though not before threatening Loki to break out Mjolnir if he heard anything suspicious.

Loki nodded curtly to show Thor he undersood. He seemed a little paler again and was oddly silent since he discovered I was awake.

I tapped the side of the bed and indicated for Loki to sit down. He did so, looking at me with a slightly apprehensive look on his face.

“I want to thank you for all your help with Dwight” I started, but Loki cut me off immediately, reaching out to grab my hands.

“No, darling” he said, a small smile creeping into his face. “You don’t have to thank me for that. I would do anything for you. I will track Dwight down - ”

“Loki, please” I answered, allowing my hands to be clasped in his larger warm ones. The touch so warm, so cosy, so familiar - and deceiving. Loki fell silent and nodded for me to continue. “I really appreciate all you have done. If you hadn’t saved me I would’ve…” my voice trailed off and I swallowed thickly. I really did not want to think how bad that situation could have gotten if it wasn’t for Loki.

“Hush now, don’t think about that” Loki whispered, gently squeezing my hands. “All is well. I am here to - ”

“That’s just it Loki” I answered finding my voice a low whisper as I looked into his emerald eyes. “You’re here – out of the blue. I don’t see you for months and - ”

“Darling, I’m sorry” he replied, his emerald eyes burning in sincerity. “I can explain everything - ”

“I don’t want to hear it” I answered coolly, finding his hurt looking emerald eyes were not enough to make me feel sorry for him right now. “I heard you and Stark talking before I woke up properly and he’s right. You can’t just waltz in hear with whatever a weak excuse that explains your absence and expect everything to go back to the way it once was.”

“But I - ”

“No Loki, just listen” I pleaded, knowing I had to do this now before I gave Loki any false hope – I probably had given him too much of that already. “I had been tortured by some hideous beast” I snarled, angry tears now spilling from my eyes at the memory of our last encounter. “I then had to hear of all of your deceits and lies and sly promises in exchange for power. You then treated me like dirt, revealed all my insecurities I told you in our most private moments, openly to my friends. What’s more you listed these things – these horrible things I think about myself – you listed them as reasons not to be with me, which completely destroyed my confidence. And then you abandon me, when I told you I was having contractions for fuck sake!”

“Molly darling - ” he pleaded but I shook my head.

“No Loki, you need to know” I answered sharply. “And I was scared out of my mind as it was. Yet, worst of all, you threatened the safety of our – my – boys. And that is something I can't ignore. After you left I was shocked, the stress of everything caused me to go into labour and you weren’t there. You left me. You abandoned all three of us. Loki, you broke me when you left. And it was only through my friends – through Thor, Stark, Darcy and the others that I rebuilt myself but I’m not the same as I was before. You can’t escape the damage you’ve caused. It had lasting effects on everyone.”

There was silence for a few moments after that. Loki had suddenly grew vastly interested in our interlocking hands on the bed. “So, what happens now?” he finally asked, refusing to look up at me.

“You leave” I answered shortly, pulling my hands out of his lovely warm ones sharply.

Loki looked up at me, shock evident in his features. “Why? I will explain all of this, you, Molly. We can go back to the relationship we once had. I want to be a father to Narfi and Váli. Please?” A tear rolled down his cheek and I felt my heart twinge, resisting the urge to comfort him I made to stand up though slowly and ignoring Loki’s help. Loki stood up also.

“Loki, you can't stay” I answered staring up into his eyes and shaking my head. “Firstly the Avengers have been informed that you’re here and so they will be too very soon. I can’t protect you from them anymore. Secondly, we can’t just 'go back' to the way things once were because everything has changed. Narfi and Váli do not know you. Your presence would only upset them.”

“Molly darling, please?” he whispered, desperation evident in his features and voice. “I don’t care about the Avengers. I only care about you and the boys. You’re my family. I love you.”

I shrugged and looked away from him. “I can't do this, Loki” I sighed. “The boys need me. I need to see them. I don’t have time to stroke you’re ego.”

“Don’t you love me anymore?” he asked, the question steeped in desperation. Loki looked so young now, though he towered over me, he looked like a boy, desperate and vulnerable, his question so childlike.

I simply stared at him in silence.

“It’s Stark, isn’t it” he queried, another tear rolling down his cheek. “You love him now?”

“Loki, I really don’t have time for this” I answered, trying not to show any emotion on my face. “I want to see Narfi and Váli. You should go before Stark and the other Avengers return. I don’t want Narfi and Váli to hear a fight between you and them.

Loki nodded, wiping his eyes but something in him looked off – broken. “Can I return?” he asked quietly. “Whenever is convenient for you. I still wish to explain my actions to you, Molly.”

I sighed. “Maybe. I need to adjust to everything that has happened.”

Loki nodded. “I understand” he responded though his voice sounded crackled and hoarse. “I will see you again though, Molly. Please … please tell me that I’ll get to see you again?”

A tear rolled down my cheek and I sniffled quietly as Loki stared into my eyes again. “Just leave, Loki.”

“Molly, please” Loki begged, reaching to grab my shoulder. “I need to know.”

I immediately flinched and stepped away from him “Get out or I’ll have to call Thor” I warned, trying to remain calm.

“Molly, please” Loki begged still. “I love you.”

“Thor!” I cried out. Just as Thor barged into the room, Loki quickly vanished from my sight.

 

 

 

 


	8. Flee

_**Chapter Nine - Flee** _

 

The week that followed was undoubtedly one of the hardest weeks I had to endure since the twins were born. I was aching for days, the worst of which seemed to radiate from my most tender area. Every sudden movement I made sent a piercing jolt up through my womanhood that had me wincing in pain. This gradually faded to a dull throb, particularly from using the numbing cream Loki had left behind, which true to his word, no longer stung when I applied it. My other minor injuries such as the bite marks, nail incisions and bruising had gradually faded as the days progressed, even my hand no longer ached and its bruising went down significantly as did the one on my head.

My greatest injury from Dwight’s assault was the psychological trauma, which no matter how hard I tried, I could not suppress. I was back to having regular nightmares again, waking up in a cold sweat usually alone although I'm guessing Stark must have occasionally heard my strangled cries just before I woke as he sometimes would be standing there with a concerned look on his face when I opened my eyes. Yet, on these occasions, my heart would drop when it was Stark’s chocolate eyes I saw when I awoke and not Loki’s emerald ones, though I dare not admit it. I tried to push Loki from my mind in the days that followed. For so long now, I had convinced myself he did not love me so hearing him finally confess his love seemed surreal. Truthfully, I loved him too and wanted him here with me, but pride amongst other things kept me from admitting it to him.

Without the help of Thor, Stark and Darcy, I honestly do not know how I would have gotten through the immediate days after the assault. Not only where they there for me, ready to help me in any way possible, they were also there for Narfi and Váli who seemed to sense my own uneasiness for the first few days. I liked it best when I was cuddling, playing or just generally spending time with my boys. It temporarily pushed all of what happened from my mind. That first evening after I had rested and eaten under the orders of Stark and Thor, I immediately went to cuddle with my boys. Seeing them in the living room, where the floor was covered in a sea of toys, sent an inexplicable sense of warmth and happiness throughout me, which no one – not even Dwight, could ever take away. Once they saw me they immediately squealed and babbled in excitement, toys forgotten as they each raised their chubby fists in indication they wanted cuddles from Momma. With help Narfi and Váli were each placed in my arms as I sat on the couch with Thor and Darcy on either side of me for additional support. Narfi immediately tackled against me, gripping my hair tightly, shrieking in overwhelmed sort of way.

“Easy with Mommy” Thor grumbled lightly at Narfi, but I immediately interjected.

“Leave him Thor, he’s just excited” I answered kissing Narfi’s head and relishing in the absolute comfort and love I felt with both my boys on my lap. Narfi soon settled down, nuzzling in against my chest, though his grip on my hair lessened somewhat.

Váli seemed a little more hesitant than his brother, looking up at me with his pale mint eyes babbling incoherently and raising a chubby little fist against the bandage on my head gently, as though exploring it. “Silly Mommy fell!” I exclaimed causing Narfi to giggle. Váli however seemed to not be so convinced as though he were aware of my distress. I leaned down and kissed his forehead gently. “It’s ok, sweetheart” I tried to explain in a soft voice. “Mommy’s fine.” As though somewhat aware of what I said, Váli snuggled in against my chest also. The three of us stayed like that for some time, their weight upon me so comforting beyond any expression of words, their scent relaxing me and their little snores as they dozed aiding me to sleep also.

However, it was not so easy to raise myself from bed in the dead of the night to comfort my boys next door when they awoke. Though Thor, Darcy and Stark were willing to help, Narfi and Váli had started to teeth again and the only one who could soothe them was either Thor or myself. Thor took to this task without complaint but had to leave after a few days to attend urgent business. What this was, I was not sure. I had a sense it concerned locating Loki’s presence as the Avengers were all back in New York as I overheard Stark tell Thor that morning. However, I had little time to dwell on this as I was simply too busy. Without Thor’s help I was on my boy’s constant beckoning call as they teethed. Either Váli or Narfi awoke in tearful sobs of pains during the night as their new teeth cut through and I would spend a great deal of time rocking them back to sleep on my chair, giving them their gum numbing cream and keeping an eye on their temperature. However, as one screaming baby tended to wake its sleeping sibling, I needed another pair of hands and that’s when Stark would step in to soothe the other boy back to sleep in his crib. They were no longer attending nursery under my orders now as I was wary of how easily Dwight was aware of my boy’s routine and thus their location. Therefore, it did not help that the boys routine had changed either which made them cranky and irritable during the day too. Loki was always on my mind in one way or another, particularly as every time I now looked at Narfi and Váli I was reminded of him more than ever – their resemblance to him was astounding. I wondered where he was and if my rejection hurt him. I wondered if he ever thought of me during his day. He had seemed as traumatised by Dwight’s actions as I had been and I was unable to block his shocked expression upon his initial discovery of Dwight on top of my still body that night. Just before I would fall asleep, I would dwell on Loki’s response and what it meant. He seemed to know exactly what to do to help me right after that horrible experience and that made me ache for him all the more. _Surely Loki proved he loved me now?_ Was all I could think as I fell asleep. _Surely he proved he knew me better than anyone else?_

As days slipped by I grew agitated and steeped in a sense of nervousness. Thor’s absence made me think that there was something wrong, even Darcy would disappear for hours at a time. This worry was worse than any injury I had suffered through Dwight. I only shared my concerns with Stark after days of complete restlessness at being locked up in his tower. To my surprise, he did not critique me or hush my concerns, but admitted that he too realised that we were not as protected as we originally thought.

On one mid-afternoon I was on the couch, enjoying the brief silence as the twins napped nearby in their travel cots. I was curled up trying to ease the cramps that I knew meant my time of the month was due imminently. I was once again lost in thought and feeling immensely guilty for sending Loki away, especially after saving me from Dwight. _For if had Loki not saved me then Dwight planned to rape me. Who knows what could have happened. I may have even been late this month and expecting Dwight’s child_ , I realised in shock which made me feel even worse. Stark approached looking grim holding a bunch of worn looking magazines in his hands which broke me from my thoughts. He plonked himself down beside me on the couch and placed the magazines between us. “We need to talk” he said simply.

Darcy, who was watching TV on the armchair across from me switched it off, looking at Stark warily. “Tony, the others said we should wait until we’re all - ”

“Do you really think Molly shouldn’t know?” Stark bit back in a cold and angry tone and not at all like his usual self. “She already suspects it so we may as tell her.” I sat up quickly at the mention of my name, looking between Stark and Darcy with a rising angry. _What bloody secret where they keeping now?_

“It’s too much!” Darcy said in a loud whisper, glancing at the twins who were still sleeping peacefully in the travel cots at the far side of the room. Darcy needn’t worry as I had reminded her many times since she returned to the tower, Narfi and Váli were heavy sleepers. “First Dwight comes along and threatens her kids then assaults her, then Loki reappears and messes with her head - ”

I made an indignant noise that was barely heard as Darcy continued. “She hasn’t had a good night’s sleep since the attack because of the boys teething and you want to dish out more on top of all that?”

“Darce, you know I love you” I blurted when she stopped speaking before Stark could retaliate. “But I want to know if you’re keeping something from me. Stark’s right, I know something is wrong, don’t think because I’ve been busy with the boys that I haven’t noticed.”

Darcy stared at me in silence before answering. “Fine, it’s your choice” she said and nodded for Stark to continue.

Stark tapped the magazines beside him as I looked to him. I noticed each of them had a different coloured tab poking out sporadically from the magazines where he must have highlighted different areas of interest. Intrigued and slightly amused, I picked one up at random “Am I going to find you named world’s sexiest man?” I teased gently, but Stark was not smiling in return.

“Open it, Red” he said quietly and my stomach plummeted as I nodded at his glum expression.

I opened up the magazine on one of the tabbed pages. My jaw dropped almost in a comical fashion as I stared at the photograph before me. It was Stark and I, walking side by side down the street. I was pushing the twin’s double stroller and Stark was carrying some shopping bags. The caption in big bold red capital letters was _‘STARK’S SECRET FAMILY?’_

“That’s how Dwight found you” Stark said, the bitterness still in his voice as he huddled closer to view the image I was looking at.

I was barely listening as I read the story that followed the photograph. It was very short, merely stating how I had been seen with Stark on multiple occasions, usually with a stroller. I picked up another magazine and flicked through finding another photograph, this time of us strolling through the park. Another magazine showed Stark walking by himself, pushing the boy’s stroller inside of which both boys were fast asleep, their tufts of jet black hair barely visible. I felt as though the floor had suddenly vanished and I was falling, deeper and deeper. Everything was spinning out of my control the last few days but this, this was downright scary. My privacy, my boys privacy had been invaded and then casually shown to the world for a source of gossip. I read the end of the story in a rather dazed way. _Just who is this mysterious red head who has captured Iron Man’s heart? Has Stark at last settled down with a family? We called his representative and are awaiting a response_.

“Red, I’m sorry” Stark said quietly, glimpsing across at me. He no longer looked angry but guilty.

I looked up at him with a bemused expression. “Why?”

“This is all my fault” he said, his chocolate brown eyes were knotted in concern. “Everyone knows who I am. Walking around publicly with you was a stupid idea. It’s my fault Dwight -”

“That is not your fault, Stark!” I exclaimed suddenly. “Dwight’s a lunatic. He would have found a way to get to me anyway.”

“But these photographs?”

“Are pretty disturbing” I admitted with a nod, picking up another magazine. “I don’t like the idea of Váli and Narfi being photographed like this and shown off to the world. There just babies, it’s pretty sick- ”

“I agree” he answered, his voice bitter again. “I have someone on it right now. I’m going to sue any magazine who showed the boys or who plan to in the future and I’ve released a statement saying you’re an old friend, nothing more.”

“Thank you, Stark” I answered, knowing he would do all he could to ensure this wouldn’t happen again. I also felt a slight wave of relief. _Surely this meant Stark saw me as I saw him, nothing more than a close friend._

“Look Red, there’s no easy way to say this” Stark continued quickly, with a quick glance at Darcy who had been watching us in silence. “I know a lot has happened to you recently, but these photograph’s left us pretty vulnerable. Dwight saw these magazines, so the odds are so have former S.H.I.E.L.D. operatives.”

I swallowed thickly at Starks words. “Are we in danger?” I asked trying to remain calm.

Starks eyes roamed over my face as though were deeply considering his answer. “I honestly don’t know. But the others agree that it may be safer to get you and the boys out of here for awhile. Tash found out there’s a bounty on your head. You’re valuable to many different dangerous people because you know Loki better than anyone. In their eyes you may know his plans, or can be bartered or kidnapped in exchange for information on the Avengers, Loki or Thor. In fact all of us are in danger if they know you’re here. The boys are at risk of being kidnapped – they have potential untapped powers and in the wrong hands they can be trained to do god knows what.”

I felt as though every bit of breath had left my lungs. This information was too much to handle right now. “But there’s protection on the tower, Stark?” I queried, my voice trembling and giving away just how overwhelmed I felt. “The boys are safe in here.”

“For now” Stark answered. “But if Dwight learned your routine then so may have others and unless you want the boys and yourself confined to the tower for life we need to leave.”

“Where do we go?” I asked, knowing Stark was right.

“I have a place up north” Stark answered. “We can be there in a couple of hours if we pack now. We’ll take a car, it will be less conspicuous when we arrive.”

I merely nodded as Stark and Darcy arranged which car to take and organised luggage and car seats for the boys. Darcy left to pack her things and set up the boy’s car seats as I merely sat feeling numb on the couch. _How on earth do I pack up my family and simply leave my boys first home?_ Trying to do something, I picked up another magazine, flicking through to find where Stark had marked the relevant page. This photograph was more recent. It was only Stark and I in the photograph, I remembered it clearly as it was only a couple of weeks ago and Stark offered to walk with me to pick up the twins from nursery. Stark was sipping on a take away coffee, looking casual in jeans, a black Sabbath t-shirt and a faded baseball cap. I was equally casually dressed in a t-shirt and jeans. However this headline was not about Stark, it was about me. _Starks mystery woman struggles to shift baby weight._ I read the story in silence feeling my face steadily turn pink. I picked up another magazine, setting that horrible one aside and Stark picked it up.

“Red, honey. Just ignore this trash” he said, reading the article himself now. “They describe me as a grandpa when I’m clearly in my prime.” Stark added with a playful wink but I was already leafing through another magazine where once again I was the central photograph, this time suggesting my chubby belly was not post baby weight at all but another pregnancy. I felt tears prickle my eyes as I read these words. How dare a magazine judge me solely on my outwards appearance? I was an accomplished women, yet they describe me like a piece of meat. I had given birth to the children of a god…surely that was more impressive than my weight or size?

“Red?” Stark asked quietly, I hurriedly wiped my eyes as Stark puled the magazine from my grasp and threw it aside on the floor. “Don’t read that garbage. They just make up stories to match the photographs. It’s all about money with them.”

I nodded once again standing up quickly. “I better go pack up.”

“I’ll watch the boys” Stark answered and I smiled in thanks.

Everything after that felt surreal. I packed as though in a daze, randomly ramming clothes and other essentials into my bag before starting to pack for the twins. I gathered all their clothes, their comforts and the essential equipment I could bring. I could buy other items when I reached the other home we would be staying at. After that I fed the boys, who were now awake and within an hour we were on the road, during to our new home, car crammed with luggage. It took hours to reach the new home which was a lake house. We had to stop twice, once for coffee and once to change the boys, who were over-excited by the car journey. Darcy kept them entertained throughout the trip playing games with them. I felt far too numb to do anything. I was terrified for my boys safety, for my own and my loved ones. I felt guilty as though I were letting them all down. Just when things had been getting better my while life crumbled down around me. I was failing my friends, I was failing as a mother and I was even failing in my appearance. It took all my self-control not to cry in the car journey.

By the time we reached the lake house the boys were fast asleep, the journey clearly had tired them out. Stark and I carried the boys inside, whilst Darcy set up the travel cot for them to sleep in, in my bedroom. I quickly thanked her and Stark for all their help and they each departed for their separate bedrooms looking just as exhausted as the twins by the journey. However, I was far too wired to sleep, I was weighed down with too many emotions. I was also doubled up in period pain and had no pain relief for myself packed. After spending an hour trying to force myself to sleep, I got out of bed to check on my boys. I then opened the balcony door of my room, gently closing the door behind me before immediately crumpling into a heap onto the balcony’s wooden floor. I did not take in the view of where I was, did not notice the bitter north weather nor was I aware of anything other than my swarming thoughts. Finally, I started to cry, letting out the heaps of tears that I had held back all day. I was crying so heavily I was struggling to catch my breath, tucking my legs up to my chin and unable to stop the rush of emotion and pain. I do not know how long I stayed there like that until I felt a slight ripple of warm breeze from which a sudden scent of deep rich earth mixed with mint emerged through the air. I inhaled deeply before raising my face which was red and blotchy from unchecked tears.

Emerald green eyes met my own. They were slightly wide, undoubtedly startled by the crumpled weeping heap before them. Loki’s long raven locks were being tossed around his pale face by the wind. His features were knitted into concern.

We simply stared at one another, I trying to stop crying, he unsure what to do. The last time I saw him, I kicked him out. Nevertheless, here he was again before me. I was not surprised by his sudden appearance, for hadn’t he proved he would be there when I felt overwhelmed and alone? Yet now, as my world crumbled around me there was only one person who I truly wanted by side, only one person who truly ever understood me. I wanted him…needed his love more than I ever have needed anything in my life.

“Do you love me?” my voice croaked. For this was all the mattered now in this moment.

“I love you” Loki answered, kneeling in front of me, seemingly hesitant to even touch me. His emerald eyes did not flicker or look away but held my stare in complete sincerity. “What has happened, darling? Why aren’t you in the Stark’s Tower?”

I shook my head, unable to answer his queries right now. All that mattered in this moment is that he loved me and I loved him. Loki was not dragged into my messy life - no his love assured me he wanted to be with me right now. I felt a failure but now ... I felt loved. “Hold me?” I asked, in a quiet mumble.

Without a seconds hesitation Loki was at my side and I scrambled into his lap, tucking my head against his chest as he wrapped his arms around me along with his green cloak to still my shivering frame. We stayed like that for some time, my tears falling against Loki’s chest as he held me close whilst lovingly stroking my hair.

 

 

 


	9. Enchantment

Chapter Ten - Enchantment

After a while, I felt myself being gently rocked, albeit slightly, in Loki’s arms, to and fro, over and over. In any other situation I would have rejected acts such as this, calling it infantile and condescending, no doubt due to fact I had spent most of my life living independently. However, right now, it was comfortable and reassuring for both of us. Loki was once again giving me things I never even knew I needed.

I had stopped crying somewhat and were merely sniffling quietly. Loki had one hand on the back of my neck as though cradling it, the other wrapped around my waist holding me close to him and keeping his cloak firmly around me. His cheek was lightly pressing down on the top of my head and I could feel the warm, soothing exhale of every one of his breaths. In return one of my arms was draped across his chest, my hand barely reaching the side of his neck, my thumb lightly brushing back and forth across the exposed skin. My other hand was similarly wrapped around his back, holding him just as close. Our two bodies stayed like that for some time, in a tight, yet simple, embrace, neither of us relinquishing our grip for even a second. I felt safe here for the first time in a long time. Neither of us spoke, neither of us wanting to break this moment. It was as though we were under some enchantment and whoever spoke first would break it and then we would be dragged back into reality, a reality which would inevitably lead to more confusion, hurt and pain.

A soft cry broke out over our silence, coming from the inside bedroom. I immediately started in Loki’s arms recognising the sound.

“What’s wrong?” he murmured quietly, by my ear, seemingly not hearing the soft wail at all. 

“Váli and Narfi” I responded, struggling to stand upright as I was essentially entwined between Loki and his cloak. Another faint wail came through the door and I knew if I did not move quickly this soft wail would turn into piercing cries that would wake the other sibling and potentially wake Stark or Darcy too. “Come on, quickly!”

Loki immediately helped me up and I opened the balcony door and I quickly went to the crib to see Narfi fussing in his sleep, though I knew he would wake very soon judging by his flailing arms. I turned on my bedside lamp and went to retrieve the teething gel from the boys diaper bag, just as Narfi let out a screaming cry as he finally awoke fully.

“Hush now, sweetheart” I whispered, quickly making my way to him and picking him up. His cries immediately faded but his red chubby cheeks were a clear sign of teething. “Momma’s here, it’s alright, I’ve got you” I cooed as I gently rubbed his back. His eyes were still half sleep and it was obvious he was struggling to stay awake, undoubtedly it was the pain that had woke him in the first place. I gently placed his fussing form on my bed. He let out another scream I applied the gel to his sensitive gums. “I know baby, Momma’s sorry, but it’ll make you feel all better” I murmured in the softest tone I could manage. Once done, I placed his soother in his mouth which he suckled on immediately. “Good boy, Narfi” I whispered, picking him up and settling him against me as I sat on the bed. “That’s my boy.”

I heard the bedroom door open and saw Stark standing there looking bleary eyed, hair tussled, wearing a worn looking tracksuit bottom and a faded AC/DC t-shirt and barefoot. He was clearly woken up by Narfi’s cries. My heart was racing as I quickly glanced to the balcony door which was now closed. Loki was nowhere in sight.

I glanced back at Stark. “Need anything?” he mouthed as he caught sight of me holding my now softly whimpering Narfi.

I shook my head and smiled a little “All’s good, thanks” I whispered back and gave a thumbs up behind Narfi’s back. Stark smiled and gave a little nod, before gently closing the door behind him. I exhaled and sat down on the bed, gently rubbing Narfi’s back as he finally started to doze off again. His soother slipped from his mouth and I knew he was asleep once more. I stood up ever so slowly and placed Narfi back to sleep in his crib, however as soon I set him down he started to fuss again.

“Loki?” I whispered as softly as possible as I gently rubbed Narfi’s head to keep him soothed and doozing.

“Yes?” he responded from not far behind me, clearly having hidden from Stark’s sight a moment ago. His voice was barely audible.

“Do you see the bag on the floor nearest the bed?” I asked, still trying to keep Narfi half asleep by rubbing his head gently. He was now starting to whimper sorrowfully. “Could you grab me Narfi’s blanket from it? It’s the small blue one with Iron Man on it?”

Loki immediately rummaged through the bag, retrieved the tiny blanket and silently appeared by my side to hand it to me. I slowly placed it by Narfi’s chubby fist and gently rubbed his hand with it whilst humming softly. His whimpering began to fade as his fist curled around the blanket once more. His eyes flickered opened slightly but and I continued to hum and lightly stroke his head to make him doze off once more.

However, Váli was now stirring, the commotion finally waking him up.

“Loki?” I asked, unable to leave Narfi or risk another crying outburst from him. Loki who was still by myside gave a barely audible “Yes?”

“I need you to sooth Váli before he wakes up fully, ok? Just copy what I’m doing, gently rub his forehead.”

Loki paused, but I did not have the time to look into his features as Váli was stirring even more now. “Loki, please just try it. Otherwise they’ll both be awake all night.”

I watched from the corner of my eye as Loki lowered a slightly trembling hand by Váli and gently rubbed his forehead, I hummed a little louder trying to put both boys back to sleep. It took roughly ten minutes but finally both sets of pale mint eyes were closed and both were fast asleep.

Smiling in a relieved way, I retrieved my hand from Narfi’s forehead and fully straightened up to look across at Loki. I watched Loki still ever so gently rub Váli’s forehead with his thumb. Loki’s stared as though transfixed at both sleeping boys with nothing short of devotion and awe upon his face. I watched in silence for several moments, waiting for Loki to stop or show signs of irritation but he seemed spell bound by the sight of his sleeping sons.

“Loki?” I finally queried, as I sat on the edge of my bed, feeling exhausted. His eyes flickered towards mine. “You can stop now, they’re asleep.”

Loki nodded, slowly withdrawing his hand from the crib but his gaze never left them. “They are … incredible” he murmured softly. “I can’t believe that I – that we made them. But … are they usually so distressed in the night-time? Are they ill?” he asked, his voice wavering slightly in concern.

I shook my head, smiling slightly. “No, they’re just teething. All babies go through it. It takes a lot out of them though” I explained quietly. “It’s tough with two of them. One starts as soon as the other stops, so they tend to keep the other awake. It can take a while to put them both back to sleep and if they don’t sleep right they’ll be cranky they next day so…” my voice trailed off as I started to feel slightly overwhelmed once more.

“Molly?” Loki whispered, finally tearing his gaze from the boys to immediately walk towards me. When I did not answer he crouched down on the wooden floor before where I sat, “I can imagine it is tough to raise them on your own.”

“No…well yes” I confessed, wiping my exhausted eyes in an effort to collect myself. “But the others have been so helpful, particularly Stark, Thor and Darcy. I don’t know how I would have managed without them. Just since Dwight … Thor hasn’t been around so much and he always knows how to calm the boys when they are not themselves. I guess things have been harder lately.”

Loki held my hands that were lying on my lap in his rather larger ones. “I wish I could have been there to help you from the beginning” he whispered. “But I am so proud to see you do so well on your own. You are a wonderful mother.”

“Loki I-” my voice trailed off and I found myself staring at my hands. I wanted to tell him how much I struggled with the boys in the beginning, even how I still sometimes do. I wanted to tell him that it took practice, plenty of patience and utter devotion to raise twins and that was without the constant fear I was experiencing lately. However I was too exhausted. After all it was very late now, I had a very long day emotionally and physically, whilst my period pain if anything had worsened.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, his voice soft and filled with concern. I looked up at him rather unwillingly and shook my head.

“Just tired” I mumbled, looking back down at our hands.

Loki gripped my hands tightly in his own. “I know you are, darling. Very soon you can go to bed, but I would really like to know what has you so upset. Seeing you on the balcony so distraught truly terrifies me. You look pale, exhausted and you’re shaking. Please, tell me what’s wrong. I know you don’t have to, but I cannot bear to see you suffer in silence. Please, darling.”

Loki’s words made me feel oddly guilty. I suddenly remembered last year when I encountered Loki distraught in Stark’s Tower after I escaped from S.H.I.E.L.D. He was simply deranged, hair in tangles, barely able to speak, even slightly emaciated and unbalanced. It broke my heart to see him like that and I fought hard to break him out from that dark place. I knew it hurt him just as much to see me going through any distress. For hadn’t he looked as equally distressed as I was when he saved me from Dwight and was visibly upset when he cared for me and saw the extent of my injuries afterword’s? No one else had ever broke down my fake walls of forced strength and resilience that took a lifetime to build. That was part of our initial attraction to one another, for we both grew up under regimes that we did not understand, that were unfair and limited our full potential. To live under such restraints fractured our minds, our spirits and our souls. We learned self-sufficiency from an early age until pushing people away and faking confidence became as natural to us as breathing. When we were together, we each found an inexplicable comfort in the other broken person because we did not have to put on the masks we usually had to wear. I missed that about Loki.

I looked into his emerald eyes and took a deep, rather shaky breath before starting. “I’m scared” I said simply, realising how pathetic this sounded. “I’ve been terrified since the boys were born that the other alien thing I saw on Asgard will return to take them. Yet I tried to get passed it and give the boys a normal life. I send them to nursery school to mix with other infants their age. I work fulltime to provide for them. But now I can’t give them a normal life anymore, S.H.I.E.L.D. want me and the boys because of our connection to you” I stopped and tried to take a deep breath, drawing encouragement from Loki’s understanding gaze. “What happened with Dwight proved I can’t even look after myself let alone Narfi and Váli. I’m so scared…so scared that something bad is going to happen to them and I won’t be able to stop it. I’m a terrible mother Loki.” By the time I finished I was trembling and biting my lip to stop myself from crying again.

Loki immediately sat down bedside me on the bed when I finished, wrapping his arm around me. “You’ve been giving a very rough deal in life, Molly” he whispered, then kissed the top of my head. “You are not to blame for what happened with Dwight, he is. He chose to hurt you. Yet you chose to survive and be there for our boys. I am not going to pretend that I understand how you’ve been feeling since that day you encountered that creature on Asgard, my treatment of you or Dwight’s actions. Yet every day, you get up out of bed and continue to face life, no matter how trying it may get. That does not make you a failure that makes you a survivor.”

I struggled not to cry all the more at Loki’s words and merely shook my head indignantly. ”No-  ”

“It does” Loki interjected. “For instance, Just now when we were on the balcony, you set aside your own distress at the first sign of our son’s cries. You _are_ a survivor and you are a wonderful mother. You do everything to ensure their safety and happiness. You are the bravest person I have ever known.”

I gripped Loki’s hand in my own and looked into his emerald eyes lost for words. He stared at me in concern, his free hand cupping my cheek. “You look exhausted, Molly darling” he whispered. “And you’re so pale and cold. I hate seeing you like this.”

I wiped my eyes and tried to force a smile. “I’m sorry, normally I cope better. Just with the twins teething I’m getting less sleep and now this sudden move. It’s taken a lot out of me that’s why I look so tired. And well, I’m always pale when…”  I immediately stopped talking and looked away from Loki feeling slightly awkward.

“When what?” he asked, tilting my head to his direction once again.

Feeling Loki would get the truth out of me one way or another, I merely rolled my eyes “When I have my period” I mumbled quietly. “Just makes me paler than usual. Plus I usually have tablets to help with the pain.”

“I see. Are you in much pain?” Loki asked, his eyes looking over me once more. He did not look awkward or embarrassed by my admission but concerned.

“A little more than usual, but I forgot to pack my hot water bottle and Anadin.”

“You need to look after yourself, Molly darling. Stress can damage the body and mind”

I rolled my eyes making Loki slightly smile. “I’m just tired more than anything else” I whispered.

“Then rest” Loki whispered, letting go of my hand.

“But I want to talk to you” I argued feeling my heart fall slightly. “You said you would tell me why you left me in Asgard. You promised you would explain everything.”

“And I will darling, I promise” Loki answered standing upright. “But you need to sleep right now. It’s very late. I will return another time to discuss that.”

“Stay?” I asked, my eyes silently pleading with him. “We don’t have to talk, but I want you to stay with me tonight, please?”

Loki’s face broke into a soft smile. “You do?”

I nodded, “I really do” I answered scooting awkwardly up the bed before settling in, pulling the blanket up around me.

I watched as Loki whispered quietly with his eyes closed causing his formal clothing of black, green and gold to fade until he stood only in a long dark green tunic and black pants that seemed as tight as leggings. He approached the bed rather slowly and hesitated slightly as he pulled back the blanket. “Would you prefer if I stayed outside the duvet?” he asked quietly.

I searched his eyes in silence for a moment before answering. “Inside” I whispered and for some reason my heart raced rapidly at my answer.

Loki settled into the bed beside and we both lay flat on our backs, bodies not touching in an awkward silence for a few moments until I broke into a fit of giggles.

Loki started chuckling beside me before turning on his side to face me better and gently held my hand. “Anyone would think we were blushing virgins” he said flatly, causing me to giggle even more.

I turned my head to the side to look at him properly, his green eyes were sparkling, his mouth curled into a mischievous smile. There he was, _my Loki_. “I guess Váli and Narfi are immaculate conceptions then?” I whispered, one eyebrow raised.

“Ehehehehehe” Loki shook with a stifling laughter beside me. It was rare to hear him laugh so hard and I couldn’t help but smile warmly at the rather dorky, but familiar sound. “They are many things, but perhaps not that” he whispered, his face still lit up in happy smile. “However, they are so beautiful.”

“I know, they take after you” I answered simply, gripping his hand slightly tighter.

Loki’s face looked flushed with happiness and a sudden shyness. “You should be sleeping. I am only keeping you awake.”

I shrugged. “I missed this, just lying beside you. Besides it’s a good distraction from my period pain.”

Loki smiled. “I missed you too. You’ve no idea…in my darkest moments, this is what got me through, darling. Imagining myself lying beside you, hearing you smile and laugh” he said softly, his eyes roaming over my face as though he were drinking me in. “But you need to sleep. I have an idea to ease you pain. May I?” he asked, gently brushing his hand over my stomach.

I nodded and felt a sudden rush of warmth where Loki pressed his hand down on my abdomen. “Is that better?” he whispered.

“Yes” I answered quietly, sighing at the slight relief. His hand was as comforting as a hot water bottle against my skin. “Could you go a little lower?”

I felt Loki’s hand dip slightly further down just where my tank top ended. “It would probably work better if I directly touched your skin” Loki stated and gently tugged up my top.

“NO!” I immediately cried out, my hand flying out to catch his own and still his actions. I sat up quickly to catch a glimpse at the twins who thankfully, did not hear my sudden outburst, before lying back down again.

“I-I’m sorry, darling” Loki whispered, suddenly looking tremendously guilty. “I-I got carried away. I forgot, of course after Dwight you obviously do not want to be touched directly. I’m so sorry.”

I lay there heart beating rapidly for a moment, my mind feeling slightly torn. Sure I was wary about being touched after what happened with Dwight. It made me nauseous every time I relived it the experience in my mind. However, I was also hesitant of Loki seeing my body now. He had seen me naked many times before, even when I felt insecure towards the end of my pregnancy, but this was different. Now, no longer pregnant, I still felt immensely insecure of how I looked. I felt this way since the day I fought with Loki on Asgard. I still remembered his words _. I see a fat female mortal. One who is neither beautiful nor intelligent... Just look at you! … My, you have let yourself go. Every time I fucked you I imagined being with someone else. You disgust me. So tell me, why on Asgard would a god such as myself ever love you?_ Now, months after I looked no better. My stomach was slightly puffy, no longer smooth like before I had the twins, with stretchmarks still visible. And even those magazines Stark showed me earlier drew attention to my still curved belly. Truthfully I was ashamed for Loki to see me now.

Loki watched me in silence, looking slightly conflicted. Finally a dawning understanding expression seemed to rise on his face. “Molly, you’re not dwelling on what I said to you on Asgard? I did not mean- ”

“I’m tired” I whispered and turned on my side, my back to Loki’s front. Loki lapsed into silence and I felt guilty for the sudden change of mood I had caused between us. I reached around and found his hand and lightly placed it on my lower stomach once more. I felt a sudden rush of warmth once more that immediately eased my cramps. I smiled “Thank you” I whispered, my eyes drifting close.

Loki kissed the back of my head, keeping one warm hand firmly on my middle. “No darling, thank you” he whispered. “Sleep now, my sweet girl. I will be here all night.”

***

I awoke in what felt like mere minutes later “Molly darling?”

I groaned and pulled the blanket up tighter around me. I still had bad period pain and refused point blank to move from my curled up cosy position.

“Molly?” the smooth, deep voice called again.

Recognising the voice, I immediately opened my eyes to see Loki peering down at me, in the early dawn light. He was fully dressed once again.

“What’s wrong?” I whispered, sitting up right quickly and looking on the direction of their travel crib.  “Is it Váli and Narfi?”

“No, darling” Loki answered, “I have to go for now. I wanted to say goodbye before I left and promise you that I will return.”

I scrambled out of bed quickly. “Go? But you only just got here?” I argued defiantly.

Loki’s face which a few hours ago was filled with happiness now looked solemn. “I know, but my sudden reappearance will only lead to further complications with the others. Thor, along with some of the Avengers, have just arrived at the house.”

“Oh” I answered, knowing Loki’s presence would indeed cause a significant uproar amongst the others.

Loki looked down at me with a slightly regretful stare, “I hate to leave you and our sons again. I will miss you. And I have barely seen them at all.”

I suddenly reached for my necklace, lifting it from where it was tucked beneath my tank top and handed it to Loki.

“What’s this?” he asked, opening the locket. I watched his eyes widen a little at the images inside – a photograph on either side of Váli and Narfi.

“It was a birthday gift from Thor and Jane” I explained, “but you can borrow it, if you like? That way you can see them whenever you want. It’s not the same, of course but - ”

“Thank you, Molly” he whispered, his eyes not leaving the locket. I heard an outbreak of deep laughter from somewhere in the house it sounded like Thor’s. Loki quickly placed the necklace over his own neck and tucked the locket down the front of his clothes, hiding it from view. “I will return, I promise. Should you ever feel scared or alone again, just call for me” his eyes were slightly glassy as he looked at me.

I nodded, feeling my own eyes fill now. Loki stepped closer to me, bending slightly and placing a soft kiss on my forehead. I immediately caught his lips in a firm kiss as he pulled away. Loki eyebrows raised in surprise, but he made no comment merely kissed me back. We stayed like that for some time, softly kissing, Loki firmly gripping my waist and holding me close to him. It felt wonderful to kiss Loki again, it was comforting and familiar and full of love. All my troubles and worries and pain seemed to melt away as I kissed him.

Finally we stepped back from one another, both slightly out of breath and faces flushed as there was a quiet knock on the door.

“I will return to the three of you” Loki promised in a whisper. He looked happier now, even as his body shimmered and faded from my sight. “Goodbye, darling.”

“Goodbye” I whispered quietly, as the bedroom door opened and I saw Thor standing there looking around the room almost warily until his eyes settled on the crib. I felt a prickle of panic at Thor’s abrupt appearance, for what if Thor heard Loki, or Heimdall informed him he had been here?  

“Goodbye?” he asked bemused, his bright blue eyes looking me up and down almost sceptically. “But I only just got here?”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	10. Caught

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some of you may have noticed that I have reposted this chapter. I realized just now that I posted a draft last night instead of the actual, proof read chapter! So sorry! Anyway hope ye enjoy! :) xxx

Chapter Eleven - Caught

For the following few days I was torn between a short happiness and a great fear. I was elated to know Loki had appeared to comfort me when I felt hopeless and lost. However, simultaneously I feared that Thor, Darcy, Stark or the other Avengers would rediscover that Loki had once again made contact with me. I felt horribly guilty that I had not told them that one of the people that they searched for slept in my bed and comforted me and my boys during the night. Yet I did not dare to breathe a word about it to anyone. I figured it would cause far too much outrage. Most of the Avengers hated Loki. Whilst Stark and Thor at least understood why I would always be in some form connected to him, I doubted even they would understand why I suddenly allowed him back in my life. And whilst I hated not being completely honest, I decided it was best for now, at least until Loki told me everything about his past behaviour. Once I had all the facts then I could be honest with the others and explain if Loki would remain part of my life.

Fortunately, the Avenger’s had resembled in the new lake house location and my mixed emotions were largely unnoticed. Váli and Narfi were kept entertained by the presence of Uncle Thor, Uncle Stark and Aunty Darcy and also had the new company of Romanov (Aunty Tash), Barton (Uncle Bart) and Banner (Uncle Banban). Everyone seemed to fight for time to spend with the boys and as such took turns to feed them, take them for walks or just play with them. Thankfully both Váli and Narfi were kept far too busy to miss their old home and routine too much. For the next few days they were in the hands of earth’s mightiest heroes. Their squeals of delight usually meant that they were being spoiled by the attention of their extended family, each of which showed a surprising flair for parenting. Barton was surprisingly gentle and at ease whilst Romanov, in particular was besotted with the boys and often insisted to help change or feed them, much to Thor’s annoyance who was used of helping out in those areas. She was a natural with them, warm and kind, very patient and I even spotted her engaging in babytalk when feeding the boys at breakfast. She merely eyed me coldly as though silently warning me to not tell the others what I witnessed. Not wanting to piss this particular Avenger off I nodded and smiled lightly in response. Romanov and Banner took the twins for a walk in the stroller most evenings before dinner to soothe them before bed. I suspected that there was a budding romance between Banner and Romanov that grew more apparent as each day passed as they rarely were accompanied without the other, with smiles of adoration on the others faces. The general good vibes brought into the house from the other Avengers seemed to rub off onto the twins. Perhaps it was the fresh air or the constant excitement of having the Avengers around, but both boys were happier these days, even their teething seemed to have calmed down for now. They were less fussy, more prone to giggles and were constantly forming noises of delight. Thor expected their first words would come any day now. Váli had even learned to pull himself upright just as he his brother had, much to everyone’s enjoyment. Darcy spent her time trying to find a new job as she feared that old S.H.I.E.L.D. members may have being surveying her at her old one. She searched fruitlessly each day but seemed to find nothing. I wondered if she truly wanted to go back out into the working sphere as after what happened with Dwight it was clear her safety was at risk, just as much as mine and my boys. Truthfully, I did not blame her. In the end Stark offered her a job that seemed to involve keeping track of the Avengers. From what I could gather, there seemed to be some new recruits but I had not yet met with them. Though everyone seemed positive and happy, it was clear there was a reason for them meeting at the lakehouse. My safety and consequently their's had been compromised. They were uneasy, if not slightly fearful. No one voiced this aloud of course, but it was evident that the Avengers feared the security breach could lead to an attack. Dwight’s behaviour; his stalking and monitoring of Darcy, Stark, the boys and I had shaken all of us. His actions, the assault - alerted us to the dangers of mere mortals. I knew the others were researching and forming a plan to understand Dwight and his motivations and try to see if there were other people, who like Dwight, saw myself or the boys as highly profitable assets in the right hands. I began to feel guilty when I realised I was the reason they were all here right now. I seemed to be causing trouble with or without Loki.

Rogers was the only Avenger not present and I still did miss him. I may not agree with everything he said in the past but he was a good man with a good heart. However Stark refused to even mention him, so for now I did not question him about Rogers. I felt it was a no-go area with all the others present. Maybe once we were alone, I could wrangle the truth from Stark about where Rogers was and why he had suddenly left.

The trouble was, Stark was uncommonly busy these days. He was nearly always in talks with the others, particularly Thor or Banner and rarely spent time alone with me. For some unfathomable reason, I suspected Stark was actively avoiding being alone in my presence – though why I could not say. I only grew wary of his increased glances across a crowded room, his insistence that I was left in the company of another and his generally less charming attitude. He was not cold – no on the contrary, he was nice towards me when we were together, usually around an overcrowded dinner table during the evenings. The trouble was Stark was acting far too nice, not his usual bantering, flirtatious self that I had grown accustomed to. It made me uneasy. Perhaps, he also realised I was causing all this turbulence in the Avengers lives. He too had his privacy exposed through knowing me. Perhaps Stark was growing weary of looking out for me. Again, I grew hurtful and even more withdrawn from the others. I seemed to be hurting everyone around me. 

As the days progressed I realised I had left many of the twins belongings back at Stark’s Tower. Many items such as their spare toys, blankets, clothes and other essential comforts that could not be bought or easily replaced and knew I would need to return to Stark’s Tower soon. I eventually brought this up over dinner where Stark offered to take me to the Tower the following day. I was slightly surprised by this but merely thanked him in response.

“Be ready to rock at the car by six a.m., Red,” he said from across the table as we ate dinner. “I have to go back to New York for a few meetings. You'll have to spend a night or two at the Tower while I’ll wrap up a few things at work though.”

“That’s perfect, Stark” I answered, finding Stark’s gentle manner unnerving. “I don’t mind. Váli and Narfi- ”

“- will stay with us” Thor declared looking slightly defiant under my sudden blaring gaze. “It's for their own good, Molly. The journey alone would agitate and confuse them.”

I reluctantly nodded, hating that Thor was right. I loved my boys and hated being without them, but New York was not safe for them right now.

“I will look after them, Molly” Thor vowed, his eyes suddenly solemn.

“We all will” Banner promised, smiling slightly at Thor’s dramatic tone of voice.

I nodded and finished my dinner in silence, listening to the others talk away, my mind adrift.

That night I tucked the twins in myself and said my goodbyes so that I would not disturb in the morning. I barely had them asleep when I gave in to exhaustion myself.

Though I had great help with the boys the last few days I was still exhausted most of the time. I felt as though my mind was constantly struggling to just get through the day. I would dwell away on Loki and the guilt and happiness his presence meant. I would then feel guilty for the strain I was putting on the Avengers, in particular Stark. I feared they were growing tired of looking out for me. I became swamped in my thoughts; often wondering about the past and recent events, and particularly about Dwight. I could not seem to forget what happened with him. I felt such pain, anger and hurt at unpredictable times and began to question if I would ever shake it completely. It was another scar – a deeply hidden one – on a body and mind that had already endured so much. Would I always be so tired from constant fighting? For every day was slowly becoming a struggle - always fighting my inner dark thoughts and holding on. I tried to keep going for my boys, but I began to slowly fade away especially as the others seemed to care for the boys recently and make them happier than I ever could. I was letting them down too, my beautiful boys. I was failing as a mother. I began to retreat into the darkness of my mind. In short, I was unhappy and confused. I felt l was drowning in my darkest thoughts. I did not cry, no once. I seemed to not be able to. My sadness was beyond tears.

I dreamed of Loki that night. I dreamed he was stroking my hair as I slept by his side, his cool body moulded against mine from behind. “It’s ok, darling” he would whisper. “I am here.” My dreams was where I was most happy.

By the time morning came, I still felt tired but rose at five thirty quickly dressed in jeans and a hoodie, tied my hair in a haphazard bun and went to meet Stark by the car. I paused briefly by Thor’s room where the twins travel cot was set up and watched them from the ajar door. They were both fast asleep, only their silky tufts of jet black hair visible. My eyes filled as I felt the sudden weight of guilt at being a terrible mother. They deserved my full attention, a normal stable life and a father. How like Loki they looked, so much so it would pain me at times.

Stark was already in his car when I got outside and I quickly got in remaining silent. I was in no mood for Stark’s pretence or false smiles right now.

“So, you gonna be silent the whole trip them or what?” Stark asked casually as we pulled out of the driveway.

I sneered. “Yeah ‘cuz you’ve been full of chat these days” I answered derisively.  

“I’m surprised you even noticed” Stark shot back, taking a quick glance at me. I immediately saw his chocolate eyes were sparkling with charm once more. “You’ve been so damn withdrawn, I didn’t think you'd even notice, honey.”

I paused, briefly shifting uncomfortably in the car seat. _Trust Stark to notice my withdrawal._ “I-I’ve had a lot on my mind” I replied truthfully.

“I know, that why I was so glad to take this trip with you alone” Stark confessed as he turned onto a main road that the steep driveway led to.

“Why alone?” I asked, feeling slightly surprised.

“I didn’t want Thor eavesdropping or the others for that matter” he answered confidently. “So, you gonna tell me what’s on your mind or what?”

For a brief second I considered telling Stark about Loki’s reappearance, about my sadness, my pain and anger that seemed always on the surface since Dwight’s attack and my mused failings as a mother. My guilt that I was letting everyone down and pushing them away. Instead I bit my lip. “Just stuff,” I answered in a quiet voice.

“That stuff wouldn’t have to do with a certain Rock of Ages that was creeping in your bedroom the other night, would it?” he asked casually, though I detected a flash of annoyance in his eyes.

My eyes could widen in shock at Stark’s statement.

“Oh yeah” Stark answered, his voice now filling with rage. “I know about Loki’s little secret rendezvous with you the other night. So, start again and tell me truthfully why the hell you’re not only wasting valuable Avenger’s time on searching for that jackass, but also why it has made you so damn sad.”

“I don’t know - ”

“Shut it, Red” Stark spat angrily making my heart feel as though it had stopped. Stark had never been angry with me before and worse yet, I felt guilty for wasting his and the other Avengers time. “Don’t lie to me. Now tell me where dear old Reindeer Games is hiding. I want a word with him.”

 

 

 


	11. Mama

Chapter Twelve - Mama

I remained silent for the rest of the journey. I did not want the fight, knowing Stark wouldn't believe if I said I did not know where Loki was. I did not speak or look at Stark as he continued to ask me about his whereabouts. I did not flinch when his tone went from annoyance to rage. Gradually he slipped into silent but angry glares. Fortunately his attention was redirected by a business phone call, followed by two more of the same. I knew this was far from over though. Stark was not one to surrender easily and if he wanted to know or say something, then goddamn it, he was going to find a way to do it. It was with a great relief that I saw the New York City skyline emerge across the horizon.

“Pull over” I said roughly, my voice a little gruffer then I meant to be from refraining from talking for so long. “Please” I added, trying to remain polite. "You can drop me off anywhere here. The Tower's only a couple of blocks way" I added, pointing vaguely up a street where the top of Stark's Tower could be seen between two buildings in the distance. "I can walk from here."

“Like hell I will!” Stark cried. “Not on your life. I need answers. I’ll drop you off inside the Tower once we’ve had a proper talk. So we stay cruising around New York all day if we have to.”

“Please, Stark I-“

“For Christ’s sake, Red!” he snapped. “Haven’t you learned anything? People, ex S.H.I.E.L.D. agents and god knows who else are actively searching for you! You can’t go wondering around the city by yourself! And could you please not do or say anything awful for five seconds? ”

I flinched slightly noting his behaviour towards me was suddenly corrosive. Something was wrong between us – an unspeakable frustration, a separation of what was once familiar. “Exactly” I answered, trying to remain calm and emotionless. “People are searching for me. And they’ll probably start by trying to find you. Go about your business today Stark, openly. If you are seen – which you will be, I won’t be with you. It’s better this way. I'll go straight to the Tower through the side door.”

Stark sighed and reluctantly pulled into a free space at the side of the street. “Is that what you want?” he asked, a strain evident in his tone.

I paused and turned to face him. “Excuse me?” I asked, thinking I had misheard him.

“Is that what you want, Red?” Stark asked quietly, still staring ahead, despite the fact that the car was in park now. “Do you want to part ways with me?”

“Tony?” I responded quickly, forcing a laugh and ignoring the knot forming in my stomach. “I’ll answer your questions but right now I just need some time alone. That doesn’t mean I don’t care about you. You’re my friend. You’re my family.”

“You gonna break this old mans heart?” Stark asked, his voice surprisingly soft all of a sudden. 

“What?”

Stark sighed once more. “You really don’t see it, do you?” he asked, he turned his head so that I could see his face. His chocolate eyes were tired looking. I did not get a chance to answer before he rushed along. “If you think of me as family then why can’t I drop you off at the Tower? You can tell all about Loki there. More importantly, I need to know what’s going on with you. You’re not yourself.”

“I’ve had- ”

“A lot on your plate” Stark answered for me with a knowing stare. “With the Other, the twins and even work. You’re whole life changed so quickly. Yet, you were coping and you and I were becoming close. Since Dwight and since all the threat on our privacy, you’ve shut down. You barely speak, you barely eat. I know you must have a million questions and probably are scared to death but you say nothing. I’m worried. The last time I seen you like this was right after you had the twins.”

“It’s not like that this time” I answered quickly.

“But back then, you retreated into your mind” Stark answered softly. “You had just given birth. You were recovering from the emergency section, from the trauma of The other. You didn’t speak, you were drip fed. You wouldn’t even hold the boys. You didn’t want to.”

I swallowed thickly, the memory still painful, though blurred right after their birth. Stark was right, I did not feed them, hold them or see them. I did not want to. I did not eat or drink or speak – only one angry outburst for which I had to be restrained right after Thor mentioned Loki’s name. Flash after blurred flash kept running through my mind. I had expected to die and was shocked to find I lived, without Loki. The only memory of the twins first few hours was glimpses of their dark tufts of jet black hair, their screaming cry so sorrowful as though they mimicked my own sorrow during that time. I could not hold them because I knew they would look like Loki, the man who abandoned me, who bartered me and my sons. A few days later I saw Thor holding the twins in the nursery and talking to them. I stepped in curiously watching how easy Thor made it look for some time until slowly he passed Narfi into my arms and then Váli. I saw their curious beautiful expressions, their lily white skin, and their pale mint eyes. They were undoubtedly like their father, but to my surprise I also saw myself. Their pale mint eyes were as though my own light green eyes and Loki’s emerald one had been mixed exactly in proportion together to form their mint green ones. I saw myself in them. I saw Loki. And I saw the future – my future. I fell in love. Gradually, I tore myself out of the dark pit I had carved and started living once again. In a weird way, seeing how much my boys resembled Loki was no longer a bad concept in my mind but good – no a wonderful one. Despite whatever had happened between Loki and I, he gave me two children who I loved.

“You’re slowly withdrawing again” Stark continued, tearing me out of my memories. “You might be present in a room but you don’t talk, you barely smile or eat. You’re sleeping when the twins are being looked after by the guys. You’re sleeping a lot.”

“It’s not like that now” I started attempting to reassure Stark. “I – mostly I’m just being quite silly. You see I’m…” my trailed off. I cleared my throat trying to distract myself from crying.

“You’re mostly what, Red?” Stark pressed.

I shook my head.

“Red, you know you can trust me, right?” Stark said, lightly squeezing my hand on my knee. I smiled a little and nodded. “Let's just take a day or two to work through whatever is bothering you. First let's grab some food, huh? Have you ever tried shawarma? There's a shawarma joint about two blocks from here. I don't know what it is, but I wanna try it. You can tell me there what has you _mostly_ upset."

I started to laugh quietly, which was an amazing feat considering how low I felt. "Stark, I - I just" I shrugged uselessly. 

"Look Red, I promise I’ll give you time, space, shawarma - whatever you need. Just tell me what you’re feeling.”

Finally I shrugged, still smiling a little. “In short, I'm anxious” I whispered with a dry smile.

“And I'm volatile, self-obsessed, and don't play well with others" Stark confessed bluntly causing me to suddenly giggle. Stark chuckled quietly. "What I mean is, it's ok to be anxious and it's good that you've acknowledged that. After everything recently with Dwight and the privacy threat well, it's bound to have taken it's toll. Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” he asked, lightly gripping my hand with his own that was resting on my knee. “I would help you, honey. With anything.”

I immediately yanked my hand out of his reach. “Stark, I -I”

Stark nodded, looking slightly hurt. “Red, I just want us to be back the way we were.”

“I know. I just need time to think” I answered and slowly undid my safety belt. “Please Stark don’t tell the others about Loki. Not tell I’ve heard him out properly. I need to know why he did what he did.”

“I’m going to be two nights here in New York so use that time to unwind and clear your head. I’m scheduled in for meetings and conference calls at all hours of the day so I’ll probably end up crashing in the garage for sleep. But on our journey back to the lakehouse, I need you to promise me you’ll tell me about Loki. I'll keep what I know about loverboy quiet until then” Stark replied, yet he sounded flat, almost hurt by what he was saying.

I nodded and made to get out of the car. Stark immediately grabbed my arm. “Jarvis will keep an eye on you. Call me if you need anything, anytime, alright?”

I nodded once more, trying to clear my throat. “And promise me you won’t leave the Tower for the next two days?”

“I promise, Stark” I answered quickly. “Thank you, for understanding.”

Stark reached across the car and hugged me awkwardly, I hugged back feeling guiltier than ever. "We'll get shawarma some other time, I promise."

"That's my girl" Stark answered, his voice oddly gruff. He kissed my cheek before I exited the car, pulling my hood up and springing my backpack from the boot of the car. I gave a slight smile at Stark who hooted twice before speeding off again.  

***

When I reached Stark’s Tower I was relieved to be inside from the hectic New York streets. I immediately changed into shorts and tank top – my comfort clothes. I walked aimlessly back and forth from my bedroom to the boys for a half hour packing essential items in bags without really concentrating on what I was doing. I found it weird to suddenly be on my own after spending the last few days in the constant company of others, or indeed without the usual presence of Stark and the boys. Giving up on packing for the time being, I went downstairs in the hope of distracting myself. My stomach grumbled loudly as I entered the living room but I merely eyed the kitchen before plonking myself down on the sofa.

“Jarvis?” I asked politely feeling slightly foolish as I spoke.

“Yes, Ms Wilde?” the smooth clip tone of Jarvis responded as though he were physically present on the room with me.

“Could you call Dr. Banner or Thor?” I queried. “Erm, please? I just want to check in on the twins.”

“Certainly Madam” he answered and the TV screen in front of me suddenly came to life. I watched as it automatically switched to a video call display page. “May I suggest we try ringing Ms Natasha Romanov or Ms Darcy Lewis? They are more likely to answer a call?”

I smiled slightly. _Of course, Dr Banner rarely answered his phone – apparently the Avengers had better means of communication I was not aware of yet. As for Thor, well, I only saw him once with a mobile phone in his hand. He was more excited about the Y.M.C.A. ring tone than anything else._ “Yes, thank you Jarvis” I replied before quickly adding. “Actually could you call Tash? And just make it a voice call – no face time?” I did not want to ask probing questions from Darcy. She knew me just as well as Stark did. Nor did I want Natasha to see me face to face – I simply was not in the mood.

“As you wish, Ms Wilde” Jarvis said and I watched as the TV screen suddenly displayed a dial pad and her number automatically dialled through. Natasha picked it up on the first ring.

“Hey Stark?” she asked, sounding happy. I could hear a sharp squeal in the background and smiled instinctively recognising it as Váli.

“Actually, it’s Molly” I answered quickly.

“Oh, hey Molls!” Romanov answered as another squeal followed. _Narfi_ , I recognised this time.

“Sorry to disturb you guys. I’m just checking in on the boys. Any problems?”

“Nah, they’re fine, Molls” Romanov answered. “Banner and I have them down by the lake. They're watching Thor throw Mjolnir back and forth. You should see them! They’re laughing so hard right now – it’s the cutest thing!”

I grinned at the image. “That’s great! Could you take some photos and send them on?”

“Sure thing. Everything ok on your end?”

“Ya everything is fine here!” I answered trying to sound chirpy.

“Good, good. Hold on, I’m going to put you on loudspeaker” I waited and heard muffling as Natasha adjusted her phone to loudspeaker. “Now, say hi to Mama boys!” Romanov squealed.

I laughed. “How are my little princes keeping?” I cooed and immediately heard Narfi’s squeal of delight. “Are you being good for Aunty Tash?”

I heard another squeal from Narfi followed by a male laughing. “Define good?” Banner asked, the amusement running clear in his tone. “Váli” he continued. “That’s your mommy! Say Hi to momma!” he encouraged. Narfi squealed again.

“Molls you should see Váli right now, he’s looking right into the phone!” Tash exclaimed. “I swear he knows its yo- ”

“Ma…ma” I heard a voice babble. I froze, my eyes widening.

“What the…?” Banner murmured.

“Oh my god” Romanov whispered. “Váli, what did you say sweetie? Say it again now, Mama?”

“Mama?” the voice chipped again – the unmistakable soft tone of an infant’s first words.

“Oh my god, Molls? Are you hearing this?!” Romanov squealed. “That’s it sweetie, Mama. Mama!”

“Mama” he repeated, his voice so sweet in my ears. “Mama.”

“I hear it!” I squealed, my heart fit to burst with a sudden rush of happiness and pride. “Good boy! Oh my sweet Váli!”  Then there was nothing, silence.

“Váli, answer Mama again!” Romanov pleaded.

“Mama, mama!” he repeated, slightly louder this time and with humour. I suddenly felt my heart fall when I realised who Váli was referring to.

“Tash, I think he’s calling you Mama” I whispered, my sudden happiness gone. My heart quickly fell. “He’s only responding to your voice, not mine.”

There was an awkward pause. “No Molly” it was definitely you he was calling” Banner said suddenly though I could hear the doubt in his voice.

“Yeah Molls” Romanov started. “It- ”

“Mama?” Váli called again.

“See? He just did it again Tash” I answered and forced a laugh. “He thinks you’re his mother. He probably thinks Banner is his dad. Thor too.”

“Molly, I’m sorry. I probably confused them-”

“Tash, its fine” I answered trying to sound amused. “Listen, I have to go now. I’m busy packing. Call me if you have any trouble with them, ok?”

“Of course, I will. But Molly, I- ” Romanov started.

“Bye Tash” I added, finalising the conversation and quickly reached for the remote to turn off the TV. I sat there in silence for several second, my eyes filling quickly.

“Ms Wilde, are you alright?” Jarvis quipped suddenly.

“Fucking brilliant!” I snapped and through the remote control at the television screen.

“Ms Wilde, perhaps I should call Stark?” Jarvis asked. “I suggest you calm down whilst I inform him of your emotional state.”

 “Jarvis, I expressly forbid you to inform Stark of that phone call or me- ”

“I insist-”

“I. DON’T. CARE!” I shrieked loudly. “Stark said I have equal control over you, so you have to follow my orders. Isn’t that correct?”

There was a light pause. “Yes, Ms Wilde.”

“Excellent, then do as I say, got it?” I snapped and stood up trembling. I quickly made my way to Stark’s mini-bar in the far side of the living room and poured myself a large glass of whiskey.

“Ms Wilde” Jarvis started again. “I don’t think you should-”

“MUTE!” I ordered sharply and downed half the glass. I glimpsed myself in the mirrored reflection of the bar before picking up the whiskey bottle and firing it at the glass shelf. The glass shelf immediately collapsed and shattered, the noise deafening.

“Molly darling?” a voice asked behind me quietly.

I turned and faced the voice. Loki was standing there in his usual regal outfit. I clutched the glass tumbler of whiskey tighter in my hand as I stared at him.

 _Was I surprised to see Loki? No_.

I was too upset to even question how he knew where I was.

“He doesn’t know me” I whispered, a tear running down my face.

Loki’s brow knotted – an obvious sign of confusion. “Who doesn’t know you?”

“Váli – he called Tash Mama” I explained. “He doesn’t know me. Or else he prefers Tash as a mother. That’s probably it.”

“Molly, of course he knows you!” Loki exclaimed approaching me. “You’re his mother. You carried him. You gave birth to him.”

“No, he doesn’t know me. And he certainly doesn’t prefer me. I didn’t give birth either. It was a C-section” I answered, sipping the whiskey from the glass in my shaking hand. “Emergency caesarean.”

 “What difference does that make?” Loki asked, eyeing me drinking the whiskey with a wary expression on his features. “You still brought him into the world, did you not? And his brother.”

“Brought him into the world?” I laughed again, the sound unnatural in my ears. “I didn’t bring him into the world” I sat down my drink on the counter and lifted my vest. Loki’s eyes widened as he looked upon my caesarean scar for the first time. He had not seen it before having tended only the wounds Dwight had given me during the assault, therefore missing the sight of my abdomen. I traced the scar gruffly, poking my finger into my pudgy flesh in disgust before letting my top fall back down once more. “They were torn from my body.”

Loki eyes seemed to still stare at the spot of my scar as though it were visible through my tank top. “It doesn’t matter” he answered, his emerald eyes finally finding my face.

“What?” I asked incredulously.

“It doesn’t matter” he repeated stepping closer to me and stopping me from reaching the glass of whiskey once more. “It doesn’t matter how you brought them into the world, the point is you did. It’s still giving birth in my eyes. Narfi and Váli love you. I saw it clear as day last week. Váli was calling out for you, not for Romanov.”

I shook my head. “I-I…” I made to reach for the glass again but Loki quickly grasped both my wrists and held me tight. I was unravelling, steeped in pain and confusion.

“No, Molly” he said, suddenly sounding annoyed as I struggled to get out of his grasp. “You think you can escape this with alcohol?”

“Well, you escaped for seven fucking months for reasons I still don't know so why can’t I escape for a few fucking hours?!” I snapped.

Loki immediately let go, his eyes looking at me as though he could not believe what he was hearing. “You are right…” he mumbled. “Yet I am back now. I will explain myself.”

“It’s too late, Loki” I mumbled.

“It’s never too late, Molly” Loki answered, lowering his frame slightly so to press his forehead lightly against mine. “You are upset. We can talk. I can help you. You promised me, Molly, the last night we were together. You promised you would tell me if you needed help. Talk to me, please.”

His words washed over me, his deep warm breath soothing. I could smell his deep peppermint scent and without thinking, I kissed him, pressing my lips forcefully against his. Loki kissed back with urgency, his mouth opening slightly, his warm breath spilling into my mouth, his taste divine, his tongue anxiously meeting mine as we kissed. The only noise was our mingled heavy breathing. Suddenly, I bit down on Loki’s hard – hard enough for him to hiss in pain, followed by a taste of copper. He did not stop kissing me, in fact he got rougher, both his hands finding either of my hips and gripping me roughly. He picked me up, my legs wrapping around his waist as my hands circled his back, holding on to him tightly. He groaned, and sat me quickly on the counter, waving one hand so that the shards of glass from the shelves I had broken vanished magically. He started to grind against my core, his erection sending a delicious shock of friction throughout me. I shivered, moaning wantonly feeling slightly dizzy as we still kissed roughly. Suddenly his hands slid from my hips to the end of my tank top and pulled it up, his other pressed against the lower end of my caesarean scar. That was when I paused, panic rippling through my body.

Loki would see my pudgy belly. Worse yet he would see the scar. Would he still find me desirable? _Every time I fucked you I imagined being with someone else. You disgust me._  Loki’s words from over several months ago poured into my mind and I suddenly felt nauseous. He tugged my tank top impatiently, silently waiting for me to raise my hands to remove it. I did not. He then sighed and impatiently put his free hand on my breast, squeezing lightly. I cried out but Loki, mistaking this for passion, continued. Yet now I thought of Dwight, of his cruelty, his vicious assault, his hands on my body my breasts without consent. My body went limp against his, all passion and lust gone. Loki continued his lips moving to my neck. One hand still rhythmically squeezed my breast, the other traced my scar, though he was not looking directly at it. All the while he rubbed his erection between my legs. I felt numb – I felt as though I were only a plaything and did not move.

“Stop” I begged quietly, my breath shaking. I did not expect him to hear, so frenzied was his passionate pursuit but immediately his body went slack, muscles relaxing and I broke out of his grasp and pushed him back. Taking the hint he immediately stepped away from me.

“What is it, darling?” Loki whispered still panting, a light sheen of sweat on his face.

“I can’t…I don’t want you to see me. I think of Dwight touching me when I close my eyes” I shivered suddenly as my hot body went cool at once. “I – my thoughts are so muddled, Loki” I answered, slightly panting myself. “I’m so broken…so damaged.”

"No” Loki answered slowly. “We can go slower. Its delayed shock, it’s to be expected. You’re not broken, my darling girl. You’re perfect to me, do you understand?"

"I'm broken" I repeated. "broken, broken, broken. I fucking hate myself. I hate how I look. I hate myself for failing the boys, my friends, my family and for allowing Dwight to use me. I'm ugly and scarred and broken."

"Darling, none of that is true" Loki answered, yet as I stared at him I saw a spark of fear in his eyes. 

"You know it's true" I answered smiling slightly. "I can see the fear in your eyes."

"I fear the damage I caused, Molly Wilde" Loki answered, his voice wavering. I cocked my head in evident confusion and he continued slowly, his eyes never leaving mine. "I never meant to hurt you, but that's all I have ever done. If you feel broken, it's because I broke you."

I saw the glass of whiskey was still within my reach from where I sat on the counter. My shaking hand reached for the glass once more. I picked it up. "I can't do this anymore, Loki. I can't keep doing this. Either explain or leave. I honestly don't care anymore."

“Please, don’t do this” Loki whispered, yet he made no move to stop me. “I’ll tell you why I left right now. I’ll tell you everything, anything. Don’t switch off, Molly. Don't quench that fighting spirit.”

Loki’s silent plea made me pause. I lifted the glass to my mouth. "I don't care. I've had enough."

“Molly darling, please. Don’t become the coward I am. Trust me, your brief escape will not help you forget.”

"Escape?" I whispered and laughed dryly once more. "No, Loki, I see now Váli and Narfi are safer without me. Everyone is. I don't want to escape. I want to disappear. Help me disappear, Loki please."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	12. Admittance

Chapter Thirteen - Admittance

Loki raised one eyebrow arched as he stared at me in silence. For a second he seemed to look younger – no more than a boy, his features seemingly struggling to comprehend what I just said as though I slipped into another language altogether. “What?” he asked, his voice steeped in confusion. “What do you mean … ‘disappear’?” he continued to query. His panicked tone would be funny if it were not for the fearful look in his eyes. Suddenly, I was struck by how much he looked like Váli and Narfi. “Are you thinking of lea– no, you would never. Why would you even say such a thing?”

I shrugged and sipped down another taste of whiskey, the warm burning effect as it ran down my throat felt invigorating. I felt bolder now, or at least willing to be more honest. I had after all filled a glass tumbler of the amber liquid and half of that was gone.

“Molly?” he queried, his voice suddenly soft as though he were far away. He looked as though he was struggling to keep calm, but his emerald eyes were locked on mine completely transfixed. “I asked you, what do you mean?”

I shrugged once more and shook my head.

“TELL ME!” Loki suddenly cried, his voice sounding hoarse and damaged.

Immediately I jumped, slightly spilling some whiskey. I glanced across to see his emerald eyes crisscrossing my face as though he were reading a text. “It means, I’ve had enough” I answered, my voice surprisingly calm considering the tone of his outburst. “I want out. I can’t keep living in the shadows Loki. I can’t.” I knew I was explaining myself poorly but I didn’t know quite how else to say it, I swirled the glass lightly to busy myself from Loki’s burning stare.

“The shadows?” he asked, stepping towards me slowly as though I were a cornered frightened animal.

“Yes” I agreed, eyeing him warily. “Can you blame me? Let’s take it back a step. Two years ago I was building a career as an archaeologist, where on one particular job I discover a Norse god in a cave and set him free” I raised the glass in a mock ‘cheers’ signal and sipped some more whiskey. “Following that I get kidnapped, near starved, and held hostage essentially because I was pregnant with your ‘godly’ children. When freed, I was put in Stark’s Tower like some bizarre fucking fairytale” I laugh dryly. I was finally saying what was going on in my mind and suddenly found I could not stop. “Locked in his Tower, I start again. I take a holiday with my fiancé and find myself on another planet. I was put under a spell there, discovered my fiancé had lied to me and then I was tortured by this….thing on yet another planet” my hands were shaking now but I refused to stop. I could see Loki’s dark leather boots step into my line of vision where I was staring at the floor. Yet he moved soundlessly and made no attempt to stop me speaking. “I escape from that thing only to be verbally abused by my fiancé so much so I cannot bear to look at myself anymore.”

“Stop it, please” Loki begged suddenly. I quickly glimpsed at him to see his eyes were closed and looked as though he were battling against a great weight on his shoulders. He opened his eyes which were dark in their stare as they met my own. “Darling, I never meant to hurt you. Ever. It may not seem that way. And I never thought my words would leave such damage upon you.”

“Doesn’t matter” I answered quietly, quickly wiping my eyes.  

“Of course it does!” Loki snapped, stepping towards me. I immediately set down the glass on the counter just as Loki made to gently pull up my vest but either of my hands came up to catch his wrists.

“Loki, please-” I suddenly pleaded, feeling panicked.

“You must get over this self-hatred, Molly” he continued, pulling my vest up, ignoring my feeble attempts to stop him. I suddenly stared up at the ceiling, loathing every inch of my appearance, my breath stuck in my throat.

“Breathe, darling” Loki whispered. I met his stare, trembling slightly as he traced the vertical scar with a slim finger. I exhaled slowly. “Are you worried I dislike this scar?”

“You said I was hideous ... that the - my- stretchmarks. Your words in themselves left scars. Now I’ve a scar from the emergency caesarean and a pudgy belly,” I said, my voice quiet, filled with disgust. “I’ve tried all sorts to get rid of them, creams, oils, dieting – nothing works.”

Loki growled. “Why do Midgardians place so much emphasis on looks, even above their own health? You do not need to diet, Molly. You just gave birth under a year ago. In time your body will-”

“And of it doesn’t? What was it you said “Everytime I fucked you I thought of someone else”” I spat out bitterly.

“I did not mean that!” Loki exclaimed and traced the scar again. I made to push him away but suddenly he lowered himself so he faced my abdomen. I squirmed on the counter trying to move away but he grabbed my thighs tightly. “Stop trying to run away. Face this – face me. I love you. I love this” he whispered, his voice slightly forceful. He kissed my stretched, pudgy skin as my breathing went slightly ragged, my mind drawing a blank “It’s symbolic of what you did for me – bearing my children” he suddenly kissed up the vertical scar with feather light kisses. Loki’s kisses so familiar, taking me back to an action he had carried out countless times before. “And a scar of a warrior who survived. Personally, I hope you never get rid of it. What you see as flaws, I see as miracles – a testament of what we created” he whispered then suddenly wrapped his arms around me and rested his head against my chest. Automatically, habitually – I don’t really know which, I found myself wrapping my arms around him, one resting in his silk black hair. He hummed contently. “I missed this, I missed being with you. I love every inch of you.”

For a moment I simply continued stroking his hair but a small voice in my head grew louder – more irate with every passing second. _Tell him how you feel – how he made you feel._

I suddenly yanked Loki by his hair roughly away from my breasts. “I see that scar everyday and it only reminds me of your deceit and abandonment” I snarled and Loki suddenly stood upright once more, looking crestfallen. I pulled my vest down, covering myself once more “You know I care about you. But as a result of your verbal abuse, I went into early labour,” I suddenly clutched the glass, realising tears were streaming down my face. “I remember blood” I whispered. “I can’t just forget or forgive. I thought I was going to die because of you. The pain of the torture, the pain of your betrayal was all too much. I barely start to feel human again when I get sexually assaulted and realise my privacy, my sons privacy is all gone. Don’t you see? I’m always in the shadows, waiting for another horrible thing to happen.”

“I – I, thank you for finally opening up to me” Loki whispered, but he looked utterly woebegone. “I wish I could change what happened or have done more.”

“I can’t fight with you forever. I can’t keep starting over again. I can’t keep – I’m not an Avenger or a god” I explained, my eyes searching his for some understanding in his. “I’m not made to deal with all these things. I need to feel I can trust you again, especially with Váli and Narfi around. They deserve a mother who can cope, who can protect them. I can’t keep barely surviving anymore or risk their safety.”

“Yet, you have survived” Loki answered, quickly reaching for the glass in my hand. I handed it over without protest and he silently set it on the counter.

“Barely” I murmured, feeling slightly relieved I finally opened up.

“Inconsequential” Loki said, lightly, fixing my hair back from my face with his long slim fingers. I closed my eyes at his touch. “You have survived all of what you said. Not the Avengers nor ‘gods’ such as I or Thor have endured what you have. Give yourself credit, darling. You are far stronger than you think.”

“I can’t anymore” I answered, flickering my eyes opened as Loki sat beside me on the bar counter with all the ease and grace of a god.

“You can” Loki replied calmly. “And you will. This shadow you mentioned earlier. This constant fear of another bad thing happening, is your instinctual response to stay on guard. You must control it, darling, or the shadow will consume you.”

“How?” I queried lightly as Loki wrapped his arm around me lightly. We both knew we were far from fixed, but we still needed the comfort of each other. Not two moments ago I was livid with him, as he was with me, yet now. Perhaps we could voice our true anger and love with each other. I relaxed against him, trying not to overthink it.

“Shadows, darkness they are one in the same” Loki stated simply, his hand rubbing up and down my arm. “The good thing about them is that they can be broken by light.”

I laughed quietly. “Couldn’t you just make me disappear?” I asked. “Sounds a whole lot easier.”

Loki did not laugh but quickly gripped my chin and tilted my head up to look into his emerald eyes. “If you ever mention disappearing again. If you ever even _try_ to harm yourself in any way…” he took a breath but a single tear rolled down his cheek. He looked both terribly sad and angry despite his tears.

“Please don’t cry” I said, quickly wiping his tears away. “I’m not saying all of this to hurt you. But you need to know why I’m feeling this way. It’s escalated out of my control.”

“I want you to explain – I’m glad you’re opening up to me. But you should know there is no me without you” Loki said, lightly gripping my hand and kissing the back of it before setting it down on my lap. “If I were to exist and you did not… it would destroy me.”

“Yet you left me” I said quietly. “How is it fair that you left me alone? Why can’t I vanish like you did, huh?”

Loki paused, his hand suddenly resting on lower back now. “You functioned and got by without me.”

“Because I had to!” I suddenly exclaimed. “Because I had our sons to look after and care for! I thought you were dead, Loki. So don’t you dare judge me for continuing without you. What was I supposed to do?”

Loki suddenly laughed. A deep chuckle that resonated in his chest, his wonderful weird laugh that, despite the gravity of the situation, sent a thrill of warmth throughout my body. “Ehehehe, see you don’t realise what you just said, do you? You survived without me! If you had to, permanently, you could. Yet I could not live without you. I nearly died trying. You are stronger than me.”

“You have to tell me everything, Loki” I said. “I need to understand. I shared more than enough with you.”

Loki nodded, smiling a little. “To be fair darling, you had a little liquid courage helping you to share. In vino veritas.”

“Inconsequential” I added repeating his words from earlier, making Loki smile widely. “Now, it’s your turn to share.”

I half expected him to fight or protest in some way. What I did not expect was for him to lightly spring down from the counter. He offered me his hand as I raised an eyebrow suspiciously. “What the hell are you doing?”

He smiled slightly. “I know you still do not trust me fully, but rest assured I am going to tell you everything right now. However I’d rather do it somewhere more comfortable.”

I nodded and Loki helped me off the counter. He led me to the couch and I sat down expectantly. Loki sat down at the other end of the couch, leaving a space between us.

“You’re so fucking dramatic” I spat, with a slight grin and shimmied closer to him on the couch.

“I only want to give you space, you may need it” Loki answered, looking suddenly saddened and wiping the smile off my face. “For over the last several months I have been I hiding.”

My eyes narrowed suspiciously once more at Loki’s explanation. “From what exactly?”

“Do you remember our last night on Asgard together, Molly darling?” Loki asked as though he had not heard my question.

I nodded, suddenly blushing at that distracting question.

Loki grinned slightly at my reaction. “That was one of the best nights of my life” he said quietly. “To see you- ”

“I looked like I swallowed a beach ball” I snorted.

“You looked beautiful, Molly” he said simply, shyly glancing at my face. “Radiant. If only you knew the power you wield over me. To have you, for you to want me, it was more than I ever thought possible.”

“But it was all just a game” I said bluntly, not willing to let Loki mistake my feelings for that night and for the following day. “It was all a result of a deal with that creature, wasn’t it? You took me to Asgard to give birth away from the Avengers, you even sped up the process so they wouldn’t know-”

“Darling, no!” Loki exclaimed, sounding horrified. “I know how it seems but please, just listen. That night, I knew you were so close to giving birth, closer than you were aware. Do you recall that?”

I nodded slowly, wondering where Loki was going with this. “I did perform a spell to quicken the pregnancy along” Loki admitted. However, by now I had already worked that piece of the puzzle out for myself so I was not surprised. “I had to do it.”

“Why?” I asked, my voice full of disgust. “You risked Váli’s and Narfi’s lives! ”

“NO!” Loki suddenly barked, standing up, seemingly too agitated to sit still and looking at me wide eyed. “I would never, ever risk their safety or yours! It was all perfectly orchestrated – they were never in harm, neither were you!”

“Even if we weren’t under harm with that spell, I still don’t know why you did it! So don’t think you-”

“Please, just listen” Loki pleaded as I stared up at him. I merely nodded, crossing my arms stiffly. “I went to Asgard to ensure a safe place for the birth. You had my blood, my mixed heritage guarding you. Far more than a single drop - plenty to see you through the birth and any difficulties after. Therefore you or the boys were in no harm when I sped up your pregnancy. Yet my blood would also mean you would be out of harm’s way well before the Other could reach you or the boys.”

“Who?” I asked confused.

“That creature” Loki answered and closed his eyes and shivered. When he opened them he looked in pain. “That creature is merely a lackey for another powerful being. He expected you to give birth in six weeks but I sped up the process so you would deliver with two!”

“How kind of you” I spat out sarcastically.

“Molly, don’t you see?” Loki said suddenly sounding slightly proud. “That bought us four weeks to destroy all trace of you and the boys!”

My mouth fell open in horror. “WHAT?”

“No, what I mean is” Loki was now pulling on his hair, looking frustrated once more. “Only once born could I cast projections of all three of you to fool the Other. I needed to physically see the boys so I could magically recreate their exact form then I could say all three of you died in the birthing process and the Other would know no different if he saw three of your projections.”

I suddenly felt nauseous. “That’s disgusting!” I exclaimed, making to get off the couch. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”

“Please darling” Loki begged, raising his hands together and literally begging for me to stay seated. “You said you would hear me out – you need to know the whole story!”

I bit my lip and nodded for him to continue but felt disgusted by his words.

“I only did it so you, Narfi and Váli could escape his clutches unharmed” Loki explained, looking slightly relieved I had not left. “I planned to then contact Thor where he would protect you on Earth – away from Stark’s Tower. I did not want too many involved in the plan too soon for fear word may slip out either by torture or by accident. I had a home purchased for you and the boys somewhere private where no one would find you. I had money set aside and knew Thor would look after you. I never intended to send you or the boys to the Other. You must believe me, darling.”

Suddenly I remembered Loki’s behaviour up to the twins birth, he was constantly close to me, or left me on the company of one of the avengers. He was on edge, nervous and had irregular sleeping habits. He could have found the time to prepare another life for me, his story could be true but still there were things that didn’t add up. “Say, I believe you hypothetically for now” I started. “Then why did you say all those horrible things to me right after I returned from the Other? You said you never wanted me as the mother of your children, but that you were stuck with me. You said you hated me. Over and over you repeated nasty slurs.”

Loki looked upset once more. “Oh darling, I really hurt you with my words, didn’t I? I never meant- “

“Just answer the question” I snapped venomously.

“Once the Other had seen you and touched you, he knew you were going to give birth imminently and would arrive in Asgard to take our first born. I had to get you out quickly. I knew the game was up – you knew about the plan, about the Other. I knew he would hurt you or kill you if he found you. I had to ensure you left with the Avengers. I knew you would not go willingly so I had to give you a push.”

“You sent me into shock, Loki” I whispered. “You left me bleeding and scared whilst heavily pregnant.”

“I never meant for that to happen” Loki confessed, looking at me almost pleadingly. “I just had to make sure you left with the Avengers. I had to push you away and make you think that I felt that way so that you would leave. I was trying to save your life – all three of your lives.”

We lapsed into silence for a few moments, both slightly sniffling at the horrific memories of that night. “Why commit to such a plan in the first place?” I eventually asked, trying to make sense of all that happened. “Why ever make a deal in exchange for your first born child? How could you Loki?”

Loki suddenly looked ashamed. “You have heard stories of my past. Surely you know I am no saint” he answered, his voice trembling. “I am the god of mischief.”

“I heard you were a mischief maker” I answered. “But willing to trade your son for power is no trick, Loki. It’s evil.”

“That line between trickery and evil grew blurred for me for some time” Loki confessed, wiping his eyes. “I wanted revenge on my father and on Thor. I wanted my birth right to a throne. I wanted to be king. The Other promised me Midgard in exchange for that chance.”

“But he said you failed, this was your second chance with the Other, wasn’t it?”

Loki nodded. “I failed to procure the tesseract the first time and I was punished…badly” Loki’s face suddenly looked gaunt as though haunted by a memory. “He gave me one more chance. This time he wanted to collect the Infinity Stones to aid in creating a ruler of the Universe. He knew I could touch the Stones myself but feared I would be tempted to take them all for myself in a desperate attempt to seize power. So one night” Loki paused, his breath sounding deeply ragged. “One night he approached me and said should I sire a child he would give me Midgard. The child would be raised by him with the sole purpose to retrieve the Stones. Having my blood would make the child able to do so. I agreed and so he let me go back to Midgard.”

“So, just like that you agree to a plan so evil?” I asked, not feeling too sorry for Loki.  

“No…it was after months of torture” Loki croaked shaking his head. “The pain the Other can afflict is astonishing, you should know that.”

I swallowed thickly knowing Loki was right. The Other had tortured me for me mere seconds and I would never forget it. I suddenly imagined Loki alone, beaten and tortured on that hideous planet where the Other resided and felt nauseous once more. _How did he last months?_ My heart fell, Loki did not deserve that.

“I said yes without thinking it would ever pose a problem, Molly” Loki answered. “After centuries of celibacy, I was not interested in being intimate with another. My mind was set on other tasks. I was set free on Midgard and after a time I went back to playing tricks.”

“Until you met me?” I asked quietly, mentally digesting what Loki was saying.

He nodded. “I had been tied up in that cave by my father when he discovered I roamed free on Midgard pulling pranks of all sorts” Loki explained. “There I remained until I met you so unexpectedly. You were a breath of fresh air, Molly. You had no knowledge of heroes, or avengers or demon creatures. You were witty, wild and so beautiful. The more I spoke to you the more I fell for you.”

“Did you deliberately try to get me pregnant that night?” I asked, trying to understand everything.

“At first, I wanted to” Loki admitted. “I knew you were perfect; intelligent, witty and beautiful. I could finally seize a throne and see to it that my father and Thor would know to fear me as a mighty ruler. But then I saw how lonely you were in your life, so unhappy and alone and that made me pause. I understood your pain, yet you were not lashing out at your family as I did. You were not hatching evil schemes of revenge. You were instead, _surviving_. As you always have done. I slept with you that night out of love, of understanding and of your high level of acceptance of me from the outset.”

“So it was a coincidence I got pregnant?” I asked, looking at Loki dubiously.

“I do not think so” Loki answered, his face now slightly uncertain. “I have a theory that the Other placed a spell upon me right before I left that planet. He ensured that the first person I slept with would fall pregnant. He has magic I know not.”

“What makes you think that?”

“Because I felt strange right before I er” Loki suddenly looked embarrassed.

“Before what?” I repeated with a hint of annoyance.

“Right before I climaxed” he confessed. “There was a build-up of energy inside me. I couldn’t come soon enough or quick enough. It was as though I were suddenly an animal in heat.”

“Did you suspect anything?” I queried curiously.

“Not right away. I muttered a spell that night as you fell asleep beside me” Loki replied. “It was to ensure you would not conceive. Yet as the days went by I suspected something was wrong. The Other’s magic is older than my own – it could, and did, out do my own. That feeling of losing control almost animalisticly kept playing on my mind. I went to check on you. I suspected you may have been pregnant on Inis Mór but dare not reveal myself in front for fear I would scare you – I still had not told you I was a god afterall. I knew S.H.I.E.L.D. were searching for you too and feared for you if you were caught by them carrying my child.”

“You seemed so shocked when I told you though” I quickly replied remembering his confused shell –shocked expression clearly when he discovered I was pregnant.

“I was fearing I had just signed your death warrant” Loki whispered, looking aghast. “Then S.H.I.E.L.D. took you. During that time I researched what my mixed heritage would mean for you when pregnant. I was as surprised as you to find I would be a parent for certain, darling” he said and suddenly crouched down before where I sat on the couch. “However since the day I found out, I have fought with all my power to stay by your side and protect you and our sons. With your permission, I would like to be at your side once more?”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	13. Unlikely Allies

Chapter Fourteen – Unlikely Allies

 

“Are you serious?” I barked out, leaping up from the couch and prying out of Loki’s grasp. “What the FUCK?”

Loki stood up quickly, his bemused expression lingering after me. “What did I say wrong?” he queried, as he tried to follow me.

I froze momentarily before turning to face him. “What did you say wrong? Jesus Loki, you just don’t fucking get it, do you?” I snapped, seizing him up and down. “Have you been listening to any- ”

“I was- ”

“NO!” I cried out, feeling suddenly irate with him. I stepped right in front of where he stood, my eyes darting up towards his and burning in their stare. I felt my face quickly redden with anger. “Obviously you WEREN’T fucking listening!”

Loki stood stock still as my angry outburst washed over him. He was studying me closely his eyes searching for something in my own. “Molly” he said calmly. “It is alright. I was only suggesting- ”

“Yeah well, don’t even fucking bother. You can’t expect all of what happened to disappear and for you and me to just walk off into the sunset.”

“I wasn’t expecting you to forget, Molly” Loki answered, his face unreadable now. “I only- ”

“Oh and I’m just supposed to believe that, am I? As if your fucking promises have _ever_ proved to be worth a god damn thing anyway” I spat, deliberately poking him in the chest with a shaking hand. I was more annoyed that he was remaining calm now than anything else. “I’m not looking for a happy ending here, or a prince to save me.”

“Darling, I wasn’t- ”

“Just fucking stop it, will you?” I cried, suddenly tempted to strike him. I was panting heavily too by now, my arms fell to my sides, my hands curling into fists.

“Stop what?” he asked sounding thoroughly lost.

“Stop calling me darling! Stop being all nice and calm. Nothing is ok. _Nothing._ Stop pretending! I can deal with this on my own. I can deal with everything on my own, just like you said earlier” I snapped, my hands were suddenly in my hair almost pulling it from the scalp in my frustration. I was shaking my head. “STOP IT! JUST FUCKING STOP!”

His emerald eyes gazed at me coolly, yet there was a flicker of concern noticeable by how his brow arched together slightly. His hands twitched as though he briefly considered raising them no doubt to calm or restrain me but he paused and reconsidered the action. “I need you to take a deep breath and realise what you are doing. Please stop screaming in my face, Molly” he said simply. “It’s disrespectful. Then please tell me quietly what exactly is annoying you here.”

I was still panting heavily after my outburst. Very slowly my hands fell to my sides as my stomach churned at Loki’s words. I took a deep steady breath and felt hot, angry shame wash over me. I immediately took a step back from Loki as I realised just how suddenly and rather unprovocatively I had lashed out at him. _Where the hell had all that sudden rage and hostility came from? Sure I was a little drunk after the whiskey but not bad enough to warrant screaming in Loki’s face. Fuck, had I really wanted to hit him too? We had just been calmly talking, repairing damage. I had just felt like we were reconnecting. Why did I lose my cool like that?_ “I – I” my eyes began to fill with tears. “Loki, sweetheart, I’m sorry.”

“It’s alright,” Loki said, resuming his steady calm tone once more.

“No” I whispered sounding slightly panicked. “It’s not alright. I’m so sorry. I don’t know why I yelled at you. I - lately my emotions are a bit up and down, I guess. But, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

Loki slowly raised his hands and placed them on my shoulders. “It’s alright, darling. No harm was done. How long have you been feeling this way?” he queried, sounding more curious than hurt now.

“For awhile” I answered, my voice low. “Since that night with Dwight I think it’s gotten worse. I can normally control it I just … forgot myself. I’m sorry, I’m sorry. ”

Loki stepped closer to me, one arm snaking around my back holding me close. “Hush now. Please, do not apologise over it. Everything will be alright, Molly. Everything will be alright.” He gently enveloped me completely in his grasp started to stroke my hair. 

“Loki, I’m so fucked up” I said quietly, closing my eyes and lightly pressing my head against his chest.

“You are not. You’ve suffered greatly and my return along with what happened with Dwight is a lot to cope with. Just know Molly, I’m not trying to _save_ you nor fix you. I only want to be by your side, and help you if I can” Loki answered, his tone calm before kissing the top of my head. He paused leaning in long enough to deeply inhale the scent of my hair. “I love you. I don’t expect for you to simply allow me back into your life with open arms.”

I merely nodded, allowing Loki’s words to wash over me and his tone to soothe me. I simply had no energy left after my outburst. “You’re not alone, darling” he continued as my eyes started to close once more. Suddenly I was leaning against him fully, my mind growing fuzzy. I was tired again.

I nodded just as my stomach rumbled loudly breaking the precious comforting silence between us. Loki paused stroking my hair. “When’s the last time you ate?” he asked in a quiet murmur.

“Erm...” my voice replied distantly.

“Erm is not an answer” Loki said, a bite of sarcasm evident in his tone.

“I can’t remember” I answered truthfully.

I expected him to comment on this but he did not. He merely picked me up in one clean swoop, bridal style. Before I could even protest Loki answered. “I shall make you something to eat. You rest on the couch” he explained as he sat me down gently upon the sofa.

“Ok” I answered quietly as he tucked the patchwork throw that was on the back of the couch around me. I was too tired to protest, to argue or to even offer to help. Honestly I just wanted to sleep.

 

**_Loki POV_ **

Truth be told for all my magical skills, my high intelligence, my charm and general charisma, I was not good at cooking - but then again one cannot be good at everything. Besides, right now I had no choice. Molly needed some form of sustenance and no one else was present. I settled for the best dish I knew how to make since living on Midgard – I believe they referred to it as a B.L.T. It took two tries before I was completely happy with what I made (I ate the two unperfected sandwiches as a light snack).

As a general rule, I settle to achieve perfection in all my practices. As I worked on making the perfect sandwich I would frequently look up to glance across the open plan space to the living room where Molly was sitting on the couch. She sat upright and still as a corpse at first, her gaze in the direction of the window, obviously far away from the here and now and her mind possibly lost in thought.

_Just what was going through her mind right now, if anything?_

I watched until her head gradually began to lean back against the couch. She was clearly exhausted. I could see it in her eyes both during and after her outburst. Her outburst was rather unnerving to watch truth be told and I had witnessed many disturbing things. She was of course a little intoxicated but that seemed to allow her to express her mangled thoughts more clearly. She seemed drained afterwards and so lost and apologetic. It disturbed me to see her so upset, almost deranged to a certain extent. Plus it upset me to hear her apologise repeatedly. 

_Nothing is ok. Nothing. Stop pretending! I can deal with this on my own. I can deal with everything on my own, just like you said earlier._

Those words repeated in my mind over and over. Her features had become so utterly defeated, slightly crazed looking but most disturbingly, her eyes glowed orange during that moment. She was perhaps unaware of it. However I knew that to be a result my blood in her veins and was proof of some sort of raw primal fear or emotion was racing through her thoughts. Molly was hurting and potentially dangerous when she was in such a primal frame of mind. As she screamed I briefly thought she would strike me her eyes had been so wild and unrecognisable.

I handed over the perfect sandwich before her in the living room, forcing a bright smile on my face. “There you are, darling the finest B.L.T in all the Nine Realms” I said teasingly.

I watched as she accepted the plate of food with slightly shaking hands. She merely smiled weakly at my joke, her eyes half-asleep. “Thank you” she responded quietly, her voice almost hoarse. She seemed nervous now. I sat down beside her and she ate a few bites before setting the plate down on the floor. I frowned, desperately wanting her to eat a solid healthy meal of some sort that would maybe aid her health. However, not wanting to provoke another outburst I merely let her be, yet I remained painfully aware that there was something I did not recognise in Molly, something that I, a god, a supreme being with gifted intelligence, magic and strength, could not fathom.

“Do you want to watch T.V.?” she queried suddenly in a timid tone as though she too feared she would suddenly lash out again.

“That sounds wonderful” I answered and flicked my wrist so that the T.V. came on magically. I took no real interest of what was on the screen, only mildly noticing that it was an animated programme with bright yellow figures. I vaguely recalled Molly had watched it before many times. A satirical view of family life or something or other. She used to laugh at it. Now her eyes barely focused on it. She rested her head on my shoulder and I froze, not wanting to jostle her. Within moments she was asleep. I let her rest against me, waiting for her to fall into a deep sleep before daring to move her to her bedroom.

_What had happened to her?_

She had changed from the confident, intelligent, witty, charming and downright fierce woman I remember her as being. Her ferocity was more unbalanced now, her confidence had vanished, her wit and intelligence silenced. All because she was hurting and in pain.

I heard a whimper and realised with a sickening reality that even her dreams were uneasy. Her entire body seemed to seize up against me, her brow furrowed and she was biting her lip. Whatever horror she feared or had suffered was clearly in her dreams too. “Hush now darling” I said quietly and gently repositioned her so that her head was now in my lap and her body lying down on the couch. I switched off the T.V. with a flick of my wrist and stroked her hair, the one action that always provided her comfort. Her whimpering stilled and her body relaxed once more. I pulled the throw tighter around her, trying to keep her warm and comfortable.

“My sweet girl” I whispered as I gathered her in my arms with all the gentleness I could manage. I noticed she was cold and ensured she stayed wrapped in the throw. She stirred ever so slightly in my arms. “Hush now darling” I said softly.

A slight smile appeared on her sleeping expression. I carried her to her bedroom and tucked her into bed ever so gently. I was astonished by how faded she looked. So pale, so slight and so still. I watched her sleep for some time, the sky darkened.

I knew deep down that I was in over my head. She had somewhat expressed why she was so tense through her outburst but it also highlighted just how badly she was suffering. Of course, my departure had hurt her deeply but Dwight had deeply disturbed her, the combination seemingly draining her mentally and physically. Naturally, what happened with Dwight was a terrible ordeal but she was saved from the worse, surely? Yet it had stirred something within her – a deep fear for safety - no it can’t be just that, can it? If she was that deeply concerned for safety she would never leave our sons for a second. What if Dwight had triggered an old memory, perhaps of his previous inappropriate behaviour in S.H.I.E.L.D.? Or was it more than that? Had it opened an older wound? Had she been hurt this way before?

I sighed and sat at the end of the bed gently, placing my face in my hands.

_Oh Molly? What is hurting you?_

A tiny part of me wanted to flee and leave her cope with whatever trauma she faced alone. It would be easier for me to leave. Yet, I could not. I had spent the last several months without her and it was torture. I looked up at her deeply sleeping figure. I felt loved and wanted when I was with this woman, I was even greatful to be on the receiving end of her outburst. Surely that showed that she felt she could only be truly open with me? She would not say such things otherwise. I could not abandon her ever again.  

This was worse than I ever thought. I knew Molly would change, but never did I imagine this much. It suddenly occurred to me that she reminded me of myself when I went through dark times. In particular, her bouts of unpredictability of strong rage or emotion echoed either a Jötunn trait or maybe even post-traumatic stress disorder, triggered by Dwight or I. Clearly she must have kept her emotions bottled up around the Avengers, who would have otherwise intervened.

I rolled my eyes at the mere thought of them. _Earth's mightiest idiots._

Of course they would never notice how a person is capable of masking pain. She was masking her feelings, she mentioned that she longed to escape, that she was alone, that she struggled to find a balance and to keep her emotions at bay. She was unsteady, not looking after her health or her wellbeing and it showed. She was constantly exhausted and looked ill – deathly pale and almost haggard. She devoted herself to our sons and neglected her own health. Now it had escalated out of control. She kept apologising as if she truly was ashamed of all that happened to her, yet it wasn’t her fault at all.

She was the only true person I had ever cared for and I had damaged her heart, her body and her soul. And worse of all this was that she seemed to hate herself, not what happened to her or those involved. No she hated the very body, the soul and the mind that I loved. _Had I inflicted all this damage upon her? Had I broken her or was the something more here that I was missing?_ I needed to know what she had been like the last few months during my absence. I needed to know should I be concerned about her health or had she been like this since our sons were born. Was Molly hurting over my return, or Dwight or from PTSD, or from a past memory triggered? Only a true friend of Molly would be aware of her ability to hide behind a facade. 

I left the room and closed the door quietly behind me. Clearing my throat I murmured quietly. “Jarvis, contact Stark” I demanded.

“Yes Sir. I will - Loki?!” Jarvis snipped sounding confused but maddened. “You are expressly forbidden to be in Stark’s Tower! How did you escape the security measures and my eye?"

I smirked a little proudly. “You are a mere puppet of Stark” I answered smoothly. “Puppets are easy to manipulate. Now, if you don’t mind, I need you to inform Stark immediately that I am here at his Tower and require his presence.”

“I have already informed him” Jarvis answered almost sounding irritated. “I suggest you leave as he is- ”

“I got this!” an annoyed tone cut across Jarvis on the speaker. “Reindeer Games, you got a death wish?” Stark suddenly snapped.

“Ah, metal man. I hope you don’t mind if I skip the pleasantries for today. I need you to return to your Tower at once and alone” I answered, trying to keep my tone smooth and slightly amused.

“I’m leaving a meeting now. I’ll be there in ten. And just a warning I’ll be packing some serious heat that'll cut through even your frozen heart. Been working on a new suit and -”

I sighed deeply trying to collect my courage and patience for what I was about to say next. “I look forward to duelling with you later” I snapped, realising I need to focus on what was important here and not get caught up in a petty fight for dominance. “I need your help. Not Thor's, or Dr Banner's or Darcy's, but yours. Only you can help me with this. Please Anthony.”

Stark laughed, he’s deep chuckle reverberating around my ears. “You must be really in trouble if you're playing nice all of a sudden. Tell me one thing though, why the hell would I help scum like you?”

“It’s about Molly” I answered, my voice almost pleading. “She's asleep and safe for now. However, I noticed something isn't quite right about her behaviour. I think she’s in trouble.”

There was silence for a few seconds. Finally Stark answered gruffly “I’ll be there in five. Alone. I need to tell you something.”

 

 

 

 


	14. The God & the Non-Believer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone, 
> 
> Just some quick notes on this chapter.  
> 1) It's written entirely from Stark's point of view.  
> 2) It mentions some harrowing details of Stark's past relationship with Pepper, which I have embellished for this story  
> 3) It contains some details that might be upsetting for some readers so please note that reader discretion is advised.  
> Hope you enjoy it and please feel free to leave comments or Kudo's! :) xxx

Chapter Fifteen: The God & the Non-Believer

**Stark's POV**

I raced across the city in my newest baby – a crimson Jaguar XF, custom made, thank you very much. My mind was currently fixated on what Loki had said so I didn’t notice the throngs of people who oggled my beautiful newest edition to the garage as I sped past them on the sidewalk. However I did notice with mild interest the police who tried (in a completely vain attempt) to slow me down. If it wasn’t for the blue flashing lights filickering in my side mirror that exuded from their clapped out police car I wouldn’t have noticed them at all. There might have been loud sirens too, but I honestly couldn’t hear it over my own speakers which were currently blasting out Black Sabbath at its highest level. I ignored them and would no doubt pay several fines later – I could risk it. Besides, I found the high volume music helped me think.

_So much for remaining incognito for today._

I made a sharp turn and quickly entered the underground parking lot entrance. I made the journey in less then ten minutes, hurt nor killed no one, though possibly risked making the cover of another damn magazine for speeding.

_Oh well, duty calls._

Hurriedly I crossed the parking lot and entered the elevator. Taking a deep breath I put on my best game face and made ready to literally play nice with the sworn enemy. I casually leaned back against the gold railing of the lift and popped down my shades.

_I’ll be damned if this fucker was going to intimidate me._

When the doors finally opened I was idly leaning against a wall, shades down, arms folded and looking mildly bored.

“Honey, I’m home” I said dryly eyeing the black, gold and green leather-clad god that stood before the opened doors. His lips twitched slightly - more of a grimace than a smile really. I eyed him warily, one of my hands firmly holding the door of the elevator opened.

Damn, there was _something_ about Loki alright. It was more than looks, and he had looks by the bucket load. He was tall, lithe, probably agile as a panther, emerald eyes, alabaster skin and hair as dark as night. Honestly, he looked like he came from a gothic romance novel or something. Yet Loki was more than looks, he was articulate, well dressed, smart and charming. Old school princely enchanting stuff – not my modern charm of smirks and winks that worked oh so well in contemporary society, in my humble opinion at least.

Loki’s green eyes narrowed suspiciously. “You are alone?” he asked curtly.

“Course Lok’s, I’m a man of my word” I answered confidently and strode passed him, pausing slightly to wink in his direction. “Can I call you Lok’s? I figured since we’re bosom buddies and keeping in touch- ”

Loki rolled his eyes and sighed rather pointedly behind me. “Listen metal man, I have no time- ”

“Awh, come on Lok’s where’s your sense of humour?” I asked, grinning like a Cheshire cat. _I loved pissing Loki off._ “Eager to start our slumber party early? We’ll paint each other’s nails, I can braid your hair and hell, maybe we can drink a little too much and have a threesome. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t curious-”

“I – threesome?” Loki asked sounding bemused behind me as I led us to the living room.

“Yeah. You, me and Red” I answered, looking around the open planned space for a sign of Molly. I slightly hoped to see a glimpse of her mop of red curls spilled over the back of the couch. “It’s why you called me here, right?”

“You said you had information on Molly” Loki stated flatly from behind me.

I sighed in my most dramatic manner and glanced at him. “I’ll keep my word, Romeo. Just tell me where Red is first.”

“Sleeping” Loki answered, quickly glancing straight above us to the ceiling as though he could see through the numerous floors above to wherever she was resting. “A clone of mine is keeping a close eye on her.”

“Can he be trusted?” I asked, suddenly removing my sunglasses and tossing them aside on the couch. “It’s not like you-”

“Anthony, please” Loki suddenly cut across. I was admittedly shocked to see there was no mischievous glint in his eyes, only concern tinged with tiredness. Damn, now that I was looking at him up close, Loki looked rough, his smooth face tinged with a pale grey, his brow furrowed, his green eyes coated over in a glassy icy stare. “I don’t have time for your usual antics. There is something wrong with Molly.”

“What?” I asked, unable to keep the panic from my voice. Loki had mentioned as much on the phone but I was hoping he was over exaggerating. I mean this guy had a tendency for the dramatics, he was a full-tilt diva ninety per cent of the time.

“She’s hurting” Loki explained briefly, his green eyes suddenly darting to the ceiling again. _Was he in tune with her every moment, even as she slept?_ I suddenly visioned a clone of Loki watching over or possibly soothing a sleeping Molly and felt a stab of inexplicable jealousy.

“What the hell?!” I barked, pushing past Loki angrily, all attempts of remaining casual gone. “Let me see her! What the hell have you done to upset her now?”

Loki gripped my shoulder tightly and I struggled in vain to get loose. “Let go” I demanded gruffly. “Or so help me I’ll take you a few rounds in the suit.”

“Anthony, you don’t understand” Loki said his voice lost all grandiose, all sarcasm. It sounded quiet and unsure, so unlike the usually sarcastic bastard. “I think she might be hurting mentally. She’s not herself.”

Loki was a twisted fucker alright. But hell, he certainly had a weird fascination with Molly. I think it was as close to love as Loki was capable of. Despite what all the other Avengers thought of him, it was only in her company that he was showed some real tangible emotion. They didn’t see that, which is precisely why I informed no one that I saw him with Molly at the lakehouse, or why I did not tell them he was in Stark Towers right now. I was admittedly curious too about what Loki would do next and if Molly would give him a second chance. The other Avengers assumed if Loki returned that Molly would welcome him with open arms back into her life. Yet she had seen him at least on two occasions now and she had not permitted him to stay. Molly was cautious about him being back in her life. That intrigued me for some reason.

“So you noticed too huh?” I asked, meeting his eyes calmly. “Look, Loki there’s stuff you should know. I’m not sure if I even should be-”

“Anthony, if there is something going on, I need to know” Loki stated, running his slim long fingers through his dark locks. “I can’t – I don’t know how to help her – I just know something is wrong. Please, you said when I called you that you information. Share it with me.”

I sighed and made my way to the bar in the far corner of the room. It looked as though the glass shelves had been broken, sharp jagged edges exposed though all traces of shattered glass were gone. I frowned noticing all my bottles of drink that lined the shelves had vanished too. “What the hell happened here?”

I heard Loki step closer behind me, his eyes scanning the remains of my once handsome bar. “Molly” he explained quietly. “She had a few drinks, her emotions were heightened…she had an outburst, emotionally, physically. Stark, she even mentioned wanting to vanish.”

My eyes widened at this. “Jesus, even for a redhead she’s feisty, huh?” I answered and went inside the bar and unlocked hidden shelf that contained whiskey. Despite my calm façade, I realised my hands were shaking slightly at Loki’s serious words and tone - so I quickly popped the cork of the first bottle of drink I saw, bourbon, I think and drank straight from the bottle before passing it to Loki. “How about that drink now?”

Loki nodded and took the bottle "Better late than never, I suppose" he murmured and drained half the bottle in one go.

“Are you saying she’s suicidal?” I asked bluntly, watching him drink with an odd fascination. That much drink and I would hit the floor or be dry humping the couch but Loki was another being - a god. Thor could knock back drink too, hell he could drink it from a bath tub and stay standing - I’d seen him do it.

Loki grimaced as I stared at him, though it was probably down to my casual blunt tone at the serious of the topic than the bourbon he had knocked back raw. 

“You guys can really knock it back” I commented dryly unable to look away.

Loki shrugged. “I am a god, remember?”

I laughed. “What’s a god to a non-believer?”

Suddenly Loki frowned. “I do not know what Molly is thinking” Loki confessed, ignoring my comment and sat down at the stool by the bar. “She said she’s been feeling unbalanced lately. I saw it earlier. One moment she was calm, talking straight, the next she was screaming, furiously, her eyes glowed orange. She was channelling her Jötunn nature Stark, I feared she would hurt herself or me.”

“Could she do that?” I asked surprised, and taking a seat next to Loki. “Hurt you I mean?”

“If she was emotionally charged enough her Jötunn nature would increase her strength. She could very well hurt me” Loki answered his voice low. “I care not for that, Stark. I fear she will hurt herself. I fear she is hurting too much right now for one mind to cope with alone.”

“She’s bound to be though” I answered quickly. “She’s had a lot to deal with, you leaving, the Other threatening her, which she rarely mentions every time I try to bring it up she just places her hand on her middle and grows pale" I paused, realising I probably shared to much but Loki seemed captivated by my every word.

"That is where the Other placed his hand upon her" Loki explained. "The pain that tore through her should have killed her and the boys. It was _my_ blood that save them from that fate."

"It was your actions that put her in that position" I snarled, looking at Loki in disgust. "But it does explain one things at least. Plus she's been raising the boys and then all that with Dwight. Christ, I’d be worried if she was acting like nothing happened.”

“I understand all of that” Loki quickly replied though he sounded snappish now. “I understand she has a lot to deal with. But the last three times I have been in her company I have witnessed certain symptoms.”

“Symptoms?” I asked intrigued, for what had Loki noticed about Molly that I had not? “What sort of symptoms?”

Loki sat stock still, his body seemingly rigid with stress. “I will share with you what I saw, if you will share with me what you were going to tell me over the phone.”

I suddenly laughed. “Listen, honey” I said continuing to smile in an unamused sort of way. “I’ll tell you alright. I gave you my word. But you called me here, so I deserve to know why. Soon as I do, I’ll tell you got it?”

To my surprise Loki surrendered to my conditions without any argument. “As you wish Stark” he said simply. “I’ve noticed a combination of behaviour in her, most obvious is her recurrent, unwanted distressing memories of the traumatic events such as Dwight or the Other, or” Loki’s voice suddenly stopped and he took a deep breathe “or when I left her, or the circumstances of our sons birth.”

“Well, I can’t blame her there, horns” I answered, a hint of annoyance in my voice.

“I agree” Loki nodded. “But there is more. I think she may be reliving these events as if they were happening again. She has completely negative feelings about herself bordering on hatred. She’s unable to experience positive emotions for very long, or without feeling guilt. It’s as though she’s in many ways emotionally numb, even when she speaks of the traumatic events. I noticed she has a lack of interest in activities she once enjoyed, such as baking, reading, even her health regime-”

I twisted uncomfortably in my seat at Loki’s words. _Molly had been showing all these things but I stupidly thought it best to leave her cope in privacy, after all isn’t that what I always promised to give her?_ I cleared my throat and tried to think of an excuse to explain Molly’s behaviour. “Yeah, well, Molly’s been working full time and had two infants to care for. Time off for baking hasn’t been high on her list of priorities” I said, trying to sound like my sarcastic self.

“Look Stark, I understand all that-”

“Do you?” I barked looking at him lividly. “Do you understand what Red has gone through? You waltz back here after months of absence and say you understand? You didn’t see her during labour, or beforehand. She was bleeding out, did you know that?”

“Stark, please-” Loki murmured sounding strained, one hand covering his face.

“No, fuck it, Loki, you need to know” I snapped, pulling his hand away from his face and looking at him in the eyes. “I saw her when Thor carried her back here in his arms, heavily pregnant and bleeding out - ”

Loki’s eyes closed, he looked ill, his pale skin tinged with grey, yet he did not fight against my grip “Please Stark, I do not-”

“I saw her plead with Banner with her dying breath to save _her_ sons, put her life above theirs if it came down to it. I was there every time she cried herself to sleep over you. You don’t know how she struggled to even look at her sons in the beginning because she couldn’t stand the thought of being reminded of you – of your betrayal.”

There was a pause as Loki looked upon me with disgust. I let his wrist go and his eyes shut briefly once more. “No” he exhaled as though confessing a great sin. “I do not fully understand, no matter how much I try. I wish I …. But what good is wishing? I only wish to tell you what I have witnessed since my return.”

“Then hurry up and tell me” I snapped in no mood to pity Loki right now. “'Cuz I don’t give a damn about your wounded pride, ego or self-pity, all I care about is Red.”

“Do you love her?” Loki asked, his face unreadable yet the eagerness in his voice unmistakable.

I sighed, not exactly surprised Loki was asking me this. “Yes, of course I do.”

I half-expected Loki to take a punch at me but he did not, he cocked his head to seemingly study me. “And she you?”

“I think so” I answered, “But only as a friend.”

“Yet you love her more than that” Loki said. It was not a question, but I'll be damned if I was going to feel guilty.

I sighed even more heavily now. “When I first met her, yes. Now, I’m not sure.”

“Does she know this?” Loki asked, his voice a mere murmur.

I reached across the bar for the bottle of bourbon and took a swig before answering him. “No, she doesn’t. We flirt, we fool around but there has never been anything more than that. Loki, I have no interest in forming anything more than that.”

“Yet you still love her” Loki hissed, the rising anger prevalent in his tone.

“Of course, I do. I always will” I answered, knowing I owed Loki some honesty here. I was suddenly aware that he was not going to discuss Molly with me unless he understood my relationship with her. “She reminds me of an old partner of mine” I added, trying to remain calm for Molly's sake.

Loki eyes softened for a brief second. “How so?”

I ran my hands throw my hair and eyed Loki cautiously. “The only reason I’m telling you any of this is because I’m worried about Molly, got it?”

Loki nodded, his eyes never leaving my stare. There were almost hypnotic, yet I held them steadily trying to remain calm. “I had girlfriend once, her name was Pepper-”

“Pepper?” Loki repeated derisively with an unexpected snort of laughter.

“Yeah, cuz Loki is such a pretty name” I argued back. “And if you can’t be bothered to take this seriously then I can just leave” I continued and pretended to get up knowing Loki would stop me. 

Loki apologised and I sat down again. He composed himself and nodded for me to continue.

“Well, Pepper and I took some time to get together. She was cautious of me, of my lifestyle” I started, feeling a dull ache in my chest as I recalled this memory. “In time though, well we grew close. I was fascinated by her – she was like no one else I knew. She was charming, feisty, beautiful, and intelligent and she took none of my crap.”

“Sounds like Molly” Loki said quietly, his eyes darting upstairs again quickly as though checking on her once more. He smiled briefly and I wondered what Molly was doing in her sleep floors above us that was making Loki smile.

“Exactly" I continued eyeing Loki with a mix of jealousy and awe. "Anyway, the thing is, I was defenceless against her. She wasn’t interested in my money, in my name, in Iron Man, in my charm – none of that swayed her. In the end I won her with honesty. I could still be Iron Man but come home to a normal life. Best years of my life were with her.”

Loki sat forward in his stool, captivated by my story. “What happened…did she pass?” he asked, eager to know what happened to Stark's mortal lover.

I buried my face in my hands and quickly made as though rubbing my cheeks to keep awake. “No she did not” I answered, a bitter tone crept into my voice. “After a time, Pepper fell pregnant” a bright smile crept up in my face. “We were ecstatic. I quit drinking, did all I could to keep Pepper safe – well almost everything - and start preparing for our family.”

“You have a child?” Loki asked intrigued.

I shrugged. “Might have kids all over the place” I whispered, trying to make a joke – my default response to any troubling situation really. “The one thing I couldn’t give up is the suit, the avengers, playing the hero. Time and time again I would come home bloodied or scraped and Pepper started to grow so worried. I understand now why. It was all well and good to risk my life when it was just my own, but Pepper owned a part of it now, so did the baby. She found it harder and harder to accept my lifestyle.”

“So she left” Loki queried, taking in my rapidly filling eyes. He did not laugh or smile maliciously but merely remained composed, sitting upright with a curious expression on his face."  

I quickly sniffled and wiped my eyes. “No. I was on a mission, clear stuff you know a direct target in sight when he showed me a video. The creep had Pepper tied up in a basement half way across the city. He was holding her ransom so he could escape with all this cash he cheated out of fake charities – millions of dollars’ worth – all of which was actually funding weaponry in the south. I let him go, naturally, and fled to get Pepper. By the time I got there she was … she was” my voice trailed off and I clenched my hands into fists. “Bleeding out heavily. He left her in a closed coffin for Christ’s sake. She panicked, she was there for hours. The baby was too stressed, she didn’t make it. Still birth. We named her Lola, she’s buried up state.”

Loki remained silent, his emerald eyes now were horrified by what I said as his mind struggled to comprehend it all. “I am sorry” he whispered, his brow knotted as though he struggled to understand what I shared.

I cleared my throat. “It’s the past. Pepper and I stayed together for a while but she left about two months later, I don’t blame her. I didn't listen to her and didn't put my family first. My lifestyle destroyed us."

“Stark, have you ever told Molly any of this?“ Loki eventually asked.

I held up my hand to quickly warn Loki. “No, and I don’t expect you to either. Look,  I’m not sharing this to you so we can become gal pals. I want you to understand that this is why I’m drawn to Molly. She reminds me of Pepper, and I feel the need to protect her, which is tough because that girl does not want to be protected.”

Loki managed a small smile. “No, she does not. Nor does she ever ask for help. She is a strong but stubborn woman.”

“I know she is” I answered, trying to act normal again. “But all of what you said earlier all those symptoms, I noticed them too. That’s what I wanted to share with you earlier.”

“Thank you for telling me, Stark. For telling me everything” Loki answered. “I will not question your relationship with Molly ever again. You have my word.”

“You’re breaking my heart, buddy” I said with a side smirk.

Loki chuckled. “We both love Molly and wants what is best for her.”

“I’m glad you understand now” I answered, feeling a little less hatred towards Loki - well a tiny bit anyway.

“However, Stark, in addition to what I mentioned” Loki continued, fixating on his interlocking hands on the counter. “I noticed she is feeling hopeless about the future, sometimes she has memory problems and lastly I noticed she seemed to have upsetting dreams about the traumatic events of her past.”

“PTSD” I mumbled, feeling increasingly overwhelmed by all Loki had noticed about Molly that I did not, or well, more precisely what I chose to ignore.

“That’s what I thought too” Loki responded with a nod. “Yet there is more. She is hiding something, I can sense it.” His eyes quickly glanced upstairs. “She’s awake.”

“Any ideas on what she might be hiding?” I asked quickly, wanting to know before Molly came downstairs.

“A few” Loki said quietly. “However, I fear it may all be too much for her. I think I know what to do to help her, but I need you on my side.”

“What is it?” I asked cautiously, knowing it wasn’t good. “Tell me before she comes down!”

“She will need therapy of course” Loki answered slowly actively avoiding my gaze. “but that may not be enough. She needs to be claimed and bonded with me once more.” 

“You’ve got to be kidding me!” I barked suddenly leaping off my seat. “You already did that last year!”

“It is a yearly process and our cycle is almost up anyway. It will help her temper and other emotions balance out” Loki explained meekly. “It will also help her to open up about what she may be hiding. During bonding she will reveal anything that is demanded by her partner, anything Stark. I can get the truth out of her.”

“Stark, what the hell are you doing here?” a red headed woman asked from the far side of the room. She looked tired, despite having slept, and oddly dazed as though she couldn't believe what was before her eyes. _Well, I couldn't blame her there. We were two sworn enemies having a casual drink at my destroyed bar._

My heart sank as I stared at her but I managed to offer a cheeky wink and grin. I raised the bottle of bourbon as though to make a toast. “Good news, Red. The band's back together again!” I chided.

 

 

 

 

 

 


	15. Starting Over

Chapter Sixteen

“What the hell is going in here?” I asked, feeling utterly bemused.

_Loki and Tony Stark are actually in the same room without attempting to kill each other. Why?_

I eyed them both looking for a sign of a fight or struggle upon either of them but there was none to be seen. Perhaps I was still dreaming.

“Come join the party, Red” Stark said proudly, a smirk dancing on his lips as he sat the bourbon bottle down at the bar. “Though a little birdy told me you started one earlier.”

“Party? What – wait, what time is it? How long was I asleep?” I queried. My mind raced ahead as I glanced quickly at Loki. “Is it late? Because I never phoned Tash to say goodnight to my boys. Where’s my phone?” I continued, my words rushed and panicked as I stepped further into the living room, scanning around for the sight of my phone.

I felt a hand touch my back from behind and my body jerked instinctively away from the contact. “Molly, darling” said a soothing deep voice.

I turned around to see Loki with his hands hesitantly held up. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you” he explained calmly, though he looked nervous.

Slightly embarrassed by my nervous reaction to his unexpected touch, I merely shrugged. “You didn’t. I need to find my phone to check in on the twins.”

Loki’s emerald eyes were full of sorrow, yet slightly apologetic as he held my stare. “All is well, Molly. You were asleep a little over an hour. Váli and Narfi will not be put down to sleep for the night just yet.”

I nodded, trying to smile up at Loki and soothe whatever sadness was plaguing him. “Oh, that’s good then. I - ” My gaze flickered to Stark. “I don’t understand though. What’s going on here?”

“You’re in luck honey,” Stark explained as he stepped closer to us. “I decided to hear out Mr. Magic man here” he nodded towards Loki. “We were just talking about the good old days. Actually, come to think of it" Stark glanced at Loki grinning widely before continuing.  "Did Lok's ever tell you know we once met here in this room long before we ever even knew you.”

“You did?” I queried temporarily forgetting my shock at these enemies joined together and falling into surprise at this new but old information. “Neither of you ever told me that before!”

“I guess Lok’s was a little shy about the way things worked out that day” Stark said, his lighting up with a joke I did not fully understand. “I tried to offer him a drink at my bar and you know how one thing leads to another” Stark continued an amused indention evident in his tone,

I looked at Loki whose porcelain cheeks were forming a rosy blush. “Not now metal man, focus on the present, please” Loki snapped through clenched teeth.

Stark merely shrugged. “It is got to do with the present” He then looked at his damaged bar and missing bottles of alcohol. “I was just about to ask Moll’s why she destroyed my bar.”

I paled significantly as I remembered my earlier behavior with Loki. “Stark I-I didn’t mean to-”

“Didn’t mean to destroy my beloved bar?” Stark said, looking between us with the same air of amusement his tone conveyed. Perhaps, it was these past months – nearly a year – in which I got to know Stark, really know him, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that his smile and charm were not entirely believable. From the way his chocolate eyes flickered between Loki and I, I guessed his amused tone was covering up something more serious. Yet Stark being Stark covered all issues of anxiety or uncertainty with jokes. “You know the bar is my place of solitude - my spiritual oasis in times of doubt, if you will.”

“Stark I’m so sorry,” I answered quickly, hoping his forced amused tone was not a result of me destroying his bar. “I’ll pay for whatever damage I – wait how do you know it was me?”

Stark was still smiling playfully as he pointed at Loki who rolled his eyes in a clear exasperated manner. “We’re besties now” he declared loudly. “I was just about to braid his hair before you came in.”

I shot Loki a venomous glare.

“Easy tiger” Stark admonished. “No fighting. Lok’s here is really worried about you. We both are.”

“I’m fine” I blurted out without hesitation, my fingers ran through my scatty, knotted curls before I nervously tried to smooth out my tank top and shorts. It suddenly dawned on me why both men were here and why there behavior was suspect. Immediately I felt trapped and cornered by these men like I were a wild animal.

 _Had they arranged to meet here to discuss me?_ _What other reason could there be?_

Growing self-conscious I lowered my head and focused on pretending to scan the floor for my phone. “And whilst I appreciate your concern, perhaps you girls could find something else to talk about. I need to find my phone and check on the boys” I added.

“We meant no harm” Loki said, eyeing my reaction closely. Unlike Stark he made no attempt to force a smile or joke. He merely stood stock still gaging my reaction. I noticed he looked wary, as though uncertain of what the extent of my reaction maybe. My stomach twisted uncomfortably as I realized he was nervous of me. Both of them were. I had made them feel this way.

_What the hell is wrong with me?_

“Yeah, well like I said I’m fine” I reaffirmed, noting I looked anything but fine. I forced a smile. “Just busy trying to pack up the boy’s things. Once I take a shower and – hang on, I thought you had business meetings for the next two days solid?” I asked Stark, my head tilted in curiosity as I tried to change the subject.

“That crap might fly with Thor or the others but you are not fooling us. No distractions,” Stark said bluntly, causing me simply to stare at Stark open-mouthed. “We know something’s not right here Molly.”

I felt slightly demeaned now and stared both men trying to remain calm. “Stark, I told you to give me a couple of days to think. You agreed” I said, aware my tone was starting to shake. “I made it clear to both of you that I needed time to think, to recover. But hell, why would you take my word for it? Why would anyone?" I snapped angrily at Stark with venom. "Instead you decide to – to whatever the fuck this is exactly? What? Did you get together to bitch about me behind my back like we’re still in school? Huh, is that it? So tell me, is this an intervention or a double attack?” I spat out bitterly, feeling my fists curl at my sides at my rising anger.

Loki suddenly took a step forward “No, Molly darling- ”

“Call it what you want, Red” Stark interjected across Loki, holding his arm out to stop him from stepping closer to me. “Now I know I promised I would give you time to figure it out and I stand by that. But we’re facing this head on” he snapped his voice growing rough. “Don’t lie to me, don’t keep pretending to be fine when you’re not, stop changing the subject and pointing the blame at us and stop pushing us away. Stop or this friendship is as good as dead.”

I felt my stomach plummet at this and stared at Stark wide-eyed and suddenly fearful. “I’m not – I don’t … I thought you were my friend, Stark.”

He sighed deeply, his eyes closing tightly as though repressing some lost memory. He then quickly crossed the room and hugged me tightly. “I am” he said his voice dropping to his usual calm tone once more. “I just don’t want to lose you to whatever demons are running ‘round your mind.”

I hugged him back just as tight. Loki watched not with his usual jealous glare but rather with curiosity. “Stark – I – I don’t know how to fix this – what’s wrong - even if there is something wrong or if I’m just ... crazy. But I know I don’t want to lose you ever.”

“Oh honey, you’re not crazy. You're hurting, you're angry” he gently brushed a wild untamed curl back from my face. “That’s never gonna happen, you got that? You’re stuck with me for life, but I can’t stand by and watch you continue to torture yourself from the inside out.”

I couldn’t help but laugh weakly. “Stark, you don’t deserve a life sentence with me- ”

“I’ll always have your back, Red” he continued, “No matter what is going on in that head of yours. No matter what happened in the past – there’s nothing you can’t tell me. As long as we’re honest we’ll always be close. ”

I felt my eyes fill and once again I tried to push away all traces of my mixed emotions. “Thank you Stark” I whispered. “But, I – I don’t know how to explain. I told you earlier I feel anxious but I just don’t know how to put everything into words.”

Stark nodded, his chocolate eyes never leaving my face. “Maybe you could try therapy?”

I actually managed a full laugh. “Ah yes, and say what? Dear doctor, for nearly the last two years I’ve been plagued by gods, aliens and Avengers?”

Stark nodded thoughtfully. “Touché, Ms Wilde. However, Loki here has a seemingly good idea to help you de-stress. That’s what we discussed as you slept.”

My eyes flickered to Loki who was still standing at the other side of the room. His emerald eyes were watching Stark as though he were having trouble truly hearing him.

“You do?” I asked Loki.

Loki nodded slowly, his eyes lingering on Stark before turning back to me. “Yes, darling I have a few suggestions that might help you.”

My eyes narrowed suspiciously. “Like what?”

“I better go” Stark announced suddenly as though he had been electrocuted. Loki’s face suddenly lit up in a devious smile as he watched Stark now suddenly look uncomfortable.

“What, already?” I asked, feeling increasingly suspicious. “You only just got here. Stay for dinner at least.”

“No Red, really, thanks and all, but I should go. I’ve got work to finish – or start to be more precise” Stark said. “I’ll be back in two days to pick you up. Then we talk alone as planned and you tell me what going on, got it?”

I rolled my eyes. “You’re just leaving to give Loki and I privacy” I declared.

“Subtly was never you’re strong point” Stark said, with a roguish grin.

“Tact was never yours” I snapped back trying not to smile causing him to chuckle.

“Two days Red” he said before hugging me goodbye once again. “Any sign of trouble just shout for me.” He squeezed me extra tight. Stark whispered in my ear before pulling away. “Listen to Loki – his idea may make more sense to you.”

“But Stark, I - ” I pleaded not wanting to rush him out of his own home for my sake. 

“Red, I have a tonne of work to get to and you and Loki need to talk” Stark explained. “Plus I know you’re dying to ring in and check on the boys. I’ll just be gone for a while. You may see me around if I get time to tinker in my garage.”

With a curt nod to Loki, Stark left. I stood staring after him until Loki spoke. “Why don’t we have something to eat?” he queried lightly. “You barely ate earlier. Then you can ring Natasha and check on the boys.”

“That sounds good” I answered, trying to keep my tone light and airy.

For the rest of that afternoon Loki and I kept a cordial air between us. I ate some food, just to keep Loki from worrying and right after, I rang the boys. Apparently they were having the time of their lives with Uncle Thor, Banner and Natasha. I apologized profusely to Natasha for my earlier behavior on the phone and assured her that I was in a bad mood then. Natasha seemed relieved that I was no longer upset and put me on loud speak to say goodnight to the boys.

Once done, I took a shower whilst Loki agreed to pack some of the boys stuff up in their bedroom next door. I stepped out wearing Loki’s green silk robe I normally wore when settling down for the evening. However I stopped short when I saw Loki sitting on my bed also dressed casually yet still looking godly despite the fact he was wearing just sweat pants and a green hoodie. He was flicking through a photo album.

“Hey, handsome” I mumbled feeling slight embarrassed for disturbing him. All evening I was wary of jumping into another discussion that would lead to another fight or him trying to psychologically analyse me.

He looked up, his green eyes twinkling happily. “Hello, Molly darling, I was just looking through this” he answered, holding up a black leather bound book. I recognized it at once as my photo album. “It’s quite beautiful. I hope you don’t mind. I found it when packing up the boys things.”

“Stark made it for my birthday” I explained as I sat down next to Loki on the edge of the bed.

“He is a good man” Loki said unexpectedly, his fingers brushing the spine of the photo album tenderly. “Underneath all his armor, at least.”

“You’ve changed your tune from earlier” I said quickly.

“So have you. You seem relaxed now” Loki answered causing me to feel a prickle of uncertainty. _Were we now going to discuss my issues? Could it not wait? I just wanted time with Loki free from tension._  

I sighed knowing I owed him an apology. “Loki, sweetheart, I’m so sorry about earlier” I explained catching his free hand in mine. “I don’t know why I lashed out like that.”

Loki squeezed my hand affectionately and I scooted closer to him. “It’s alright. I know things have been difficult for you. But I want to help you.”

“Stark said you had some ideas on that” I said, whilst internally relieved Loki was being so understanding.

“I do. It seems as though every time we have spoken since my return we have been rushing against time” Loki explained, looking at me with a small smile. “How about for tonight you and I merely talk? We still have two full days before Stark returns.”

Surprised but entirely relieved I smiled back as my brow furrowed quizzically. “Sounds good. What do you want to talk about?”

His gaze flickered back down to the photo album on his lap. “About everything that happened in my absence. About your experiences. About our sons. I want to hear about the near full year I missed by your side.”

Briefly I wanted to say no. I wanted to tell him that it was his fault he missed out on that time and that these photos would not mend the gaping hole he left in my heart. But one look at his emerald eyes made my anger ebb away. I gently took the album from Loki’s hands. “Let’s start at the beginning shall we?”

Loki smiled and wrapped his arm around my waist, pulling us closer together. I smiled warmly flicking back to the start of the photo album.

“That’s us” Loki said his fingers ghosting over the photograph on the page as his face lit up.

“Yep, that was in the first couple of weeks here in the Tower” I replied, smiling at the memory. The photograph was of Loki and I in the kitchen. I was stirring cupcake mixture in a large bowl as Loki watched on fascinated. He was sitting on a stool at the kitchen counter, his eyes watching the process like a devout student. He loved to watch me bake once. _Midgardian magic_ he called it. I was pregnant during the time the photograph was taken but barely showing, my apron covering any signs of a bump.

“I do not remember Stark taking this photograph” Loki said softly after a few moments. His eyes were glazed over in a seemingly pleasant memory as he stared at the image.

“Neither do I” I said, a warm tone rushing into my voice, “But you know Stark, he’s a discreet genius at times.”

Loki chuckled, his fingers itching to turn the next page where there was an image of Loki and I again, but this time we were at a ball. I was wearing a dark green evening dress, my usual wild curls sleeked back in an elegant knot at the back of my head. Two strands of hair idly fell free at either side of my head framing my face. Loki wore a black tuxedo and his long rave locks were cut short for the occasion. His suit enhanced his lithe frame which towered over my significantly shorter one. I grinned faintly as I realized I was definitely showing by then, my middle swollen but not yet touching off Loki’s. “Do you remember this night?” I asked looking at the photograph which showed us both laughing mid-dance, Loki’s hand around my waist, my hand on his shoulder. Both our faces were enraptured in the others and we looked utterly giddy, like teenagers at prom.

Loki smiled. “That was the night I proposed to you” he answered quietly. “One of the happiest moments of my life was when you said yes, darling. I’ll never forget that moment. Or this one, you said you felt like a princess and I pointed out that you were in fact, dancing with royalty.”

I grinned feeling slightly giddy as I remembered that moment now. Indeed, I had confessed as though I were in a fairytale and Loki had erupted into laughter that made my stomach flip. I turned the page once more, a warm smile on my face as another rush of happiness filled through me. This time it was Thor and I standing in the kitchen. Darcy and Loki were talking in the background. There was nothing special about this photo. It was just a daily snap-shot of our life in the tower but Loki looked at it for a full five minutes before I could turn the page. As the photographs continued, my pregnancy progressed, my stomach swelling out more and Loki spent longer and longer looking at each page. Various poses, most of them capturing our daily life with Thor, Darcy, Stark and some with Jane Banner, Barton, Rogers and Natasha. In general they were photos of our not-so-little family at dinner or breakfast, goofing around with Stark or Darcy or simply relaxing in the living room, reading or watching television. Each one Loki paused at laughing occasionally at my silly poses with my friends.

He stopped at the last photograph that I was pregnant in. It was taken just before our trip to Asgard. It was a simply photograph of the two of us, taken on the couch. My head was resting on Loki’s shoulder, my legs curled up to the side so that I was effectively leaning against him. His arm was wrapped around my waist, his large palm resting on my then heavily swollen middle. He was looking down at me with a blissful smile on his face, whilst I held a book in my hand, unaware of his watchful gaze or unperturbed by his protective arm around me. We looked utterly relaxed here, clearly used of one another’s company by now. If it were not for my heavily swollen middle or Loki’s youthful glow, we could have been an old married couple in this photo as so close and comfortable were our bodies moulded together.

Loki fell silent beside me, his fingers ghosting over my large pregnant belly slowly, a smile dancing on his lips. “Pregnancy suited you” he mumbled causing me to blush.

He smiled even wider as I looked immediately away from him. “Molly, when will you see that?” He kissed the top of my head lightly. “Do you not see how content I am in that photo? I’ve never seen me look happy, relaxed and in love. I can prove it to you by gathering photos or paintings done of me on Asgard. If I did not remember this moment so clearly I would question if it was me at all. Look how happy you made me, in every photo. I’m clearly smitten with you.”

I blushed even more as Loki chuckled. I turned the page to see photographs of Váli and Narfi as new-borns being held by a beaming Thor. Loki’s smile grew faint and suddenly I felt guilty.

“Shall we look at the other photographs later?” I queried, trying not pressure Loki too much right now.

“No, I want to see” Loki whispered, holding me tighter to him. “I need to see.”

I nodded and began to explain the boys’ birth as we poured over the photographs. Loki listened fixedly as I told him the initial difficulty of their birth, my subsequent difficulty in coping and caring for them. He held me tight around my waist.

“Thor helped me so much in those early days, along with Darcy and Stark” I finished. “I could not have made it through without them.”

Loki merely nodded as he turned the pages of the album once more, each photograph seeing a look of absolute awe on his face as his gazed at the beginnings of his son’s life. In each photograph, Thor Darcy, Stark or the others appeared. Finally there was one of just me, Narfi and Váli. There was a small lemon swaddled bundle with tufts of jet black hair sticking out held in each of my arms as I sat in my rocking chair. There no denying that I looked nervous, even exhausted but as I gazed into my boys faces there was awe on my face, happiness bordering on bliss.

“Why is there so few photograph’s of you with the boys in the beginning?” Loki asked, smiling down at the photograph.

I sighed feeling uncomfortable. “The beginning was hard. I – I couldn’t bear to look at them. They looked just like you and so it broke my heart to see them. I thought you were dead, Loki. Or at least fleeing. I just couldn’t cope with what happened and every time I looked at their faces I was reminded of you.”

Loki pulled me closer to him. “I’m so sorry sweet, Molly. For leaving you and our sons when you needed me most.”

I did not answer merely pressed my forehead to Loki as tears filled my eyes. From the sniffling sound of Loki I guessed I was not the only one crying. After a few moments Loki kissed my forehead and turned the page his hand shaking slightly. Eventually we made it through the whole photograph album, watching Narfi and Váli grow bigger, their smiles widening, their features progressing as they adjusted to the world. I told him everything I could about them and me. I told him of their teething and of their first fever. I told him of their ferocious appetites which case me to stop breastfeeding. I told him of their mannerisms and habits. I then explained about their nursery and about struggling to give them normality, about juggling work with parenting and the constant loss I felt by not having their father around. I told him of my nightmares of the Other returning, or of Dwight. I told him of my constant fear and anxiety that something bad was going to happen. I said it all slowly, neither blaming Loki nor hating him just sharing my life in his absence. By the time we finished, my throat felt bone dry, yet I felt slightly relieved that at least now Loki understood what his actions caused. Without fighting or growing angry I managed to express some of what I had been feeling lately. Loki’s eyes were overflowing when I looked up at him.

“Thank you” he whispered as he placed the book beside me.

“It was Stark really” I said trying to smile. “You should thank him – he put the album together.”

“No, Molly” Loki said wiping his eyes. “Thank you for holding together our family. I’m beginning to understand now fully what you have been struggling with alone. I know it’s just the start of what you’ve been experiencing but know that I love you. Whatever is going on right now, darling, I’m going to stay by your side and help you through it.”

“Loki, I love you too” I answered feeling slightly overwhelmed by his close proximity. My heart raced as I watched his emerald eyes study over my face. I half-expected him to speak but another tear merely rolled down his cheek. “Thank you” he said again, drawing closer to me as his lips locked with mine, one hand cradling the back of my head the other pressing against my lower back.

For a moment I allowed my body and mind to lose itself in the kiss, so deep, so gently yet so consuming -  as if it were a steady flame growing bigger by the second. I felt Loki gently guide us down so that we continued to kiss lying on our sides on the bed. Very slowly he moved so that I had no choice but to lie on my back and he straddled my waist all the while my heart suddenly tripled its tempo. One of his hands moved to my thigh and moved upwards, very slowly, palm spread wide as though to feel every curve of my flesh. He moved it gently across my middle and paused. I looked to see he was silently asking for permission to undo my robe. My heart seemed to falter.

 _Could I do this? Could I lay aside my insecurities and simply bare myself for Loki. Yes, I wanted this. This was Loki, my Loki._ Yet as Loki leaned in to kiss my neck my eyes closed and suddenly I thought of Dwight – of lying trapped beneath him, of him biting and nipping my flesh of his erection rubbing against me just as Loki’s currently was. I let out a soft cry and Loki immediately stopped.

“Are you alright, darling?” he asked slightly breathless and flushed as he looked down at me. “What’s wrong?”

“I – I keep picturing Dwight” I murmured, shame washing over. “When I close my eyes…I see him.”

“We do not have to do this now” he said quietly, ceasing touching me at once. “I understand that it might be too soon.”

“Loki I want to do this” I whispered welling up with tears.

Loki kissed my forehead. “Hush now” he murmured quietly. “Do you trust me?”

“Yes” I answered without hesitation. “Of course I do, I love you.”

Loki smiled briefly pressing a gentle kiss to my lips. “And I love you. We will do this – slowly. Leave your eyes open darling, guide me. Tell me what you want.”

 

 

 

 


	16. Darkness and Stars

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys,
> 
> I'm back (finally). Please see the end comments for additional info on this chapter and for info on the technical problems I had trying to post this chapter just now. Hope you enjoy this brief chapter.

Chapter Sixteen: Darkness and Stars

The following morning I awoke early, stretching blissfully out with a Cheshire cat like grin on my face as my limbs pushed up against Loki’s body.

“Ah, I see you still forget how to share a bed” a smug voice sneered from my right. ‘For one so little, you do manage to stretch out as much as a wild desert feline would. Perhaps that is a good sign. Your old habits indicate you did not acquire any man to lie with you during my absence.’

I opened my eyes and saw Loki with a grin equally as happy as my own stretched out across his face. He was lying beside me. He looked wide awake, his emerald eyes shining with a surprising amount of merriment. He was closely tucked up into my silk duvet, head nestled into a silk pillow. Despite his utterly relaxed disposition he looked as though he had been wide awake for some time. For a moment all I could do was stare in silence at this perfect being as my mind struggled to answer his etiquette so early in the morning when it was only working at half capacity.

“And I see you still steal the covers” I answered, gently tugging the silk sheets predominately back over to my side. ‘And I stretch out so much because I’m used of having a bed to myself.”

Loki then chuckled, his eyes and nose scrunching up adorably as he laughed his unique dorky little chuckle. “Ehehehehe…well, I only steal the covers, because they were blocking my view of you” he said, his eyes still full of mirth as I blushed darkly.

‘My duvet, or lack thereof as it seems, is not an entertainment prop for your enjoyment, my prince” I said coyly, pulling even more of the duvet over me so that I was essentially nested into it. ‘It’s to keep me warm.”

“I was keeping you warm” Loki said, sliding closer to me so that we were both secure under the duvet once more. I looked at him quizzically. “I may like the view” he explained, “but my magic keeps you warm. And you sidestepped my question.”

“You didn’t ask one” I teased, his face was mere milometers from mine, making it hard to think straight.

Yet Loki looked equally flustered and paused, his face slightly blushed. “Well, did you acquire any gentlemen friends in your life in my absence? You know, any boyfriends I should know of?” Loki asked, looking at me tentatively, his dazzling eyes now strangely vulnerable.

Now it was my turn to laugh. “Are you jealous? **”**

“Curious” Loki admitted catching my eye with such an earnest look that I couldn’t help but kiss his nose in comfort – a weird act of intimacy that caused me to regret it at once. Loki, however, looked pacified.

“Now why would I need or even want a boyfriend?” I asked, blushing slightly as Loki’s hand wandered to my hips under the sheets.

“When you need certain erm…needs to be fulfilled or services acquired” Loki responded calmly tracing his hand around the curve of my hip slowly.

I laughed again now, pushing slightly closer to his body, his warmth making me shiver slightly. “There are certain adult … toys for that” I answered, my hand resting against Loki’s chest. “Darcy got me one for my birthday.”

“You must show it to me” Loki said earnestly, his voice full of curiosity. My face burned with embarrassment as I nuzzled under his chin, effectively hiding. Loki chuckled once again, placing a soft kiss on the top of my head. “It is nothing to be embarrassed about” he muttered, “I for one would love to see you use it. However I fail to see how it could compare to the feel of the real experience. Which brings me back to me original point, which you still have not addressed. Did you acquire a boyfriend in my absence?”

I pulled away from Loki to look him in the eye in feigned confusion. “Why would I need to _acquire_ ’ I punctuated the word in Loki’s accent causing him to grin even more, “a man? More trouble than their worth, really.”

“I seemed to recall you enjoyed acquiring my services last night” Loki quipped with a roguish grin.

“Your services are indeed … sublime” I admitted and Loki grinned almost proudly his hand slinking slowly by my inner thigh. “As far as men go, I mean.”

“Oh Molly” Loki said, his hand now slowly parting my thighs. “There are no men like me. Shall I prove it again?” he queried sounding utterly giddy. Before I could even answer he had the duvet pulled off us both and I was flat on my back. I let out a brief shriek followed by a squeamish giggle.

***

By mid- morning we were still in bed. Loki was sleeping soundly beside me and as I stared at him I was filled with so many emotions. Last night and this morning had been wonderful. Truly Loki had very slowly and very gently caressed and kissed every part of my body and in doing do so he healed a huge internal wound I never had the courage to even fully address or try to comprehend. He made me feel like a Queen. My stretchmarks he proudly declared to be my badges of honor. My pudgy tummy he kissed and stroked in a reverend awed manner, astounded in the fact that it was now so soft, so smooth and ‘so flat’ as Loki claimed. It made me at a loss for words. For where I only saw flaws, he saw perfection. Truthfully I never felt so safe and protected and by the time we finally had sex, I had forgotten who Dwight even was.

When it was over, Loki held me, my head upon his chest as we dozed. I didn’t ask him to, he just did. I held him too, one arm loosely draped over his chest. He murmured love in my ear. I did likewise. He promised to stay by my side for evermore. So did I. He promised that tomorrow he would explain a way to help me battle my inner demons. And, in return, I promised to help him with his inner demons. I fell asleep in the comfort that Loki was not going to ‘save me’, but help me. Finally I felt that I was being understood.

There it was – the undeniable evidence that Loki was good. He was undoubtedly troubled but he was also undeniably good. And as I watched him sleep I made a private vow; I would seek help for my ongoing mental health issues. I had to meet Loki and his promise half-way. I would not hide away or take my issues out on Loki or Stark no longer. Whilst Loki had in many ways been involved or caused many of my problems, he truthfully, was not to blame. I followed him blindly, ignoring everyone’s advice and at times, my very own rationality. I pursued Loki because, he, flaws and all, represented the stars _and_ the darkness; in loving him, I took on both. I too was darkness and stars, shadows and moonlight. And truthfully, how could one appreciate or even see the stars without the darkness. Our relationship would only ever work if I helped him with his demons and he helped with mine. Whilst last night with Loki was wonderful it was no cure, but it was a beginning. Come the afternoon my mood could grow unpredictable again. I needed to find someone to talk to. I needed someone to listen to my overwhelmed thoughts. I needed someone to trust. For if I were to share my deepest thoughts with someone it would have to be with someone I trusted implicitly and would be unbiased. If they were to simply turn away from me or treat my problems as trivial - that would be crushing and would cause such further hurt and pain. I trusted very few people for a reason. Yet I needed to open up and share with someone. In addressing my issues I would become a better woman, perhaps a healed or healing woman. In helping myself I could help Loki. But more importantly I would become a better mother. Gradually I would even gain the courage to introduce Narfi and Váli to Loki properly.

Slipping out of bed, with a determined sense of self, I quickly showered and dressed. When I left the bedroom Loki was still fast asleep, reminding me so very much of Váli and Narfi. It was time to video call my beautiful boys and remind them and myself of who exactly their Momma was.

 

 

 

 


	17. Sparks

Chapter Eighteen: Sparks

After a lazy morning in bed, Loki and I spent our last day at Stark’s Tower packing up all of the remaining items belonging to both me and the boys and giving the place a quick clean over. In the end, I had to hire a U-Haul trailer just to ensure I could take absolutely everything belonging to us. I found the removal process sad as it seemed so final. Stark’s Tower had been my first true home. I shared it with my friends who became family. And my boys – this was the only home they had ever known. It was upsetting to know I had to leave this place behind. So many memories were here. Leaving here was leaving my safe nest, or what had once been my safe nest. Hadn’t Dwight proven we were being watched by someone or something that meant us harm? I grew silent feeling torn between a sadness within me at leaving and a sudden desire to flee. Stark’s Tower was, after all, compromised by outside forces. Until that was resolved we could not live here as it was a giant magnet attracting more corrupt forces who wanted Loki’s loved ones. Suddenly, I realised we had already stayed here for too long and I started to feel slightly paranoid. Perhaps, this was me once more slipping into my pattern of deflection, and my desire to leave was really my desire to return to my sons.

 _Home_ , I realised, _was now wherever my sons were_.

My paranoia was no doubt exasperated by a power outage during lunch. It only went off for ten minutes, but it unsettled me. Ten whole minutes without power in none other than Tony Stark’s house? Maybe it was a run-of-the-mill outage, but in Iron Man’s house the power never went off. I tried to call Stark but got no response. I was partially unsurprised by this as he called earlier to say he had meetings all day so not to expect him. Loki seemed unflustered by the outage. “Darling, Midgard is prone to such things” he said, curling his arm around me in the dull kitchen. “Even on Asgard, bad weather can have adverse effects on day to day life.”

I looked outside the kitchen window to see the weather mimicked my sudden turn of feelings. The clouds were swollen and a dark steely grey colour, no doubt heavy rain was expected at any moment.

I tried ringing Natasha when the lights came back on, but our connection was so bad that we barely exchanged a few words. The weather had picked up outside by then and rain lashed angrily against the windows. Natasha blamed the power outage on the weather and then had to go because the boys were screaming like hell in the background. I tried to calm them down with my voice, but that seemed to upset them even more. “They miss you, Molls” Tash said, her voiced tinged with stress. “At first they were happy, but I think now they really miss you.”

“I miss them too, Tash” I answered, trying not to cry as Loki watched on over me from the living room where he gathered some of the boy’s clothes and toys. “Tell them I’ll be home first thing tomorrow with a little treat for being so brave” I vowed and heard Tash laugh quietly. “Just tell them, please? And tell them that I love them and miss them.” Tash gave the message and soon our lines got so scrambled that we were disconnected.

“They are lucky to have you” Loki said quietly, a soft smile on his lips as he watched o from the kitchen. “You love them so much.”

I smiled weakly in response. Yes, I loved them so much. _So much that I cannot be with them right,_ I thought. _So much that I cannot keep them safe_. I couldn’t tell if my feelings were a result of my continuous struggle to cope or if they were justified by a real threat of current danger. I didn’t know my own mind. Now I felt worse than ever. I had a massive whole in my heart from missing my boys along with an impending sense of uncertainty. If I could just reach Stark, he would know that power outages were not normal, not here in his house.

This ominous paranoia-like feeling grew as the evening wore on, particularly as I wondered around such a vast empty building to gather mislaid items. If Loki noticed, then he didn’t comment. Although it’s possible he thought my silence was due to me missing the boys, which was true. But there was also another feeling I couldn’t quite shake. Suddenly it felt too risky to stay here any longer. I felt unsafe, as though any time I were alone in a room I was being watched, or any time I entered a room, someone had just left it. I couldn’t quite put my finger on it. It was just a gut feeling that something was off. It was so quiet. Eerily quiet. I felt something was definitely missing but I couldn’t remember what it was. Unable to translate why this upset me or even translate my feelings of paranoia into words, I redoubled my packing efforts. I gathered items and Loki helped pack them into boxes and move them down to the trailer. With any luck we could be gone by first thing in the morning. At least Loki was always nearby, on the same floor, searching for items too. I felt safer with Loki nearby. After all, who would dare threaten him?

Finally, I had finished gathering everything and was with Loki in the garage as he packed boxes into the trailer. He seemed in good spirits all day, for which I was glad. I didn’t want him worried that I was becoming deeply paranoid on top of my other issues. He spent his time asking questions about the boys or playing with their toys. In the end, he spent more time asking questions about Váli and Narfi than he did packing up their things. It was apparent he was trying, really hard, to help in any way he could but as usual, he spoke too much and lost track of what he was supposed to be doing. Today I found it soothing and adorable, his voice constantly nearby and full of curiosity tinged with a clear desire to know his sons. He even packed without magic. It was, he said, his way of learning to balance the magic and non-magic. He wanted to make more effort to balance my way of living with his. It was a sweet sentiment but the strain was already taking its toll. He had already swore several times tracing back and forth across the Tower to gather items and even more so when manually loading the trailer. But he was trying.

“Are you sure we have only two children?” he suddenly asked, his dry tone echoing softly across Stark’s garage to wear I was sitting at a desk sorting through essential paper work for the boys; medical history, their passports and a host of all other important paper work for them both and myself. Stark kept them down here in a fire-proof safe. “They possess more items than I do” Loki continued bemused, as he carried the two final boxes into the U-Haul.

“I find that hard to believe” I answered, trying not to laugh at his bemusement. “But yes, they do have a lot of stuff. Blame Stark, he got carried away with his self-given role as ‘Uncle Iron Man’ to the boys. But, I’d still hate to leave anything of theirs behind. I’m not sure how long we will be away. I just want to make sure we have everything they may need, or that I may need.”

“Everything two princes could ever desire,” he added, his voice amplified in the trailer. “And their queen mother.” I snorted with laughter and went back to gathering the boys essential paperwork.

Loki stepped off the back of the trailer with a light, yet graceful bounce. “All done” he declared proudly, lightly tugging the back door of the trailer down and attempting to latch it closed. It sprang back up immediately and Loki looked at it incredulously. I laughed as he slammed it down even harder. “Stupid mortal contraption” he uttered, teeth now barred in obvious frustration. He paused and glanced at me quickly, one eyebrow raised in a mischievous yet casual expression . “I could burn it down - much easier” he said calmly.  

“Oh, yes” I agreed, his eyes widening in disbelief at my response. “That’ll teach an inanimate object to mess with you, my prince. Or you could learn how us mere mortals cope without magic everyday” I teased lightly, as he came towards me, somehow looking effortlessly handsome in a hoodie and jeans. Even now the sight of him in ordinary clothes was odd to me. It helped for him to go unnoticed if went outside to dress casually.

He smirked broadly. “It’s certainly not easy” he admitted, coming up behind me. “But I can try.” He placed one hand on my shoulder and peered over my form to the desk where I was double-checking the boy’s documents. His eyes traced over them with interest. “And besides its - ” he paused for a moment and then reached out to grab a form at random. His frame slightly squashed down my own as he leant over me. “Their names …” he mumbled, his voice trailing off as he changed subject.

“Are Narfi and Váli” I said trying not to laugh, thinking he was worried about perhaps telling them apart. “Don’t worry, it may seem hard at first but you’ll soon learn they are _very_ different.”

“Their last names are Wilde” Loki murmured quietly. I craned my neck oddly to see Loki’s eyes darting back and forth across the paper. He set it down and picked up another document. "Narfi Wilde and Váli Wilde.”

“Of course, it is” I answered, trying to straighten up. “Well mostly, we may have to fib about their last name on a few more public forms but all the private ones are Wilde. That is my name after all.”

“They should bare my name, should they not?” Loki asked, suddenly sounding both angry and hurt at once. He turned around my chair so that I could face him properly. “After all, they are _my_ boys” he hissed down at me yet both his eyes seemed to fill with sudden tears. “It’s Asgardian tradition for children to take their father’s last name.”

For a moment I fell silent, staring at Loki with my mouth half-open. _How had we escalated to this so quickly and why the hell was he being so bitter? He knew damn well why I gave the boys my surname, surely?_  I quickly stood up, hot anger washing over me. “Are you fucking kidding me? Firstly, they’re _our_ boys” I snapped, unable to be swayed by his doe-like stare right now. “You left Loki! Did you honestly think that I would - ”

Loki’s lip pulled into an ugly snare. “I’ve explained that! And I know you were hurting, but its Asgardian tradition. It’s _my right_ as their father.”

“Your _rights?_ ” I snapped back. “You bail for over seven months, leaving me alone with two infants, leaving no provisions for them or no home, actually, you left no help whatsoever and you want to stand here now and talk about your fucking _rights_?”

“Language” Loki snapped unexpectedly. I paused to take a deep breath and shook my head. My lips twitched in an unexpected smile and Loki bit his lip, clearly trying not to smile himself. I shot him a narrow angry warning glance. “Or, alternatively, swear as much as you like, darling” Loki quickly continued. “I understand I wasn’t there for support but surely Thor told you about Asgardian tradition - ”

My faint smile vanished. “Yes Thor did explain, right after they were born” I confessed, my own hot stare darting up at him once more. “They should bare the title ‘Lokison’” I mimicked in impression of Thor’s deep voice. “And I told him I’ll be damned if my sons were named after the man who broke my heart and abandoned his kids. Actually, I said a lot more than that. Ask Thor how I reacted or Dr. Banner. I nearly lost my sanity at the mere thought of naming that after the low-life scum that could do that” I was surprised by the acid in my own tone and took a step back. I shook my head, surprised I went so far. “I-I’m sorry…I didn’t mean that last part. But you – you were gone, Loki. You chose to leave us and I didn’t think you would ever come back. I couldn’t bear to have that reminder every time I filled out a form…I just couldn’t. Not having you was too damn hard.”

Silence fell between us once again, awkward and extending into minutes. Loki’s anger ebbed slowly away but he still looked hurt. “Molly, I’m sorry too. I - I just … I always imagined that if I had children they would bare my name. It was just an impulsive reaction. I know you had your reasons.”

I shrugged trying to calm down once again. I gripped Loki’s hand in mine. “I do love you – but you can’t paint over the past. I shouldn’t have swore, I shouldn’t have - ”

“I like it when you swear” Loki confessed, his eyes somewhat bittersweet. “Though I worry our children first words will be a curse word. I truly admire and respect that you are unafraid to fight back with me. Growing up no one dared fight with me, the prince of Asgard, or even talk truthfully with me. Not even Odin. So I truly love your fire,” I blushed darkly and Loki smiled before wrapping his arms around me. This was something he was doing more and more since his return. Holding me close to him as though I were the only person in his world. I wrapped my arms around him in return and inhaled deeply, allowing my body to relax against his. “I know you were alone” he continued, lightly stroking the back of my head. “And what you said is no less than the truth and what I deserve to hear. I will, in time, prove I will never do that again. And, maybe…in time, should I get to know Váli and Narfi and if things between us improve, could they then bare my name? I would like that – my name attached to something good, for once.”

I looked at Loki for a long time in silence. “Maybe. We have a long road ahead of us before I consider it” I answered honestly. “I trust you, but when my – our kids are involved you really need to prove yourself as trustworthy before I consider changing anything.”

Loki did not look annoyed as I thought he would by that. Instead he merely calmly stared into my eyes. “If that’s what it takes I’ll do it. Speaking of which we also really need a plan for us.”

“What do you mean?” I asked stepping back to lean against the desk. I was tired now, longing for food, bed maybe some time with Loki to enjoy our last night alone.

“For our future” Loki answered now settling into the chair, his emerald eyes imploring into mine. “You need to find a means to talk to someone – an unbiased person. You know now you’ve had difficulty coping with everything; with my actions, the actions of the Other, the twins, your sense of safety and then Dwight” Loki paused and sighed, looking deeply concerned, “it’s far too much to not deal with, darling. You need help to find a way of coping. You promised me you would.”

I bit my lip briefly, too tired for this conversation with Loki right now “I’ll look into it” I mumbled.

Loki raised an eyebrow quizzically. “I mean it” I promised. “I’ll find someone. Stark might know someone. Hell, I’ll even reach out to Steve – he may have needed similar help adjusting to life after being frozen - ”

A loud bang made Loki and I both jump. We looked over to see the U-Haul had sprung open suddenly again.

“Damn that idiotic contraption” Loki murmured, briefly closing his eyes as though to gather strength.

“Language” I scolded lightly.

Loki opened his eyes and chuckled. “Ehehehe… I thought I closed that blasted thing without magic. Maybe if I just - ” He made to raise his wrist.

I reached and grabbed his wrist before he could magic it closed. “I’ve got it – you go on upstairs. Start dinner.”

“We were talking” Loki stated, looking crestfallen. “I’m not finished yet. You know we need to arrange a schedule for me to visit at the new house – preferably without the Avengers present for now. I think I should gradually meet the boys too. And there’s still the claiming and bonding to be arranged for us. We - ”

“I know, I know” I rolled my eyes and kissed his forehead. “But Rome wasn’t built in a day.”

Loki looked confused, his dark brows knotted. “What?”

I laughed at his expression, placing another kiss on his knotted brows. “It’s an expression. We have a lot to discuss and we will. We can’t fix everything overnight. But we will make a plan, tonight if you wish. But for now, I’m starving – so you must be too. I’ll just close up the U-Haul and tuck the documents in a safe and put them in the car. You can make a start on dinner upstairs, there’s left overs in the freezer. Deal?”

Loki smiled devilishly before standing up. “Well I wasn’t planning on much talking tonight, but I will provide you with a feast fit for royalty. We can talk over that, my princess.” I blushed even more and rolled my eyes at his wirds. Loki laughed softly once more before kissing me lightly and vanished on the spot.

Sighing I went back to retrieving important documents and putting them in a small portable safe. I then put them in the glove compartment of the car when I heard another bang. This one was softer this time, like the emergency door that led to a back stair case in the distant side of the garage. I paused feeling a prickle of uncertainty. Loki would say something, call out to me when entering the room. So whatever that was, it was not Loki. With a surprising sense of calmness, I quietly shut the door of the car and sat there feeling both half-foolish and half-nervous.

_Maybe it wasn’t the garage door at all. Maybe something fell or maybe a fox or a racoon or even a rat had entered the floor and knocked something over?_

I looked I in the rear view mirror but saw nothing, though it was hard to tell at this angle with the U-Haul attached to the car blocking the better part of my view. I swallowed thickly, “Jarvis?” I whispered into the air, feeling idiotic. “Jarvis is there someone here?” I asked, but no one answered. That’s when panic set in. Jarvis _always_ answered.

 _That’s what was missing since lunch-time. Jarvis had not said a word since the black out. I had been too busy to notice. Which meant there was a security breach! This explained my paranoia about something being off._ I silently cursed myself for not trusting my gut instincts. _I needed to get to Loki_ I realised as I heard an odd sound. _Was it a tapping noise, or a soft thudding, or a steady beat of a soft drum, growing closer? What the hell was that?_ And with that the slight sound of footsteps that echoed softly around the garage. _No chance of getting Loki without drawing attention to myself_. So, I needed to start the car then and get the hell out of here, but realised I left the keys on the desk. _No way of reaching them without drawing attention to where I was._

I quickly looked into the driver’s mirror and saw a man walk towards the car, some distance yet but determinedly approaching. I could feel my heart rate increase as I slowly slid to the other side of the car. Yet I remained focused, surprisingly calm. _I could do this, I had faced worse than this. I could make it to the elevator, ten feet away_. The footsteps and the odd steady tapping were increasingly easy to hear in the otherwise empty garage _. I needed to move and fast to get a head start._ I opened the opposite door of the car almost soundlessly, not bothering to close it behind me. That’s when I put caution to the winds and made the knee-jerk reaction to run to the elevator just ahead of me, beyond Stark’s fancy cars and machines. _Just run, Molly. Run to the elevator!_

However, no sooner had I started to sprint than when I was quickly tripped up. I landed roughly onto the concrete floor, knocking the wind clear out of me. Dazed I looked around to see what tripped me up. I quickly spun around to see none other than Dwight standing before me. He was in crutches, his left leg in a cast right up the knee. Seeing him took all my steely determination away. He pulled back his crutch he used to trip me and smiled, head cocked to the side, eyeing me coolly. “Ms Wilde” he said softly. “I’m glad we finally got you alone.”

“No” I whispered, the sound so timid and desperate that Dwight actually, smiled. I could only stare at him in horrified silence. _How the fuck did he find me again? Why did he want to?_ _This wasn’t real. He wasn’t here. No, no. no. I was dreaming, a nightmare_.  

His face was a healing mess of bruised purple, yellow and blue. He had stitches across his upper forehead that crept back into his hairline. He stood there calmly, looking at me with a wicked smile on his face. I was scared beyond belief scrambling to get up but my whole body was trembling. _What did he want?_ He stepped towards me, a second man following behind him closely wearing a balaclava. All I could do was smell his terrible smell of alcohol, stale cigarettes and sweat which instantly triggered horrible memories of his last attack. A cold sweat broke out across my body and I suddenly wanted to vomit. _No, I would not. I would not go through that again._

“Speechless?” Dwight asked, taking one step towards me. “I thought as much after -”

I barely listened I kicked his left crutch as he took another step and saw him fall to the floor. _Just run, flee, don’t hang around, or listen. Just run, run, fucking run!_ My mind screamed finally adjusting to what was happening. Taking my chance, I quickly scrambled up right. My limbs were like jello shaking with every movement. However, the second man wearing the balaclava now sprang into action as I attempted to flee. He quickly caught me and yanked me back by my hair. I screamed out as he sharply tugged me around to face Dwight again who was struggling to his feet awkwardly on his crutches.

 “LOKI!” I screamed desperately, my voice amplified loudly across the garage. “LOKI!!!” Even then I realised, my screams were not enough. Loki was floors above, with many of the upper floors soundproofed. I screamed again, struggling as the second man gripped my shoulders desperately trying to hold me still.

“Where are you going, Ms Wilde?” Dwight asked calmly, stepping towards me lightly on his crutches. He dug one of them into my toes painfully, pressing down until I cried out sharply. “We never did get to finish our little get together last time, did we? I brought some friends this time – no escape.”

I swallowed back the rising bile before noticing a third man soundlessly cross the garage behind the two men. He had exited from the back of U-Haul van so quietly, I’m sure Dwight and his accomplice did not hear him approach. He wore a baseball cap which partially covered his face. 

“No? You have no power here. There’s no way I’m letting you go away again slut” Dwight said with glee.

“Fuck you” I retorted, not willing to bow down to this twisted, damage piece of garbage. I continued to struggle against the man holding my shoulders. “Is this a desperate attempt at revenge? It’s pathetic. Loki will be here soon -”

Another flash of grey and silver and I was dazed, falling back into the man holding me captive. Dwight had hit me with his crutch I realised as pain radiated across the right side of my face. My eyes filled with tears of pain. “Oh, we’re leaving – now. An interested party is willing to pay good money for you. So get in that god damn hideous car and drive us out of here. These … investors will need you for a time, of course. They want information on Loki and the Avengers, but then they will return you to me. And I’ll keep you – as a pet. So, get in the car. NOW!”

The balacavad man made to drag me but I shook my head, mouth filling rapidly with blood and my vision slightly blurred. I held my ground determinedly and spat in Dwight’s face. “I’d rather die” I answered viciously and blindly kicked back the man behind me. He groaned and loosened his grip ever so slightly. I took advantage of this to push forward out of his hold and turned around and sharply kicked him in the nuts. He fell to his knees as Dwight made to dash desperately at me, but I bolted on the spot dashing to the elevator. I pressed the open button as I heard more scuffling behind me, shouts of pain and one short scream.

Mercifully the door flew open before I could turn around to see what was happening. I dashed in immediately setting the doors to close behind me but a loud thud stopped them from closing. I looked up to see an arm in the elevator frame as I hit the emergency stop that would keep the doors closed. I tried to push the arm out but it was as hard as Iron Man's suit. Shrinking into the corner, I watched this guy twist his arm, and effortlessly open the closed doors. I stared gobsmacked and felt myself sink to the floor. However, the man that stepped in looked as scared as I felt.

“You’re Molly then?” he asked, eying me over curiously. He reminded me briefly of Loki but he had a different build, much broader with a rugged unkempt look about him. His eyes caught mine and I swore I saw a slight flash at the gesture. His eyes were dark as he looked over the scene before him with an angry expression.

“NO!” I screamed at him, thinking he meant to take me away or hurt me.

“Don’t worry. They won’t touch you. They’re out cold. Steve will arrange for them to be taken somewhere.” He raised a hand to help me up from the floor but all I did was stare warily at him. His words washed over me in a meaningless way. He was roughly 5”9, yet very muscular. Now, in the light of elevator, I saw he was dressed not in black like Dwight and his companion but far more casual in dark jeans, a hoodie and a baseball cap. He removed the cap so that I could see his face more clearly. He had long dark brown hair, the exact same shade as his eyes which were filled with concern. “It’s alright. I wasn't with them, you saw me come out of the U-Haul, right?” he asked gruffly, sounding uncomfortable.

I merely nodded, unable to move paralyzed by fear and blinding pain and some degree of shock that was settling in now.

“I’m a friend of Steve’s – you know Steve?" the man queried as I faintly nodded. "He sent me to keep an eye on you. That's why I was getting in the trick, I thought you were leaving right away. I've been tracking you all day since the power went out. I thought it was odd to go out here of all places. I – I would never – I’m not like those men, you hear me?”

“You didn’t stop them though did you?” I spat out bitterly, blood splattering out of my mouth with each word and aware talking was causing me searing pain, I stood up shakily refusing his help once more. “You could have taken them out sooner.”

“Yeah, I guess so” he admitted honestly, his eyes searching my own as though trying to read my expression. “I could have, but I needed to hear what they had planned, sooner rather than later. Besides, you seemed to be really holding your own... Steve underestimates you. You could be a good fighter, just need a bit of practice is all. I’m sorry they hurt you – I didn’t think the crutches guy would be so - ”

“Sadistic?” I offered and tenderly placed a hand to my cheek and hissed in pain. It already felt puffy and was bleeding. I also felt light-headed and gripped the elevator railing. This all felt so surreal. I just wanted Loki. It felt like a lifetime since I seen him, but really it had just been a little over five minutes. 

“I would never – Back in our time, well, Steve and I were raised to treat women with respect” the man continued, looking at me as though fighting conflicting emotions. He swallowed thickly and shook his head. 

I looked at him confused. _Back in my time? He was no older than I was, surely. Definitely not past thirty…a friend of Steve’s? Was he found in the ice with Steve too?!_ “I would never hurt you, you got that?" He said more quietly now. "Look, I’ll just take you to your guy – Loki, right? What floor?”

I answered spitting blood out as I spoke. He released the emergency stop and the doors slowly shut and then he pressed the button for our floor and faced me. “Please, please, don’t be scared of me” he repeated, sounding almost desperate now. “Does it hurt much?” He made to touch my cheek then gruffly pulled his hand away as I jerked back. He paused and we looked right into the others eyes for a brief second before he looked away awkwardly, biting his lip. Despite my pain and shock I was slightly intrigued by this man. He seemed … deeply hurt or almost guilty in expression.

Finally, I nodded, swayed by his eyes which had been full of concern yet determination. Shaking still I cleared my throat. “Who – who are you then?” I asked, my voice trembling. “Besides been a friend of Steve’s. What’s your name?”

His brown eyes fell to mine and he smiled lightly. The effect was dazzling, his once uncomfortable and pained expression lightened. His brow eyes lit up briefly with an almost boyish roguish grin. “Been a while since I had to introduce myself” he confessed, sounding slightly nervous. “Thought you might have heard of me. I thought that’s why you were being all skittish on me.”

I shook my head, smiling a little, which both hurt like hell so I immediately stopped just as the elevator doors opened to the kitchen. "I thought you were a bad guy like Dwight."

He extended his right hand and I shook it awkwardly. “Name’s James Buchanan, but my friends call me Bucky” he said slipping briefly into a slight Brooklyn accent and wore a shy smile. 

Despite the pain it caused, I couldn't help but smile at him in return. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	18. Tremble

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: Molly has a panic attack in this chapter.
> 
>  

Chapter Eighteen – Tremble

 

A sudden pain darted across the right side of my head, breaking the shared smile between us. I was momentarily blinded by the severity of it and when I opened my eyes Bucky was looking at me with concern. I turned away, stepping out of the elevator and began making my way down the corridor to the kitchen.

“Need a hand?” Bucky called after me.

“No, I – I’m fine” I answered shakily, now half-blinded by the pain that throbbed from the right side of my cheek and radiated across my head making me feel light-headed.

_I just had to get to the kitchen. I was not too far away from Loki._

Yet my body began to protest as though only now realising the extent of the battering it had recently received. My head throbbed, my right foot ached, my knees were sore from where I collided into the concrete floor and my mouth filled with blood. I try to ignore it all and keep moving forward. But the copper taste was overwhelmingly disgusting. It triggered memories of Dwight back in Darcy’s apartment…

 _He was straddling my hips on the bed, me lying motionless and terrified. Using me to fulfil his dirty fantasies._ _His horrible hands roamed my body, touching my intimate parts with such brutal savagery, using me. I couldn’t stop him. I couldn’t do anything_. _Just like when I faced the Other, just like when I thought I would die along with my sons…I couldn’t do anything._

Suddenly, I found myself short of breath, my heart racing but my thoughts dashing on furiously as image after cruel image filled my mind. _And tonight could have ended up the same way, or worse._ _Where would he have taken me and what would he have done? I remembered the glint in his dull eyes that promised he intended to hurt me and take pleasure in it._

I stumbled forward over my own trembling legs. Yet Bucky was there instantly. For such a strong built guy, he was exceptionally light on his feet. He wrapped an arm around my waist with surprising gentleness. “I got you” he murmured quietly. “Come on.”

“It’s – it’s my foot” I answered surprised by how suddenly close my voice was to tears. I sounded breathless but what I said was partially true. My right foot now throbbed painfully where Dwight had pressed down his metal crutch. Yet truthfully, it was everything right now; the pain, the copper taste of blood in my mouth, my sudden panic…it was all triggering my worst memory with Dwight, with the Other, with everything. My breathing grew ragged and my chest seemed to tighten. Tears now blinded my eyes. _All too much._ Suddenly the smell, _his_ smell of stale smoke, booze and sweat made me nauseous. It was all too much. I started to tremble. _I wanted to go and hide somewhere…in some dark corner and never emerge. I wanted to get out of here immediately. I wanted it to stop. I wanted it to end._

Bucky slid his hand my lower back and started rubbing it. “Easy” he said, in a slightly more domineering yet compassionate tone. His other hand found my shoulder and squeezed it tightly. “Breathe…breathe” he encouraged, rhythmically squeezing my shoulder. It was oddly, comforting the way his hands rested on my body seemed to soothe my trembling body. Each tight grip was a reminder that he was here, Bucky was here. I was not alone. “What triggered you?”

His question caught me off guard. I looked up at him tears spilling over my cheeks as I struggled to catch my breath, my chest tightening even more. “W-what?” I choked out.  

Bucky eyes flickered slightly, his expression momentarily eerily blank. “People have triggers…stuff that makes them suddenly anxious. They usually are sensory. So what are you thinking of - what you heard, saw, touched, smelled or tasted?”

“Dwight” I whispered, the question an easy though upsetting one and the fear in my tone unmistakable. “His taste… _his_ smell…” I shivered involuntarily. “His touch.”

Bucky’s eyes narrowed slightly and for a brief few seconds he did not say anything. I was just about to look away when he squeezed my shoulder once more. “Eyes on me, you got that?” he said demandingly. “Just look at me, you _see_ me and only me here, don’t you?” He didn’t wait for me to answer, instead he continued quickly. “And you taste your blood. Spit out the blood in your mouth” he said abruptly. I followed his instructions without thinking, maintaining contact with his brown eyes, only turning briefly to spit out a mouthful of blood. “Good, now what do you smell?”

I fought the urge to vomit, thinking of only Dwight’s smell of sweat, booze and cigarettes. I swayed on the spot, my light-headedness making it hard to stand.

“No” Bucky breathed, gripping me tightly by the shoulders. “Don’t think. Just tell me _right now_ , what do you smell?”

I inhaled slowly, meeting Bucky’s stare the entire time. A puff of breath air gently breezed through the open window behind him. “Fresh air, something smoky…like fire” I answered slowly.

“That’s it” Bucky said, smiling in a relieved sort of way. “Just breathe deep, focus on right now. Nothing else.”

I breathed in deeply for another moment before I found the stress and flashbacks slowly melted away. My chest loosened and my body stopped trembling. “How – what was that?” I asked, relieved the panic was fading slowly.

“Panic attack” Bucky said, wrapping one arm around my waist. “I get them too.”

We continued walking again in silence yet I mulled over his words. _Was that really a panic attack? It was so awful I thought I was drowning or suffocating. Yet Bucky knew what it was_. He seemed to be a man of very few words, yet I leaned in to his touch, closing my eyes, trying to calm down. I lapsed into silence, too tired to speak. Now I felt weak and ashamed for my panicked outburst.

“You know you did well – you did all you could in the garage” Bucky said unexpectedly. It was as though he were uncomfortable, not with me, but with the very act of speaking itself. He cleared his throat before continuing. “Steve – he told me what happened with you and Dwight before -”

“You guys love to gossip then, huh?” I replied, merely feeling weak and allowing the pain to rush over me. My vision blurred briefly again. I was grateful Bucky was holding me steady or I would never have been able to walk straight.

“Steve was worried about you” Bucky replied slowly, as though thoughtfully considering each word. His voice went even lower now and I had to focus all my energy into catching every word he said. “Steve said I should’ve spoke to you sooner. He thinks we could benefit from talking to each other. But with him and Tony at each other’s throats there was no way for me to find you. I – I know what it’s like to have someone force you to do things – things you don’t want to do -  it takes all your dignity, your warmth – your very nature, I guess.”

I immediately stopped walking once more and looked up at him. His dark eyes seemed to harden – it was the most he had said in one go since he helped me from the garage and each word seemed to carry a great weight – as though he had been longing for a long time to say them out loud.

“You blame yourself” he finally added, meeting my stare as his eyes grew red.

I merely nodded, my throat suddenly too constricted to speak. I doubt I even had an accurate response. He knew. This strange guy clearly knew what it was like to lose your control, be robbed of your power. He knew it all.

He swallowed and shook his head, his shaggy brown hair shook lightly before he helped me walk forward once more. “It’s not your fault.”

I was felt weaker than ever now, but I think it was partially shock. Bucky held me tighter. “Come on, Red” he said quietly and I smiled and thought briefly of Stark. “Nearly there.”

I stepped forward once again, half my weight on Bucky. “Loki’s going to freak out” I said, trying to keep talking. My voice was quiet but not as shaken as before. We were nearly there at the kitchen now. now. “He’s a bit … dramatic. Erm” I paused, shivering slightly, more so from shock now. “You might want to stay here tell I explain things to him.”

Bucky laughed again, the noise adoringly made him look years younger and momentarily took on a mischievous spark that gave him an adoringly roguish charm. I suddenly wondered if he had ever laughed much at all “I can handle myself” he answered assuredly, clutching me tighter against him. “Steve told me all about him. I reckon I can face him” he said quietly, a faint smile on his lips.

I laughed in response, but it made my head hurt and I groaned. I sighed as we almost silently entered the kitchen, my heart starting to race madly once more. I caught sight of Loki beyond the counter, his back was to me and he was looking the fridge. I felt suddenly bereft with grief and panic once more. If Bucky was not there to hold me up I would have fell. Seeing Loki and knowing I would have to explain that I encountered Dwight again was too much. I tried to hold my self together. “Loki?” I called out, my voice timid, almost hesitant.

“Mmm darling, is that you?” Loki’s answered unperturbed and remaining busily looking into the fridge. Bucky and I stepped forward quietly. “I – I’m having a little trouble with dinner – would half a box of chocolates suffice?”

I could feel my self start to shake once more, trembling against Bucky’s frame. “Loki?” I whispered, I was almost sinking against him, panic overwhelming me. Bucky slid a hand to my lower back as my breath caught in my throat.

Loki turned around just as a tear slid from my cheeks. “I-I’m sorry” I whispered as I looked into his emerald eyes.

There was a slight paused as Loki eyes fell to me and darted to Bucky. “Molly!” he cried, rushing forward to me at once. “Let her go!” he barked at Bucky, roughly tugging me by my hand. “Or you will -”

“Loki no!” I gasped out as he raised his hand, no doubt to cast a spell. “This is Bucky. He’s Friend of Steve’s – Captain America’s - ”

“Did he do that to your face?” Loki snarled, eyeing Bucky in anger as he lowered his hand slightly. I allowed myself to be embraced by Loki fully, finding comfort in his arms. “Did he do that to your face!” Loki repeated angrily now. I flinched slightly, stepping back and looking up at him with a terrified expression. _How do I bring up Dwight again?_ Loki cradled my head ever so gently as though I were made of china. “What has happened – what - ”

Bucky’s soft tone interrupted us. “The tower’s breached” he said in his soft tone. “She was attacked downstairs. No confirmation of attacker’s agendas but they were clearly after her. You need to leave. I alerted Steve – he should be here any minute, but you should go until we know what we’re dealing with.”

“How can I trust you?” Loki asked, holding me closer to his frame with one arm. His eyes narrowed in distrust. “How do I know you are who you say you are and not working with the attackers?”

“Dwight” I whispered, feeling nauseous again. I could feel my voice tremble and tears fell my eyes at another sudden rush of unexpected shame and panic. I found myself unable to look Loki or Bucky in the eyes. Instead I closed my eyes allowing all the pain and shame to wash over me. “Dwight…again. Trust Bucky.”

“Dwight?” Loki said softly, his usually calm tone shook.

I opened my eyes. He looked devastated. His emerald eyes filled. “We have to go – to our boys” I said, my voice starting to shake. “Now – please, Loki.”

“Where is Dwight?” Loki asked, despite the tears he suddenly looked livid.

“Garage” Bucky answered quietly. “Unconscious and bound. As is his accomplice.”

“I should - ” Loki began, his grip on me tightening. I could feel the rage now tightening his muscles.

“Loki – please” I begged quietly. “Just take me home. I need to check on the boys.”

Bucky nodded in agreement. “Go – take her home. She could have another attack. Steve and I got this. We’ll join you at the house later.”

“Attack?” Loki looked down at me with a woeful stare.

I gripped his arm loosely. “We’ll talk when we get home” I answered, trying with all my might to stay standing when I felt so weak. “What about Stark?” I said quietly, looking at Bucky. “Stark could be on his way home any minute, If he’s in danger too - ”

Bucky nodded. “Steve will inform him – he’ll tell him what happened.”

“But – our children’s belongings, Molly’s things – they’re all packed up” Loki whispered. I was surprised he even thought of that. I glanced at him sideways and noticed he looked alarmingly pale – _Was he in shock too?_

 “I-I’ll tell Stark to make sure you get them” Bucky answered, looking at Loki curiously. “But you need to go now. She’s – she’s in danger.”

 Loki looked torn between anger and grief. He took one more look at my bloodied face and he nodded. “I expect you back at the house soon” Loki announced, focusing on Bucky once more. “I want a full update, or I will return. Trust me, you’ll be sorry if it comes to that.”

I wanted to scold him but found my voice was lost again. _Was I really in such immediate danger that I must flee at once?_

Loki’s emerald eyes looked poisonous now and a clear threat had passed between both men.

“One hour” Bucky promised, his face was more emotionless.

Loki nodded and clutched me tighter to him. He kissed my forehead and I wrapped my arms around him, closing my eyes. I felt a brief rush of wind but when I opened my eyes we were back by the lake house.

I stepped back from Loki and looked around the living room.

“Darling please, tell me what happened” Loki begged as my eyes fell about the room. A solitary lamp had been left on in the corner casting a dim light across the room. “And let me heal you – those wounds look painful” he continued but I was barely listening.

My gaze fruitlessly searched the room. I noticed soft toys were strewn across the floor, evident the Váli and Narfi had indeed been here, but there was no noise, no TV in the background, no toddler squeals or shouts from Thor, no sound of Tash, Darcy or Bruce. Only the rain lashed heavily against the windows.

My heart began to race and I felt a fresh wave of panic sweep over me. “Where is everyone Loki!?”

 

 

 

 

 

 


	19. Water

Chapter Nineteen – Water

 

 

“Molly, sit down” Loki beckoned, his voice unusually high. “You’ve had a shock - ”

“But the boys, Loki?” I cried out, scrambling out of the living room, blinded by tears and weariness. Loki quickly caught me by my arm. “Where are Váli and Narfi?”

“Will you just stay still?” Loki barked, his voice high. He refused to let me go. “I need to heal you.”

I snarled angrily, staring down the eerily dark and quiet hallway that led to the downstairs bedroom, kitchen and dining space. I looked the other way and the staircase was also shrouded in darkness. There was still no noise, no sign of anyone at home. I could feel my chest tighten once more. “NARFI!” I howled, throwing caution to the winds. “VÁLI!”

“Molly, hush!” Loki snapped, forcibly pulling me back into the living room. “It’s late. Very late. Hence the quiet and darkness. The boys are asleep – or at least they were - ”

A slight blush fell across my face as I stared into Loki’s anxious features. “It’s late” I repeated in a relieved whisper, a slight smile creeping across my face. I exhaled my chest loosening once more as I heard footsteps come down the stairs.

Loki’s eyes widened in panic as the footsteps drew nearer. He quickly caught me and none to gently lifted me around my middle and swept us quickly behind the living room door.

“Make yourself known, stranger. I heard you just now” a familiar deep voice boomed threateningly from the end of the hallway as it approached with loud steps to the living room.

I could have laughed in relief if I were not so tired. _It was just Thor!_ Loki relaxed his grip around my middle and when I looked up he snickered in laughter, holding a hand up as though relieved himself we faced no real threat.

“Do you dare laugh? You think I jest?” Thor snapped angrily, no doubt hearing Loki laugh.

At this Loki laughed harder, burying his face against my hair to try and muffle the sound. I briefly wondered why he found it so funny, but maybe he was purely relieved. The sound of his brother’s voice made him giddy with relief.

“Whosoever be here, be warned, you are no match for the mighty Thor” Thor warned sliding quickly into the living room as Loki stuck out his leg and tripped Thor up in a simple act of mischief.

He winked at me sideways, his emerald eyes alight with laughter. “I couldn’t resist” he whispered quietly as Thor quickly turned around, Mjolnir raised as though poised to attack. Upon seeing Loki and I he immediately dropped the hammer.

“Molly!” he cried running towards me. I wrapped my arms around him and allowed him a brief hug. “What has happened you? Why is Loki here? Did he - ”

I let go of Thor, rolling my eyes. “Loki can answer your questions. I need to see the boys, now.”

“Molly, no” Loki snapped suddenly from behind me. “I must heal you first - ”

“Loki I - ”

Thor stepped forward, eyeing Loki with utter distaste. “Are they in danger?” Thor asked, his voice a low rumble. “Because of him – again?”

“No, Thor, please just save the fighting for later” I pleaded, “I need to check on the boys. Are they safe?”

Thor looked at me quizzically. “They are fine, Molly” he said calmly. “I looked in on them before coming down here to check the disturbance. They are sleeping – soundly.”

“I have to see them” I uttered, feeling relieved.

Loki gripped my hand tightly in his, stepping to my side. “Not like this” he said simply, eyes darting between me and Thor.

I looked at him angrily but before I could open my mouth he continued calmly. “They are sleeping – to wake them so late would be cruel. Besides you would scare them – you’re bruised and bloody.”

“But I need to - ”

Loki’s emerald eyes looked pained. “I know you do. But not now. When you are calmer, healed and rested. Most importantly, they are safe, are they not, Thor?”

Thor’s brilliant blue eyes scanned over Loki as though debating whether to trust him or not. Finally, he answered, his eyes resting on mine. “They are safe. Loki is right. To wake them would only scare or upset them.”

I sniffed quietly, feeling bereft but trusting Thor. Loki said nothing, merely guided me to the couch. “Can I heal you now?” he asked gently, as I sat down. I nodded and allowed Loki to fuss over my hurt face, foot and head. He fixed all my bruising, my bleeding and made my headache vanish. He worked in silence and for once I made no objection to him using magic on me.

“Now what did Bucky mean?” Loki asked in a would be casual voice that was overthrown by his overly concerned stare. “When he said you had an attack?”

My eyes fell to the floor. “Just leave it – not tonight.”

Loki squeezed his hands in mine. “No – you must tell me.”

My eyes flickered to Thor’s before falling back to Loki. I did not want to lie to him so I told him quickly what happened with Bucky.

Loki’s face paled and asked no follow up questions, by which I was surprised. Thor finally broke the silence. “What has happened, Loki? Since when have you returned? Why is Molly - ”

“There was an attack – in you precious Iron Man’s Tower” Loki answered, straightening himself up and looking at Thor irate as though it was personally his own fault. “It seems your mighty Avengers cannot keep a single mortal from harm!”

“Loki!” I scolded. “That’s not - ”

“How came this?” Thor asked, looking horrified between Loki and I as though hoping we were joking. “Stark’s Tower has the best defence – greater than anywhere else I know of on this planet! It was you wasn’t it, brother? You did this with your dark magic!”

Loki glared angrily at Thor. “You think I breached Stark’s Tower to attack my own partner?”

“You’ve done worse to her!” Thor quipped, summoning Mjolnir in one sleek gesture. “Or have you forgotten the circumstances of our last encounter?”

“Please guys” I begged quietly, my headache returning once more. “Not now – and the twins are asleep.”

“Molly is right” Loki said, forcing his voice into a calmer tone as he sat beside me on the couch. “This is not the time. Stark let me into your precious Tower. He will arrive shortly and will confirm it. Right now we need to address how and why there was a breach in the metal man’s Tower. Where are your other misfit friends hiding?”

Thor scowled and flexed his grip on Mjolnir. “Darcy is asleep. The others are out. They were requested just before you arrived. An emergency call came in from Captain America.”

“And you stayed here to babysit?” Loki snapped angrily, slipping his calm tone to glare at Thor. “Oh, what a mighty warrior indeed!”

“They never said Molly was involved otherwise I would have gone with them!” Thor bellowed back.

“Or perhaps they think you as useless a buffoon as I do!” Loki barked.

I sighed, leaning forward and rubbing my eyes with my fists so hard it hurt. An uneasy silence fell between the two men.

“Molly?” Loki asked hesitantly, with a knowing glance at Thor. “You should rest. Sleep for now - ”

“Later” I answered, opening my eyes and seeing an arrange of dots float across my line of vision. “I need to know the others are safe and Stark too. I need to know what the Hell is going on. Why another attack so soon? Someone is trying to get to me Loki and it has to go beyond Dwight – He wouldn’t have the power alone to take down Stark’s defence in the Tower.”

“DWIGHT?” Thor roared. “That grotesque being is involved again. What did he do, Molly?”

Tears stung my eyes, but I shook my head. “The others will explain – Bucky when he returns. I can’t go through this again. They will be back soon with news.”

Loki wrapped an arm around me and we lapsed into silence once more. Thor paced the floor, clearly eager to know what had happened and agitated that he had nothing to do but wait. Every so often he would snarl and swing Mjolnir as he paced. Time ticked on and we waited for someone to return with news. I found it hard to keep my eyes opened and eventually Loki started to struck my hair. I relaxed against him until he adjusted me so that my head was on his lap, my legs tucked up on the couch, my eyes growing heavy. I did not fight him as I knew he only wanted to ensure I was comfortable. Plus, his presence was soothing…

I must have fallen asleep at some point because when I awoke I was alone on the couch. Loki was gone but someone had thrown a blanket over me. I got up slowly, hearing a low rush of voices nearby. It was still pitch dark outside and raining so I couldn’t have been asleep very long. I made my way down the now lit corridor following the voices. I reached the dining room to find it full; Loki Darcy, Thor, Banner, Clint, Romanov, Rogers, even Bucky and some figures I didn’t recognise; a young woman with long dark hair and pale features, an older black man beside Stark who looked tired but unscathed. I could have cried in relief at seeing them all together and unhurt. Unfortunately, they seemed to be in massive disagreement, arguing back and forth.

Steve and Tony looked livid and were seated at opposite sides of the table whilst the others mostly stood around them, passively glancing between them both.

“That your answer Cap, huh?” Tony barked. “Let her deal alone? I guess you only put yourself in the line for your own god damn friends?”

“That’s bull, Tony” Steve answered back quickly. “And not what I’m saying. The attack could have been brought on by anything – why waste resources scouting this?”

“Because that’s what the Avengers do!” Tony roared.

“The Avengers is dead” Steve said, eyeing around the room slowly. I doubt he even saw me in the group. “We all know it. It’s broken.”

Tony looked aghast. “That’s it then – we quit? Walk away. You would never have suggested that for Bucky!”

Steve slammed his fist down on the table. “Bucky was captured – Molly went willingly with a dark god.”

“Please explain, dear soldier, how is this threat my fault?” Loki snapped, eyes red and looking angrily at Steve from where he stood at the opposite corner of the room, arms crossed. “Dwight is a mortal, is he not?”

“Aye,” Thor confirmed, placing an arm on Loki’s shoulder. He stood beside him, looking poised for action, his brilliant blue eyes glaring at Steve. “And it is because of Shield’s old corrupt force that she was found tonight. She needs your protection. No god broke down the defence on Stark’s Tower.”

Steve sighed. “What can we do? Dwight won’t say much - ”

“You didn’t push him hard enough” Stark said angrily, clenching his fists.

“Tell me the location of his whereabouts and I’ll get the truth from him!” Loki cried, a maddening glare in his eyes as he made to seemingly leap at Steve from where he stood. Thor gripped his shoulder noticeably tighter.

“Yeah, Loki and then you kill him” Steve said, with a sigh, watching Thor grip Loki tighter with a wary expression. “What good is Dwight dead? I - ”

“Why do you get to control what happens next?” Stark barked. “You said the Avengers is over. Then fine, let’s go our separate ways. But you don’t get to keep a valuable source hidden - ”

“I’m doing what’s best!” Steve said quickly.

“Why is that?” Stark demanded.

“Because you’re too damn close to Molly. She’s not a replacement for Pepper, you know” Steve said quietly.

A harsh silence fell over the room and you could feel the very air grown cold, twisted and uncomfortable. For a moment I thought Tony would simply get up and leave. His eyes were wide and rapidly filling. He stared at Steve incredulously as though only seeing him for the first time. “Is that what you really think – that I’m fighting so hard to find out who is behind the attacks on Molly because I have her confused with Pepper? Do I look crazy to you?”

“No. But I think you’re focusing so hard on this because your marriage failed and you lost your kid” Steve answered quietly. “Saving Molly and the boys won’t save Pepper or bring back Lola.”

Tony stood up, his chair scraping loudly against the floor and walked out of the room without so much as staring at anyone. I backed out of the room quickly to seem him turn sharply in the opposite direction, no doubt heading for the kitchen door. I heard it slam shut and felt a pit of guilt form in my stomach. My mind buzzed with everything I just heard and a part of me wanted to run after Stark, ask him what the hell had just happened. However, I could only watch him leave, knowing his pain, whatever and whoever Steve had referred to, was far too personal to have overheard.

The babble in the dining room started up again, like the angry droning of a bee colony.

“I had to say it” Steve said, his voice raising. “We all know it’s true. He’s blinded by his past.”

“Or motivated by it” Natasha spoke up suddenly. “He doesn’t want the same thing to happen to Molly – for her to be targeted and attacked.”

“So we have to work with Loki then?” Steve snapped. “You honestly think that’s a good idea?”

I rolled my eyes. Having heard enough I made my way upstairs. I went into the back room and peeped through the door. I slipped inside quietly to see Váli and Narfi fast asleep in their twin travel cot. I sat cross-legged on the floor and stared and them in relief. Fast asleep, unharmed and utterly beautiful. _My boys. My sons._ I wanted to cry, to scream to hide but found I had neither the energy nor voice to do so. I could only stare at the beautiful lives I had made and feel a weight of guilt.

I got up slowly and quietly slipped from the room. I made my way downstairs soundlessly and opened the front door and headed out into the rain. I walked without thinking, barely aware of the rain or the cold and only a sliver of moonlight occasionally breaking across the sky to guide my way. I kept walking, slipping and sliding until I reached the lake. I walked to the edge of it toeing it coyly when I heard a voice behind me.

“It’s your fault” it said simply, the voice oddly strong enough to be heard over the rain and wind.

I turned sharply and saw the rough outline of a woman. I think it was a woman. In the dark night it was hard to see.

“What?” I asked, eyeing the figure suspiciously.

“All of this” she continued. I was sure she was female now, her tone was smooth, almost melodic and her long hair billowed around her willowy frame. She looked both enchanting and kind of scary in this darkness. “The fall of the Avengers, the destruction of Tony’s Tower, his broken heart. You remind of his faded past and you tease him with a hope for love.”

“Who the Hell do you think you are?” I barked stepping closer to her. _Was she a new Avenger or something?_

I thought she smiled briefly or at least her teeth seemed to flicker. “I see why he likes you. You have fire if nothing else.”

Assuming she meant Tony I felt a spark of anger. “You have no idea what you’re talking about. Tony and I are only friends. And I would never impinge upon the Avengers business.”

“Yet, right now they waste their time discussing ways in which to protect you and your children from a mess you made” the woman continued, her tone still melodic, unbothered by my anger. “You willingly established a relationship with the dark one, the father of tricks and lies. You made your bed choosing him and now you should lie in it.”

I stepped back from her, my heels clipping the lakes edge and my shoes filling with icy cold water. “I – Loki - ”

“Loki is a powerful being” she continued, her voice suddenly as sharp as ice. “You knew this. Choosing him was choosing chaos. The Avengers waste most of their time and effort these days trying to protect you instead of the real threats on Earth. You heard them. They are dissolving, all because you fucked with a god.”

My eyes widened and I turned to face the lake away from her harsh truth. I stepped forward again the water rising to my ankles, the biting cold distracting me from this woman’s words.

“You trapped Loki by bearing his children. Since then, you have trapped the Avengers. When will it end? When will you set them free from your drama? They must truly be sick of you.”

For a moment I felt nothing, not a tear to be shed, not anger. I only felt guilt. This woman had a point. I chose Loki, knowing he was chaos and therefore, I brought chaos into my life. The Avengers was crumbling, Loki was hurting and I – I was the cause of it. If I eradicated myself from the equation, it would be better for everyone. “You’re right” I murmured turning to look at the woman but she had gone, leaving me alone by the lake.

I felt so weary now, the water around my ankles didn’t feel so cold anymore. I felt oddly numb, and took another step into the water.

Far away I thought I heard my name being called as though deep in the distance or from a dream.

It mattered not.

I inhaled the night air deeply and took another step into the water followed by another and then another…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	20. Emerald

 

**Chapter Twenty-One: Emerald**

 

 

I kept walking into the lake. I could feel the water tugging at my jeans, making them heavy and effectively dragging me downwards. It was approaching my waist now. Yet I felt no fear or no rising panic. Instead, I briefly remembered paddling in the shallow end of beaches as a small child and how simple a pleasure it was. How peaceful it had been in the water then. I closed my eyes, remembering, smiling slightly at the childlike simplicity of this humble little experience and the joy it once brought me.

Surprisingly the water did not feel as icy cold anymore. Instead, it felt merely mild. My body felt oddly numb, my mind far afield. I thought of nothing only of how easy it would be to continue into this lake and simply disappear. It would be over, just like that, in a few simple moments. And the water felt nice now, no longer dragging me down but merely insistent that I stay here in its depths...

“MOLLY?!” A voice called somewhere. But I couldn’t really hear it. It sounded muffled like it was coming from far away. “GET THE FUCK OUT! STOP – STOP!!”

These words meant nothing. I did not recognise the voice or stop. I was nearly there now. The water was above my waist, slowly rising to my breasts. I felt no coldness, but my laboured breathing sent misty vapours twirling into the sky above with every exhale. It was harder to move now and slower going. My clothes felt so heavy, pulling me down. My feet were barely able to keep on the uneven lake floor and occasionally seaweed, or some underwater plant or tendril creature, would slightly trip me. _Surely it would be easier to just fall forward, just allow the water to embrace me now in one sweep._

“STOP!” the voice continued to call out behind me. I realised whoever was talking must have entered the lake too by now. I could feel the rippled disturbances and hear the splashes along with the person’s desperate calls and pleadings. “MOLLY! STOP! CAN YOU HEAR ME? STOP! STOP!”

The words again meant nothing. They simply were mutterings in the darkness, unconnected to me.

I kept going until I felt someone wrap their arms around my middle from behind and drag me back against them. My frame was firmly pressed against theirs as they pulled me slowly from the lake. Whoever they were, they were taller than me and undoubtedly stronger. Yet for some reason I struggled anyway against them. “STOP!” they bellowed as I trashed and wriggled against them.

“Stop” they continued, slightly quieter now, tugging me still even as we reached the shallow end of the lake. I slipped and slid at the muddy, marshy edges of the lake. My runners effectively destroyed and my legs as heavy as led. Whoever was holding me was half dragging me out of the water far back up the grassy slope.

It had stopped raining now yet the grounds were still very damp, but the winds had died down. The persons breathing was only slightly laboured considering what they had just done but they held me tight still as though at any moment I might attempt to break free and dash into the water again.

“Molly” the voice croaked, though upset or just angry I could not tell. “What the hell were you thinking?”

I looked onto the lake, which looked like a vast layer of dark silk rippling slightly underneath the night sky. It no longer looked inviting. I was breathing heavily, only now noticing my limbs ached and my body trembled with a biting coldness. “I – I - ”  I could think of nothing. _What was I thinking?!_

The man still had not let me go, firmly clasping me around my middle. “You’re trembling. Come on – back to the house” he said, and began to half pull me forward, only with one arm as he removed what I assumed to be a water-proof flashlight from his pocket. The LED light was dazzling. I fixated on it for a moment before the cold made my knees buckle. “You cut anywhere or bleeding? Did you swallow any water?” He stopped walking when I didn’t answer, shining the light on me to check if I had any visible signs of hurt that made me suddenly so weak. I could briefly see who it was by the glare.

“Bucky?” I whispered, teeth chattering as I threatened to collapse completely.

I watched his brown eyes look at me in horror. “Jesus Christ” he whispered, looking panic stricken, picking me up in one clean swoop and started running towards the house.

“W-what’s w-wrong?” I stammered from between shivering breaths.

“Besides the fact that you just tried to kill yourself, you mean? Well on top of that, you’re blue” Bucky breathed, looking up as though scared to look down at me as he ran. “You look like death – literally.”

“B-bucky” I breathed, trying to explain. “W-wasn’t, b-but l-listen. P-p-please. L-list…en.”

Bucky kept running jostling me as he did.

“LISTEN” I barked suddenly, my throat nearly ripping from the effort.

Bucky immediately stopped running and looked at me. I summoned up my strength and looked up at him, desperately trying to explain. “N-need h-h-heat” I stammered. “N-n-need to b-be w-warm. I’m b-blue because Jötunn, l-like L-L-Loki. N-n-need h-heat n-now.”

If Bucky found my stammered account weird he didn’t show it. Instead he looked as though he briefly remembered something. “You’ve Loki’s blood still. You’re Jötunn – at least partially?”

I nodded, wondering vaguely when Steve must have explained this to him. There was a dawning look of comprehension on Bucky’s face. Immediately he set me down so I was sitting in the damp grass. “I have an idea” he explained. He searched his pockets until he pulled out what appeared to be a small tin. He opened it and a dazzling bright light seemed to filled the air. It was, I realised, fire – fire in a tin. My eyes widened. Bucky paused and turned a circular spoke at the side of the tin so that the flame grew larger and larger until it looked like a massive camping fire. He set it down before me. I watched the flames transfixed as the warmth burst over me. I sided closer the flames and was amazed to see that the tin, or whatever it was that held the fire, was still in-tact at the base. Bucky set down beside me, watching me curiously.

“W-what the h-hell is that?” I asked, after a few moments of warming by the fire and slightly improving in warmth.

“Hydra invention” he said simply, still looking at me as though transfixed. “Handy though” he added quietly.

I nodded and then focused on my hands. They were slowly changing, from blue back to their normal pale white colour. I felt exhausted. Bucky slid closer to me. I felt my clothes slowly start to dry and my hair too. I wondered if this was a normal type of fire or was there more to it as I was drying quickly, though still covered partially mud from my waist down. I must look like an utter mess.

“Are you going to tell me what that was about?” Bucky finally asked quietly.

“I don’t know” I answered, finding whatever numbness that was over my mind at the lake to now be completely gone. I felt shocked by my own actions, at how quickly they had escalated. “One minute I wanted to just get out from the house, you know?” I side-glanced at Bucky who merely nodded. “I-I just went for a walk…” I paused wondering what to say next. I didn’t want to raise another issue within the Avengers right now by telling Bucky about the woman who accosted me down by the lake. So, instead I decided to be partially honest. “I heard you all taking and fighting over me back at the house – I felt so guilty. I never realised what efforts you all went to - to protect me.”

“So – you thought that we would be better off without you?” Bucky asked, his damp hair was drying too, his brown eyes trying to understand. He didn’t seem angry or annoyed but more curious than anything else. By the flames, he looked surprisingly younger than ever. Yet his brown eyes belied his age. Looking into them made it clear he had seen things no man should ever see. They looked full of wisdom, of understanding, of a ghosted, troubled past. “How can you think that when you have a guy that adores you, you have kids that love you and friends who, as far as I can see, are willing to die for you. Whatever you heard was only a fraction of the bigger picture. The Avengers want to help you – they always will. Right now, we’re fighting because we don’t know what the best help is for you.”

I sighed, leaning against Bucky feeling utterly exhausted. “I know – But I don’t want that. I don’t want your job to be protecting me. You guys have other threats to protect people from - more important ones. You can’t always have my back. I made my choice by choosing to be with Loki. I knew it would be hard. You can’t always be there for me - ”

“What happened at Stark's Tower wasn’t Loki’s fault” Bucky explained quietly. “There’s something going on here and we - ”

“Will waste valuable time and resources trying to find out who is after Loki and me or the boys?” I finished for him. “Look, I’m grateful – eternally so. But it doesn’t make it right. With us around, we’re going to always be in the way – especially me. I’m a target.”

“Molly – this isn’t your fault” Bucky said, sliding an arm around my back. “You vanishing wouldn’t protect Loki or your sons any better. I-is that why you went to the lake, ignoring the rain, and the wind – to vanish?”

I lapsed into silence, trying to find a truthful way to answer Bucky’s question. “Yes and no. I went because I wanted peace. I grew up in Ireland – that kind of weather never bothered me. But by the time I reached the lake. I briefly remembered – just for a second – what it was like paddling in the shallow end of the water when I was a kid. It made me feel kind of relaxed. And then – I don’t know I wasn’t thinking straight. I definitely didn’t set out to ‘vanish’ but I thought it would bring me peace. I wasn’t thinking long-term or anything.”

“You scared me” Bucky confessed quietly. “I pulled you from the lake. For a second I thought I would be too late – that you would be gone. You thrashed in my arms to get back in. And when I held you in my arms, you were blue. I thought you were as good as dead.”

Bucky’s voice sounded softer than I ever thought possible and I wondered if this is how he showed emotion – through his voice. “I’m sorry” I said pathetically, looking at his brown eyes which seemed to be on the verge of tears. “I wasn’t thinking straight. I’m so sorry, Bucky.”

“You – you can’t give up, you got that? In the future” he cleared his throat. “In the future, when you get low, you come and talk to me. I know these dark thoughts. You come find me. I’ve been where you are.”

“You have?” I asked surprised, temporarily forgetting my own problems. “What happened?”

“Long story, tell you later. But Steve helped me then – we all need some help from time to time,” Bucky answered then abruptly moved and turned off the fire. He popped the now once-more simple looking tin back into his front pocket. “Let’s go – Loki might be looking for you.”

I looked up at Bucky and felt a pang of guilt. “Please don’t tell him” I begged. “Not now.”

Bucky eyed me warily. “Why not? Shouldn’t he know – he can help.”

“I just don’t want him dealing with this now on top of everything else” I explained. “Besides you said Steve wanted us to talk, didn’t he?” Bucky nodded. “Well we’re talking and sharing and shit. Loki wanted us to talk too - be therapy buddies or something.”

Bucky’s eyes brightened slightly. “Steve said you had a bad mouth. But Therapy buddies?” he repeated in a half-amused tone.

I nodded. “Exactly. And what happens in therapy, stays in therapy” I said, smiling slightly myself now. “Confidentiality is important – essential really. If I can’t trust you…” I let my voice trail off.

“Are you emotionally blackmailing me?” Bucky asked, smiling fully now.

“Nah, wouldn’t dream of it” I answered, choosing my words carefully. “So therapy buddies then?”

“Fuck it” he said finally, “why the Hell not?” He extended out his arm to pull me up from where I was sitting. “Therapy Buddies” he agreed and we shook on it.

As we shook hands, I felt his left hand was hard and cold. I looked oddly at him.

“Bionic arm” he explained. “Long story. Tell you later.”

I rolled my eyes. “I don't think you know how this Buddy therapy works” I explained, trying not to laugh. “I share my sad or fucked up stuff and then you do the same.”

Bucky reminded me far too much of myself by keeping stuff to himself. We would, I realised with a slight warm feeling of happiness, have to work on that over our future ‘sessions.’

“Fine, next time, I’ll tell you my sad and fucked up back story, or at least, some of it” he said, actually laughing openly now. Bucky kept his bionic arm linked around my waist as we walked back to the house, a huge smile on his face.

“What’s so funny?” I asked as we reached the porch.

“You” he replied honestly. “Steve said you were one in a million. But I guess that why we’re ‘Therapy buddies’ ” he said, shaking his head so that his shaggy brown hair covered his face. “Honestly, I gotta tell Steve about this part though” he continued as he opened the door. “Trust me, once you get to know me you’ll realise how funny it is – I’m not known for my buddy like role – not these days.”

We stepped inside the front door quietly. Surprisingly there was no more raised voices or arguments, only silence, Bucky shrugged. “Guess they decided to call it a night.”

“Guess so” I whispered, yawning myself. “Think it’s time I go to bed too – I’m beat.”

Bucky nodded, a slight smile still on his cherub like cheeks. “Go to bed then, therapy buddy.”

I grinned shyly. “Thank you for tonight. If you hadn't - ”

“Stop” he said quietly. “It’s done. You know now to come to me when you get that low, ok?”

I nodded. “Thank you, Bucky.”

He merely shrugged. “It was nothing. Night, Red.”

I waved him goodbye in silence before literally dragging my limbs up the stairs. I was beyond tired now and wondered vaguely if I would have enough energy to bathe quickly before bed. I was so distracted that I didn’t notice Loki until I bumped right into him at the top of the stairs.

“Nice night?” he asked casually, leaning against the bannister with an inquisitive stare. “Or morning, as it happens. You look like you went on a right adventure.”

For a second, I hadn’t a clue what the hell he was talking about until I realised I must look a mess. Though I was no longer soaking wet, I was still partially covered in mud, trainers destroyed beyond recognition or repair, my hair was undoubtedly a tangled mess of untamed red curls and I hadn’t slept in nearly twenty-four hours. An adventure, was rather a nice way of describing how I looked to be honest.

“Oh, I went for a walk down by the lake. I was too overtired to go to sleep after hearing all the commotion in the dining room. I slipped a few times on my way back up to the house” I added casually, trying to avoid his stare. “I met Bucky though.”

“I sent him after you when I noticed you had left the house” Loki added quickly. “I was in a heated discussion with Steve when Thor said you were gone. So Bucky offered to go look for you. I guessed you were off for a walk; you do that when you’re stressed.”

“I didn’t think you’d notice I was gone” I said sheepishly. Loki surprised me sometimes – I think I tended to forget how well he knew me and my habits. “Well Bucky helped me get back up here. It was an interesting chat we had,” I answered calmly, drinking in the sight of him, savouring him with my mind. He looked tired, his eyes tinged with slight black bags, his cheeks pale but nevertheless beautiful. _Beautiful and mine_ , I thought bizarrely.

“So you made another friend” he said pointedly, nodding down the stairs where he undoubtedly saw Bucky and I come in the front door. “You tend to make friends with rather chaotic sorts, don’t you?”

“I - Bucky?” I queried unable to stop looking Loki over as I smiled at this remark. “I guess I do. But we talked a lot. Turns out we have a lot in common.”

“Is that so?” Loki asked, gripping the top of the bannister so that his knuckles were whiter than usual. “About anything particular?”

“About you, Váli and Narfi” I answered simply, now looking into his eyes, those dazzling green eyes that were eyeing me with the exact same look of biting curiosity I had only ever seen on our sons faces. “It made me realise just how much I love my three boys. Loki, I love you so much. You know that, right? You should always know that I love you – even when I hated you, I loved you.” I had not expected to say all of that. It was an instinctual utterance yet true. Like I was pulling back a veil of confusion and saying the only thing I knew for certain in my life – even on the worse of days. And today had been such a day – yet Loki was still here as were my sons.

Loki’s eyes widened, clearly not expecting that response. He looked overwhelmed, like he was either going to cry or simply stare at me waiting for more. Finally, he smiled. “I love you too, Molly. You should know that by now. And I love our sons from the moment I knew you carried them.”

I didn’t reply. Instead I hugged him, throwing my arms around him so tight that my aching limbs hurt even more so. For upon seeing him, just standing at the tops of the stairs, no doubt anxiously awaiting my return, I thought of what would have happened if Bucky hadn’t found me by the lake; _Loki would have been left waiting for me, probably until dawn, here at the top of the stairs for my return. Inevitable he would grow restless, pace the floors until calling upon Thor or Stark for help to seek to find me. He would have searched for me, tracked me down, and known…known I had left him and our sons even though I promised I never would._

I was crying again; a mess of exhaustion, guilt and grief. “Hush now, hush” he said, wrapping his arms around me and holding me tight as he always did. He kissed the top of my head softly. “Of course I know you love me” Loki said soothingly, gently breaking us apart so he could look at me properly. He cradled my face like it was made of precious china. “What’s brought this on, hmm? You must be exhausted. Beyond exhausted. It is bedtime – for both of us darling, come on.”

I stalled, pulling back as he tried to hold my hand and walk me to my bedroom. “Marry me?” I blurted out suddenly.

Loki immediately paused, facing me, eyes wide eyebrow raised and a smile curling at his lip. “We’re already engaged, darling. Don’t you remember?”

“No – well yes, of course” I looked Loki over and with my free hand fished out the emerald ring Loki had once given when we were engaged. When he went missing, I wore it on a chain around my neck were it lay still. He smiled warmly when he caught sight of it. “But what I mean is, soon, we should get married very soon.”

Loki actually smiled so brightly, I swore his eyes were properly polished emeralds as good as the one on my engagement ring. “How soon?”

“I was thinking we get a place of our own shortly. We need to get away from the Avengers. Give them a chance to fight for other causes. They need to focus on other things. We lay low – very low. Have a quiet house in the middle of nowhere. You can keep us safe, right? Maybe teach me a few defensive things too?”

Loki nodded, utter sincerity in his gaze. “I’ll keep you and our sons safe with every fibre of my being. And if it gives you piece of mind, I can teach you some simple defensive measure or fighting tactics. As long as you still have scheduled meeting with Bucky – I do not know him well, but he obviously helped you a great deal tonight.”

I grinned, feeling elated that finally, I had a plan to really change. I knew that unless we followed this through I would be forever stuck in hellish loop, that dragged down and threatened the safety of everyone around me. Taking action felt more positive than hoping or talking about my worries.

“Deal. So we have a plan. We move soon. And then, shortly after, we elope. Nice and private you, me and the boys” I explained simply, knowing instinctively that it was the right thing to do. It was what I needed to do. “So, back to my question. Will you marry me, Loki?”

Loki grinned wolfishly and giddily all at once. He picked me up around the waist and twirled me in the air, in the darkened landing. “I would be honoured to marry you, Molly Wilde” he said sincerely, refusing to set me down but instead carrying me to my bedroom.

“The boys” I reminded him in a whisper as he opened the door.

“Thor took them” Loki explained. “He felt you deserved a lie-in. They are fast asleep three rooms down in their crib.”

I smiled lasciviously at Loki who set about undressing me at once.

Sure I was tired, ached and deeply stressed but also, I realised tonight how blessed I was – even when there were undoubtedly dark times behind and ahead for us. These threats didn’t mean we couldn’t enjoy our lives, or enjoy the good moments whilst we had them.

I grinned, stupidly, happily, every bit madly in love with him. We made love, taking our time, almost lazily caressing each other; slow touches, tender kisses and eventually simple gentle thrusts from Loki. His deft fingers toyed with my clitoris in the same steady gentle manner as his thrusts until I came with a soft cry. He came shortly after I did with a blissful groan just as the dawn light began to peep through the curtains, body shuddering as his warm essence filled me. We were both so tired after that we immediately fell asleep, both naked and limbs entwined with only Loki’s green cloak covering us. We dozed off, unmoving in each other’s arms.  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	21. Vows

Chapter Twenty-Two - Vows

 

I was too hot as I slept. Loki noticed this and removed my blankets completely, leaving me naked and exposed before him as I rested. He too looked as though he were starting to run a fever. There were beads of sweat trickling down his forehead that he then wiped away with the back of his hand. He looked uncertain of something, eyes roaming my naked body with concern. Had I been awake I would have watched him distance himself from me in the bed and sit up-right, naked and without the use of a blanket against the headboard. With a flick of his wrist the curtains closed completely ensuring no-one could see in or out and the bedroom door-lock twisted with a gentle click to ensure equal privacy. He also opened the window – just the smallest amount so that a gentle breeze drifted in and began to cool us both down. Loki continued to sit there in silence, a weak sunlight keeping the room dimly lit, eyes focused on my twisting, sweating form as I lay dreaming beside him. It was as though he was physically guarding and watching over my form, yet his mind was far afield, remembering old texts and magic, remembering the vows he made with Molly nearly a year ago…

 

My dreams were odd - constantly shifting and jumping as though I were watching an unedited and haphazardly arranged film.

_It began initially, I think, with the Avengers arranged against a darkening skyline. They - well we - stood on a dry dark desert or wasteland. Yet I was only a spectator in this barren place who watched them unnoticed from afar. I could feel the heavy dust in the air, see the hollow dried-out trees in the dwindling light. Each tree was void of fruit, green leaves, foliage or of any sign of life. These trees apparently had not seen water in some time. The very air was dry, still and almost stagnant. Banner was there as the Hulk, Romanov too and Barton, Tony, Steve, Bucky, Thor, and a few others I did not recognise; such as a man with red skin who was flying, a woman beneath him with eyes that glowed red, a huge eagle – or was it a man in a metal eagle suit? – a man swinging from a string or strand like Tarzan in the barren trees, a plain clad man with sandy hair who wore a mask like a gas mask, a green skinned woman, a man who seemed to have a shield made entirely of fire, more men and women in combat suits (too many to tell), and most peculiar of all, a racoon with a walking tree by his side. This was a battle – no this was to be a war; I could feel it in the air. This was the eerie silence before the war commenced as though nature itself was waiting with bated breath for the bloodshed to begin. I looked at the heroes familiar and new, as they began to march, swing and soar by me towards thousands of unknown creatures whose eyes twinkled eerily in the darkness ahead. Yet I felt uneasy. Instinctively I knew not all these heroes would survive – if any. The opposite side had more numbers alone. This war would be catastrophic – the heroes surely walked towards certain death._

**_But wait – where was Loki? Whose side was he on?_ **

****

As I started to thoroughly search for him, the scene before me changed quickly. It was like a play changing scenes, but unfurling much quicker and without dark-clad stage hands to aid the transition. My body remained steadfast but the earth, time and space around me changed rapidly.

_Now it was day-time. A blue sky was up above me, green grass beneath my feet. The sun was shining brightly. Nearby lay a picnic basket and a tattered old blanket laden with food and toys with some dark haired person sitting there, looking ahead. I followed this person’s gaze and saw two little boys playing up ahead in a large open field, it’s beautiful grassy plains stretching for miles all around. I ran towards them, knowing instinctively that these were my boys. Váli and Narfi were indeed before me. Each, I realised, were fighting for the same toy – a small red plastic figurine. Immediately, I noticed they were different, slightly older. They were four – maybe five years of age. Still dark-haired, pale near porcelain skin, soft mint eyes and looked remarkably like miniature versions of their father. They still had cherub cheeks but their chubby limbs were becoming less distinct and more wiry looking. They had stretched in height and were running in that wild and care-free way that only children could. One of the boys – Váli at a guess, by the look of his slightly dimpled-right cheek when smiling which had grown more pronounced, had swiped the toy out of his brother’s grasp and ran ahead whilst Narfi chased after him. Both were shouting they owned it, yet just as Narfi reached his brother the red little toy slipped out of his grasp and rose into the air. Váli and Narfi watched as the toy rose higher and higher into the air._

_“I’m doing it – Papa showed me!” Narfi cried, waving his hand back and forth as though waving at the toy figurine suspended above him. “I’m making it fly!”_

_“Nah-ah!” Váli replied, waving his hands in a more delicate motion, eyes glued to the figurine in utter concentration. “You can’t even make the pencil fly in our lessons. I’m doing it!”_

_They started to laugh and chase after it. Occasionally the toy would falter and wait for them to catch-up, slowly lowering towards the ground and just as the boys would make a jump for it, it would rise again. They continued running, each claiming they were making the toy soar, each desperately trying to catch it._

_I heard a stifled laugh behind me. Finally, I saw the person seated at the picnic blanket. It was Loki seated and eyes fixed on the boys. Yet, as I faced him, I noticed immediately that he looked different. His face bore a large scar, running from the right side of his face diagonally down to his neck, disappearing beneath his shirt. The scar was a jagged, zigzagging down his face as though it were lightening itself in design. His right eye narrowly missed the scar, yet when smiling it showed – his smile was not the full one I recognised. It drastically altered his typically flawless features and made me deeply uneasy. **What had happened to him?** Loki looked completely unconcerned by his appearance, eyes only for Váli and Narfi. He was biting his lip in an effort not to laugh too loud as his wrist casually swayed – clearly making the toy float near the boys. I longed to join them … _

**_But wait – where was I? Why wasn’t I with there with them? Wasn’t the dreamer usually involved in the dream. Why couldn’t Loki see me?_ **

 

Just as this dawned on me the scene changed quickly again. Again my body remained steadfast but the earth, time and space around me changed rapidly. The sky darkened, multiple skyscrapers and high-rise buildings arose all around me. I was swallowed whole by the street noises and multiple smells that only a large city could produce.

_I was standing at a street corner – in New York if I was not mistaken. Streets bustled with people going about their evening in droves on the sidewalks.Yellow taxi-cabs, buses, cars and motorbikes slowly passed by, pausing often at the traffic lights before me, occasionally honking angrily. My eyes fell upon a man wearing a red cloak which billowed behind him even though there was no discernible wind. He stood across the street from me, his eyes scanning the crowds. His clothes were strange, almost otherworldly looking. He was very tall, thin and had dark hair and a dark goatee. He stood still, eyes scanning the crowds until, finally, his eyes focused on me. **He could see me!** I crossed the street – not caring about cars for when he looked at me, I knew I had to speak to him. However, by then he had raised both hands against the very air and moved it slowly in a large circle in a counter-clockwise manner. A golden circle hovered between us comprised of sparks of fire suspended in mid-air. I stared into the circle and saw it led to green pastures. My gaze flickered back up to the tall man. He had a confidant, arrogant yet deeply profound air about him, as though he knew everything but would share only what was necessary and only if he felt like it. He stared at me, his expression unreadable, ignoring the slightly pulsating fiery golden circle. _

_‘She is coming’ he said in a deep tone. His eyes were dark and hooded. He sounded American but looked anything but._

_‘Who?’ I asked. ‘And who are you?’_

_He smiled, a slightly arrogant cocky smile as though delighted by my confusion. ‘All will be revealed. She will come for you, for Loki.’_

_‘What?’ I asked, dazed as I stared at him. ‘And why the fuck the riddles, the mystery, the weird ass golden circle’ I pointed to the fiery ring aside of us. ‘None of this makes any sense.’_

_He smiled, lips curling as though highly entertained, but trying to remain composed. ‘It doesn’t have to. Unlearn everything you think you know,’ he paused eyes burning into my own as though searching for some answer to an unknown question. ‘All will be revealed. Do not trust her. She longs to control the trickster.’_

_This time, I felt the dream begin to shift once more as the man started to step into the golden circle aside of us. ‘No wait!’ I called after him, feeling utterly confused. ‘Who is ‘she’? And who are you?’_

_As the ground physically seemed to shift beneath me, the man paused before entering the circle. ‘We will meet again, Molly. And, you will know who I am now when we meet again' he said and then stood into the golden, fiery ring, and disappeared on the spot._   

The colours around me faded and then reappeared anew. The landscape was unrecognisable, the sky was a unique pinkish-green and the ground beneath was a murky dirty brown. I did not recognise this place but the sudden urgent travel made me feel slightly light-headed.

_A woman approached me. She was undoubtedly the most beautiful creature I have ever laid eyes upon. Her hair was long, past her waist and of the deepest auburn that glittered oddly and rippled behind her as she walked towards me. She wore a dress befitting royalty, a deeply dark blue so dark it reminded me of the ocean and the fabric seemed to be of the sea too, as it was almost like silk ripples, yet nowhere near as delicate looking. She, was I realised, from another realm altogether. She finally reached me and towered over my five-foot frame as she was easily a foot and a half taller than me. I dared to look into her eyes – and they were dazzling, unlike anything I had ever seen. They were pink and glittered and seemed to hold in them galaxies upon galaxies. I could only stare at her. She was beyond any form of beautiful I had ever encountered and I could not help but smile adoringly at her._

_“You willingly established a relationship with the dark one, the father of tricks and lies, did you not?” she said in a deeply smooth melodic tone. Immediately I recognised the voice and the woman as the one who appeared by the lake last night. So, I wondered, what Avenger was she then?_

_I realised she wanted an answer so I merely nodded, still smiling, eerily empty-minded and completely enchanted by this woman._

_“You will pay for your choices” she said in a cold voice now, sharp as ice. “You will be cursed as will the lives of those you love. Your time will come, Molly Wilde. A debt is owed, by blood or by body.”_

_She raised her hand and touched my cheek delicately, an oddly affectionate gesture that greatly contrasted with her words ..._

_I wanted to leave … Her touch made my skin crawl. Her words seemed to break whatever enchantment she held over me … Beautiful she may be but I could feel the force and power she contained. It terrified me._

_She smiled and it was the smile of a wilder beast, the snarl of a wolf before it devoured its prey. I had to leave … Her touch radiated throughout me, she was terrifying now … Yet I could not move, frozen with fear or by magic to the spot._

_“By blood or by body” she repeated and placed a kiss on my lips. It was like an electric shock coursed through my body, yet I found myself kissing her back despite the pain. She was hypnotic. Just as she smiled I felt the earth beneath us shift and I felt like I was falling…_

I immediately woke with a start to see Loki slightly stroking my sweating face. “Molly?” he whispered in a hushed tone. “Molly, wake up.”

I sat up slowly, trying to process my dream. I was sweating profusely and trying to remember it all.

“Bad dream?” Loki asked huddling slightly closer to me. I noticed he was completely naked as was I. The blankets had been thrown on the floor. “Was it Dwight?”

“Dwight?” I repeated numbly, pushing back my hair from my face and relaxing slightly at Loki’s touch. “No…it was all of the Avengers, you, the boys and some woman…”

“A woman?” Loki asked, a flicker of curiosity showed in his features. “What woman?”

“An Avenger, I think” I answered, looking up at him, curling my arms around my breasts feeling strangely shy at my nudity. “It was so strange…things kept swapping and changing. I can’t really remember it all.”

I looked at Loki to find he was also sweating, despite being naked and uncovered. I touched his flushed cheeks gently in concern. “You’re burning up” I said, abruptly forgetting my dreams. “We both are. Do you think we have a fever or something?”

Loki smiled, kissed my hand and then placed it on his naked chest by his heart. “No, darling, I don't think we're ill” he said, his porcelain cheeks flushing even more. “I’ve been thinking… erm, do you know what day it is?”

I suddenly snorted with laughter. “Erm…Fever Friday?” I answered, shrugging slightly. “Sweaty Sunday?”

Loki laughed, and brushed my fingertips against his chest. “No” he said, smiling softly. “It is almost a year to the day since this” he brushed my fingertips over his chest once more, slightly to the left. I felt the steady, rather fast beat of his heart but I could also feel and see the raised skin where I had carved ‘eiga’ into his skin a year before. It looked sore to touch and felt very hot. This was odd, for the mark was usually just the old remained scar look whereas now it looked recently made and healing. Loki’s free hand came to rest by my left breast where my adjoining marking of 'eiga' lay and it too was starting to look red and felt hot. “It is nearly a full year since we made our vows to claim and bond.”

I struggled to understand him, no longer shy about my nudity but concerned by what he said. “But – but I thought it was a side-effect of a Jötunn pregnancy?” I asked, trying to remember the exact process last year, but finding it hard. “Sort of like an animal going through heat.”

Loki looked offended and I mentally cursed my stupidity. “I didn’t mean it like that,” I said quickly. “You're ot an animal - we're not. I - I’m just confused…I thought it was a pregnancy thing.”

“It was, then” Loki answered quietly. “At least partially. Giving you my blood was an additional aspect – a sort of protection spell against the Other for you and the boys. It’s old magic mixed with Jötunn bonding – it only works best when annually claim each other. Think of it as renewing vows but in a Jötunn way.”

My foggy mind processed this in silence. “How soon before we need to start?” I asked simply, my eyes meeting his emerald ones.

“Two, maybe three days. I know the signs much better this time around” Loki answered, his fingers idly tracing the eiga mark by my breast. He avoided my eyes, seemingly suddenly shy. “It’s a Jötunn part of my heritage but maybe we can find a way to prevent it. I’ve heard of means of delaying heats ... Particularly, if you are too disgusted by this to do it again, I understand. ”

“We’re doing this, Loki” I answered defiantly. Loki looked up almost hesitantly, coyly as though wary of my reaction. I though I saw a spark of revulsion in his eyes as though what he were asking me to do were somehow dirty. But, it wasn't. It was part of Loki's heritage. If I were to be his wife, then I would embrace both his Asgardian and Jötunn backgrounds.

“Are you sure?” Loki asked, a slight uncertainty in his tone.

"Of course" I answered, without hesitation. "After all, you warned me at Stark's that this would happen. You wanted to speed it up - it's here now, or at least, very soon. And we'll get through it together."

“I know, but I thought I had more time - a couple of weeks at least before the heat began. Perhaps I miscounted - or sometimes stress can bring it forward" Loki explained. He seemed so distant. I gripped his hands firmly in my own. He seemed to draw courage from this and continued. "Well, you should know. It could take two or three days for the claiming and bonding to be complete. We would need a sitter for the boys and we need to find a place to be alone.” He then paused and drew a breath as though ashamed to say the next part. His tone fell slightly and he avoided my stare. “It is, after all, an animalistic claiming. If not alone, we could really hurt someone. And of course, this means there is a great chance that you may fall pregnant by the end. Biologically speaking, the aim of this is to physically ensure we exhaust and leave a visible claim on the other.”

I gently tilted Loki’s head up and kissed his forehead. “This is part of who you are. We are doing this” I said strongly, my hands now resting on either of his slightly flushed cheeks, instilling in him that I was unashamed by his heritage. “Thor will take the boys. We have time to arrange things. And, this is actually a good thing. We can move much sooner now. We just need to find a house in a remote location. Once we finish the claiming and bonding, we can turn it into a proper family home. But I – I – there is one part of this I’m not entirely comfortable with” I admitted quietly.

“What is it, darling?” Loki asked, stroking my cheek tenderly.

I nodded and let out a low sigh. “I don’t want to become pregnant again – at least, not so soon after having the boys.” I avoided his eyes, staring instead at the marking on his chest.

“Molly?” Loki pried, now toying with my hair.

I eyed him nervously and he smiled gently, once more tenderly stroking my cheek. “I understand. It is too soon. I myself would like to get to know Váli and Narfi before we plan to have any more. There is a remedy I can give you just before the heat starts – it will stop you falling pregnant during the process if that is what you wish.”

“I do” I answered, feeling relieved. “For now anyway. I want to devote my full attention to the boys.”

“As do I” Loki answered, and kissed my forehead softly. “Though I cannot wait to one day – in the future- see you carry more of my children. The thought of you pregnant excites me in more ways you can possibly imagine.”

I grinned inwardly, slightly giddy at the thought of being pregnant once more. Secretly, I would of course love to have more children with Loki. More sons, or daughters with jet black hair and porcelain skin. But this was way in the future when things had settled and I was in a more positive and healthy mind-set. “Someday, in a couple of years perhaps, we will have more.”

Loki smiled so brightly, it made my heart swell with pride and warmth. “I love you” he said, kissing the bridge of my nose. “So much.”

“You’re in luck” I answered, kissing him softly on the lips. “I happen to love you too. But do you think perhaps we could do it all in the next few days? Tell the others we are leaving for good, have everything moved to wherever we decide to go, say our goodbye’s – of course Thor would need to know the truth. We need a few days to settle in and then, once the claiming and bonding is over we can collect Váli and Narfi and take them to wherever our new home is.”

Loki nodded affirmatively. “We can do” he said, smiling broadly. “I have magic on my side. But only on one condition.”

“What’s that?” I asked, tilting my head and wondering what I forgot.

“We marry before we enter the heat this time” Loki said simply.

I couldn’t help but grin. “It’s short notice" I said and Loki's face fell. I rolled my eyes and grinned. "But I reckon we could do it. Can you transport us to Vegas?” I asked brightly.

Now it was Loki’s turn to look confused. “Vegas?” he asked bemused.

I started to laugh. "Well, there's no better place to elope."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	22. A Note To Reader

 

**UPDATE: Edited Note/Chapter**

Just to voice my acknowledgement & appreciation:

_To those who have taken their precious time to like, read or comment upon this recent chapter, I want to thank you._

_Writing was, for so long, my safe haven. It was private, my own little dreamland. Then I shared it. It's odd, but so beautiful to see people respond to that. Thank you for your lovely words. Molly and Loki are very dear to me and apparently, they are to you too. That thought is just so amazing to me._

 

**I am back. More importantly, Molly & Loki are back. **

 

To those who left comments during my absence, thank you. I am slowly going through my comments and will try to respond to them all. You are the reason for my return to this story. Keep an eye out for the next chapter...it won't be long ;) 

 

 


	23. Hells Bells

_**Chapter Twenty-Three: Hells Bells** _

 

 

The following day I awoke very early. I was too excited to sleep any further. The moment I opened my eyes, I knew it – today was the day. Today I would undoubtedly enter my heat, which admittedly was a little nerve-wracking but, nevertheless, was an important part of Loki’s Jötunn heritage. More importantly, today was the day I married Loki. It felt surreal. After all we have been through we have now come to this point. Yet more precisely, after all we went through, we were still in love, still hopelessly attached to one another and forever entwined. It seemed logical that today was the start of our new life, getting married, our new home awaited us, and then we would honeymoon there and endure our heat together. Yes, today was truly the start of our new life. I did not expect plain-sailing. Hell no, not with the god of chaos as my husband and I with my many problems, but whatever was ahead of us we now know for certain we would endure it together. Today made that official. Today we would officially share our woes and support each other forever. My heart beat was near thrumming with excitement. I had butterflies in my stomach.

The early morning air was cool, our windows and balcony doors were wide open to allow it in. The little wisps of winds felt clean, pure and crisp against our bodies and I was happy to stay here with Loki like this. Loki’s hold tightened around me, pressing my breasts against his chest, one of his hands ran through my hair. I knew he was close to wakening as he did this. That and his morning wood was making itself known against my inner thigh. I felt a little puff of hot air escape his lips and it fell across my forehead making me shiver involuntarily. I was torn between waking him up with kisses and stroking him to full hardness or allowing him to sleep just a little longer. Finally, I chose the latter. Poor Loki was finding the approaching Jötunn heat very hard on him mentally and physically. I would let him sleep, even if it was just for the next ten minutes and allow him to clutch my body to his with increasing strength. It soothed him to hold me close. Soon we would mate and he would not sleep at all during the process. He needed every bit of sleep he could get right now.

My mind naturally drifted to Váli and Narfi in their own room next door. We had to set them asleep there for it was far too cold in here with the open windows and doors. But blessedly, they were used of sleeping in their own room since Stark Towers and did not mind. Though it took them a little longer to settle down than usual last night. They had been too excited; Thor had worn them out with peak-a-boo right before bed and it took three lullabies and two books to calm them down enough to sleep. I wasn’t even mad to be honest. I wanted Thor to spend as much time as he could with them before we would settle in our new family home. The baby monitor on my bedside table was still quiet, indicating they would be asleep for another wile yet. My mind now drifted to our new home. _Our home_. How wonderfully was this that Loki, our sons and I would be settled into our new home in five days’ time. It would be just us – no more taking up the Avengers precious time, no worrying about S.H.I.E.L.D., no city hustle. Just us and our little country house. It was a peace and quiet that we needed. Loki and I both agreed it was time for us to forge a family unit of our own, to give the boys some normality and to allow us to have some peace and a new start somewhere private and quiet.

Yesterday, we spent all day choosing a house for the four of us to settle in. We wanted somewhere quiet, somewhere where no Avengers would find us, or that had any reminders of the past – of Dwight or the Other, or any other threat. Surprisingly, it was not difficult. At least, not when money is no obstacle. Loki had more than plenty and I too contributed my savings I put away since I started working for Stark. Loki was initially against this. Naturally he wanted to provide everything, but I point blank refused to move house unless I offered something towards the house. It wasn’t even much, truth be told, but I felt a little better knowing I would contribute to our new home. Loki then shared his assets with me. This time, Loki said defiantly, he would ensure I was never short money for the boys again or myself again. He gave me a credit card, a debit card and so on (all under various names of course) though I protested. He refused to compromise with this. He said he had been working on moving his Asgardian assets to Midgard and converting whatever he could. I did not know how he even did this. He wanted to share this with his wife, the mother of his kids and most of all, provide for us as was his right. So now, we were financially stable.

After browsing for hours for a house to suit our needs, we finally and quickly both fell in love with a beautiful, isolated and fully furnished home in Loch Tay, Scotland. It was far enough away from prying eyes, but still a manageable journey to the nearest village by car when the boys were old enough to go to school. Of course, they would have to get used of long car journeys and very early morning starts to do this, but this was a conversation for a few years down the line. This house had four bedrooms, two bathrooms, an indoor gym, an office that was perfect for a little library, a spacious living room, a modern kitchen with a wood burning stove that gave way to a decked platform and enclosed garden, perfect for the boys to play safely in, and the largest bedroom had a spacious balcony covered from the rain, yet on the occasional sunny days, was angled to soak in the rays. The best part of this house was the views, in every room there was a view of mountains, beaches or a nearby lake. It also had a traditional Finnish Grillikota, just a little walk from the house, so we could have barbecues without getting chilly. I secretly hoped that someday Tony, Natasha, Bruce, Thor, Steve, Bucky, Clint and whatever other Avengers wanted, could join us here and see just how we were settled and happy. This home was perfect for us. And so, using my perfect business etiquette I usually saved for Starks customers, I made a call to the realtor. After twenty minutes and the offer of adding twenty thousand pounds to the asking price for an immediate move-in and sale, the owner was swayed to sell. After all, as he explained, he needed a quick sale and the money as soon as possible. He emailed me all the essential documents and I eagerly had them sent back by midnight last night. The house was ours, keys under the mat and all. I was beyond excited, and so was Loki, who also loved the house as much as I did.

Finally, I felt Loki stir from his sleep, burying his nose in my hair and inhaling deeply as he held me close to him. I sighed contently, breaking my reverie and pressing closer to him. He was fully hard now and I grinded against him. He groaned, the sound more like a growl and he quickly and effortlessly had me on my back, nudging between my thighs. I looked to see him still sleepy, eyes half-lidded, body covered in a light sweat – another sign of his impending Jötunn heat. For a moment, I didn’t care about our plans, my thighs seemed to spread of their own accord and I gripped his hips to me, feeling the head of his cock, nudge against my folds. I let out a keening noise. Damn, I couldn’t think straight. He smelled so good; a heady woody mixture of peppermint and earth and I wanted every inch of him –

‘Ah,’ Loki moaned, his eyes flickering opened as I gripped his hips. ‘Molly, no.’ He licked his moist lips and looked over my body slowly. His voice was low and deeper than usual – his Jötunn side was coming through by the hour. He seemed to be taking great self-control as I whimpered desperately beneath him. ‘Hush, darling,’ he whispered and bent to kiss the top of my head. ‘We’re nearly there now.’

‘Just once,’ I said, my lips finding his and peppering them with soft kisses. He tasted heavenly.

I could feel Loki smile, allowing me to kiss him with more force now, groaning again and slipping his tongue into my mouth. ‘Molly,’ he said after a pause. ‘You know we cannot risk losing focus. Or we’ll be in this bed for days. The heat will take over. Let’s save it for our wedding night, alright?’

I couldn’t help but laugh and finally nodded. Loki laughed too and kissed my forehead once more before laying on his back beside me. ‘Just a few more hours, darling,’ he said.  ‘And we’ll be married.’

‘Let’s hope this day goes by quickly then,’ I answered with a sly smile on my lips.

It was no longer dark outside as we sluggishly untangled our limbs from one another. I let out a huff of annoyance, desperate to keep our naked bodies pressed together. I watched Loki step away from the bed, doing his best to avoid eye contact with me so that I could focus. Claiming or this Jötunn heat as Loki most often called it was taking its toll on us both. Having only some of Loki’s blood, the desire to make love to him was more overwhelming when we were alone. He alone made me act more erratic. However, Loki struggled in the presence of others, particularly males and especially, around Thor. He did not even like Thor looking in my direction. Yesterday, I told Thor about our new home. Thor, the joyous Thor, was up on his feet and hugging me without warning right away. Immediately, Loki outright snarled as we hugged and crossed the room in a flash, pulling Thor back. Loki’s teeth were bared, a flicker of amber entered his eyes and he seemed fit to rip Thor apart. Thor understood what was happening and left the room, hands up to show he meant no harm. He, perhaps, even more so than I, understood and respected Loki’s Jötunn heritage without question or judgement. Loki’s eyes were locked on Thors as he left the room, his body pressed to mine from behind, one of his hands protectively wrapped around my body, the other gripping my shoulder. I could even feel him hardening in his sweatpants, his erection swelling against my lower back as I gently pushed against it. But, no – not here in this house. I physically and mentally had to stop myself from fucking Loki there and then. For, once again, I needed to remind myself that when we started we would do nothing else for two to three days.

‘I really do not want all of the Avengers to see that,’ I confessed to Loki as Thor left.

‘Personally,’ Loki answered loosening my grip. There was a little huskiness to his voice – again a sign of needing to start the Jötunn heat. ‘I’d rather love for them to walk in on us – let them see a Jötunn claiming and they would never tear us apart again.’ I merely smiled as I knew he was not joking. Loki’s Jötunn side was creeping up more and more. We needed to mate and soon or someone could be hurt. Loki was a protective mate to say the least.

Sighing reluctantly, but nevertheless admiring the view as Loki dressed, but we needed to execute our plan quickly. The claiming was almost upon us, we could feel it. We were both nearly feverish in our warmth and slightly cranky. Coupled with this was the desire to pretty much to strip naked and be left alone to screw each other with a certain animal fervour. Though I strictly forbade Loki to take heat represents, I did allow him to monitor our temperatures and try to keep ourselves cool. This would ensure that the others in the house would not raise to many questions about our appearance, behaviour or health.

We had completed most of our final duties yesterday with the help of Thor, of course. We packed most our items. We would be leaving this house, most likely this evening and for good. Having spent so much time packing and unpacking lately, Loki knew now what to pack in our suitcases; my things, Loki’s and the boys’ belongings were mostly packed up. Another list, of items to be taken at the last minute; the boys stroller, favourite possessions, certain clothes, bottle, pyjamas, food, nappies etc. would be left out for Thor. Thor would watch the boys today, and for the next few days as Loki and I went through our heat. He would then drop them and the last of our possessions at our newest home. Only Thor would know this location and he was under oath from Loki and I to share it with no-one. We went through this part of the plan diligently with Thor last night. I told Thor that today Loki and I were spending our day buying house items and he rather delightedly offered to mind the twins.

I was just getting dressed when Váli and Narfi’s cries came through on the baby monitor. They were fully awake although by the time I reached them, both babbling and seemed in good spirits.

Narfi cried ‘Num, nums,’ as soon as he saw me and I tried not to laugh. ‘Yes,’ I answered. ‘Breakfast soon, baby.’ Hesitantly, Loki stepped forward as I gathered Narfi in my arms and changed his diaper before slipping him back into his pyjamas. Feeling perhaps scared or emboldened, Loki picked up Váli slightly awkwardly and uncertain of himself and handed him to me so nervously, like he was made from glass. Of course, Loki was entirely new to this but he would get it in time and through direct interaction with the boys. Finally, when both baby boys were changed and relatively happy, we went to the kitchen to get breakfast. Thor was there, eagerly gathering both boys in his arms as they squealed delightedly in their favourite uncle’s arms. Loki, I noticed, watched on with a mixed jealous, wary and sorrowful look – it was no secret that the boys knew Thor and adored him, whereas they were wary of Loki.

I squeezed Loki’s hand affectionately. ‘Give it time,’ I whispered kindly, before setting out to make breakfast. Again, painful as it was for Loki, Narfi and Váli recognised Thor, Loki would have to put in some work if he wanted the same reaction from them some day. As I fed the boys their breakfast I explained the new house again to Thor, excited to finally be leaving for a place of our own. Thor graciously offered to help pack any remaining possessions and drop them to our new house later. He even offered to drop the boys off in five days’ time instead of four, giving us an extra day to recover from the claiming. I did not want to draw any attention to the fact that we would be soon leaving the Avengers company altogether. But Thor explained the Avengers were now gone again on urgent missions or the others were preparing to leave. Natasha would stay an extra day or two as did Bucky and Steve who merely wanted to spend time with the boys. They all knew Loki and I were leaving today to do the Jötunn claiming, but they did not know we would not return. I was glad at the very least they would spend time with the boys before we left and maybe down the line when the dust settled, they could visit us again. Not wanting to think of how difficult my life would be without my Avenger family, I pushed this thought from my mind, finishing my porridge and toast with relish. All this commotion had me famished, Loki too ate an even larger breakfast than usual. Unable to tear Váli or Narfi away from Thor, I left them watching cartoons and playing with their toys under Thor’s watchful gaze. I wanted them to spend as much time together as possible before they were to be parted.

Finally, Loki started preparing his outfit for our wedding today. Of course, we told no-one where we were going or what we planned to do. Personally, I did not want to for two main reason. First, everyone underneath this roof would not want me to go ahead with this and would go to any length to try and stop me from leaving, including, but not limited to kidnapping. This had happened before when certain members of the Avengers felt that complete isolation was preferable to me being in Loki’s company. Secondly, I felt a slight twinge of guilt about this. Everyone under this roof had, in their own unique way, fought for my life and my boys’ life. They took time from their busy Avenger schedules to ensure that I was safe daily. Therefore, to elope with a man they deemed dangerous was me somehow betraying their trust. But no matter how much I tried to convince them otherwise, no-one trusted Loki. And as much as I would love for them to be there with me today and to celebrate this day with them, it would not happen. As, I picked out my outfit, I reflected upon this but soon came to a concrete and peaceful mindful resolution; I would soon be leaving for good. I would explain to them all that I needed to lead a somewhat normal life and that whilst I was grateful for all their help, I could no longer take up their time and resources.

We did not choose Vegas to get married in though. Having explained it to Loki, he wanted something nearby what with us so close to the heat starting. Inevitably I agreed. So, we got married in a local courthouse. It was not an overdone affair. It was in fact, a pretty simple one and surprisingly traditional. Loki worked his magic, with words and undoubtedly enchantments for us to be scheduled into the registrar’s diary today. We got changed into our wedding outfits in separate restrooms and I purposefully delayed my entering the room so Loki would be in there before me.  I looked at myself once more in the courthouse restroom mirror, adjusting my curly red hair as much as I could, topped up my lipstick, made sure my make-up was set and straightened my dress. It was a simple dress; a light white lace dress, made really for a garden party but pretty and emphasised my hour glass figure. Loki had bought me a dozen red roses tied with a white silk ribbon for me as a bouquet. He insisted that I pull-over and stop at a florist as we drove to the courthouse.

And so I stepped into the small room, seeing nothing but Loki. He wore a simple yet exquisitely tailored traditional black suit, long black morning coat, simple grey waistcoat, use red cravat and grey pants. A red rose peeped out from his coat pocket that also matched my bouquet. His dark raven hair sleeked back and positively beaming, almost relieved looking as though he thought I would not show. He looked utterly beautiful. ‘Did you think I was going to do a runner, Loki?’ I called up to him, unable to stop myself as the door closed behind me. My voice shook slightly with nerves.

‘You did take your time,’ Loki responded his voice a little unsteady yet still echoing around the room. The registrar looked between us with a slight smile. ‘But you are very much worth the wait.’

I grinned. ‘Damn straight,’ I answered with a slight wink. ‘You don’t look too shabby yourself.’

Suddenly we were both less nervous and both laughing, giddy excited laughing. I walked up to him with perhaps less grace than merited but every bit excited and giddy. To be honest, I barely remember much about the ceremony. I realised I only saw him, the location did not matter, the clothes did not even really matter. I repeated the words, glad I chose not to write vows for I surely would have forgotten them as I looked at Loki. And he seemed equally besotted. Today I married the person I loved. I walked as though on clouds, in complete bliss. The smile on Loki’s face was as bright as my own; his tears barely held back like my own. For better or for worse, Loki and I were made for each other. ‘I do, I do, I do,’ I was really the only clear part of the ceremony I remember and answered with utter conviction, tears finally rolling down my cheeks.

‘I do, I do, I do,’ Loki answered in return, his hand cradled the back of my head and we kissed without waiting for the registrar’s invitation. I never wanted this moment to end.

 

 

 

 


	24. A Strange Encounter

**_Chapter Twenty Four: A Strange Encounter_ **

****

Overall, the civil ceremony did not take very long. Once complete we stepped outside giddy and over emotional; our impending heat temporarily forgotten in all our excitement as I studied the diamond on my ring finger of my left hand. I did not know very much about diamonds – but even I knew that this was exquisite and unlike anything I had ever seen before. Loki said the band itself was not even of material found in Midgard. It reminded me of the Rainbow Bridge I saw during my brief visit to Asgard. It caught light and reflected it in that same prism effect. And the diamond – was it a diamond? Not too large, square cut, and an odd but sublime colour of both silver and blue. Whatever it was, it looked like a star. I was never one to get over-excited by jewellery but this piece was stunning. Even more beautiful because it was thoroughly unexpected. In all our plans for today, I had not thought of buying rings! Well, I would find Loki a nice one, better than the makeshift cheap band I made from a keyring that I fortunately had in my purse. Loki did not mind in the slightest, wearing the cheap metal coiled around his ring finger with as much joy as I wore my jewelled ring.

We were walking down past the street, hand-in-hand towards the car when a very familiar voice called my name. I immediately stopped, side-glancing at Loki who seemed suddenly shy, a slight rosy tint on his cheeks. ‘Loki,’ I started to ask. ‘Is that - ’

‘MOLLY!’ the voice bellowed again. Well there was no mistaking it now, or the direction it came from. I turned quickly to see Thor, jogging lightly whilst pushing a stroller up the street and positively beaming. He wore a simple yet neat outfit of dark jeans and a crisp white shirt which, with his bulging form, seemed a little too tight on his frame. I half-wondered how the material had not already split. And there were my boys too. My beautiful Váli and Narfi were similarly handsomely dressed in little tuxes in their stroller. Their outfits matched Loki’s; black morning coats, even the grey tailored waistcoat, dark trousers, right down to a tiny red tie and rose in either breast pocket. Their jet-black hair was neatly brushed for once. Their chubby fists were flailing and both crying out ‘Mama’ as they caught sight of me. I ran towards them at once.

‘Just look at you both!’ I cried out, bending down and peppering their chubby faces with kisses. I unbuckled them and let them out of the stroller, gathering them in my arms. ‘My handsome boys! What are you doing here babies?’ My voice was shaking from excitement. I was so pleased to see them here and to see Thor here that I was near tears. ‘Thor!’ I cried, looking up at him, clutching the boys close to me. ‘What on earth? How did you know?’

‘Loki told me that you wanted to marry in privacy,’ Thor said with a subtle nod at Loki who was biting his lip a little nervously. ‘And I admit, at first I was hurt but realised you were only concerned about the twins. Loki asked me to bring them here after as a surprise.’

I stood up and Loki reached for Váli as I held Narfi. ‘You arranged this?’ I whispered incredulously.

‘Yes,’ Loki answered, taking Váli off of me slowly and looking perhaps wary that I might now disapprove of this surprise.

‘And the boys’ suits?’ I asked looking over both Váli and Narfi in their handsome attire.

Loki looked at Váli proudly, then at Narfi. He kissed the top of his head. ‘I – I arranged it all yesterday. Thor helped. I wanted them to be my best men – it’s tradition, is it not?’ Loki asked, his voice soft suddenly, his gaze gentle as he looked the boys over again. ‘And you said the biggest regret was that you could not find a way to include them today – so: tah-dah!’ Loki added with a little flourish by raising his voice and bouncing Váli on his hip a little causing him to giggle.

‘Thank you,’ I answered, struggling not to cry at how much all of this meant to me. My boys, my beautiful boys were now a part of this special day and looked as every bit as handsome as their daddy. I leaned up to kiss Loki who kissed me back passionately, Váli and Narfi squealing with the apparent excitement of all this commotion. A flash of light broke the moment.

Blinking slightly, I turned to see Thor, holding an actual photographer’s camera. ‘I wanted to take some pictures,’ he explained, beaming as he looked upon us. ‘My gift to you Molly.’

‘Thor,’ I said, shaking my head in disbelief. ‘Thank you so much. I - ’

‘You are my sister, Molly,’ Thor said with a solemn nod. ‘Remember that now, wherever you go, whatever may happen, you are my family.’

‘And you’re my brother,’ I answered quickly, as I passed him Narfi and took the camera from him. Loki, understanding what I meant to do, passed Váli to Thor as well. ‘And today you can be my Man of Honour, as it seems Loki already has two best men. What do you think, brother Thor?’ I asked with a laugh.

‘It would be my greatest honour,’ Thor answered, taking both boys with little effort.

I snapped a shot of them together. ‘You too, Loki,’ I said, holding the camera and pointing to Thor’s side. ‘I want a shot of all my beautiful boys together.’ Loki rolled his eyes, but even I could see the delighted smile on his face. For the first time, perhaps since Loki and I had met we had, for now at least, a happy and accepted little family.

***

We spent the afternoon together – all of us. We went for dinner, finding a nice restaurant to eat in that admittedly was shocked to find themselves serving a little wedding party. However, Váli and Narfi in their little suits elicited much adoration from the staff and we were treated like royalty. In the end, the restaurant manager gave a bottle of champagne on the house with some ice-cream for the boys. Unfortunately, that soon put an end to their clean suits. Thor took photo after photo throughout the day; of Loki and I walking to the restaurant with the twins in our arms, of the boys, of us together simply eating and laughing at dinner.

On our way back to the car we stopped to take photos in a local park and let the boys play in the empty playground. Thor took photos of Loki and I in our wedding attire, playing in the empty playground on the swings or going down the slides with the boys. How strange we must have looked! But it was a perfect day. I was so happy the twins and Thor joined us to celebrate. Thor promised to send all the photograph’s to me once we settled in Scotland. I was delighted by this and hugged him closely, as Loki was busy with the boys.

Finally, Loki and I had to say goodbye and my heart hurt to do so. We would not see them again for four to five days, and then we would be in another country, another home. It suddenly felt too real and a little painful and I began to delay and slow out my actions.

Just as I was helping Thor buckle the boys into their car seats, I realised I had left Narfi’s favourite toy on a park bench and went to retrieve it only to find a man now sitting on the exact same bench. This was odd enough as there was only one way in and one way out of the park and I had not seen him in there earlier when were in there. And this man would undoubtedly have been noticed by one of us as he wore a red cloak which billowed at the collar slightly even though there was no discernible wind. The cloak was almost like one of Thor’s but the high collar made me think it was almost like a children vampire Halloween costume. How strange. And his garments were odd, a medallion hung by his chest that shimmered oddly. Just as I was about to ask if he needed any help, he looked at me with striking blue eyes. He had tanned skin, high cheekbones. He was clearly very tall even though seated I could tell this and he was thin but lean – almost stealthy and cat-like in build similar to Loki. He had dark hair that was speckled with grey at the temples and a dark goatee. He would have been very beautiful if not for the cocky one eyebrow stare he gave at me as he coolly looked over me as though I had rudely interrupted him.

‘Molly,’ he said simply, nodding his head in greeting.

‘Sorry,’ I answered calmly. He looked familiar, but from where? ‘Do I know you?’

‘No,’ he answered, a cocky tone evident in his American accent as his eyes darted over the now empty twilight park. ‘Not yet.’

‘Then how do you - ’

‘I suppose I owe you congratulations,’ he replied, rather rudely cutting me off quickly.

‘No, I think you owe me an explanation,’ I countered quickly, picking up my son’s toy from the bench beside him. ‘If you can’t do that then I’ll go.’

‘Ms Wilde,’ he said calling after me. ‘Or is it Mrs Laufeyson now? What’s the rush? You know me, just think, remember.’

‘How the hell do you - ?’ I asked turning around angrily.

‘You walk around here with two gods,’ he said in a bored tone, cloak billowing at the collar again as though it moved independent of any wind. ‘You’re lucky this town is so tiny and relatively obscure. Any idiot could figure out who walked with you today. I thought after our little chat recently that you would be more - ’

‘You were in my dream, weren't you?!’ I gasped remembering suddenly and trying to remain calm though evidently failing. ‘You were working magic or something, right? Are you following me?’

‘Yes, yes, and, a little bit, yes,’ he answered, waving his hand in an unconcerned way. I noticed he wore a ring that looked a little like a knuckle duster. The fingers on his right hand stroked it in an idle manner. Briefly, my eyes widened and I took a step back, taking this as a threat.

‘You’re a fucking lunatic,’ I answered, trying to some up some bravado and pointing at the metal looking-weapon interlocked at the fingers of his left hand. ‘Don’t know what you plan to do with that but we’re in a public park and I can fight like hell when provoked. Plus, as you pointed out, I’ve two gods waiting for me nearby, so try me,’ I stepped forward, rather boldly, feeing a sudden surge of confidence. I glared down at him.

‘And you have a vile tongue. I’m surprised considering you’re wearing a er,’ he waved a hand at my body, his mouth twisted in a sarcastic smile, ‘wedding dress - if that’s what it is. Aren’t brides supposed to be pure on their big day? But perhaps you’re right about the lunacy part,’ he answered, looking up at me, smiling a now coy smile that made him look suddenly gentle and less sarcastic. Kind eyes, I thought quickly, they had a strangely surreal quality to them and made me think of sparkling blue Caribbean waters. ‘But if I meant to hurt you, don’t you think I would have by now? We are alone, I am sitting down. You approached me, not the other way around. Do you really think I am here to - I don’t know – here to mug you, perhaps? Or to steal your sons toy? Or that supposed wedding dress?’

I reluctantly shrugged, neither agreeing nor denying with what he said. It was quite obvious he was not a mugger or even just an average guy. No, he held himself different – an Avenger perhaps, or something like it. He certainly had the arrogance of one. He continued in the same dry tone; ‘And the two gods you speak of are struggling to sit two toddlers into their car seats so they’re busy for now. And you, Molly,’ his smile suddenly dimmed and his voice lowered. ‘I admit you are tough. You’ve faced other creatures, seen other worlds, but unfortunately I know, that deep down, you fear being alone with a strange man after what happened with Dwight. Perhaps that’s why you are showing such aggression?’

I swallowed thickly suddenly feeling cold and horribly exposed. Not to mention a sudden burst of dizziness came over me. I stepped back again. ‘How? You – you shouldn’t  - ’

He sighed, relaxing into the bench. ‘I wish I didn’t know about that. You deserve privacy. But you have to know that I know.’

‘Know what exactly?’ I spat, wondering why I was still even here talking to him. ‘And speak clearly. I am in no mood for riddles.’

‘The Avengers save the world from physical threats,’ he said looking at me in a now concerned manner. I still felt dizzy. He patted the space beside him on the bench.

I sat a little further away than necessary from him. ‘Yes,’ I replied, my hands ran through my hair. ‘I know. Get to the point.’

‘Well, it is my duty to keep a watch list of individuals and beings from metaphysical threats, or other realms that may be a threat to this world. Your husband, Loki, is one of those beings.’

‘Is that all?’ I asked, exasperated. I stood up quickly. ‘Look, I’ve heard all of this before. Save yourself the lecture. Loki is on the good side now, ok? And if you heard him out, you would know that he was never truly evil – he did bad things yes, but he was forced to do them.’

‘Loki has made many enemies, in many realms,’ the man answered. ‘You need to be prepared - and your kids – to leave your location at a moment’s notice. Someone seeks him – they will destroy cities and towns to get to you and then to him. We need to track you now and your kids.’

‘We’re leaving the country,’ I answered, shaking my head. ‘Somewhere far away. No-one will find us there. I believe you mean us no harm, but just leave us in peace. Loki is no longer a threat to anyone.’

‘Good but it’s my job to ensure it stays that way,’ the man answered cockily. ‘Trust me. Look, it’s not what you think,’ he explained, removing the ring and tossing it to me. I automatically caught it. ‘I mean to watch over you. And your boys – they still have potential, unknown potential in their veins. They are of Asgard, of Jotunheim and Earth. They will undoubtedly be taught magic by Loki and most importantly they were conceived out of a plan designed by Thanos himself. Perhaps they carry some unknown threat or part of him - ’

‘How dare you?’ I snapped angrily. ‘If you really have monitored us you know my sons are pure, innocent and - ’

‘I agree!’ the man blurted sounding slightly angry, surprising me now. ‘But they are unique. And their talents and abilities are utterly unknown. Personally, I don’t see them as carrying any threat whilst raised by you – but that’s not to say that others – Loki’s enemies for instance, and he has many  - may want to use them once they know of their DNA.’

I couldn’t quite believe I was having this conversation, not when twenty minutes ago, this was the best day of my life. I rubbed my forehead trying not to let fear overcome me as I toyed idly with the strange ring I now held. ‘We leave, we keep low – no one will find us, I promise you.’

‘That’s good – I suggest you leave,’ the man answered calmly. ‘Nevertheless, a potential threat on you will be a threat on this planet. When the time comes, use this ring. Think where you want to go. I’ve left an address in your sons bag thingy - ’

‘A diaper bag,’ I snapped in an annoyed way. ‘And why the hell would you do that?’

‘A diaper bag,’ he nodded again sounding slightly amused. ‘Huh? Well, that’s not really my area of expertise. Just learn the address by heart. Destroy the paper. Use the ring; keep it on you at all times; in your belt, or bra - ’ I eyed him suspiciously.  ‘Look, keep it in your damn sock for all I care, just keep it on you. Practice with it on. Motion your left hand clockwise, right hand palm outstretched and held steady and think of your destination on the paper – only your destination. I’ll give you some lessons in the future, but that’s the basic technique of it. If you receive even the slightest threat then using this method you can find me at once. Bring your children also.’

‘Why – why the hell would I need to find you?’ I demanded.

‘Because I may not always be there to get to you first,’ he answered. ‘And if that happens, if you ever face that threat then you need to escape. I can keep you safe from other-worldly threats. By doing so you also limit the chaos any mystical or physical threats that Loki may bring from his enemies.’

‘Why do you care?’

‘It’s my job to protect the world from threats from others realms, Molly,’ he answered calmly.

‘How do you know I can even use this thing?’ I asked slipping on the ring and flexing my knuckles.

‘I’ve studied your background, your records,’ he said simply. ‘You are interesting. Such potential in you. You could have studied anything, been anyone, but archaeology you chose. You will discover how to use this. You have the right mind. I know you more than you think. You were even offered a PhD Scholarship – does your husband even know that? Does he know your background like I do? Your teenage years, your - ’

‘Are you done?’ I asked, standing up again, tucking the ring down the front of dress.

‘Why Loki?’ he asked, standing up slowly. ‘Why him? You know better. Now you will be no more than domesticated housewife of a god, carrying more of his litters, losing every bit of talent – of youth, whilst Loki stays the same. It’s such a huge risk. Have you even thought this through? He’s a _god_ , Molly. A god with many enemies.’

‘Fuck you,’ I answered, suddenly livid and close to hitting this man. ‘Who the hell are you to judge?’

‘I’m not judging,’ the man replied. ‘And my name is Dr. Stephen Strange. You will see me again. I will find you. From time to time, I may train you. Teach you certain knowledge that may help you safeguard your family but your whereabouts will be safe with me.’

‘Dr. Strange, with all due respect,’ I answered. ‘You may keep a watch over my family but I’d rather never lay eyes on you again. You’re nice one moment and an arrogant bastard the next. You're worse than Stark.’

Dr. Strange laughed. ‘I do leave that impression. I must work on my bedside manner. Now – go back to your honeymoon. And for now, keep quiet. I will relieve myself to Loki in time.’

‘Why the hell would I keep quiet?’ I barked at him, losing all patience.

‘Your partner is in heat, right?’ Dr Strange asked. ‘Should he know you were left alone with a strange male, he may find himself suffering. He may be tempted to pursues me and if that happens he will endure his heat in a cage – I can make that happen. And it will not be pleasant for him.'

I made to hit him at once. ‘You arrogant piece- ’

‘Ah, ah,’ Strange said, stepping back confidently. ‘I only tell the truth. Do not distract Loki with this right now.’ He removed another ring from his pocket and placed it in his left hand. He traced a circle in the air with it whilst holding his other palm steady. Immediately the circle he traced sparked and flared like it were a ring of solid fire and through it I glimpsed what looked like a library – another world, or part of the world. My mouth fell open. ‘You saw my powers in your dreams,’ Strange continued watching my reaction with evident pleasure. ‘You know what I can do. This was just the beginning – a very friendly chat. Now go on your honeymoon with your trickster.’

Dr Strange stepped into the circle of fire an in a split second he was gone. There was no trace of him left. Only the ring that felt cold against my breast where I had hidden it from sight. I stood alone in the park until I finally heard Loki call my name. I left slowly, casting one last look at where Strange disappeared but all that was there was green hills, the playground off to the left and an oak tree far off in the distance, its branches waving lazily in a cool early night breeze.

 

 

 

 


	25. Strange Heat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!
> 
> This chapter is primarily about Loki's Heat (which I mention in "Darkness"). So, it's full of smut but is consensual at all times. However, things get strange here - Jotunn Loki rules the show. He is dominant and possessive so fair warning to everyone. 
> 
> I also want to warn those of a squeamish disposition that this chapter includes blood too.
> 
> Finally, I imagine Jotunn Loki to have a deeper voice for some reason, very akin to Tom Hiddleston's Count Kallivoski in his reading of "The Red Necklace."

**_Chapter Twenty-Five - Strange Heat_ **

 

Loki carried me up the steps of our new home and across the threshold bridal style despite the heavy rain. It made me laugh uncontrollably that he so desperately pleaded to do this one ‘Midgardian Tradition’. So I let him, as usual surprised that his lithe frame was stronger and more muscular than it looked. In spite of his rain-soaked suit and now drenched hair, his body was surprisingly hot as he held me to him. I knew full-well he was entering his final stages of starting his Heat. In fact, as he sat me down on my feet and looked me over as I turned on the lights in our new home, I could not discern whether his face was a shine of the damp rain or a sheen of sweat. His pupils were blown wide, his eyes flickered amber and as I looked down, I realised he was clearly aroused, the bulge at the front of his pants now highly noticeable.

‘Loki,’ I said calmly, knowing full well I needed to take things slow with him or he would be compelled to just dive right-in and I would freak out. After all, when he entered his Jötunn form, he was different; his bearing, physicality, and behaviour changed. ‘I just need to do a few things before we begin. First, I’m going to check around the house, okay?’

He groaned, running his hands through his wet hair. ‘It’s fine; all locked up,’ he answered, clenching his fists a little bit. ‘Molly, please. I need this soon. We are alone – in a place that is essentially a safe-den for us. There is no Captain, no beast or witch, or assassins, or oafs or soldiers of Winter or the Man of Iron. I can _finally_ be myself here – with you. Please, I have wanted this for so long –’

The sight was unbearable, yet it made me aroused for some reason. I bit my lip, trying to compose myself. ‘Go to the bedroom and settle in,’ I pleaded. ‘I need you to check-in with Thor that the boys are safe. I need to know the boys are safe and this house is safe before we begin. It’s my momma bear instinct, alright?’

Loki smirked even though he was painfully aroused. I realised he was doing his best to take things slow for me, despite the obvious physical discomfort it caused him. ‘Alright, Momma bear,’ he answered, stepping close to me to kiss the top of my head. ‘But don’t be long, please. I’ll take our luggage upstairs and unpack.’

I nodded and smiled in thanks as he left to go upstairs. Truthfully, as excited as I was to be in our new house, I was little interested in checking out the rooms right now. Instead, I was checking every room for a sign of Dr. Strange or the threats he mentioned potentially shadowing us; checking doors where closed properly, windows equally closed, closing curtains and blinds. It didn’t take too long. Honestly, I hadn’t expected Strange to leave any physical evidence here, but he did imply he knew our location, or soon would. I had already retrieved the address Strange provided from the twins’ diaper bag immediately after joining the boys at the car earlier, easily trading Narfi’s toys for the scrunched-up ball of paper. Reading it quickly, I memorised the address before throwing the paper away as Thor and Loki said their goodbye’s: **_177A Bleecker Street_**. Whilst I certainly didn’t see Strange as a threat, he wasn’t exactly friendly either so I was wary of him showing up here. Something about his arrogant demeanour had me on edge – like he would challenge Loki just for the hell of it. What was it he said, something about investigating the “other-worldly?” Well, Loki’s Jötunn nature would not be subject to Strange’s curiosity – it was private and very dangerous if interrupted. I really hope he had enough common sense not to interrupt a Jötunn Heat, but I wanted to be certain before we began.

Finally, having checked every room in the house I joined Loki in our bedroom. He had evidently packed away our clothes (I’m assuming with magic) and was sitting casually at the end of the bed, still in his wet tux, a cell phone to his ear. ‘Yes Thor,’ Loki spoke smiling at me and rolling his eyes as he talked to this brother.

I laughed and went to close the bedroom drapes, and that of the large balcony French doors that showed the pitch-black night-time sky of Scotland. I briefly heard the howling wind and saw rain lash against the windows, the noise oddly comforting as Loki continued talking on the phone; ‘In the safest way possible. I’ll look after her and you focus on the boys. Bye oaf.’

‘Loki,’ I half-frowned as I went to join him, sitting on the bed edge. ‘Don’t speak to Thor like that.’ I stated flatly. I sat close to him, close enough to myself feel the deep pull of the Jötunn heat, to smell Loki’s scent of rich deep earth and peppermint. But I intentionally avoided brushing off him. Truthfully, I did not want to instigate this Heat. I wasn’t sure how to. This was Loki’s field of expertise and I was nervous. ‘We are really lucky to have him or we would have never arranged this or had the perfect day today. How are the boys?’

‘Asleep before they even got home, according to Thor,’ Loki answered, toying with the phone idly, yet I noticed his hands shook slightly. He was finding this hard – controlling himself sexually. ‘They’re fine. Exhausted after a very fun filled day.’ He reached out and briefly set the phone on the dressing table opposite. ‘And you my darling wife,’ he continued sitting back down and wrapping one of his long arms around me gently. ‘Are you alright? You seem a little anxious since we arrived. Do you feel safe here? Is the house not what you expected?’

I was surprised he dared to hold me to him, but knew he was trying to demonstrate his control. Yes, he was about to enter this near animalistic heat, but he was still Loki – still in control. ‘I love the house, Loki,’ I answered assuredly, relaxing my head against his chest. His body was hot – too hot. He needed to get through his Heat soon. And his frame was tense, every muscle strained. _My poor Loki – how did he ever endure his heats before_. _It must have been so painful to hide away in this state as though ashamed by what he was._  I briefly considered telling him about Strange but to tell him now would risk Loki going berserk at a time when his emotions were already heightened. And Strange had only given me advice, warnings like any other Avenger (if he even was one – I should have asked him) and gave me an odd ring which was now down my bra. Did Loki need to know just now? Besides, maybe it could be a surprise. After witnessing Strange preform magic of some kind earlier, perhaps I too could learn to create this escape portal thing. Isn’t that what he wanted me to do? It could be a useful way for me to protect my boys, for once. Undoubtedly that arrogant Dr. Strange would show up unannounced to even teach me at some point. Well, let him come. I was a good student, a fast learner and could benefit from whatever he could teach me. And I would make Loki proud.

‘Molly?’ Loki called arm tightening around me in a comforting manner. Poor Loki was boiling up – uncomfortably hot. I looked up and saw his cheeks were red – rosy red. ‘Are you sure you’re alright?’ He still looked effortlessly casual and handsome even though evidently so hot, so sweaty. In fact, this made him look sexier. Even now, with his wedding jacket off, his white shirt sleeves rolled up, his tie loosened, and his hair wildly astray. ‘Have you changed your mind about the Heat?’

‘What?’ I asked against, jerking back slightly too better look at him. ‘Why would you even ask that?’

‘You seem jittery,’ Loki answered, letting go of my arm and standing up at once. He kept his back to me, purposefully avoiding my eyes. ‘Or perhaps, you’re feeling embarrassed by what’s to come? You’ve closed every set of curtains and blinds in the house since we arrived. Which serves no purpose as we live in the most isolated location in the entire United Kingdom – there are no houses around for many, many miles. And you’ve checked the doors are locked, windows closed even though I could do such a thing with one wave of my hand,’ Loki lazily drifted his left hand in a waving motion, opening the curtains at once, then immediately he swayed his hand the other way and closed them again. ‘I understand – it’s not ideal to spend your honeymoon with a monster.’

‘Loki, you loon,’ I answered, feeling suddenly terribly guilty as I looked at his frame from behind. His white shirt was near see-through with sweat or rain. I reached forward for him by his belt buckle and tugged it a little, pulling him slightly to me essentially from his mid-riff, or trying too. He was a god after all and near marble to try and pull. Nevertheless, the gesture caught his attention and he turned around slowly to look down at me, his face concealing the barest hint of a smile. ‘How many times – you are no monster!’

‘Then why does it feel like your mind is elsewhere?’ he asked in a gentle voice. He stepped closer to me, looking down at me with a sorrowful smile before idly toying with a strand of my hair. ‘You fear this, don’t - ’

‘No!’ I angrily snapped. ‘I’m nervous, Loki. But afraid? No! I’m not afraid of you – of your Jötunn side. Do you understand me?’

Loki stubbornly refused to meet my glaze again, towering above petulantly. So, I playfully slapped his ass. ‘Answer me.’

He finally smiled lightly, his emerald eyes fell to mine slowly. ‘I believe you. It’s just – this day Molly – this day has been one of the best of my entire life,’ He crouched down slightly to wear I sat, cupping my cheek tenderly, his thumb lovingly rubbing my cheek back and forth. ‘Marrying you, celebrating the day with my sons, even my brother – with my family. _My_ _family_ ,’ his eyes suddenly filled and he lowered his head to my forehead. ‘I never thought I would have this. I keep expecting it go wrong. As though any minute you’ll realise you’ve made a mistake - ’

 ‘Loki, I am here by your side always. I will remember today forever as one of the best days of my life. I love you; Asgardian side and Jötunn side. I love our family – they are a mixture of us. And truthfully, yes I do worry about our privacy and safety.’

‘I will keep you safe,’ Loki vowed, both of his hands now tenderly cupping my face. ‘You and the boys – I’ll always keep you safe.’

‘I want to help,’ I answered. ‘From now on in any way I can. Can you understand that?’

He stared at me intently in silence for a few moments before answering. ‘I understand. Is that why you are jittery – just nerves?’

I nodded, technically reminding myself that this was not a lie. ‘Now I would like to change in to something more fitting, dear husband,’ he beamed at me as I said these words. I straightened up slowly, kissing the back of his hands. ‘I’m going to change in the bathroom and when I get back, I want to see you in all your Jötunn glory. I want you to enjoy your heat Loki, enjoy this side of you. Wear it forever if you will. I love you, you got that?’

Loki stood up, and nodded. ‘Yes – I think I finally get it. Take your time, darling wife,’ softly saying the word as though it were a treasure in itself. ‘We have forever to enjoy together.’

I stepped out of the bathroom, moments later, wearing a black silk short nightdress – attempting at the very least to look sexy. I felt less like the tempting vixen than I wanted and truthfully, as I stripped and changed into my negligée, I felt increasingly awkward suddenly conscious of my pale, pasty, scarred skin – oh and the fact that I had given birth to twins not even a full year ago. But my nervousness was gone as soon I looked at Loki. Loki was waiting for me standing by the closed and curtained balcony, seemingly frozen, eyes glued to my body as mine were to his. He was naked – a sight to be adorned on any occasion. Right now his skin was blue, a beautiful rich dark blue that ran all over his naked body with fine darker blue ridges spaced periodically across it. His eyes were a flaming amber colour and only his hair remained its familiar jet black colour. He had gone to the effort of lighting the room by candles when I was in the bathroom. They adorned the shelves, the desk and even the table. Some of the flames were clearly magically; shades changing from red to orange to yellow to blue to green to purple and so on and forth. It was so beautiful and personal – even the bed had rose petals scattered across it.

‘My beautiful Prince,’ I whispered and giddily curtsied in my little silk short nightdress. ‘You’ve gone to all this effort for me.’

‘You’re the only person to ever say that to me when I am like this,’ he said quietly, waving his hand down his naked body then at the candles and bed. ‘So you deserve the Royal treatment.’

‘I’ll have to trust you on that,’ I answered, causing him to smirk a little proudly despite his nervousness. I licked my lips and felt a prickle of sweat break out over my skin. ‘And I will always be the only person to ever see you naked, understood?’ Ah yes, I remembered faintly, this Heat did bring about the touch of a dominatrix in me, or possessiveness that was a force to be reckoned with.

‘I’m all yours,’ he replied, voice beyond recognition of Loki’s usual smooth tone. Oh yes, the Heat was staring now and there was no stopping it. Seeing Loki like this instantly made me flushed from head to toe. As he crossed the room, I noticed his cock was proudly jutting from his body; swollen, almost painfully so and looking rather larger than usual too. I felt a stab of pride as I realised he was still aroused by me – for whatever reason I truly did not know. Clearly my insecurities or bodily flaws he worshipped as he once said he did. I was transfixed as he sauntered over to me with the assured measured stride of a wild jungle cat, his eyes glued to me. I was his prey now, his mate.

‘Well then,’ I said quickly, my eyes never leaving his amber ones. ‘Guess it’s my turn.’

‘Your turn to what?’ he asked, a flicker of genuine perplexion crossed his face as he reached me. I wondered if he even registered my words, his eyes were glazed over in pure lust. He towered over me but I didn’t budge in the slightest. His rather large slim hands rested on my shoulders, either finger of each hand toying with the flimsy straps of the silk negligée. His touch made me shiver. ‘This is going to break so easily, my sweet little pet,’ he purred, his fingertips ghosting down the straps right by the v-cut material of the delicate nightdress.

Slight touches – that was all he was doing now against my skin and it had me flustered already. I could barely think, my mind a cloud of haze and hormones. ‘Make me as you are,’ I answered in a low rough whisper.

Loki nodded once, fingers, grazing my bare shoulders as he studied my body closer. I looked down and saw my own body was becoming as blue as Loki’s with the same fine, darker blue ridges that covered Loki’s body. My temperature seemed to skyrocket.

‘Thank you, Molly’ Loki whispered, his voice deep and so unlike his usual Asgardian tone.

‘I am with you in this,’ I answered with a nervous smile.

Loki pressed even close to me, the smell of his deep earth and peppermint scent driving me insane. ‘A year ago, I told you - you made me feel safe and happy and that you, Molly, you are my home. You gave me two sons. You gave me purpose. Please, do not leave me ever.” He was almost nuzzling his cheek against my own as he spoke and there was something so utterly vulnerable and tender about the gesture that I found myself responding in kind.

‘A year ago,’ I answered; nuzzling close to him, he bended slightly so that I could whisper the words against his neck, my hands running up his bare back.  ‘I swore that you, Loki, were my family - you and our twins. Know I will never leave you.” Where we making more vows – Jötunn vows? It certainly seemed so. It seemed natural.

Loki suddenly broke the nuzzling and gently tilted my head in his strong hands so that I was looking right into his amber eyes as he straightened up. He looked serious now and attentive. I knew playtime was over for us. We were about to start. ‘Do you remember the rules?’ he asked, his other hand using his long slim fingers to delicately trace up and down, tracing past the racing pulse point of my neck. But all I felt was a painful reminder of his strength. For a split second, I was admittedly intimidated. He was far bigger than I was, quite close at least in size now to Thor. In this form, he could crush me with that one hand – the same one hand by my neck. Yet instead of fear I felt a deep arousal. I could feel a steady heat build between my legs.

I tried to be still in his grasp. ‘Rules? I answered, trying to remember clearly. But it was hard. All I could think about right now was fucking Loki. My mind was simply too clouded to think any other thought. I tried to think back to last year as Loki waited, half smirking, half impatient.  “Rules…rules, yes. They’re two parts of claiming?’ I said quickly, as though dying to get this part over with. ‘First the couple bonds which means they consummate their relationship. Then they mark one another?”

‘Good girl,’ Loki muttered into my ear before biting lightly my earlobe. I grasped instinctively around his hips and loved the feel of his cool hard skin. Oh god, were my knees threatening to buckle already? His breath in my ear – that heavy moan of his was sweet torture, yet we hadn’t even started. It was his tone of his voice making me physically weak, my body yielding completely to him. ‘But I was thinking, we could change it this year,’ Loki continued, forcing me to walk backwards as he pushed his body against me. I could even feel his cock, proud and hard between my torso and his. I stumbled but he held me steady, strongly, by my hips.

‘Change it?’ my voice was different too, a little higher and smoother, a tilt of breathiness that I never usually had.

‘Yes,’ Loki pulled my hips down so that I realised I was now sitting at the edge of the bed. ‘You’ve already completed the heat before – we can swap the order now. I’d like for us to mark each other first,’ his fingertips traced my outer line of my silk negligée by my breasts. I was going braless of course and it was painfully evident. Loki’s fingertips slowly stroked up my erect left nipple before pulling the silk short nightdress down and revealing the mark “Eiga” just slight of my left breast. ‘You know now that the latter part of our Heat last year – the marking part - was really a protection spell. And it too needs to be renewed. May we start there?’ His voice was deeper, gravelly. If jaguars could talk, I realised, rather abruptly and bizarrely, then surely, they would sound like this. Loki’s amber eyes blazed and he seemed taller now too. In his wildness, he was beautiful. As scared as I was, I was utterly enchanted by him.

‘Yes Loki,’ I realised how submissive I suddenly was but knew I didn’t care. Loki’s spell had proved effective. ‘The spell works on the basis of intimate trust and faith, right? That’s the part the keeps me safer and better protected?’ I whispered tentatively. Loki nodded, licking my left breast as he completely pulled down the silk cup of the nightdress. I let out a little whimper. During the last year with the boys I had healed physically faster than was normal. But still something didn’t feel right. A knot of guilt and fear broke through my hormonal mind. ‘Loki?’ I voiced with an urgent sound, and tugged on his hair as it hit me what was wrong. I felt tears gather in my eyes.

Immediately he stopped. ‘What’s wrong, Molly?’ he grumbled in the deep tone but the eyes, his eyes were narrowed in concern in the same way that Loki’s always did.

 _My Loki was still there._ I stroked his hair. ‘Loki, the spell won’t work. Not after Dwight … Will your Jötunn self even want me now - ’

‘Hush Molly,’ Loki grumbled, fingers immediately going to my lips. He kissed me softly, slowly. ‘A crime was committed against you – you were never to blame for that nor do I consider it a sign of unfaithfulness. Forget him for tonight – understood?’

I nodded. Loki ran his lips lightly over my left breast, kissing and suckling the skin once more. ‘I know this part is hardest on you,’ he murmured gently, hands running down my body now, lips occasionally kissing by my left breast again. ‘So let’s get it out of the way. Remember it is a spell to keep your mortal form safe. Are you ready to be marked now, darling?’

‘Yes,’ I answered. Though this part made me uncomfortable, and slightly nauseous but I would do it. I needed every inch of protection I could get. ‘But I thought you said, last year, that we couldn’t mark one another until we had sex first?’

‘It was different then,’ Loki answered, allowing his fingertips to continue ghosting over my skin. ‘The need to start our heat was too great to ignore – for both us. You had suppressed it for days despite being heavily pregnant. I couldn’t resist anymore – I could feel your desire and you could feel mine. In short, we left it to a critical point and truthfully, I didn’t want to let you linger in that dazed stage. And the only way to lower your spiked temperature was to start right away.’

I nodded, remembering only too well how bad the Heat had gotten then. It didn’t help that I was physically separated from Loki so that I didn’t even know what was happening in my body.

‘Same as last year, remember,’ Loki said with an authoritative voice, bringing me back to the moment. ‘Except I’ll go first, alright?’

I smiled nervously back at Loki. ‘Could you then help – like last time?’ I asked hesitantly.

Loki smiled patiently and nodded. ‘Of course, and remember that you cannot hurt me, alright?’ He didn’t wait for his answer before he bit into his own arm, just by his wrist. I noticed he had white razor-like incisors that made him look slightly more animalistic but no sooner had I seen this then he held up his wrist to my mouth. I looked at the oozing crimson liquid feeling nauseous. I hesitantly pressed my mouth to his open wrist, quickly tasting the warm copper liquid. I drank it briefly before pulling my mouth away, but Loki had a grip against the back of my head and refused to let me stop. ‘No, darling, you must drink more than that. You are mortal,’ he said, his voice quiet but encouraging.

I nodded and drank steadily again, trying to close my eyes and not see the hideousness of what I was doing. Loki didn’t seem to mind in the slightest. Once finished Loki pulled his wrist away and magically healed it straight away. ‘Good, good. Well done, darling,’ Loki whispered and then waved his hand so that suddenly a sharp scalpel-like object appeared in his palm.

I took the pen with slightly shaking hands. “So I retrace “eiga” over the old mark?’ I asked my voice barely more than a whisper.

Loki nodded. ‘Wait,’ he added quickly and went to lie down in the bed behind me. ‘Now, this should make it easier for you.’ I dared not straddle his hips just yet so I kneeled on the bed by his left side.  I pressed my hand to his chest, retracing the words “Eiga” on his chest just above his heart with my fingertips. Loki shivered at the slight touch. I felt the steady but fast rhythm of Loki’s heartbeat beneath my palm. ‘I don’t want to hurt you,’ I said quickly.

He smiled softly at me. ‘You will not – not in this form.’

I looked at him doubtfully, now steadying the sharp scalpel object in my hand. “Are you sure? I really don’t want to hurt you.’

He suddenly chuckled ‘You won’t.’

My hand shakily pressed down into Loki’s skin and I saw a drop of scarlet ooze out. I started shaking uncontrollably. ‘Loki - I don’t know if I can do this,’ I whispered. ‘I hate the thought of hurting you.’

‘Shh, darling,’ Loki cooed and pressed his hand upon my shaking wrist. He steadily kept a tight grip on my hand and somehow helped me start to re-etch the word ‘eiga’ upon him. I eventually managed to do it, taking my time. It was not as difficult as last year and I did not require as much help either, but I was sweating heavily when done. I watched the etched skin quickly heal until it looked a few weeks old.

Loki sat up slowly. ‘Well done,’ he said quietly stroking my cheek. ‘I know you hate this but I promise you it keeps you safe. Now it’s your turn.’

I nodded and this time I lay flat back on the bed.

‘Same thing again, darling,’ Loki instructed calmly. ‘I will have a brief taste of your blood before I mark you, alright?”

Again, all I could do was nod. This whole thing was ominous to me and I really did not understand the logic behind it. Loki seemed to sense my complete nervousness. ‘Molly, I will go slow. If you want me to stop you need only say so – at any point,’ he stroked my cheek affectionately. ‘Don’t think about this – just enjoy the sensations. I’m going to make sure you enjoy this.’

He kissed me softly, his lips nibbling my lower lip playfully. I slowly responded, feeling my arousal tenderly grow as one of his hands went to my breast and toyed with my nipple through the silk fabric. I arched my back instinctively and slowly his kisses went down my neck, in no hurry, pausing, kissing it lightly here and there, kissing down my body through the silk nightgown until eventually he was at the short lace hem of the nightdress by my thighs. He pushed up the short nightdress and positioned himself between my legs. I watched as his lowered between my legs. I felt a sharp tug at the flimsy silk underwear I wore and knew they were gone now. Loki then pressed his head between my thighs and inhaled deeply.

‘LOKI!’ I exclaimed surprised by the unexpected explicit act. My thighs automatically attempted to close together.

Loki grinned up at me from between my legs. ‘I can smell your desire, Molly,’ he answered, his voice so deep. ‘I tried to resist all day, but fuck – you smell wonderful,’ his hand stroked my thighs, ‘and all mine.’

Loki gently kissed his way up my inner thighs. He pressed his mouth to my sex and his tongue swept across it in one lick. I mewled quietly, already surprisingly sensitive and felt Loki laugh. His fingers gently parted my lips and then he swirled his tongue around the walls of my womanhood. I shuddered and instinctively clamped down my thighs around Loki’s head, encouraging his actions. His thumb found my clit and began to rub it gently at first, creating a steady ripple of excitement that was my orgasm building in my lower belly. Suddenly his hands flew to my thighs and none to gently placed each of my legs over his shoulders. I cried out at the unexpected action and at how Loki had effortlessly pulled me slightly down the bed doing this while he still lavished me with his mouth. This new, deep angle caused me to moan deeply, his tongue having replaced his thumb at my clit. He alternated between licking and softly biting on my clit, whilst working two of his fingers in and out of my womanhood, occasionally he would pause to stretch or rub my walls. Loki was making obscene moans – almost animal like. Within seconds I came with a cry of surprise, my vision blurring with the impact of my orgasm. I lay catching my breath as Loki continued to work between my legs. I was still half-dazed from my orgasm that I forgot what he even planned to do next. He nibbled my upper inner right thigh, he began by softly kissing the skin with the occasional nip of flesh. My leg twitched and Loki held it steadily. I felt a sudden bite down on the skin and I gasped quietly at the sharpness of the cut. However, Loki, jerked back from the cut as though he received an electric shock. Yet this was too soon – he would have only tasted a mouthful or two.

‘Loki?’ I hesitantly asked.

He sat up slowly on his knees and his eyes roamed over my body. He looked perplexed and made no attempt to move. He licked a slight crimson stain in the corner of his mouth and smiled briefly, yet immediately looked confused also.

‘Loki, is there something wrong?’ I asked anxiously watching his odd behaviour.

He shook his head, his amber eyes blazed like fire though and he immediately went back between my thighs. I watched dazed as Loki’s head bobbed sucking the blood from my cut from my thigh. He did this for a minute in silence until he stopped and whispered quietly. He then pressed his hand to the cut and I felt the wound heal itself. Again, he sat upright, hesitant to look me in the eyes, instead he looked over my body again. His eyebrows were knotted in confusion.

‘Was it Dwight? Am I tainted - ’ I asked, starting to panic. Something had gone wrong and I could see Loki battle internally with whatever discovery he had made upon tasting my blood. 

‘Molly, I - ’ his voice trailed off. ‘I don’t know how this happened,’ he finally said, more to himself than to me.

‘Loki, what do you mean? What’s wrong?’ I asked, sitting up now feeling anxious. He had definitely seen something or tasted something in my blood – something unexpected. ‘Loki please!’ I demanded, now near terrified by his behaviour.

Finally, my outcry stirred him and he met my stare but it was impossible for me to read his amber eyes. I only noticed they seemed brighter than before – almost a sizzle of victory or pride now shone in them. ‘Now – now - I mark you permanently,’ Loki said with a little less normality in his tone. Instead it was deeper than I ever had heard it. It was authoritative.  

‘What the hell, Loki?’ I berated. ‘What was that just about?’

‘Your blood was rich – full of iron maybe,’ Loki mumbled, amber eyes blazed. ‘It was quite – unexpected. Almost gave me a high in my current form. But we should continue. Lie down again.’

 ‘Are you sure that’s all?’

‘I said lie down,’ he answered, the sudden dominance in his voice taking me by surprise.

He did not apologise for his tone, instead he came to sit by my left side. Yet he looked hungrily at my body now with a fierce lust, a possessive almost frightening stare came over his amber eyes, pupils blown wide. Something had changed after he had drunk my blood and he was more Jötunn than Asgardian right now. Still I had my safe word; I could use it. I need only tell him stop – but right now, whatever had taken him over, I didn’t want him to stop. He licked his lips and made a low grumbling side. I could feel his cock nudge my side. Damn my blood had really given him a boost or high of some kind. His hand went slightly left of my breast. I realised he was feeling for my heartbeat. Once he found it he looked at me, his eyes seemingly asking for permission. I nodded and he quickly produced the pointed metal scalpel again. ‘I will numb you, you will feel no pain,’ he said simply. I felt a cooling sensation and knew he had magically numbed the area so I would feel no pain, for which I was so grateful. I watched as he dug the object into my skin and clearly inscribed the word ‘eiga’ over the old scar tissue upon my skin. I felt no pain as he re-etched the word.

Loki looked up at me once done and bandaged the area with surprising gentleness. I felt slightly woozy now. He stroked my hair as I lay in the bed. ‘Do you want to rest before we go on?’ he asked with concern.

I shook my head. ‘Loki – what happened when you - ?’

‘We continue then,’ he answered, clearly not listening.

His hand dipped between my legs and gently traced a cool finger across my outer lips. He then dipped one finger into my womanhood and I groaned already sensitive from my earlier orgasm. ‘More,’ I whispered desperately, torn between the desire to ask questions or simply allow Loki to rush ahead – though why he felt the need to, I had no idea. Yet my body was responding – along with my mind. I couldn’t help. I too needed him as desperately as he needed me right now, and logic, or questions would, briefly, have to wait.

Loki complied and added a second finger into my womanhood and twirled them, I barely had time to react when I felt a third finger being added and I let out a soft keening cry. Loki moved his fingers within me, steadily in and out, stretching my walls and switching to scissoring movements. I bit my bottom lip to stop any more cries of pleasure falling from my lips.

‘Ready?’ Loki all but grunted the word.  

‘Yes!’ I responded almost pleadingly, absolutely quivering with the desire for more than just Loki’s fingers.

Loki removed his fingers. He had collected my own arousal on his fingers and was rubbing it over his hard Jötunn cock. He lined up his cock against my outer lips and gently pressed the tip of it inside of me. He gripped my hips tight and with one deep thrust filled me to my hilt and knocked the very breath out of my lungs. My mouth fell open in a silent scream of pleasure.  _But, hell did it feel good, so utterly satisfying to be filled by Loki!_ I grappled the sheets beneath me tightly catching my breath as Loki pulled out before sharply slamming back in.

‘Oh, fuck!’ I cried, feeling weak and breathless. His cock felt different, thicker and more veiny, each ridge brushing my vagina walls and making me near pass-out with satisfaction.

Loki merely snarled in response. He gripped my hips tighter and before I knew it he was picking up the pace. He was moving so quick that I had the breath knocked out of me with every thrust. His large cock was able to reach a sweet deep angle within me that sent jolts of pleasure through me with every thrust he made. I knew he was trying to make me come as quickly as possible and I did; suddenly, unexpectedly and embarrassingly quick, merely mouth wide and silent as I unravelled, my fingers gripped Loki’s back, nails digging in, as my walls spasmed around his cock. Loki didn’t stop though he was dripping in sweat. Instead he quickly pulled out, turned me on my back and pushed his way back into my still trembling womanhood. I struggled to lean up shakily on my arms. I didn’t know how he had the strength or agility and I was clearly struggling to keep up.

He gripped my waist, pulling me as close to him as possible and I could feel his large cock deep within me, the thick ridged veined appendage seemed impossibly large. Loki was panting above me but I could not see his face. I waited for the next thrust of his hips inside me. Instead I heard an almost painfully frustrated snarl from Loki, his hips nudging so close to me that I could feel his balls rest heavily against my ass. And then I started to twitch, from my waist up as Loki’s cock seemed to swell within me, the swollen veins even discernible and automatically making me shudder. I whined uncomfortably. ‘Loki?’ I panted. ‘What’s happening?’

Still his organ swelled within me and I felt almost sore now. ‘Knot,’ Loki finally growled out. He was panting heavily still, his grip on my hips painful now and then I felt him shudder behind me, a sudden rush of warmth flooded through me and another. He was cumming, in thick short spurts. He changed position, gathering me close and with one hand for balance laid us on our sides on the bed without breaking our connection. I doubt he could pull out now anyway. He gathered me close to him, my back against his chest, his arms tight around me as he came steadily for some time, his organ gradually going back to its usual size. One of his hands rested on my lower belly, but all the while he panted and groaned as though this ‘knot’ whatever it was, was one continuing orgasm for him. He occasionally shivered but never once relinquished his hold on me. He would, from time to time, lick my neck, suck the pulse point and then kiss it.  

Gradually Loki softened inside me. He was shallowly thrusting into me now as he pressed soft kisses to my neck. Loki continued subtly rocking his hips until every last drop of his seed was spent deep within me. I was full – uncomfortably full.

Once he stopped and slowly pulled put., he lay there panting. Then and only then did dare to move and look at him. I faced him, whining slightly, sore already. He looked exhausted, face though blue was flushed with sweat. ‘Are you ok?’ I asked him, my voice croaky.

His eyes had now calmed down a little, though still amber. They narrowed in concern as he looked at me. ‘I hurt you,’ he whispered, noticing my sluggish movements, my wincing just now. ‘Didn’t I?’ His voice sounded normal again, not deep. He looked so vulnerable now and slightly ashamed.

‘What was that?’ I asked, hesitantly. ‘It was different than last year.’

‘A knot,’ Loki answered, his eyes seemed to fill. He closed them quickly and kept them that way as he continued talking; ‘Knotting can happen sometimes in Jötunn Heats – especially when the partner is excited or wanting to conceive - ’

‘Where – where you trying to get me pregnant?’ I asked, aghast. ‘We spoke about this! Loki you even agreed with me that we wait!’

‘I wasn’t trying to get you pregnant just now,’ Loki answered, it was a low tone, his hands went to his face, pushing his sweat strands of dark hair back but keeping his eyes closed. ‘My Jötunn side took over.’

‘So you were excited then?’ I asked, trying to understand. ‘It was my blood, wasn’t it? Something was in it – you sensed something. Tell me.’

‘Yes -  I sensed something,’ he whispered. Finally, he opened his eyes and looked at me. ‘Are you sure you are alright? Knotting can be very painful – you may bleed slightly.’

I hesitated to answer; I was sore. Very sore. But it had also felt good.

‘Molly – I am so sorry,’ Loki answered quickly, perhaps realising that I was indeed sore.  ‘I didn’t think that would happen. I lost control. I hurt you.’

‘Loki,’ I tenderly touched his cheek, but he recoiled from me.

‘Well, I should make you something to eat,’ he answered, standing up abruptly. ‘And a drink. You’ve had nothing for hours now. You must stay hydrated and nourished.’

‘We’ve a long way to go yet,’ I countered, sitting up, wincing at the dull ache between my legs.

Loki’s eyes were reverting back to emerald and seemed to be filled with tears as he studied me. ‘I – I’m not sure we should continue,’ Loki said, his skin too was reverting back to its usual porcelain tone. ‘This Jötunn nature is monstrous.’

‘Loki, I’m fine, just a - ’

‘Molly, just rest now, please?’ Loki pleaded, putting out all the candles with a wave of his hand. ‘I’ll be back soon with snacks.’ And just like that he left the room without a backwards glance.

I sat up on the bed, fixing my nightdress so that I was covered now at least and staring after where Loki left through the light left on the landing. _What the hell had just happened? One minute Loki was a wild animal but now he was a timid and almost an ashamed creature. What had he sensed in my blood? Was Dr. Strange correct? Where we in imminent trouble?_

I sat there, contemplating going after him when there was a sharp knocking. Thoroughly confused, I stood up, admittedly much sorer than I expected from Loki’s rough coupling, just as the knocking occurred again. This time I knew it came from the balcony. I turned on the bedside light and pulled back the curtain quickly.

The light illuminated the frame of Dr. Strange, looking as equally surprised to see me as I was him. I immediately picked up Loki’s discarded tux jacket from the floor and covered myself up with it before glaring back at Dr. Strange who was now slightly smirking at me.

_Just what the bloody hell was going on?_

 

 

 


	26. Perfect Timing

_**Chapter 26 – Perfect Timing** _

 

 

I pulled Loki’s wedding tuxedo jacket tighter around my chest as I stared at Strange in utter disbelief. It took every inch of my self-control not to scream at him to “fuck off” or hurl some other absurdities at him. Instead, I calmly approached the balcony doors and silently opened them. A gust of bitterly cold wind blasted into the bedroom but I immediately stepped outside to join Strange, quickly closing the door behind me. My eyes darted angrily towards Strange who was drawing another fiery ring in mid-air – similar to what I had seen him create earlier and then signalled for me to go through it. I was too angry to be amazed that this man had created a portal to god only knows where with seemingly little effort.

‘Are you fucking serious right now?’ I asked, shivering from head to toe. ‘What the hell – do you have any sense of social boundaries. This is my honeymoon!’

‘Please keep it down,’ Strange replied quietly and pointed at the circle again. ‘It’s best Loki not see me right now, or sense me at all.’

‘You’ve got five minutes,’ I spat angrily at him before hesitantly stepping through the fiery circle.

The action itself was quite easy but it took my mind a few seconds to adjust to the fact that I was no longer in Scotland, or even Europe. With one step, I was on another continent, stepping into what appeared to be an at-home office or reception area of some kind. I blinked almost in a stupefied manner as I looked around the spacious and cosy room. There was a nice aroma here too; a mild therapeutic incense combined with the unique heavy and old antique smell; the one found in older museums, or amongst large collections of books. The ceilings were high in this room and I could hear the coming and goings of a busy city outside these walls. I immediately thought I was in some large townhouse in New York, though I wasn’t exactly sure that was where I was for certain.

‘Make yourself at home,’ Strange said quickly from behind me, causing me to jump slightly.

I sat down on a worn-looking but very comfortable leather chair aware that this building had the comfortable stillness and silence of a library or a museum. Yet I started shivering again, looking around at the book-lined ceiling to floor shelves, antique furnishings and odd weapons or collectibles on the walls with much interest. On the wall closest to me was an axe with what looked like a diamond handle. Beside this was a large wooden relic whose function or name I did not know. It was shaped like a large ‘X’ with intricately carved symbols I neither recognised or ever seen before. My eyes then wandered to the book titles on the shelves nearest to me. Some titles were in English, others French, others German. Other looked priceless and were held in glass cabinets and were in ancient languages. The two closest to me were ancient Egyptian hieroglyphs; one on papyrus and one on wood. However, most of the surrounding texts or scrolls were in unrecognisable languages.

Strange cleared his throat, distracting me slightly. I looked at him coldly even though this place had peaked my interest.

‘You like knowledge, Molly,’ he said as though we were continuing a perfectly normal conversation from seconds before. It wasn’t a question either, I realised. He was merely pointing out an obvious fact. ‘You admire the collection on the walls – it is but a mere taste of what this building has to offer. And as for the books – they are _immensely_ interesting. I could give you a tour if - ’

‘What do you want, Strange?’ I asked bluntly, unwilling to be polite to the man who had thought it were perfectly acceptable that I take time off my honeymoon – even if I was fascinated by his home, or museum, or whatever the hell this place was.

‘It’s Doctor Strange, actually,’ he said with a little flourish as he sat opposite me. ‘Some of us strived for more than a Bachelor’s Degree in life and I didn’t spend all those extra years at University for nothing.’

His arrogance had me seething. I gripped the worn leather arms of the chair to physically restrain myself from reacting rashly to his comments. ‘Well, if we’re using correct titles then I suggest you call me Ms Wilde,’ I retorted quickly, still shivering, yet trying to ignore the fact that, once again, he subtly implied he knew more about my academic background than I was comfortable with. ‘And some us have husbands waiting for us at home and honeymoons to enjoy.’

‘You’re enjoying it then, the big romantic honeymoon? The Jötunn Heat?’ Strange asked. Once again, he seemed to speak to me like we were old acquaintances – more than that, like we were friends. He knew intimate details of Loki and I and this made me uncomfortable. ‘I’m surprised, you’re so eager to get back to him. It didn’t sound like you were having fun from what I heard.’

I glared at him, gripping the arms of the leather chair even tighter, my nails digging into the material. ‘Ah, I didn’t know you were into voyeurism, Dr. Strange,’ I said with a sly smile. ‘Then again, you do have a rather odd air about you.’

Far from looking annoyed or offended, Strange laughed, a hearty laugh that filled his eyes with sudden warmth and kindness. ‘Voyeurism?’ he repeated shaking his head, eyes still bright from his laughter. ‘Ms Wilde, don’t flatter yourself. It would be the equivalent of watching a Smurf porno,’ he said simply, folding his hands together as his eyes studied mine.

‘I – what?’ I asked genuinely perplexed.

Strange waved a hand idly in my general direction. I looked down and realised I was still Jötunn blue. And I was suddenly painfully aware that Loki’s tux jacket barely reached my knees, underneath I wore negligée and my red hair was undoubtedly tossed and dishevelled from my rough coupling with Loki. I could feel myself start to blush.

‘Though I believe Smurf’s are undoubtedly less chaotic, animalistic or into dark magic,’ Strange added thoughtfully. ‘Tea?’ he asked politely. A cup of tea suddenly appeared in front of me just floating in mid-air. This would have been impressive to me perhaps a year ago, but I was married to a god now. And I had seen far greater feats of magic.

I shook my head. ‘As hilarious as you think are, I’m in a hurry here. Why do you want? And bear in mind, you’ve only got about four minutes left.’

‘You’re bleeding,’ Strange answered, pointing to my chest. ‘I’m guessing from Loki’s handiwork. Another dark spell?’

I looked down. My jacket had partially opened and my nightdress was low-cut therefore slightly revealing the minor red stained bandage by my left breast from Loki’s earlier etching of “Eiga” there. ‘It’s healed by now. And, more importantly _Doctor_ ,’ I stressed the word as I tightened the jacket once more by my chest. ‘It’s very private.’

‘Quite the kinky Smurfs, aren’t you?’ Strange replied, a smirk dancing on his lips. ‘But, oh yes, of course! How foolish of me. I realise you bare the marks of the sacred blood ritual all coupling Smurfs preform on their honeymoon.’

I stood up, sighing and feeling quite exhausted. ‘Look, you asked me to come here, and I did so. But if all you’re going to do is insult Loki’s heritage then I’m leaving,’ I said quickly, pushing aside the floating cup of tea. I went to the door and then realised, I had no idea where I was, was half-naked, blue and no idea how far Scotland was from here. I immediately swivelled back to glare at Strange.

‘Ah, so you _do_ realise you can’t leave,’ Strange said, looking at me, one eyebrow cocked in humour. He had remained quite still in his own chair. ‘You cannot summon the energy to do as I did. Nor are you wearing the Sling Ring to even attempt it – I told you keep it on you at all times, Ms Wilde.’

‘Stop playing games. What the fuck do you even want from me?’ I asked, losing my temper completely, charging towards him indignantly until I stood right before him. ‘I did as you asked. I even followed you here freely. I’m going out on a limb to trust you but you merely toy with me. I told you to leave us be.’

‘I wanted to see you in your Jötunn form,’ Strange said calmly, looking at me with mild interest. ‘To see if you can control your temper or pose a threat – it seems you can control yourself from violence, better than Loki anyway. And I wanted to demonstrate that I could find you – anywhere. I had the feeling I left you a little overwhelmed after our conversation in the park earlier. Perhaps now you see, it would be foolish to try and hide from me. Bare that in mind as our lessons will begin soon.’

‘Lessons on what?’ I snapped, looking down and barely resisting the urge to slap that handsome face.

‘You will see,’ Strange said, standing up. I stood aside as he created another portal. I tried not to look too impressed. ‘Back you hop – Papa Smurf will be waiting for you.’

‘I really fucking hate you,’ I spat with utter venom as I walked passed him. ‘Are we done now – can I enjoy my honeymoon in peace?’

Strange nodded. ‘For now – yes. I needed you to be aware of what I can do, Ms Wilde. I needed you to know that I can and most likely will arrive at any time in the future. I am not like the other Avengers – even though their numbers increase every day. I am nothing like them. Speaking of which – have you heard?’

I eyed Strange feeling weary now, merely longing to return through the portal to Loki. ‘Heard what?’

‘Ah – perhaps you better wait for the word to come from your official communicator, Thor isn’t it? I’ve had the pleasure of meeting him before. Nice guy – if you prefer brawn over brain.’

I clenched my fists but refused to fight with Strange. ‘Can I go now? My husband is waiting.’

Strange nodded. ‘One more thing. I was serious about wearing your sling ring. Carry it on you – at all times.’

‘Until next time, asshole,’ I mumbled and stepped through the portal, the sound of Strange’s laughter ringing through my ears.

I stood shivering at the balcony, the howling wind ceaselessly screaming as I opened the balcony door. I stood there, looking out into the harsh night with the door opened for a few moments, wondering frantically if Strange would keep his promise and leave me be for a few days. I was still standing by the opened balcony door when Loki entered the bedroom with a tray full of food and drink.

‘Molly what are you doing?’ he berated, settling the tray down on the bed before approaching me. I was shivering all over worse than ever now.

‘I needed the fresh air,’ I managed to say quickly, closing the balcony door and pulling the curtains closed. I looked down at my usual pale skin. Loki had changed me back the moment his hands were free from carrying the tray. ‘Are we finished with the Heat already?’

Loki’s hands went to my cheeks. ‘Molly, you’re freezing. You should know better than to go outside during our Heat. You shouldn’t get too cold too quickly – I told you this before!’

I immediately stepped back from him. ‘Don’t scold me like a child, Loki!’ I answered, shivering immensely. I went to the wardrobe and pulled out a clean, dry t-shirt, most likely one of Loki’s, and changed out of my nightdress and tux jacket.

Loki watched me change in silence. I suddenly found myself tearing up, shivering and sorrowful. I was weary and annoyed that the first day of my new life was no more private than before. I turned away. I didn’t even hear Loki approach, I just felt his warm arms around me, encasing me. I turned around and embraced him, his body though hot was nowhere near as hot as before. I nuzzled my cheek against his chest. ‘I’m sorry,’ he said calmly, one hand running through my hair.

‘Loki, what’s going on?’ I asked, tears falling freely down my cheeks. ‘Did I do something wrong during the Heat?’

‘No, my darling, no,’ Loki answered gently as I looked up at him. He gently wiped my tears with his thumb. ‘I – I did something wrong. Come – come sit down, please? And eat.’ He gave me one comforting squeeze with his warm body before letting go. He went to the wardrobe and pulled down a woollen cream throw from the top shelf. He then wrapped it around my shoulders. ‘Just to keep you warm, alright?’

I nodded sniffling lightly and followed Loki back to the bed. He was brushing off the rose petals and stopped suddenly, eyes focusing on one area of the bed. ‘Molly, why didn’t you tell me that I hurt you so much!?’ he spat out, sounding furious.

 _What the fuck was wrong now?_ I cast my eyes over the sheets and noticed a small but dark red spot, noticeable against the cream silk sheets. I felt a stab of embarrassment and another wave of tears threaten to overwhelm me. ‘Loki, I didn’t even notice,’ I whispered. ‘It probably wasn’t even you. It could be my time of the month starting,’ my eyes suddenly widened. ‘Oh, Loki – that’s it!’ I cried excitedly. He looked at me, clearly confused by my excitement. ‘Don’t you see? That’s probably why the Heat got out of hand. That’s why you got so excited and formed that knot thing – your Jötunn self probably sensed it!’

‘Don’t be silly, Molly,’ Loki snapped, angrily brushing the remainder of the rose petals off the bed. ‘Do you think I detect your menses like a dog detects a bitch in heat?’

I froze, feeling both embarrassed and hurt by the choice of his crude words. I shivered involuntarily, pulling the throw tighter around me and sat at the end of the bed. ‘Is that what you see me as?’ I wanted to spit the words at him but they came out low, barely above a whisper and without any emotion. ‘A bitch in heat? And if my naturally feminine functions bothers you so much then I’ll clean the damn spot of blood from the duvet.’

I watched Loki run his hands through his badly tangle hair. He then sat on the bed beside me. ‘Molly, that’s not what I meant,’ I was surprised by how much his voice shook. ‘I’m confused.’

‘Your confused?’ I snapped back, looking up at him with a half-smile full of sarcasm. ‘How the fuck do you think I feel then? One moment you seemed shocked by me, the next mad with lust, the next you push me away like I’m contaminated? But hey, let’s forget about all of that because I got my period on the damn sheets.’

‘Molly - ’ Loki reached out a hand to seemingly place it on mine but I immediately recoiled. ‘The blood was not from your period. It was from my knot – do you realise how dangerous that can be for you?’

‘Loki – I told you I’m fine!’ I answered, feeling beyond annoyed now. _How was it the best day of my life was turning into one of the most frustrating nights?_ ‘Even rough sex can lead to bleeding sometimes. There’s no need to act like such a god damn drama queen about it!’

‘Molly, that knot is dangerous and disgusting,’ Loki said his voice sounding distant. ‘It’s a reflection of myself. I pushed you away once we were done with it because I was disgusted with myself - ’

‘You seemed to be enjoying it if I recall,’ I said with a faint smirk. ‘Like the longest orgasm you ever had.’

Loki smiled briefly. ‘Even if that were so, it’s not worth it,’ he said smile fading fast. ‘I spent forever trying to suppress that Jötunn nature each year since I reached maturity. Ever since I read up on and researched what it means. We’re crude wild animals. And this thing is a part of me and I hate it Molly. I hate what I am. I hate that you had to endure that. It’s barbaric.’

I sighed, understanding Loki’s behaviour partially better. I held his hand. ‘I don’t hate it. I don’t hate you. Loki this self-hatred you have is wrong. It will eat you up some day. It really didn’t hurt that bad. We can continue your heat – we should continue it.’

Loki shook his head. ‘No Molly, it’s too risky – it was always too much of an ask from you anyway,’ he answered quietly. ‘Besides, I have taken a Heat suppressant. It’s already started to kick in. The Heat is over.’

‘Loki – how could you do that?’ I asked incredulously. ‘I would have continued!’

‘I know you would, which is exactly why I had to stop it myself,’ Loki answered. ‘Now eat, please.’

Rather than risk a fight with Loki I merely started to eat in silence. He had brought up a tray of cheeses, bread, grapes and meats. I mostly devoured the bread, not realising how hungry I was until I started eating. Loki picked at everything else, eventually there wasn’t even a crumb left and he set the tray aside. I was tired now, as was he and we silently got into bed together. Loki turned off the lamp soundlessly before turning to face me. ‘I’m sorry I ruined our wedding night,’ he whispered quietly.

‘You didn’t,’ I assured him, settling against him. ‘You did what you felt best and I’ll support your decision. But just know, I love you Loki, all of you. Do not be ashamed of who you are or where you come from.’

Loki beamed, I could see it even in the semi-darkness. ‘I am blessed to have you, Molly. But you should rest.’

‘Goodnight husband,’ I said smiling, as I curled closer to him.

‘Goodnight wife,’ Loki answered, kissing my forehead.

I wish I could have dozed off into a deep sleep there and then as I was certainly tired enough to. But as I lay there, listening to Loki’s steady breathing beside me I became overwhelmed with grief.

_This was our Wedding Day. We had had the most perfect day because Loki had sought to cater for my needs. He had arranged for our twins and Thor to be there to celebrate with us. He ensured that I was happy and not feeling guilty for excluding any of our family. He did that for me. And this evening, he had entered his Heat and when he felt things had gotten out of hand, he withdrew from it, again out of concern for my safety. Now, Loki had indeed a fiery temper and said some crude things, but that was his Jötunn nature speaking and I knew he didn’t really mean it to sound so crass. Jötunn Loki was merely more blunt than usual. Once his Heat died down he opened up to me, he profusely apologised and treated me with respect and honesty. I realised since he returned to me he had really changed. Upon discovering my own mental and emotional troubles he was now trying to adapt to my needs. He really was trying to become a better man. And what had I done on our first day of marriage? Lied. Had I been completely honest in return with him? No. I didn’t mention Dr. Strange even though I encountered this guy twice in one day._

I lay there unable to sleep, overcome with guilt and shame at my actions.

_I should have told Loki about Dr. Strange and ignored Strange’s warnings. I should not have hidden this from him. I was a hypocrite. After spending so long berating Loki about the importance of honesty, I had lied to him on our Wedding Day._

After about an hour of reckless turning back and forth in bed, I lay on my back with a frustrated sigh. Loki suddenly placed a hand across my middle. I turned my head slightly, half-expecting to see him perhaps still in a deep sleep but he was awake as I was.

‘Are you alright?’ he asked gently, ‘You’ve been tossing ever since I turned out the light. Are you still sore from earlier?’

‘Loki -,’ I was nearly crying again. Immediately the light was on and I cursed myself for these damn tears again. _Maybe I was getting my period._

‘Hush,’ Loki whispered, hand soothingly rubbing my middle. ‘Just take a moment. What’s wrong? You can tell me anything?’

‘I think you’re going to hate me,’ I answered, feeling stupidly embarrassed by my tears.

‘Never,’ he answered quietly, his hand growing slightly warmer to keep me cosy and warm. ‘I will never hate you. Please tell me what has you so upset, darling.’

And so I told him. It just came pouring out; about meeting Dr. Strange unexpectedly in the park, about the stupid ring, about Strange telling me not to tell Loki what had happened, about him arriving earlier. Once done, I felt a slight ease of guilt; ‘I’m sorry, Loki,’ I croaked. ‘Please don’t be mad with me,’ I pleaded desperately. ‘I was trying to think what was best for you because you were going through your Heat. I didn’t want to burden you with more problems.’

‘Molly,’ Loki said with a soft smile. ‘It’s alright. I understand. Don’t upset yourself any further.’

This took me completely by surprise. ‘You do?’

Loki nodded. ‘I do. You were trying to keep me safe in my Heat. I’m grateful, but as it’s over now, I’m glad you told me. I heard of this Strange before – do not worry for now. He is merely doing his job. I suspect Thor informed him of our location to keep an eye on us. And if you do not want to take his lessons then you don’t have to.’

‘I know,’ I answered, feeling exhausted but still trying to explain everything. ‘I-I just didn’t want to cause a big drama before the Heat.’

Loki chuckled quietly. ‘I think we created drama anyway. I certainly did with my behaviour. But it’s over now. Try to sleep. I’ll keep you warm, just rest, Molly. You need it.’

I tried to do what he said, but as I looked up at him, I felt tears sting my eyes once more. _Why was he being so nice?_ ‘Did I ruin our day?’

‘No, my darling, no,’ Loki answered. ‘Why must you always stubbornly fight sleep, Molly?’ he added with a smile.

I shrugged against him. ‘I’m sorry. I feel restless. It’s silly.’

‘How about I make you something to sleep?’ Loki offered. ‘It an Asgardian drink, like tea. It’s all natural herbs and you’ll sleep peacefully within moments.’

‘You would do that for me?’ I asked, smiling.

Loki looked coyly at me. ‘Of course,’ he answered standing up. ‘Just wait here. Rest if you can. I’ll be back very shortly.’

Loki returned ten minutes later, a little longer than I expected him to take really, but came with a steaming mug of his ‘tea’.

I sat up and sipped at it, loving the taste; sweet yet smooth. ‘What is it?’ I asked.

‘It’s a special kind of herb – I don’t think it grows here on Midgard,’ Loki answered simply. ‘Be sure to drink it all now.’

‘Thank you,’ I answered, drinking the tea in silence.

When I was done, I set the mug aside and Loki turned off the light again. He idly toyed with my hair for a few moments as we lay together in bed. ‘Feeling better now?’ he asked softly after a little while had passed.

‘Yes,’ I mumbled, feeling drowsy. ‘Y-you sure tea ‘s natural?’

Loki laughed softly, cuddling closer to me, now resting his hand on my middle. ‘Very sure. It’s gentle on stomachs too. Even the expectant mothers of Asgard could drink it.’

‘Loki, today was ‘mazing,’ I mumbled feeling slightly woozy now. I could hear him laugh. _Was I slurring my words?_ ‘No really, ‘twas best day of m’life. ‘M sorry got emotional towards the end.’

‘It’s fine darling,’ Loki answered, ‘It’s to be expected. Just sleep. But know I’m sorry too. I’m sorry that I pushed you away earlier, or hurt you, or got too excited.’

That stirred a memory in my sluggish brain. ‘W-why you get excited anyways?’ I slurred sleepily.

Loki sighed but he was smiling down at me warmly. ‘Just sleep, Molly. We’ll talk properly in the morning. You sound like Thor after an ale-drinking contest.’

‘Tell me,’ I said, my own voice sounded drowsy. I forced my eyes opened. ‘Please.’

He sighed even harder. ‘But you’re nearly asleep,’ he said hand warming on my lower belly once again. ‘But you won’t sleep until I tell you, will you?’

‘Mmhmm,’ I said and forced a smile. ‘‘M stubborn as hell.’

‘Alright, close your eyes then I’ll tell you,’ Loki answered. I did as I was told, tempted to just sleep but too stubborn to abandon this issue. I pressed my hands to Loki’s, a gentle reminder to keep rubbing my belly with his warm hand. ‘Molly, Jötunn Heat, as you know is animalistic, and rather crude but mating is essential for our kind to breed,’ I nodded, barely listening now. _Perhaps Loki just got too excited in the same way a man did during sex. No mystery there._ I smiled sleepily. _How silly was I to over-react and worry_. ‘And Molly, the spell I performed before the heat, clouded my mind,’ Loki continued, his hand still firmly pressed against my lower belly. ‘It caused me to get excited too suddenly and whilst in my Jötunn form things escalated too quickly. I couldn’t help myself. I was exhilarated – the animal in me excited beyond words. I had to have you on the spot.’

‘Why excited?’ I muttered, feeling Loki’s thumb flutter idly back and forth across my lower belly, so tenderly, so lovingly.

‘Molly, you’re expecting,’ Loki answered softly. ‘I could taste it in your very blood. And I sense it right now, barely discernible but there. To discover you carry my offspring again in my Jötunn form was too much for me hence the knot.’

‘Hmmm?’ I was very nearly asleep. _Did he just say what I thought he did? No…preposterous_....

‘Molly,’ Loki whispered, hand firmly on my lower belly. ‘You’re pregnant.’ He kissed my lips softly but I was now fully unconscious, turning as usual to curl against him. He pulled the duvet up around my shoulders before placing his hand almost protectively against my lower back now warming me from there whilst essentially holding us comfortably together. ‘Sleep now, darling. Our little ones need it.’

 

 

 

 

 

 


	27. The Willow Tree

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning & spoiler alert: This chapter mentions abortion. Read with caution.

_**Chapter 27 – The Willow Tree** _

 

 

That night I sleep oddly, my dreams flowing from one to the next and I was a mere witness in them rather than an active participant.

_It was not Earth, nor Asgard nor any other place I knew. It was a wasteland of sorts; a dry barren sand surface where a waxen pale moon hung low in the sky. The sky was a mix of violent red inky clouds with a darkest black backdrop. Small hills and large mountains dotted the flat surface of this place, each seemingly made of black rock, smooth and like marble in the moonlight. They ran on continuously and seemed firmly settled into the sandy surface. A man was there, I think it was a man; a great hulking figure who sat upon a golden throne that suspended freely in the air upon the nearest hill. His head was bent, but helmeted with gold and he was studying a golden glove on his fist, seemingly fitted with jewels on the knuckles. Yet some jewels were missing from it. Nevertheless, he stroked the glove adoringly with his other hand, the skin of which was navy and looked almost like stone – just what was this being?_

_Quite suddenly, a groan broke the eerie silence of this place. My eyes flickered to the source of the noise which was at the bottom of the hill. A crumpled figure lay there and groaned again. He was curled up in a fetal position. As I focused more on him, I could see his raven black hair clearly, the black and green fitted outfit he wore was adorned with crisscrossing gold._

_It was Loki! As soon as I noticed this, Loki, turned slowly, pain clearly radiating through his frame and his limbs trembled with each_ _movement. He was, I realised, trying to crawl away from the massive figure on the throne. The man merely laughed as his eyes cast down to where Loki lay pitifully trying to escape._

_‘There is no leaving here,’ the man said, his voice was guttural and terrifying. It was the voice of this wasteland itself; menacing without hope or love or emotion. It was as cold and deep as a cavernous pit. It was the voice of terror itself._

_I expected Loki to cry out. He was clearly in pain, his body spasmed with it as the man spoke as though his words had hurt him physically. Loki suddenly tilted his head up as though shocked with electricity – another spasm of pain no doubt ran through him -  and finally, I could see Loki’s face. I think I cried out his name at what I saw. Oh dear god; Loki’s face! Covered with bruises, left eye swollen shut and the right side of his face was drenched with blood, some of which was still clearly fresh and running over another layer of dried blood underneath. It looked excruciating. His face was scarred recently and swollen, a zig-zig scar that ran from the right side of his face diagonally down to his neck, his chest. Even his outfit seemed to have been obliterated or burned away by this attack. The material of the leather outfit was meshed into the exposed blood skin and it looked horrendously painful. Dear god, it ran right down his body. The scar narrowly missed his right eye. Yet despite the tremendous pain that ran through his body Loki laughed abruptly – the noise oddly echoing throughout this empty wasteland._

_‘Thanos,’ Loki whimpered weakly and yet, very much like my Loki, he was smiling his sneering smile. It looked frightening on his bloody face. ‘I will never tell you. I will never break.’_

_There was silence. Thanos continued to look at his golden glove as though it were a precious newborn baby. Finally, he answered in that terrifying emotionless tone; ‘I believe you, trickster.’_

_Loki started to scream – the noise went right to my heart. I was screaming too, I was sure of it. What was happening? I looked at Loki’s face which was contorted in pain – and what I saw there was torture – pure torture. An invisible needle and thread seemed to be sowing Loki’s lips together, slowly swallowing his cries of agony, his mouth a bloody mesh of stitches. I started screaming again – this was too much, too much…_

‘Molly,’ Loki whispered and I stirred sleepily, feeling myself to be not in that horrid other place but in bed, sensing Loki beside me. ‘Molly, you’re dreaming.’ Loki stroked my hair. My eyes fluttered opened. _Ah, just a dream!_ Loki was here, his face and body showing no signs of pain. It was still dark outside, still night time. I was still very tired and I pressed closer against Loki ‘You’re here,’ I mumbled sleepily, ‘here…’. As I settled back to sleep, Loki’s hand fell to my lower belly and rested there. He mumbled something, but I was already falling back to sleep. Another dream;

_Stark was there with Dr. Strange and they were arguing heatedly in Stark’s Tower. They were seated at the dining room table, directly across from one another. Bucky was there too, silent, impassive, barely looked interested in the argument before him. His arms were folded, lips pulled into a scowl as he leaned against the glass wall behind the table between both men. Smaller skyscrapers with twinkling illuminated lights and a dark night sky were easily discernible outside the windows. Steve Rogers was also there and was pacing back and forth the length of the dining room looking deeply lost in thought._

_‘If we could all arrange a talk or actual meeting,' Stark said briskly, his face contorted into what I immediately recognised as his forced calm manner. His hands were clenched on the table and empty tumbler rested beside them. ‘It would help us understand, build trust between us – you have after all, arrived out of the blue.’_

_Dr. Strange seemed unruffled. He sat in a relaxed position; back against the leather chair, his legs spread  comfortably beneath the glass table, one hand of his was palm down on the table, and his eyes darted with occasional flickers of interest around the dining-room. Strange's body-language stressed how at ease he was with this situation. Whereas Stark, Rogers and Bucky looked on edge, like they were visitors in the Tower rather than the other way around ‘That’s impossible. We don’t have the time to try it. Your Avengers are disorganized and distracted – your focus should be on fixing that. Where is Barton lo - ?’_

_‘Retired,’ Stark interrupted unblinkingly, looking slightly surprised. ‘At least for now.’_

_‘And Romanoff, Rhodey, and your Falcon?’ Strange queried, staring down at Stark with a polite inquisitive expression on his face. ‘Where are all of your Avengers?’_

_‘On need to know missions,’ Stark answered quickly, fists clenching._

_‘Ah?’ Strange said, smiling lightly. ‘But I do know. They are all on alleged missions that even you, Roger or Fury – whoever it is that leads this merry band of misfit heroes – do not know. Your people could potentially be doing anything, anywhere at this very moment. You simply do not know. And all the while your circle of heroes grows ever larger; The Black Panther, the Scarlet Witch, the Ant-Man, the young Spider-Man, Vision: all extremely talented, supernatural and powerful beings who run amok across the globe. And you know how the young ones cannot control their gifts at first – even if they try to do good. And soon others will join you, other humans, other beings and you need to be organised for danger is coming. Sooner than you think. You need to be disciplined and focused - ’_

_‘How do you know this?’ Rogers said suddenly, stopping his pacing to study Strange closely._

_‘I see it in the stars – so to speak,’ Strange answered with a joking smile turning to stare at Steve, ‘And I can help you in many ways. I can join forces with you. My gifts are indispensable. Your so-called army lacks discipline. You don’t even know where half of them are at this current moment.’_

_‘What makes you so certain of that?’ demanded Stark, he seemed weary and agitated. I wondered if he had a drink or two because he had no sparkle in his chocolate eyes, only tiredness and annoyance._

_‘You know your fellow Avengers are scattered. Some have vanished without a trace,’ Strange said, casting his eyes between Stark and Rogers who exchanged an uneasy glance. Strange was now tapping his fingers on the glass rhythmically. ‘Where’s Banner? ‘Or Thor? Thor who, despite what you might want to believe, harbours close connections to dangerous - ’_

_‘Even if you were right. What makes you think we need your kind of help?’ Rogers asked, now facing down to Strange as he abruptly stopped pacing and looked at him with all the demeanour of a soldier._

_‘Caps right,’ Stark agreed, nodding his head profusely. ‘It’s more than missions or protocol here. It’s sort of a family. And you ain’t part of that doc.’_

_‘Your talk of family is exactly what concerns me – this isn’t a family business,’ Strange answered now looking completely serious. ‘Your duty is to care for the world, not for three people.’_

_‘Who made you the leader?’ Stark snapped, standing up suddenly, his chair falling backwards in his haste._

_Strange shrugged. ‘I do not lead. I advise,’ he answered coolly. However his red cloak billowed around him as he sat as though the garment alone registered Stark’s sudden temper and possible threat. ‘I am the only one to really offer her any help now. You no longer can assist her. She’s done the right thing by leaving. You’ve done - ’_

_‘Leaving?’ said a small voice in disbelief. It was Bucky who said this. Obviously, he had been listening after all. ‘What do you mean? She left the lake house – for good?’_

_Strange nodded, a sudden twisted smile on his lips. ‘She’s gone with Loki – they’re even legally married now.’_

_‘No, Molly wouldn’t leave like that,’ Stark said simply, shaking his head in disbelief. ‘Let alone get married without telling me. Go back to your Sanctum Sanctorum or whatever, doc. Your information about this is all wrong.’_

_‘Look for her, Stark,’ Strange answered. ‘You will find no trace. You’ve done all you can to help her. She’s made her choice. She’s no longer an Avengers concern. She falls under my jurisdiction – I will help her, and you, if you let me. But you and your Avengers would do best by severing ties. The world needs the Avengers united right now.’_

***

By the time I was awake the following morning, I only had sketchy memories of my dreams and they were rapidly fading from my mind. As I stretched out in bed, I tried to hold onto the dreams; _Loki was there, of course. And he was hurting. My poor Loki. And Dr. Strange, Stark, Rogers and Bucky had been there too – they were all in Stark Towers? No, that wasn’t right …  something about a warning or an offer …_

I eventually conceded that sleep had fully slipped away from me along with any sketchy remnants of my dreams. I opened my eyes and automatically looked for Loki in bed beside me. He wasn’t there. I wondered idly if he decided to bolt out of the house and escape into the Scottish wilderness this morning rather than face my reaction after last night’s turn of events. _Ah,_ I thought with a surprisingly unexpected smile, _so this is married bliss? Not so different from our unmarried selves._ A weak light peered almost hesitantly through the curtains, illuminating the bedroom. I opened the curtains and allowed the pale morning light to wash over me and wake me up. The view of the forest and not-too distant lake was breath-taking. And to think; this was now _our_ home. I would wake to this stunning view every day now. Perhaps I could read out on the balcony as the twins rested inside. And as they got older, perhaps I would get more peace as they got more independence. But no - last night’s biggest revelation suddenly obliterated any other thought from my mind. If Loki were correct, I would not have much peace for some time.

 _Pregnant_. Loki’s words hit me like a sharp icy wind. _I’m pregnant again_.

Truth be told, I didn’t feel wrath for Loki, not yet anyway. Oddly, I felt nothing. It was as though my mind refused to acknowledge it as fact. And why should it? There was no actual, physical proof. I stripped the sheets of our ‘marital bed’ with a certain level of embarrassment as I once again noticed the little spot of blood. I realised there was another much fainter spot of blood too, higher up on the sheet, evidently where I slept. Damn, Loki would freak out if he saw this. Sighing I gathered the silk duvet, sheets and pillow cases and put them to one side. I went to the cupboard on the landing and to my relief, found fresh linen and set about putting fresh sheets on the bed. This had been another odd request to the previous owner of the house; we asked for fresh linens, stocked cupboards and fridges of food and a handful of other necessities. He agreed – well, a hefty sum of money convinced him to that. I managed to sneak downstairs and slipped into the utility room, to put the old sheets in the wash. As quiet as I was trying to be, I soon realised Loki wasn’t here. I just knew it as the house was far too quiet. Perhaps he went for a walk to clear his mind. I decided to make the most of this alone time to slip into the shower in our ensuite bathroom.  I took off Loki’s t-shirt I wore as a nightdress and studied my naked body in the full-length mirror. I was no longer slim, or even curvy – there was just no escaping that – though I once had been athletic; when working full-time I had ran, swan and cycled during the evenings and weekends. But that seemed like a different life – before the twins, before Loki. It had been a long time since I saw that body in the mirror. It had been a long time since I had that free time to exercise and actually _enjoy_ exercising. Now I saw myself; tangled red hair, pale skin, scars here and there, large breasts but heavy, a curved belly – _surely not the pregnancy showing already? Of course, not, no. I probably wasn’t even pregnant after all._ I had this squishy middle for months now and despite the exercise I did manage at Start’s Towers or the strict diets I imposed, I had a mom’s body. A C-section scar. I turned to the side, fingertips lightly brushing off my lower stomach. _Was I really pregnant?_ I felt no different. I stepped into the shower, trying, as much as anything, to clear my mind. _It was surely a misunderstanding, a mistake._

By the time, I stepped downstairs I knew Loki had returned. He was mumbling quietly in the kitchen. He did this from time to time – usually when stressed he would mumble song lyrics from Asgardian ballads. And I could already smell breakfast. Loki seemed to have went all-out; scrambled eggs, bacon, sausages, fried tomatoes, beans and a stack of toast were being set on the table.

‘Good morning,’ I said quietly as I took a seat at the table.

Loki turned quickly, his face a mixture of apprehension yet eager; like a puppy unsure of what to expect from its owner. ‘G-good morning, darling,’ he said and began making a rather large plate of food. ‘It is a good – isn’t it?’ he rambled on, avoiding eye contact. ‘As far as Scotland goes. The sun is shining. I was out for a little walk already. It seems the heavens smiled upon our Wedding with the weather they now give us. I was thinking perhaps we could go for a walk later – if you like. See the surrounding area. Explore.’

I side-eyed him in _"I-know-what-you’re-trying-to-do"_ kind of stare as he rambled on, trying to distract me. ‘Ok,’ I said simply and thanked him as he passed me the plate full of food – far bigger than any portion I usually consumed – before fixing a plate of breakfast for himself and sat directly across from me at the table.

I started to eat in silence, occasional glances from Loki’s emerald puppy eyes watched me with fascination. ‘Is it alright?’ he asked, in an uncertain tone. ‘When you were pregnant with the boys – certain smells or food, especially egg, really upset your stomach. Do you remember that morning, darling, when I fixed you egg for breakfast and I held your hair back as you - ’

I took a particularly large spoon of egg and ate it. ‘Fine, see?’ I replied quickly, rudely cutting across the memory, refusing to let it sink in ‘No morning sickness or nausea. I’m not sensitive to sense or smell.’

Loki nodded, consuming more of his breakfast. Three gown adult men could not eat what Loki ate in one sitting. ‘That’s good, but every pregnancy is different. And it is _very_ early into the pregnancy. Perhaps in another few weeks you may notice - ’

I sat down my knife with a clatter against the oak table. ‘Loki, I’m not pregnant.’

Loki’s brow knotted. ‘Molly, I know it’s unexpected but - ’

‘It unexpected because its untrue,’ I answered simply, aggressively cutting my sausage with my fork before eating it. ' _You_ made a mistake.’

‘Molly,’ Loki said quietly setting down his utensils on his nearly empty plate. He ate like a greedy toddler. ‘I understand you have had a very hard time lately and this has come as a shock. I understand the timing could be a lot better – for both of us. But, believe me, I _know_ what I tasted, I knew. From there I placed my hand over your lower belly, close to your womb and I felt the presence - ’ 

‘Your basing your theory on magic,’ I said, passing him more toast from the side plate. I knew he wouldn’t leave a crumb of food wasted from breakfast.

‘Magic's just science that mortals don't understand yet,’ Loki said eating his toast warily as he watched me finish off my breakfast.

I groaned, finishing the last bite before answering. ‘Loki, don’t partially quote a science fiction writer to me,’ Loki smiled shyly as though I caught him with his hand in the cookie jar. ‘Yes of course I know you’re quoting him. It’s my god-damn book you read it from.’ I stood up quickly and Loki’s eyes widened.

‘I’m not running away,’ I answered meeting his stare. ‘Finish your breakfast, I’ll clean up and then get dressed. I want to go on that walk with you. ‘

***

We walked through woodland, a faint nature trail led the way but we walked slowly, holding hands. I was regretting eating such a large breakfast when Loki suddenly spoke.

‘It’s beautiful here,’ he said simply, eyes darting around the trees and into the sky. ‘Quiet. So, removed from all that noise of Stark’s Tower. I like the silence, the nature. And being alone with you. I cannot wait for the boys to arrive too in a few days.’

We had walked for forty minutes or so, sometimes following the trail, sometimes just wandering through unknown areas before turning back. Loki forced conversation every so often but I couldn’t quite summon the energy to answer him merely nodding here and there. I also ignored that I was quite cold and that I had a sore throat. I ignored my aching limbs and slightly sore womanhood from our rough coupling last night. I just loved walking with Loki, holding his hand, feeling a little squeeze every so often. We didn’t have to hide here, or rush our walk. We could be ourselves – a young (ish) couple enjoying a stroll. I wanted to cling to this simple yet beautiful moment for as long as possible. After a while we reached a cross roads and decided to go left which brought us to a more open area. A lake was there, vast but still navy waters ahead of us. The dusty leaf-strewn trail we followed gave way to a sandy shore line of the lake. I walked through it and sat on a large overturned tree log facing the lake. Loki sat beside me.

‘It’s beautiful,’ I muttered, looking out at the lake. In the middle of the lake was a tiny green island with a single willow tree in its centre whose branches lazily drifted in the light wind. ‘In Ireland, we have a saying; you never disturb a willow tree.’

Loki who was looking at the tree, looked at me suddenly. He seemed surprised to hear me talk at all. ‘Why?’ he asked a little flicker of curiosity in his eyes.

I smiled warmly; ‘Don’t you know? Perhaps it doesn’t exist on Asgard – but the Willow Tree was once sacred, I think, with Celtic Druids. Stuff of childhood legends,’ I said, speaking quickly eyes glued to the distant tree. My throat was sorer now than before, but I continued as I could tell Loki was happy to hear me talk again. ‘Some say it’s associated with fairies and to cross their path is never good. Perhaps that’s a fairy fort,’ I lamented eyeing the little island curiously. ‘Most people are still scared to enter fairy forts. Fairies could be your best friend or your worse enemy and had the potential to lure anyone away. Many people believe to cut down a Willow Tree down will bring about bad spells or luck.’

‘Best stay here then,’ Loki said with a sideways smile. ‘Besides, I thought you didn’t believe in magic.’

I tore my gaze away from the Willow Tree to look at him. ‘That’s just an old legend - a story I may share with the boys someday. But I do believe in science,’ I said with a little smile.

Loki actually snickered. ‘I do love you, but why are you so stubborn? Old legends have grains of truth quite often – even you have heard of my adventures and Thor's in the greatly exaggerated Nordic myths. And as for science. I too believe in science. My magic is a type of science. And science – medical science, tells me you picked up a cold from going out in the freezing weather last night in the middle of our heat. You’re cold right now and your throat is sore, yes?’

I laughed, and Loki pushed slightly closer to me, perhaps realising I wasn’t about to release hell’s fury on him right now. ‘I think your right about the cold,’ I agreed smiling up at him, cosying against him. ‘I feel like crap. My throat is so sore. But Loki,’ I paused, my hands interlocking in my lap. ‘I’m not pregnant.’

He sighed, almost wearily. ‘Molly, I know you are scared but - ’

‘I’m not scared,’ I answered defiantly. ‘You just got it wrong. You sensed something else. It’s probably my period your Jötunn self-sensed - ’

‘No Molly, it’s not,’ Loki answered quickly he reached for my hands, and clasping them tightly in his own, ‘I told you, that’s not how it works, I sensed my offspring there -’

‘But how?’ I answered, looking up at him utterly perplexed. ‘We used precautions – you said so. We agreed we would wait.’

‘I did, darling,’ Loki said, sitting closer to me, holding my hand tightly now. ‘Always, I did. But nothing is ever guaranteed. Just as in science, in magic, no birth control method is completely guaranteed.’

‘I’m bleeding,’ I bluntly said, not caring to be embarrassed. ‘Just a little but it’s there.’

‘It’s from my knot,’ Loki answered quietly. ‘You know that. You’re still even sore. When was your last period?'

I felt my face grow a rosy hue. 'Loki,' I mumbled. 'There are certain things - '

'No, we're married now,' Loki answered without the slightest embarrassment. 'Just tell me your last bleeding.'

I paused, trying to remember. 'At Stark's lake-house - our first night there.'

Loki nodded. 'I thought as much. And that was six maybe seven weeks ago. So, you're late. The blood is from my knot - that is all. I can tell. But rest assured, the pregnancy won’t be harmed due to it – not with my blood in you.’

‘Loki, this can’t be happening,’ I answered quietly watching the gentle lake. His words confirmed my fears. _How could I be late and not no it? I didn't feel time passing to be honest._  ‘I’m not ready.’

‘Nor am I,’ Loki confessed. ‘But it’s early days - _very_ early. We have near eleven months to prepare. Váli and Narfi will be that much older by then.’

‘Eleven months?’ I gasped. _Pregnant for eleven months_?

‘Yes Molly,’ Loki said softly. ‘You carried the boys for nearly a full year. This will be the same. It’s the result of Jötunn, Asgardian and mortal coupling. And you are roughly speaking just a few weeks – so eleven months perhaps left.’

‘I don’t - ’

‘Molly, it’s too late,’ Loki answered quietly. ‘You _are_ pregnant. And it’s scary but it was going to happen anyway, right?’

‘Three or four years down the line!’ I exclaimed in the open air, feeling a sudden rush of warmth in my cheeks that was undoubtedly a reflection of my anger and confusion. My throat burned even more.

‘But it’s happening, now,’ Loki answered calmly. ‘I will be there every step of the way. I know with the boys it was so hard; S.H.I.E.L.D. taking you, moving homes, escaping, being ripped from Midgard and the way – the way I treated you. I abandoned you three – but not this time. I will be here by your side up to and including labour and thereafter. You are my family.’

I stood up quickly, but Loki followed me as I walked away. Quickly he was behind me, one hand on my lower middle, fingers firm there but not forceful. I stopped walking at once. ‘You can flee,’ Loki answered a mere rumble in my ear, ‘But this will not go away because you refuse to face up to it. What will it take to make you see that you are, in fact, pregnant?’

I paused, and breathed in momentarily the fresh air. It was good – the air was clean, pure and exhilarating. ‘A pregnancy test,’ I answered finally. ‘Because Loki even late periods aren't uncommon. But If I had an actual test purchased in a pharmacy then I could see clearly, for myself. The good early detection kind of test though.’

‘I will get you one this afternoon, then,’ Loki answered, and his lips ran over my neck. ‘And maybe you can feel how I do. This is what we wanted Molly, didn’t we? A family, a home – all to ourselves.’

I felt bereft. ‘Loki,’ I shrugged away from him and started walking briskly back up into the woodland. ‘I wanted us- you, me, the boys and down the track, more. But not like this.’

‘Molly!’ Loki called quickly. ‘You said you would not flee this!’

‘I’m not fleeing!’ I answered quickly. ‘I need to think and I can’t here; my throat is sore and I’m cold. Please, let’s go home. We’ll have lunch and talk some more.’

***

Once we arrived home I changed clothes as did Loki. Then we immediately set about making lunch. I ate two sandwiches and had a rather large portion of soup.

Loki was biting his lip as I ate but said not one word. Once finished he finally spoke; ‘Your appetite has apparently increased lately, have you noticed? And you’re a little emotional – teary-eyed, even.’

‘Being married to you has the effect,’ I said, smiling reluctantly at him. I crossed my arms.

‘I imagine,’ he answered, chuckling softly to himself. ‘Anyway, I thought I would give you the afternoon to yourself – to think things over.’

‘Like what?’ I snapped admittedly in a little childish manner as I began to clean up our plates.

‘Like the fact that you carry my children and won’t admit it!’ Loki snapped back suddenly.

I was at the sink and dumped the plates in without even thinking. ‘I’m sorry?’ I asked, but sounded anything but. ‘Did you say _children_?’

Loki looked aghast now but collected himself quickly. ‘Yes – I told you, remember? Have you forgotten everything I told you when you found out you were pregnant with the boys? I explained to you that I, being half-Jötunn, have some of their components.’

‘Oh, I’m sorry,’ I snapped scrubbing the bowls and plates at the sink and stacking them with force on the draining board. ‘But you know – I’ve been slightly distracted. You now, Avengers, threats of other worldly beings. Most recently a freaking wizard guy shows up to my wedding day with an offer to teach me magic. Sorry if I don’t remember every damn weird conversation I have. But don’t take that mansplaining attitude with me. Now, again. What do you mean?’

‘Molly,’ Loki whispered, I turned around to face him, gripping the back of the sink as though bracing myself. ‘Jötunn conceptions are rare. When we breed we want to optimise our conception success. Usually Jötunn birth litters – it stands a greater chance of one surviving until adulthood.’

‘Litters?’ I hissed, horrified, but now remembering. ‘You mean, if pregnant then I’m carrying a litter?’

Loki looked horribly afraid by my reaction. ‘Yes, maybe – I- I don’t know. In all likelihood, you will. Just like Jötunns, your first litter was twins, relatively small – litters typically increase from then on.’

‘And just how many babies are in the average Jötunn litter?’ I demanded, my voice hoarse sounded scarier than usual.

Loki did not answer.

‘HOW MANY?’ I roared, feeling my throat throb with pain.

‘Five,’ Loki whimpered.

I gripped the back of the sink tighter- it was all that held me up. _Five babies? Twins had been so hard, so difficult, but five babies growing in my body was ludicrous._

‘I’ll be there – every step of the way,’ Loki suddenly said, though he seemed afraid to touch me. ‘Every step. And I’ll care for the boys all the while. You needn’t lift a finger if you don’t want to. I will care for you. Right until you are ready to give birth. And it will be wonderful.  Just get used of the idea. I admit I cannot wait to see you heavily pregnant with my children - ’

‘My body is not for you to lust over! And life isn’t a fucking fairy-tale!’ I suddenly spat and turned away from him. I took a deep breath, trying to collect myself and my tears. ‘Besides, you’re getting carried away. You need to go to the nearest town - go alone. It will be faster.  Buy the pregnancy test, and something for my throat and do some shopping -’

‘Molly, making a shopping list isn’t going - ’

‘Yes, Loki,’ I cut across him, already knowing what he was going to say, turning swiftly to face him once again. I felt livid with his ‘everything-will-be fine’ attitude to this. ‘Making a shopping list will help. It’s what adults do. It’s what _parents_ do. But you wouldn’t know that, would you? You only saw the good times,’ I stepped closer to him, jabbing a finger into his chest. He stood there as though frozen, his eyes cast over in pain ‘You think pregnancy is about glowing, creating life and amazing sex? That’s only the good times – you weren’t there when two infants were torn from my body and I lost so much blood Dr. Banner thought I would die. You weren’t there when Narfi and Váli got there first fevers and I was terrified of what to do. You didn’t do night feeds every two hours or diaper changes or take them for a drive at one a.m to get them to sleep when they started teething! You didn't do five a.m. wake-up calls after a broken nights sleeps to screaming hungry infants who drank more milk than I could physically produce.’

‘I know, darling but this time - ’

Loki looked on the verge of tears but I realised I didn’t care. ‘You what, Loki? You cannot turn back time. You weren’t there for the hardest times – you don’t know. And now I am to be expected to do it all again with even more infants to care for. All the while you remain a wanted criminal as do the boys and I for sharing your blood. Trouble follows us – it follows Narfi and Váli. And you expect me to just accept that I must carry more of your litters without questions or concern. So yes, I expect some goddamn proof so buy the fucking test. I need you to buy groceries for our sons who arrive in a few days. You will make a list and buy bread, milk, pasta, meat, formula for the boys. As much as you can - ’ I gave way to a coughing fit. My throat burned with my outburst. It suddenly hit me why I was so damn scared to admit that Loki may be right – but now it was out there. Now, perhaps Loki knew just how complicated having children was.

‘Molly,’ Loki braced gently, putting his hand on my shoulder. He quickly wiped his eyes.  ‘I-I’ll do this shopping list. I’ll get you the pregnancy test and something to ease your throat. I’ll do whatever it takes. You’re scared. We will get through this,’ he said with a warm smile.

I wanted to scream at him. ‘No Loki,’ I answered, ‘No. I must carry them for a damn near year and give birth – not you. You’re acting like a martyr because you must make goddamn grocery list.’

 ‘What do you mean?’ Loki asked, his brows knotted. ‘I can buy food. I can get by in the mortal world.’

‘Please, just go,’ I answered weakly. I desperately wanted to sleep. ‘Go buy what we need and think about what I said. I love Váli and Narfi to death, I do. But having them was hard – emotionally, physically, mentally. It’s been the hardest thing I ever had to do. Just think what having more will mean for me, and for Narfi and Váli who are only about to have a stable home and parents.’

‘Molly, I - ’

‘No, Loki,’ I repeated and turned away from him again as tears over came me. ‘If I’m pregnant then I think we should consider an abortion.’

 

 

 

 


	28. Set The Lion Free

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is dedicated to a past friend. This is my final goodbye. Thank you for always giving me courage. 
> 
>  
> 
> (‘P.S’ at 'End Notes' for more Info)

 

**_Chapter 28 – Set The Lion Free_ **

“Courage, dear heart” – Aslan, in C.S. Lewis' _The Voyage of the Dawn Treader_

****

 

‘Abortion?’ Loki asked. I was surprised by how calm he was, how serene his tone remained. I faced him noticing how pale he looked. I could feel my heart race all too rapidly and my chest tighten. I hated to see him like this.

‘It’s not something I mention to scare you Loki, honestly. Honestly, it scares myself that I’m considering it,’ I confessed, sniffling quietly. My outburst had me trembling and crying. It was even harder to breathe steadily with my chest feeling like a tight knot. I could feel a panic attack coming on and was trying to breathe deeply to get passed it.

Loki noticed, his eyes full of concern. ‘Just sit down, Molly,’ he said softly. ‘We’ll take this slowly, alright? Breathe. Deep breathes – it’s ok, darling.’

I nodded and immediately went to the kitchen table, trying to stay calm feeling ashamed that I was losing it. Loki soon sat beside me, passing me a glass of water. I drank it and tried to gather my thoughts as he spoke.

‘You have nothing to be ashamed of.  You have neither said nor done anything wrong. I’ve thrown life-changing information at you,’ he said, eyes probing my face. ‘You needed to let all of that out. I needed to hear the reality of what life was like for you in my absence.’

I drained the glass of water with a shaky hand. Loki then held my hand. ‘If I am truly pregnant,’ I said quietly. ‘I’m not sure I can physically cope, Loki. I think the pressure would be too much. Abortion is a liable option I want us to consider.’

‘I – I always wanted a large family,’ Loki said simply. Again, he was quiet, serene, in a way. I found it strangely upsetting to hear these words slipping from his mouth. Yet, I was glad he was calm in expressing himself. It was helping me calm down too. We were talking, not arguing, we were calm not forcing pressure on the other. I was slowly starting to breathe normally again as he continued; ‘I never expected for you to termin - ’

‘Loki – I – it’s so much to think about,’ I gripped his hands tightly in my own. ‘We will have other children – in time,’ I confessed, my voice was croaky from my sore throat. I looked at our interlocking hands and found the knot tightening in my chest again. ‘We will,’ I forced myself to keep speaking. ‘Some day in the future. But now – right now - it’s too hard to even wrap my mind around.’

Loki did not respond but he was looking at me in an expressionless way. It hurt me to see him look at me like that. I did not know what he thought as he stared at me.

He let go of my hands and for a brief second, I panicked thinking he meant to leave, but he merely pressed a light kiss on my cheek. ‘I don’t hate you,’ he whispered by my ear as though reading my thoughts. ‘You’re being honest about your feelings. I know how hard that can be hard for you.’

I got up from my chair and Loki pulled his own back from the table. Next moment, I was sitting in Loki’s lap. ‘It’s too much,’ I whispered, and he started rubbing my lower back slowly. ‘I’m scared.’

‘I know, my darling girl,’ he answered, hushing me slowly, holding me tight. ‘But, we’re in this together. Admittedly, this news came quicker than even _I_ expected, but then again, we tend to live life in the fast lane, don’t we?’

I forced a smile and Loki kissed the top of my head. ‘Molly, I am so sorry. My ego took over – I adored the sight of you pregnant,’ he continued, still holding me to him, one hand now stroking my hair. ‘My alpha side took over. I didn’t think of the harder parts.’

‘So, now that you know how hard this could be, would you support me if I wanted an abortion?’ I asked, peaking up at him. ‘Be as honest with me as I am with you.’

Loki paused, he looked pensive but not angry. ‘I admit, it never entered my mind, Molly – not even for a second.’

I was leaning heavily against him. ‘So, _if_ I am pregnant and I decided I just couldn’t go ahead with it and wanted an abortion?’

‘It would be hard for me. I come from a world were pregnancies are rare. Whilst abortions are heard of they are in themselves even rarer and left to the couple or woman to decide upon. But they or she, always get support with whatever decision they make. So,’ he pressed his lips to my forehead. ‘You have my full support, darling, with whatever you decide.’

‘Loki, whatever the outcome I want us to make the decision together,’ I said softly. ‘But you must know the truth of what this will mean for us. You’ve seen me since your return. I was on the verge of a breakdown. I’m only admitting just how bad I was now. I’ve only started to seek help. To carry children like this might not be the right thing for us now – for them or for me. What if I hurt them in some way – if I get another panic attack, a really bad one? Or if the birth is as traumatic as the twins one was. What if my anxiety gets worse? There’s so much that can go wrong. What if I don’t cope well once they’re born? If I get post-partum depression again? And it wouldn’t just affect them, Váli and Narfi will suffer too.’

Loki did not speak for severely seconds but continued holding me tight to him. ‘I- I didn’t consider the hard parts of what another pregnancy would mean,’ He held me tighter. ‘I didn’t think what is best for your physical, mental and emotional health. But Molly, hearing what you’ve explained, I’m beginning to see your point of view. And I will not _force_ you to bear my children,’ Loki murmured by my ear. ‘Please know that. I’m not such a monster.’

‘Of course,’ I croaked back. ‘Loki, I know that. But you do want this – don’t you? You want me to carry your children?’

Loki looked down at me thoughtfully. ‘I want what is safest for you.’

I sighed, my hand cupped his cheek. ‘But you want a large family – even if I’m pregnant now, and not in a few years as we originally planned?’

‘What I want is greedy and impulsive,’ Loki answered. ‘Or it was at first, but now I see why you are scared. I truly do and I understand your fears.’

‘Why is what you want greedy?’

He sighed in a slightly uncomfortable manner. ‘Molly, I love Váli and Narfi with all my heart - ’

‘So do - ’ I interrupted, almost angrily.

‘I know, I know,’ Loki answered rubbing my back again. ‘But to see them – they’re so pure and good. And I am so proud that I get to call them mine. My whole life I was the runt, the hybrid, the monster,’ he paused suddenly and took a deep breath. I wondered if he were crying softly, his face was now buried in my hair, his words mumbled, ‘But our children – well, _I_ can’t even loathe myself or who I am; Asgardian and Jötunn, when I look into their eyes because they are so alike me – made from me but good, innocent and pure. It brings me such bliss and pride, that I Loki, brought goodness into the world - through you, Molly. The thought of having more is like a miracle for me. I feel blessed to have created such miracles.’

My heart was near breaking point and I was flooded with guilt. _I had no idea he felt that way._ I held him tightly. ‘Loki, I never thought of you like that – a runt or monster. I love you for who you are.’

‘I know, darling,’ he answered quietly, resting his cheek against my head now. ‘But this is different … I can barely describe it. They make me feel like - like a hero,’ he laughed quietly. ‘Me, Loki, a hero! They make me feel like a better being, a good being … it’s - ’

‘It’s being a parent,’ I answered simply.

‘Yes exactly!’ Loki cried out. ‘I love you Molly, I truly do with all my heart. But this is – it’s … ’

‘A different kind of love?’ I pressed.

‘Yes – a spark of purity, I never knew I was capable of.’

‘I feel like that too,’ I confessed. ‘I love you too, but Loki when I look at them I am astounded that they came from me. I adore them. I understand. It’s parental love.’

‘Molly, do you hate me for being honest?’

‘No,’ I answered and looked up. His eyes were red but showed no tears. ‘I’m glad you told me. You’ll always have that bond with them. You’ve only just begun to share it, really.’

‘I know,’ Loki smiled down at me a little shyly. ‘I know – I’m blessed already.  And if you – if _we_ \- decide it’s not the right time then so be it. But I need you to promise me one thing.’

I nodded and looked up into his emerald eyes. ‘What is it?

Loki looked down at me with kind eyes. ‘Don’t rush into making a decision, promise me that.’

‘I won’t, Loki,’ I answered quickly. ‘I’ll consider your words, and you consider mine. We’ll make this decision together.’

I pressed my lips to his, we kissed softly and slowly for several seconds and then stayed embraced for some time.

‘Now what?’ I asked, stifling a yawn.

Loki smiled softly. ‘Now you relax. I go shopping; lots to buy – a whole shopping list apparently,’ Loki said with a side grin. ‘Just rest when I’m gone. We have plenty of time to make a decision, Molly.’

 

***

When Loki left, I felt a little unsure of what to do. I explored the house again, finally deciding to prepare Váli and Narfi’s bedroom which would be next door to ours. My mind raced ahead with frantic, mixed thoughts as I rearranged furniture in the room, making space for their cribs and toy chest; I was terrified to be pregnant but had expressed all my fears to Loki and he had seemed to really absorb them. I wondered if he would dwell on them when he was out. As for his words; they were as much to carry as the potential babies in my womb right now;

‘ _But our children – well, I can’t even loathe myself or who I am; Asgardian and Jötunn, when I look into their eyes because they are so alike me – made from me and good, innocent and pure. It brings me such bliss and pride, that I Loki, brought goodness into the world - through you, Molly. The thought of having more is like a miracle for me. I feel blessed to have created such miracles._

Could I do that to Loki? Could I deprive him of what clearly was making him a better man? To carry them just for Loki would be wrong - it would be equally selfish, wouldn’t it? It would inevitably lead to resentment – from me. I had to want these babies too or it simply wouldn’t be right. For that, I needed proof. I needed Loki to address my concerns and fears now that he had heard them. And _if_ I were pregnant things would have to be different this time…

I realised I needed to talk this through with someone. I was used of living in chaos in Stark Towers but here it was just me, now with Loki gone out. I could phone Darcy, but she was trying to start a new life of her own. Besides, she assumed I was deep in the passionate throes of my heat with Loki. When we last spoke, she was trying to build a new career after being in close proximity to me cost her her last job. The less she knew the better.  I wouldn’t reign her back in again to my chaotic life. Thor – well, frankly I certainly wouldn’t call Thor because he was not only babysitting the boys, but he would be beyond ecstatic if he even thought that I was pregnant. That’s a fertility god for you – if I told him what I was thinking of doing he would think it the same as me suddenly confessing a desire to grind puppies. No, Thor was out of the question. The other Avengers I could tell but we weren’t _that_ kind of close.

There was only one person I could ever tell anything to; about family, work, relationships, sex – hell it didn’t matter. That was Stark. I really wanted to tell Stark. Loki had Thor (though he dare not admit it) and Stark had me and vice versa. Stark was my confidant since I met him. I could tell him stuff that I could not share with anyone else. I don’t know why but we simply fell in sync from the moment we met. However, after accidentally overhearing everything about his past, Stark had been harder and harder to find. I still remembered Steve’s words from that night; _“I think you’re focusing so hard on this because your marriage failed and you lost your kid_. _Saving Molly and the boys won’t save Pepper or bring back Lola_.”

Pepper was Stark’s ex – he mentioned her often. I had a feeling he still carried a flame for her. But Lola had never been mentioned to me. I’m guessing that Lola was Stark’s daughter. I had a feeling Stark knew I was there that night as he stormed out of the house, but he did not stop to say anything. Why would he? The man had a private life I knew nothing of.  

I left a few voicemails in the days after that to check-in on him and see if he was ok. I didn’t know what to say or do. I didn’t know the parameters of our friendship. But I do know Stark must have had a damn good reason for not telling me about his personal life. However, I did want to know that he was ok. I wanted my friend back too. I wondered if he missed me. It didn’t seem like it – he hadn’t responded to any of my messages. But Stark was Stark – he would get in touch when he was ready. But right now, I needed my best friend. Hadn’t he vowed he would always be there, that I could tell him anything and that; _no matter what, I’ll fight your corner._

So, I decided to call him. I went back to my own bedroom and gathering myself up in the duvet in bed, I listened to the phone ring for some time before he answered. ‘What do you want?’ the voice said angrily at the other end.

‘Missed you too, Stark,’ I said, smiling a little.

‘Seriously, Red,’ Stark said – his voice was flat. ‘What do you want – kind of busy here.’

My heart fell. This wasn’t the reception I expected. ‘I-I just wanted to know if you’re ok. You haven’t been answering my calls or texts and - ’

‘You’d think you get the damn hint then,’ Stark spat at the other end of the phone.

I fell silent. ‘Stark, what’s wrong?’ I realised my voice was shaking. _Stark words were sharp as ice and so out of the blue of his usual warm nature. Yes, I had seen him say and do cruel things before but it was usually justifiable. What had I done?_

‘Red, I’m not in the mood,’ Stark said, he sighed heavily as though exasperated. ‘Go talk to lover boy. He’s your husband now, right?’

‘How do you - ?’

‘That’s if he hasn’t left you – yet,’ Stark interrupted callously. ‘That why you calling me, Red? Want me to fix another one of your damn problems?’

‘Stark, no I  - ’

‘It’ll turn to ice anyway,’ Stark laughed but it sounded flat. ‘Wonder if you leave him or the other way around. Isn’t that what happened with Paul - your first fiancé? Everything seems to happen to you, doesn’t it, Red? Even your own parents washed their hands.’

I could barely breathe. I was hurt and confused that Stark spat my most intimate secrets that I confided in him over the phone like it were idle gossip. It was several seconds before I spoke. ‘Is it about your family; about Pepper, or Lola? You can talk to me Stark. I always told you that you could talk to me about anything.’

‘Damn, Red, you think ‘cuz I tell you about Pepper or you overhear about Lola and you suddenly know me?’ Stark laughed dryly. ‘You don’t know me.’

‘Stark – what the fuck is going on with you?’ I suddenly snapped back. ‘I’m trying to understand why you suddenly go from my brother slash best friend to my worst enemy. Tell me what the hell is going on with you!’

Me? – I’m fine, Red,’ Stark said.

‘Then why are you doing this?’

‘First, you rang me, Red. So don’t go all bitter on me because I’m in no mood to chit-chat. And second, were we even really friends?’ Stark said, his voice as hoarse as mine. ‘Really? Or was it more than that. You know you flirted with me more than once. You leaned on me so much. Is that why you’re obsessed with me - ’

‘Stark, stop. Just stop, what’s wrong tell me, please?’

‘Nothing’s wrong. ‘Cept some crazed loon keeps clogging up my voicemail with desperate texts and voicemails. Don’t you get it? I don’t want to talk to you anymore. Stop bothering me.’

‘Stark, what’s wrong?’ I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. It was like a punch in the gut. ‘We can fix it. We’re friends – best friends. You said I can count on you day or night. Stark I - ’

He hung up. The phone line went dead.

I sat on the bed trying to collect myself. _Is it possible to lose a close friend in one phone call? What had I done? ... I was harder to deal with lately. I was a mess, really, the last few times we had spoken. But he promised he’d always be there, hadn’t he? I_ was shaking underneath the duvet. _Something was wrong with Stark. It made me feel torn that he was hurting and I could do nothing to help him. Should I give him space or …_

My trembling hands were typing out a message quickly. The knot in my chest and shaking breath made it hard to think clear but I managed to type a message; _Stark **I’m sorry. I’m sorry for whatever I’ve done. We’re friends. You’re my best friend. When I had no-one, and was going through the hardest time of my life, you were there. I’ll never, ever forget that. Please tell me how to fix this. I miss you. I miss us. I miss our chats.**_

I sent it and waited but after ten minutes there was no reply. So, I lay back on the bed, cocooned in the duvet, eventually dozing off with the phone in my hand.

‘Molly,’ someone was calling me, gently rubbing my face with their thumb sometime later. ‘Molly, darling wake up.’

I stirred and woke up slowly, untangling myself with difficulty from the duvet. Loki was there. ‘I hate to wake you, but you won’t sleep tonight if you sleep too long now.’

I nodded and got up and stretched out a little.

‘Everything alright?’ Loki asked as I searched in the wardrobe for a hoodie to keep me warm.

‘It’s Stark,’ I explained, pulling the hoodie over my head. ‘I called him earlier. I don’t think he wants to be friends anymore. I just wanted to check in on him and talk about this with him and he was so mean.’

Loki said nothing, when he finally did it was surprisingly thoughtful; ‘Molly, Stark has a lot on his plate right now. And he’s lost a lot in life too. Yet, he cares deeply for you. Whatever he said in anger were mere words in the heat of the moment.’

I felt a prickle of guilt and annoyance. ‘So, you’re saying I’m overreacting?’ I asked, surprised by this. ‘You should have heard the things he said!’

Loki shrugged. ‘No, I’m saying Molly – you yourself are guilty of saying things in the heat of the moment, no?’

I laughed, I couldn’t help it – so did Loki. ‘Maybe, just a little.’

‘So, Stark snapped,’ Loki explained with a soft smile. ‘He didn’t mean whatever he said. And Molly as much as he cares for you he may not always be able to provide you with counsel - ’

I opened my mouth to argue but Loki immediately cut across me. ‘All I mean is that he is but human Molly. He is a friend, not a therapist. Cut him some slack. He’s had his painful past brought up and it wounded him greatly. If wants to pull away for now, then let him. He has his reasons. And he is allowed to put himself first from time to time. After all, that’s what we did. He has done so much for you, so much. It may hurt – greatly – but if needs to go then let him. It will never change the countless times he was there for you or the bond you formed in my absence.’

I listened to Loki’s words and I admit, I understood and agreed with Loki. ‘But he wouldn’t tell me what’s wrong,’ I confessed, my hoarse voice full of worry. ‘I want to know if I can fix this. I want to know he’s ok, Loki.’

Loki nodded sympathetically, ‘I know you do. But you cannot fix everything. Talking may make this worse. Stark is … wild in his ways. In many ways, he is a dominant male lion. You cannot keep him by your side forever, Molly. You must allow him to be free.’

I nodded, Loki’s strange words were making sense. It would hurt, but I had to take a step back from Stark. I wanted to help him but he didn’t need that help from me. I got so used of thinking of him as ‘my friend’ I forgot he was a man, a hero with a world of responsibilities and duties that I could not help with if he would not let me. I wish I could say goodbye, I wish I could try harder because I would never give-up on as friend so good as Stark, but Loki was right; I had to set the lion free.

‘Let’s go make dinner,’ Loki said softly. ‘I’ll think you’ll be surprised by how well I’ve completed the shopping.’ I smiled and took his hand and we went together to the kitchen.

Loki did do a grocery shop. In fact, he bought nearly a whole grocery store. Every surface of the table and counter had bags of items in it. And he did good; diapers (in the correct size and even a box or two of the next size up), new bibs, teething gel, food (enough for an army), toiletries, cleaning products.

‘Do you think I got everything?’ he asked concerned as I looked over all the bags in the kitchen.

I laughed. ‘Loki, you got enough food to last us months,’ I answered and we helped put the groceries away. After that we cooked dinner. Nothing fancy, just spaghetti Bolognese made quickly as I was starving once more. Loki watched. I knew he was trying to become familiarised with cooking meals and there was something so endearing about it. He reminded me of Váli, who even at ten months had that similar look of concentration when focusing on something. I explained what I was doing every step along the way as I prepped and cooked and it seemed Loki was taking mental notes. Yet my throat hurt so much by the time dinner was ready that I had to take my time eating it.

Once finished, I was stuffed and wanted nothing better than to curl up on the couch. But first Loki insisted I take my throat spray he bought in the chemist first. He explained that it was safe for expectant mothers – that is _if_ I was pregnant. I acquiesced and took the spray rather than protest and noticed the pregnancy test in the pharmacy’s paper bag too. _Ah, Loki’s subtle way to address the elephant in the room._

I took out the box and held it in my hand as we settled together on the couch. ‘So, I did good?’ Loki asked, almost shyly as he wrapped an arm around me as we snuggled close on the couch.

‘Very good,’ I answered settling my head against his chest.

‘I kept up my end of the deal,’ Loki muttered, nudging the pregnancy test box. ‘Now it’s your turn.’

I smiled nervously. ‘Thought you would forget this,’ I confessed shyly.

Loki laughed quietly. ‘No, how could I?’ he said quickly. ‘I asked the lady who worked there just how exactly it worked. She said this was the best model on the market. I wanted to buy several, but she assured me one was enough.’

I started to laugh again. ‘You asked her to explain everything?’

Loki nodded. ‘She was a little – taken back. But when I explained I was a novice with this sort of thing she became very helpful.’

I made to stand but Loki held me close. ‘I’m going to take the test,’ I said quickly.

‘I just want to say something before you do,’ Loki said sitting up so that we were both sat next to each other. ‘Whatever that test says, I love you Molly.’

‘I love you too,’ I answered. ‘And I think I’ve already made up my mind about what to do.’

Loki swallowed. ‘I – I understand. And will support you. But  – no pressure - I thought over what you said when I was out earlier.’

‘You did?’ I asked surprised.

‘Of course, and no matter, I’m not going to force your hand.’ I nodded for him to continue. ‘Molly – you are fiery. It’s one of the reasons I love you,’ Loki said and smiled. ‘But you are scared and when you’re scared you act impulsively. You’re scared because the last pregnancy was so hard. But think about the ways in which this pregnancy – _if_ you are pregnant - would be so different from the last. It would be just us and the boys. One stable home, no constant crowds of people coming and going. We can find a nursery school to enrol the boys in. That will give us a little break during the day and some rest. We can find a private women’s doctor – money will be no problem to help us with that. I even consulted a private hospital today about such matters. They can schedule appointments at your convenience. You can deliver at home or at a private facility. We can even have a trained professional live in weeks before your due date should you be nervous of delivering early and they will assist in the birth and make it as easy as they can. I will be there and can provide pain relief. Regardless it will be safe and not rushed like last time. I will be here, not anywhere else for the entire pregnancy. And you can work too – if you choose, I’m sure you can find a job to work at from home. I know that’s important to you. I can set you up an office here in one of the spare rooms. I can add a gym – just something small with a pool to run laps,’ Loki explained and I actually started to laugh. ‘I thought you loved to swim when pregnant last time?’

‘It’s just - where will we find the builders or the time for - ?’

Loki grinned. ‘Some extensive magic,’ he said simply, with a mischievous wink. ‘This will be our true home Molly for our family.’

‘What if I am pregnant with five babies or six?’ I said and laughed shakily.

Loki smiled. ‘Then I’ll build a whole tower,’ he answered with a soft laugh. ‘Six babies would be rare, even five is unlikely as that’s solely the number in a purely Jötunn litter, but – Molly, _if_ ,’ he stressed the word as though to reassure me that he too thought I might not be. ‘ _If_ ,’ he continued, ‘you are pregnant, I think it may be triplets or another set of twins. We still have your human and my Asgardian heritages to consider. Narfi and Váli will have siblings to care for, to play with and learn from. And unlike last time, no threats can find us here. I assure you. You can take lessons from Strange, still have meetings with Bucky. And, if you do decide to go ahead with this, we will build a stable routine, hire help – we can even - ’

‘Loki – it’s lovely you’ve considered all of this but - ’

‘But you get final say,’ Loki agreed nodding solemnly. ‘And deservedly so. But Molly, I want to prove to you that I’m not here for the easy parts – I’m here for everything. I’ve thought of everything you said. And I want you to know that above all else, I promise you will get every support; physical, emotional and mental that there is. Can you consider that before you make a decision?’

‘I promise I will,’ I said quietly. And we stayed embraced for some time.

I stood up and Loki followed. ‘Stay here,’ I pleaded and started to blush. ‘I can’t go knowing you’re right there beside me.’

Loki smiled but he seemed nervous. He caught my hand and kissed it. I bent down to kiss his lips, feeling nervous too. I went into the bathroom, test in hand and came out a few moment later with it.

‘So?’ Loki asked, forcing his voice to be light. I knew he had been pacing the floor and he sat back down immediately on the couch when I saw him.

I sat down beside him and showed him the test. ‘Definitely pregnant,’ I said. ‘I guess I owe you an apology – you were right.’

Loki held the test in his hands and said nothing, though his eyes sparkled almost proudly. He then sat the test on the coffee table before us and waved his hand in dismissal of what I said. ‘It’s not about right or wrong, darling. It never was,’ he explained. ‘How do you feel now that you know for certain?’

I brought Loki’s hands to my lips. ‘To be honest, I knew you were right all along. I just needed to see the proof with my own eyes. I feel scared,’ I confessed.

Loki nodded. I brought his hands to my lower belly. ‘But I’m a little excited too. You better be prepared,’ I said quickly, a little smile curling at the corner of my mouth. ‘Because if I’m carrying a litter, our hands are about to get even fuller with twins who can crawl and soon be walking.’

Loki’s eyes rounded, as he sat up hesitantly. ‘Molly – you are sure. I’m not forcing you, you know that, right?’

‘Of course, Loki,’ I answered quietly, smiling openly now. ‘I’m scared as hell though. We’re probably gonna fight a lot. And you’ll definitely have to up your game with Váli and Narfi – I wonder what they’ll make of having more brothers or even sisters – or both?’ I added with a curious glance down to my tummy.

‘I’m not scared. I’ll do whatever it takes,’ Loki said, looking at me in awe as though he were seeing the heavens themselves. ‘I married the bravest woman in all the nine realms. Look at everything that’s been thrown at you and you’re still here, ready for more.’

I blushed deeply. ‘Loki, I’m not anything of the sort. But you made some valid points earlier. This place is the start of our new lives. It came earlier than expected but I love you and want to carry your babies. You’re right – they are pure and good and we should be proud of that. I don’t want to be in the crazy Avengers world anymore. It’s for the best, really. I want to be with you, with our family. I want a life where I can work, the kids can have normal lives and you can let go of your past. But these next few months – years – they are going to be hard – so hard.’

Loki nodded, quickly wiping his eyes. His hand rubbed my belly tenderly and he pulled up the hoodie, exposing my tummy. I giggled as he got down on his knees before me and peppered my belly with kisses.

‘Loki, right now you’re kissing my food baby,’ I said stifling a laugh. Loki looked up at me quizzically making me laugh more. ‘I mean, you’re adoring and kissing my bloated full belly.’

‘Molly, hush,’ Loki said, waving his hand in an unconcerned way, his lips were curled in a playful smile. ‘I’m formally welcoming our children. They’re tiny but there,’ he kissed my belly again and I laughed. He beamed brightly up at me. ‘I love you so much, Molly. My smart, beautiful, brave woman. How lucky am I? I’m going to be there for you, the twins and whatever you carry now,’ Loki said and tenderly rested his check against my belly. I stroked his hair as he continued, smiling adoringly at him; ‘I’m right here, I’m finally home.’

‘We both are,’ I answered quietly.

 

 

 

 

This story will continue in _**The Northern Lights...**_

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> P.S.  
> An Unrelated Tale;
> 
> There was once a lion who, rather like Aslan from The Chronicles of Narnia, became friends with a lioness (rather like Aslan befriended Lucy). They were close and happy for a long time. And when things got dark, just like Aslan, the lion gave his lioness courage. And when the day came that they suddenly parted (just like Aslan had to part with Lucy) it was difficult. Like Lucy, the lioness was too immature to fully understand why. But as time lapsed Lucy’s heart grew lighter and she remembered and treasured her time with Aslan and harboured no ill will. 
> 
> Wherever you may be, I hope you are happy, healthy and safe. 
> 
> Your, 
> 
> L.


End file.
